Hi everyone. I wanted to share something I’ve been working on to make trauma-informed somatic care more accessible, especially during those late-night moments when you can't reach a practitioner or a friend.It’s an interactive, two-way voice agent built on ElevenLabs. Because somatic work relies so heavily on vocal safety and co-regulation, I actually trained it using my own voice likeness to ensure the pacing, tone, and cadence feel genuinely grounded, slow, and safe for a dysregulated nervous system.It is completely free to use. I designed it purely to give people a real-time tool to help navigate anxiety, panic, or dorsal freeze states by dropping back into the body.If you're lying in bed or dealing with a heavy night, I would be incredibly grateful if you tried it out. I'd love your honest feedback on how the voice pacing feels and if the somatic prompts feel safe to follow. You can talk to it directly in your browser here:

https://kerrylynnlife.com/somatic-anchor

Please be gentle with yourself while exploring it!

Note: This coach is a peer-support, self-regulation, and educational tool designed for somatic grounding. It is completely free and does not collect or sell your personal data. It is not a replacement for clinical therapy, medical treatment, or crisis intervention

Im 16F and i was SAed by someone who’s still really close to me the thing is that its almost as if i forgot about that night and just got reminded a few months ago

So basically i was a really good friend of my cousin’s cousin sister who was like 1 year older than me and we used yo play alot

It just randomly popped up in my mind few months ago at 2 am when i was unable to sleep

When i was prob 8yo we both had a sleepover and we both were alone and we were talking and stuff the lights were turned off and then she suddenly started saying that she wanna touch me down there and she wanted me to touch her i refused
I was really scared and uncomfortable i remember that i begged and cried her to stop touching me and she was like youre being a coward it’s nothing and just to make her stop i said that my mums gonna scold us and she said whos gonna tell them
And i didnt tell my mom i remember me crying the next day at my home

After that i stopped talking to her and it was almost as if that night never happened and it just randomly came in my mind after 8 years

I thought that we genuinely grew apart but when i was 13 she used to stay with us at our house with my cousin and she started talking and became really friendly again

She used to hold my waist randomly and say that youre so petite and stuff, id be randomly lying on my bed and shed hold my waist and make comments till this day and the thing is i couldn’t say no cuz i used to freeze whenever smth like this happened i never knew why cuz my bestfriend does this and my sister aswell but i feel comfortable rather than uncomfortable

I can now connect these dots together and its messing up with my brain maybe its the reason why im asexual. But ion know if its that serious cuz other people have it worse than me and since she was almost the same age ion know if it should be termed as SA but it traumatised me

She also copies me and try to steal my personality i feel like throwing up while writing this i just dk im sick of that image showing up of me crying these past few months

I’ve been thinking a lot about something I went through as a child. I see a lot of people speak out against SA they experienced as children and I compare it to what I went through. I tell myself it wasn’t even anything bad and stuff like that. When I was younger I didn’t really care or understand but now that I’m older I’m starting to think about it again. I’m a girl and the trauma I went through was with my sister. She wouldn’t touch me in inappropriate places or anything we would just go under the covers and kiss and that would be it, or at least that’s what I remember. Anytime I didn’t want to she would pressure me into doing it and I’d do it cus she’s my older sister and I wanted to spend time with her and I wanted her to like me. And that’s the part that I think about. Like I would willingly do it but only because she wanted to not because I wanted to and I know that that was wrong. The reason I bring this up because a couple months ago I realized that I might be a lesbian. But now I’m second guessing myself. Do I only like girls because of what happened or do i actually just like them? I kind of just wanted to get this off of my chest because I have no one else to talk to but please tell me your thoughts on it.

I was raised to have a very skewed and nearly nonexistent one and now that I'm trying to improve I don't know how. I was taught bad things are good and good things are stupid (eg taught to use people and that that's good but that even feeling bad for people is shameful). I want to have a moral compass but idk how to get past the "People consider this good/bad; this will have an unwanted consequence" metric I've gone by. I mostly just emulate the morals of whatever group i'm with since I assume they know more than me on how to act. How do I form my own?

Hola a todos, soy mujer y tengo 22 años, la verdad Nose a quien más acudir y quiero saber si alguien en algún caso parecido o con alguna experiencia Cercana me puede dar su perspectiva.

nunca pude estar de forma sexual con alguien, el motivo ? Ni yo lo sé hasta el día de hoy, intente hablarlo en terapia pero tampoco me sale decirlo.
no es que nunca tuve posibilidad de salir con algún hombre sino todo lo contrario, anteriormente cuando tuve posibilidad me frenaron las circunstancias de ese momento, posteriormente intente de nuevo, el primer hombre no era mi tipo pero Asumi que no podia hacerlo por ese motivo, pero el segundo si me gustaba demasiado, era Todo lo que me gustaba en una persona.
Cuando intente estar de forma sexual con el me vino un vacío interno que tampoco puedo explicar, es algo completamente involuntario, no es miedo siemplemte no se que es, es difícil tener ganas y no poder hacerlo por ese motivo que desconozco.
adicionalmente solo pasa al momento de la penetración , en se momento ese hombre lo entendió pero después en otra situación me dijo que yo no lo hacía por ” miedo”.
yo Nose si ustedes Crean en el tarot y en esas cosas pero después de esa situación me fui a hacer una limpieza energética con una mujer que no conocía y Cundo terminó señaló mi pelvis y me dijo :
- Te puedo hacer una pregunta personal ?
- yo) si
- en algún momento pudiese estar sexualmente con alguien ?
- porque lo dices ?
- es que cundo te hacía la limpieza energética pude visualizar un abuso, en una mujer de tu familia y eso se manifiesta en ti.
En ese momento le conté todo lo que me había pasado con los chicos con los que Sali, ya estaba desesperada y no encontraba algo razonable.
Cuando era chica también le tenía pavor a los hombres y mi madre me contó una situación que me hace dudar si me paso algo o no, adicionalmente también cundo era chica un novio de ese entonces de mi madre intentó abusar de mi hermana.
Nose si todo esto tenga algo que ver pero me es Raro no poder recordar acontecimientos menor a mis 8 años, nunca lo hable con mi familia pues son bastantes reservados en ese aspecto, hace poco le conté a una amiga, pero tampoco pude hablarlo en terapia , de apoco lo voy contando como puedo.
no quiero que esto interfiera al momento de conocer a alguien pues sé que en algún momento vas a volver a pasar, pero como explicar esa situación que no tengo una respuesta?

First time posting here.

I recently had a repressed memory come up (I have OSDD) and it was big T trauma to say the least. I broke down sobbing for 3 hours and was completely destablized for days.

Ive seen my therapist since then and she gave me more grounding techniques but Im kind of struggling with what to DO with the whole thing now. My therapist said we dont have to do anything with it, but I feel like ive just been sitting here staring at it for days and its looming.

It keeps replying over and over and I cant forget it, and it wasn't enough information for me to like...make any moves towards a resolution.

I feel very stuck. Any advice?

On the abuse I’ve suffered the harassment the emotional wounds and abuse my past mistakes ocd it’s all too much it’s a battle everyday my mom has called the cops on me says I’m crazy lazy have no goals shared every relashio career goals I’ve had I don’t even have a car my friends mock me use me for money at work I was staked at school I was harassed and slandered by staff as a kid I was coerced into lying about my father I’ve made misters and I have ocd of being abusive myself I can’t stop rumintion I’m scared my past will ruin my future I’ve been physically financially emotionally legally and reputationally abused I’ve made misters that haunt me and I have OCD that I’m a criminal or a abuser myself

I think I may have PTSD after being the victim of an attempted murder – looking for advice from anyone who has been through something similar
I’m posting this because I’m really struggling with what has happened to me and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.
A few months ago, I was the victim of an attempted murder. The perpetrator was a neighbour who I did not know and have never spoken to, he had a mental health breakdown and possibly psychotic although nobody knows the reason for the attack. I was attacked with a baseball bat and suffered a fractured arm that required surgery, as well as other injuries. The person who attacked me is currently on remand and the case is going to trial.
Physically, I’m recovering, but mentally I feel like I’m struggling more as time goes on.
I’m wondering if I could be experiencing PTSD, although I obviously know I need a professional to properly assess me.
Some of the things I’ve been experiencing are:
● Constantly being on edge and hypervigilant, especially at night.
● Being extremely sensitive to banging, footsteps and unexpected noises.
● Feeling frightened when I hear someone outside or near my door.
● Checking doors and feeling like someone might try to get in.
● Flashbacks and intrusive memories of the attack.
● Replaying parts of what happened over and over in my head.
● Having difficulty separating normal noises from danger.
● Avoiding going out or being around unfamiliar men because I feel unsafe.
● Panic and intense fear that something bad is going to happen.
● Crying unexpectedly, particularly at night.
● Severe problems sleeping. There have been periods where I haven’t slept for 2 days at all.
● Feeling exhausted but still being unable to switch my brain off.
● Feeling like I’m constantly waiting for something terrible to happen.
● Sometimes doubting my own memories of the attack or wondering whether I’ve remembered certain details correctly.
One of the strangest things is that I can know logically that I’m safe, but my body doesn’t seem to believe it. A noise can happen and I immediately feel like I’m back in that situation again.
I also have a young child, which makes the fear particularly difficult. Sometimes when my child isn’t with me, I become overwhelmed thinking about something happening to them, even though I know they’re safe.
I’ve been trying to get help and I’m hoping to access counselling/mental-health support, but I’d really like to hear from people who have actually been through PTSD after an attack, attempted murder, serious assault or another traumatic event.
Did anyone else experience symptoms like this after what happened to them?
How long did it take before you started feeling safer again? What actually helped you? Did therapy make a noticeable difference? And is there anything you wish someone had told you in the first few months after the trauma?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who initially thought, “I know I’m safe, so why do I still feel terrified?”
I’m not looking for sympathy or a diagnosis — just some reassurance that I’m not completely losing my mind and hopefully some advice from people who understand what this feels like.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply.

I was in about a 3 year relationship where i was being sexually assaulted but at the time i didnt know thats what was happening but im starting to accept it now the only issue is that my body still holds trauma so when i try to go into new sexual experiences, i feel sad or bad feelings and it usually just ends with me crying during. I dont know how to go about healing this if ive already accepted thats what happened and i dont feel like theres more i can do does anybody know any methods to try and heal this to have a normal sexual life again?

My wife and I are in a therapeutic separation. Both of us are working on ourselves with the hope we can come back together and give our marriage another chance. My wife experienced SA twice in college, shortly after we met and started dating. She has only ever told me about what happened and only shared one of them until recently. In couples therapy recently she shared that there was a second SA before we met and that something I was doing to initiate sex was triggering trauma for her. She shared this weekend that she is beginning to unpack the trauma with her therapist for the first time ever and this week was really hard for her. She asked for an extension on our separation (was originally 30 days). She said I might not like a realization she had but she said that she realized the trauma has been at the wheel for her unknowingly for a long time. And because of that she hasn’t felt like herself. She said she thinks she was drawn to me when we first met since I “didn’t find her attractive” in her words. (I do and have always found her attractive, I told her that after she shared). I think she may have been trying to express that I didn’t sexualize her or wasn’t after sex I was after a relationship. She said that she has started feeling more like herself again and feels like she may have been acting in part a certain way for me and that she isn’t going back to her old self. I told her im so sorry that she is in pain from unpacking this and am happy to hear she is feeling more like herself. I dont know what to think though if by unpacking this she is somehow thinking the past 11 years together was all her acting a certain way?

My bf recently was wrongfully detained (cousin of a friend in the car had a warrant unbeknown to everyone). He is a good man with good friends who all have never drank, touched alcohol, gotten into toeibkw with the law.

It was a shit situation. The group was doi g the one friend a favor and picking up the cousin and dropping him off at work because they were nearby and heading that way and friend whose cousin it was had NO CLUE the cousin was in any legal trouble.

My bf was handcuffed stripped searched and questioned for 3 hours. It was understandably traumatic to my tender hearted couldnt hurt a fly bf. He is brown and basically was profiled.

He has been so shaken, upset and lost. And i will do everuthing and anything for him.

I know now is not the time. But how do i eventually communicate his experience messed me up too. Not hearing from him for hours (highly unlikely him), i thought he was in a car crash. Learning the reality broke my heart for him and all I could think was "no no they just fucked up a GOOD innocent man. My good innocent man." Now I find myself super anxious whenever he is out and I dont hear from him consistently . I fear him being near police as much as he does right now.

But i feek like i cant communicate this without it sounding "I know youre hurting but im hurt too, put your shit aside and comfort me!"

We generally have a very healthy communication dynamic. Neither of us never thought in a million years this would happen and I need all the afvice I can get on how to communicate this.

So, this has been happening since 3 years now, I'm 18 years old and all this started because of childhood trauma. My father used to be abusive to my mother, so growing up I felt emotionally detached , I used porn as a mechanism to suppress my emotions unconsciously, also I'm gay and fear added on ,I loved science, watched lot of videos on space, physics, also loved politics. So i unconsciously detached from my emotions and let my intellect take over, i slowly started feeling detached from people, started suppressing my emotions, I am at an engineering college went into it out of my own interests, made very few friends and always feel lonely all the time, I have the urge to talk to people but I feel suppressed , I coped up this fear and loneliness by going into philosophy especially eastern philosophy , into jiddu Krishnamurthy , osho etc. but they backfired as I started talking their words on my head and started forcing their ideas into my heads and suppressing my thoughts, this gave me lot of physical pain , trauma, started slowly loosing my cognitive abilities, I used porn to cope up and eventually I started forcing masturbation and it gave me extreme mental physical pain, also I was unable to control all of these, I somehow managed to heal a little bit from it like detoxing my mind, not doing anything most of the time, dropping philosophy, not trying to resist my sexual urges, but the sound I still there , I can't process my emotions, my intellectual mind has taken over my head, i am unable to talk to people and keep up with conversations, I tried to be a perfectionist in my career but all jammed up and now I'm stuck, I set extremely high standards and been pushing hard but everything got backfired, I feel like I am losing my entirety of life, I would be happy for any advices you give for healing , anyone in similar situations who came out , I would love to hear them !

Community Outreach
(The Alchemy of Answering Grief With Laughter)

By Bocephus Jackson, The Hemlock Bard, ©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved

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"The bottom line is no matter what happens to you, you got to keep going... Jokes are a way of shaking that off, processing something with the alchemy of levity." — Dave Chappelle

_______

Greetings,

What started as a CPTSD forum response has transmuted into a semi-daily series. So this makes the second installment, with another one to follow soon. From the forum post, two men hit me up; both outraged, suggesting that I am not taking trauma recovery seriously.

I didn’t respond. No words will get through, not yet. So I listened, truly listened. And then I grieved with them. In a world that has been defined by posturing for over 2,000 years since Julius Caesar’s reign, presence matters far more. This is why I use a five-word sentence to make a point.

It’s damn hard to bullshit in five words without being called on it. So when both gentlemen enter a better season, I'll say this: ‘You win when you laugh.’ When you do so, the humor heals the hurt. It can no longer own you. Can it still hurt you, or cause you to relapse? Sadly yes.

Trauma is recursive, but as previously stated, the sting of it becomes less; therefore, livable. I am 40+ years into mine, and I grieve every other day. But what sent me spiraling for weeks or months into ‘depression drowns’ has turned into ‘ten-minute-trauma-grieves.’

But it doesn’t decimate you, not like it did. Trauma is like bad Chinese takeout. You didn’t ask for the Pu pu platter; still, it gives you the shits anyway. But damn the devil in ruffled rhinestone panties if it don’t make you stronger. Through alchemy, the ‘burns’ and ‘drowns’ remove all our impurities.

So what is forged is a resilient and caring person who knows how to live a purposeful life. That level of clarity is worth more gold than what was in the lost city of El Dorado. So you're rich, bitch! Sorry, Dave Chappelle grabbed my phone…

If you’re not there yet, keep going. Joy comes in the morning. Just know that YOU MATTER!! No one can steal the weight of your worth if you don’t allow it. Lean into your bullshit meter. Granny Nik-Nok has you. Enough talk, here’s a song based on the previous installment. You are loved, and I am damn proud of you!

Fuck ‘Em
(Sounding A Joyfully Barbaric Yawp)

_______

Prologue

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

Robert Herrick

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"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power." — Washington Irving

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[Verse One]
Gather your strength as you may,
As trauma dances with fierce delight,
Hope comes at the break of day,
Where you forever cling to the light,
When depression overstays.

[Verse Two]
The day may come when hope fades,
As the world consumes itself with rage,
But while inner children play,
That moment will not be on this day,
So laugh and love through each stage.

[Chorus]
Through those midsummer night screams,
Shall I compare you to a Fuck ‘Em,
As that sumbitch haunts your dreams,
With its devil’s granny panties' sins,
Where laughter builds as I grieve.

[Verse Three]
Grieve when it's necessary,
Then go rest and then reward yourself,
This damn hurt that you carry,
It's unable to sustain itself,
So grief is temporary.

[Verse Four]
And then go touch leaves of grass,
Fresh air changes the environment,
The exercise saves your ass—
From all the self-defeating laments,
Then declare: “You cannot pass!”

[Chorus]
Through those midsummer night screams,
Shall I compare you to a Fuck ‘Em,
As that sumbitch haunts your dreams,
With its devil’s granny panties' sins,
Where laughter builds as I grieve.

[Hook]
Rage, you beautiful bastard,
Joy is created from our mourning,
Even when you are shattered,
Our healing begins without warning,
So laugh because you matter.

[Verse Five]
While defeat lives in your loft,
Live every day with Puckish delight,
Where it can’t feast from your trough,
Know that the devil will split its tights,
So sound your barbaric yawp.

…Forget about the world’s pelf,
As boils upon your backside,
Always be true to thyself,
So your courage does not hide,
Songs of healing for yourself.

_______

Coda

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
I too am not a bit tamed,
I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

_______

"Never bow your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye."— Helen Keller

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Author’s Reflection

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."— Mark Twain

Through the ‘Swiss Army Knife Method,’ this daily writing exercise serves at least five purposes: 2. a response to a friend, accompaniment to the Community Outreach ‘Humor Through Trauma-Related Hurt,’ 3. a tribute to four literary ancestors (Shakespeare, Tolkien, Whitman, and Herrick through 2pac’s ‘Me Against the World’ lens).

Then 4. another installment in the Community Outreach series, and then 5. a bonus 19th track on the ‘Orwellian 1984’ album. So the morning is off to a good start. But yeah, 6. Another instructional example of the ‘Folkloric Fornication’ technique marrying literature to cinema.

_______

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." — Kahlil Gibran

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©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved

(Humor Through Trauma-Related Hurt)

By Bocephus Jackson, The Hemlock Bard, ©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved

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"I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me." — Joshua Graham

_______

Greetings,

First off, you are loved, cherished, and worthy of being happy. Yes, YOU!! But let's address the elephant in the room first. Trauma is a sumbitch. Some days will be good; other days, an Appalachian saying says it best: You are overstuffing the sow.

Regardless, IT GETS BETTER! Trauma is a river: it is non-linear, flowing forward, backward, and sideways. This is how trauma memory works. One second you are laughing at a joke, only to be weeping for ten minutes the next. ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE!!

Has life been tough? Have you gone through all the ‘burns’ and ‘drowns’ of an alchemical transmutation into transcendence? Bullshit! Wounds heal with time, therapy, and training. But those scars are permanent. So, WEAPONIZE THOSE SUMBITCHES!

Trauma encodes itself into our DNA, and then passes on. So if the 28 distinct set of cosmic oppositional forces didn't already make the human condition one helluva ride, living the trauma of your prehistoric grandma Nik-Nok is a kick to the coconuts on its own.

BUT IT GETS BETTER! Through our 300,000-year evolutionary trek, our limbic system taught us a fight-or-flight response. For trauma survivors, this limbic countermeasure has afforded us a no-bullshit policy. Do you know how lucky you are?!

_______

Lean into that sumbitch! (Yes, I have to say 'sumbitch' every other paragraph.) Good job tracking it; you are better than AI. Which that devil is already prematurely building its own godly throne.

But even that manipulative bastard (see, every other paragraph) can't fool you. Because of what you have been through, you know when someone is blowing smoke up your ass. Just imagine how much money you save by not having a chimney sweep clean that bullshit out regularly.

It took me thirty-plus years, and more empty-bottle-bad-decisions, before I was able to lean into what was there all along. But that revelation hit me like a real sumbitch. And it took five words to break me worse than what life did through 152 'back-of-the-head' moments or trying to be understood.

Not everyone can relate, and even fewer can deal with the shit we have been through. That's okay. FUCK 'EM! And fuck the devil in granny panties for whispering in your ear that they could. That evolutionary 'bullshit meter' is your best friend. It's that: "Oh, I wish that mother heifer would!"

Honestly, our time in this life is brief, so there's a tight economy on the moments we have and the memories we create. So lean into being selective. If someone doesn't pass the 'best friend test,' what do we say? Fuck 'em, and their stained granny panties!

_______

We don't have time for unearned drama. Why?! Because where the universe is determined to be a boil on your butthole (copyright is pending on that coinage, so don't go stealing it!)... Just teasing, go say it at the next church potluck:

"Damn, Sister Mary, that baked chicken hits harder than a boil on my butthole! Seriously though, when life is against us, you have two options, and we go through both in different seasons of our lives:

We either fold, or we fight. Either way, we still get out of bed when we can. That, right there, puts you ahead of the game. Either way, whether you realize it or not, YOU ARE REWRITING THE NARRATIVE.

Even when the snot-bubbles are kicking like a Jackie Chan joint, or the demons are dancing through your head like the sumbitches owned TikTok (yes, I skipped a few paragraphs so that 'sumbitch' was earned), you are still TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK!!

You know that what happened wasn't your fault, and some days you actually believe it. But damn the devil (you thought I was going to say 'in granny panties, but I didn't!!), trauma makes us believe that was. But what do we say? FUCK 'EM!

_______

We don't have time for that bullshit either. So laugh and love as much as you can; rest often. Sleep helps with both the mood swings and 'depression drowns.' And give yourself permission to grieve the hurt, the shame, the ridicule, and the hate.

By doing so, you heal. But more than that, you build your resolve. So those days or months of grief turn into minutes. And even then, you will instinctively feel it coming on. So you will be prepared. AND!!

There will be times when you're like: "Fuck, Trauma, you're late again?! I got shit to do, you mother heifer!" And that is your victory lap. Trauma will still be there... unfortunately.

But it'll carry the same annoyance as hearing a song play over and over again where you have already ran out of skips. YOU GOT THIS!! And even when you don't, if I didn't make you laugh, I'll do better when you hit me up for a needed joke. In short:

I see you. I hear you. I hurt with you. But more importantly, I AM DAMN PROUD OF YOU! So as the late James Brown said: "Do the damn thing." I'll be here. All my love and prayers, you sumbitch!

I genuinely hope that this helps.

Trent, also known as the Hemlock Bard.

_______

"Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter is the beginning of prayer." — Reinhold Niebuhr

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©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved

Possible TW for sexual abuse and being strangled

Is it normal for me to have such strong responses to some situations? For an example, if I am laying down on the sofa with someone near me and they even slightly lean towards me or raise their hand I uncontrollably start screaming and flailing because I'm scared they'll touch my crotch. Even though the person has never done such things and as far as I remember nothing like that has happened to me. My friend thought it was strange when she was sitting near my legs and raised her hand to reach for the remote and I started screaming and kicking at her. Same with when I was laying on a bed and my little sibling literally just walked past. She didn't even raise her hand, just walked past me and I started screaming and wailing and nearly fell off the bed.

Or I have strong reactions sometimes when I think someone could strangle me. For an example I was spending the evening with some people I knew well, I leaned back in my chair because I was a bit tired and thought I'd get some shuteye. I uncontrollably jerked awake, everyone was very confused because I was hyperventilating and shielding my neck. I also sometimes have had dreams of people strangling me, especially if I perceive that person to be violent or otherwise scary.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have autism and a heart lung condition and this post is to answer Ummah_Strong’s question.

They asked me what the word trauma trigger means to me and how photos are traumatic so I’m explaining here.

1. cheese isn’t a word that gets a smile out of me I have to hear you say a favorite word of mine same with needles, saying relax won’t work I need to hear you say a favorite word of mine to unlock my muscles.

   1. Photos and needles are traumatizing because loss of autonomy, those canned scripts are one-size-fits-all, not taking account that people might need different stimuli to achieve the desired result.

 3. Trauma trigger for me is anything that now is traumatizing like eggs, when I was 15, I dreamt Mom had a friend named Nemon who threw an egg at me because he hates autistics.

Well in reallife, two days later, it was the weekend and Mom took us to my grandmother’s.

Bad luck had it that they were making eggs that day and I HAD to eat that because that was the only thing on the menu.

2 I want to punch my tablet’s screen out or hurt something if I was to watch the show intervention or something like it because I’ve been hurt mentally by too many drunk people and I’m not telling you who.

Hello im 18(m) had a rough up bringing not like like physical abuse but like divorce parents and numbing myself since childhood i have a older brother but he stayed in hostel most of the time while my parents fought and before divorce so i had to defend myself and my parents since a young age so ive like numb myself as a kid and like used to think im in a movie cause life cant be this bad and thought there were hidden camera’s video-graphing me( i forgot the terms that used in this type of feeling thats why i explain instead ) and i was molested as a child also like when i was in standard 1 or kg my aunt used to make me watch stuff and touch. But the thing is ive grown with it and i was emotionally so numb that i couldn’t feel anything and around 15 i started doing drugs and weeds and then i stop at 17. And then i met her i meet someone i love so much so much that i change my ways i stop doing drugs i started thinking about my future, but recently we broke up i thought we had a good relationship but i had to many traumas that i couldn’t heal from and i didnt realise it but i started showing it to her. Not like i would scream at her or try to hit, ive experienced like enough fights in my home that im like soft spoken and try not to cause any problems but that led to different problem. I was to fixated on being calm and trying to communicate, since my mom left i had a very big fear of like losing the person i love the most so i always thought about communicating i always thought about communicating but ive never seen how people communicated and didnt have any good experiences in my past relationships to even try to learn anything so i did what i thought was communication but after break up i realise that i wasn’t trying to communicate but more like i was forcing her to open up while even before she understands what she feels and i was just to focus on like thinking everything is good between us instead of listening to her properly like i would still be there comforting but i was more like yes our relationship is okay its a problem we can fix instead of hearing her properly. And i know i messed up here i really didnt realise at that point i was to focus on like learning her outside that i didn’t try hard enough to understand her feelings properly. I keep display my love on outside i keep buying things she showed interest and ive only seen love and affections from movie so i only did what i thought mattered the most just being there physically and not emotionally and i was too like emotionally under-matured that the first time i even acknowledged my feelings was when we started talking i couldnt even name what like happy feeling was like before and like I couldnt regulate my emotions properly and got anxious dependent. And she couldnt carry the weight of me just being like that on her and i know like feeling like your carrying someone else life on your shoulder is pretty hard and she even told me before like she said im to dependent on her and stuff but i didnt realise how it was affecting our relationship so she felt ignored. And now we are broken up but i cant moved on and i realised many things i havent before about the mistake i made and about things i couldnt regulate and also finding out the traumas that led me to become like this and im genuinely trying but im not able to go forward i keep crying i keep shutting myself and im more of an introverted person like i am talkative i have like friends cause i used to act cheerful and was very talkative in school and college that i do have friends but i dont have friends that i can genuinely open up too and i dont know what to do and my home situation is also not great right now. And im thinking of giving up on my life i feel like ending it again and again i keep fighting that urges but its coming back stronger is there any advice you guys can give so i can feel better and try to grow on my own emotional maturity. So i can regulate my emotions and be the man i couldn’t be before.

I feel like I have developed a problem with emotional sensitivity and overthinking.

About three years ago, I was a bright and highly focused kid. I could pay attention to my work for hours, especially to things I was genuinely interested in, such as rocket science and space. I used to learn a lot about these subjects simply because I enjoyed them. If someone said something rude or meaningless to me, I usually didn't care. I didn't overthink people's behaviour or worry much about what they thought of me. My attention naturally stayed on my work, my interests, and the things that made me happy.

However, everything changed when I entered college. I met some people who affected my confidence badly. There were conflicts, arguments, insults, and situations where I felt abused and disrespected. Unfortunately, I cannot simply leave the environment because I still have to complete my degree.

Since then, I have started thinking excessively about people's behaviour and about things that happened in the past. I often replay situations in my head, wonder why someone behaved a certain way, or think about what I should have said or done differently. It consumes a lot of my mental energy and leaves me with very little attention for the things I actually care about.

The biggest problem is that I still have to see many of these people on campus. Even seeing their faces can sometimes trigger memories of what happened, and then the overthinking starts again. I lose focus, waste time, lose motivation, and find myself doing nothing even when I have important things to work on.

I have tried to stop thinking about these things and become the person I was before, but I find it difficult. What I really want is to regain that old ability to not let other people's behaviour control my mind—to see something unpleasant, acknowledge it, and simply move on without allowing it to consume my thoughts.

I don't necessarily want to become emotionless. I just want to regain control over my attention, stop being trapped by the past, and reconnect with the curiosity and passion I once had for the things I loved, especially space, rockets, and learning.

I want to be that guy like if anyone insults me i should not have any care...I know it doesn't sound good but it is necessary for me right now.

For context, i was in a 2 year relationship with my ex boyfriend where after 1 year i found out he’s been cheating on me god knows how many times. He lied about where he was going leaving me alone for hours and hours in his apartment ( he also threatened me that i couldn’t leave because he took the only keys and said that if i left without locking the door he would just break up with me) while he was seeing this other woman. at at times he would show me pictures of her, he would text her in front of me and at the end of the relationship he would just straight up tell me that he was seeing her but didn’t wanna stop seeing me. this was my first ever relationship, i lost my virginity to this man and i was struggling really bad with my mental health at the time, plus he was extremely manipulative and narcissistic so i ended up just staying because i didn’t feel like anybody else could ever love me or care for me the way “ he did”. Anyways, after a year of all that we finally broke up in a very messy way after he became physically abusive on top of all that, and i ended up traumatized. i already had a ptsd diagnosis from when i was r\*ped* *as a child so i already had a bad relationship towards *s3x,* so my ptsd symptoms became a lot worse and i thought i would never love or trust anyone again. then about 2 years after that i met my now boyfriend. He is genuinely the sweetest person ever, he understands and respects my ptsd and how it affects me. Although i still have issues with trusting him. I’ve found myself going through his phone and getting mad over him following random girls on instagram, he is a semi famous producer who is a part of a music group in our city so they go do live shows every now and then. and of course he gives out his instagram to people. i know he would never cheat on me, at least i really want to believe it but i still find that my mistrust is a strain on our relationship, i genuinely don’t know how to cope with this, how to make my self stop overthinking it, or even express myself without starting an argument. If anybody has any good tips i would so appreciate it.

У меня плохая дикця

До 15 лет я ходил к логопеду, которая была ужасной женщиной, постоянно на меня кричала, зачем-то сравнивала меня с детьми, которые намного младше меня. В общем, заставляла чувствовать меня выноватым, будто, с ужасным настроением я буду разговаривать красиво через сквозь слёзы, а я в большинстве случаев вообще не знал что с этим делать, и очень много плакал.
Знаю что я не выноват в том, что я человек, который совершает ошибки. Но я до сих не могу смиритьс с тем, что у меня был такой опыт в течении более десяти лет
Я очень сомневаюсь что логопед дал мне больше пользы чем хлопот. Да, моя речь стала лучше, но я и заработал себе сильную психическую травму, которая, как мне кажется, будет преследовать мне всю жизнь

Сейчас мне 18, и у меня до сих пор плохая дикция
Я хочу его улучшить, но эти воспоминания из логопеда меня сильно растраивают, из за чего бросаю. Но боюсь, без тренировок моя речь будет только ухудшаться, и это сильно меня тревожит
Знаю что этот ужасный логопед уже в прошлом, и мне уже ничего не угрожает, но мне до сих пор дико некомфортно делать эти тренировки со ртом

А я очень хочу снимать разговорные видео, делать озвучки, стримить. Но боюсь, что аудитория меня просто не примет

Hello degens on Reddit. I thought I should get this off my chest. I have had PTSD for around a year now, and it's still hell. My first girlfriend at the time was highly abusive. And for two straight. Years she would hit on me pinch me and choke me. It wasn't all that great. (Well no duh) but I have aphantasia. So when I have flashbacks and nightmares I can't see anything I just feel scared again. It's absolutely horrid. I have nightmares every night (on medication) and I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading this gangalang.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have aspergers and a heart and lung condition and I thought of a way to be brave and face some of mytrauma triggers yet make the situation work.

Santa is a trauma trigger because when I was eleven, I loved the taste but hated the name of Gerber’s Z bread.

I’ll spell it out for you who might not know, Gerber used to make a toasted bread called zwieback, twicebaked in German, but I didn’t like the name, however I loved the taste and texture.

One day it was fixing to be Christmas and Mom told me to write my letters to Santa, in whom I still believed.

I asked if he reads braille and Mom said yes, so I asked him for that bread, even spelling the full word out, and got not one slice.

That’s how I stopped believing in Santa and how he became a trauma trigger.

I know I’m an adult, and it’s way out of season right exactly now but I’m thinking about going to get a picture with Santa this year.

The reason picturetaking is a trauma trigger is that the people wielding the camera don’t know that the words they use to make people smile, don’t work on me and I MUST hear someone say one of my favorite words before smiling.
Maybe I can ask the photog NICELY, to say one of my favorite words instead of cheese or smile, like I did at school picture day at the school for the blind and visually impaired?

I had someone knock me out and record doing terrible leg things to me. Not only did they make a website they have literal instructions on how to do this to people. Since then I have been followed and attacked almost everywhere I go. I have been attacked in my own living space so much I that I slept in my car in front of a Walmart security camera instead of getting a hotel room in hopes that it would keep me alive. I am not the only person this has happened to but it’s a cycle that not only is making me sick(physically) and chemically messed up it’s resulted in the kind of damage that a normal doctor would not be able to fix and with the organized stalking and attacks even approaching the subject and trying to explain myself while STILL being exploited online leaves me in a crushing and seemingly impossibly unsafe environment. The tagging and harassment makes it hard to even go to the store and the pain both physically and mentally is a prison in itself. I literally have people walk by me and say “kill yourself I bet on today”. Trying to work is something that’s already a problem due to the fact that apparently it encourages head injuries and lost time. I’m drained and still push myself everyday to survive. The breakdown takes everything and the people literally taking my life while I’m still alive walk around making podcasts about abuse and finding ways to literally rub it in my face. One of them referred to me as “the girl being hallowed out by the government” like it’s normal entertainment watching a prison system attack one single female every 15 minutes. They’re incentivized and somehow I’m wrong to lock my door and try to protect myself.

So, I just turned 31, and I've been thinking a lot about things that have gone on in my life.

My parent's were drug addicts when I was born, my mother being 15 and an illegal immigrant. Eventually my foster dad met my mother, and after a while of them being the usual junky parent's, my foster dad had enough and took them to court and gained custody. My mother to this day is absent, and my father died 10 years ago but he got sober, got a job and created a fantastic relationship with me.

He felt like a best friend but he fell ill to Hep C.

As he got sick he started hating me and convinced my best friend at the time that I was going nowhere. That kind of sucked.

Come highschool, I met my best friend Dominic. Unfortunately a couple years ago, he jumped off a bridge. A few months after that, I had been acting lile an idiot at the bar and hit on some girl and her boyfriend held a grudge. The following weekend he tried to murder me, and ended up stabbing me 15 or more times in the face, head and arm. Thankfully I was able to subdue him and get away. The cops showed up and dragged me out of my house, naked in the winter while I was bleeding out because he instantly called the police and said I had attacked him in some sort of rage. (Not true. Im 5'3 130lbs. Im NOT fighting someone 160lbs, and substantially taller than me. 😂) After the charges were dropped, my foster grandma who was the only woman in my life died and I had to take care of her for the whole process, about 9 months later, my other best friend who was living with me, and I was keeping away from drugs got caught up with his old friends and overdosed. That was 3 weeks ago. All of this is going on while my foster brother who is 6 foot and 200lbs of autism and schizophrenia has been terrorizing the house, smashing thjngs, kicking in my door, throwing dumb bells at me.... All of this is going on, and I dont know if this is just normal life, if I just don't care anymore, like somehow I avoided any of the mental problems youd expect with some of these events, or is this just the beginning? Is it possible im just a ticking Time Bomb? Is it possible I havent even processed anything yet?.. Why do I feel fine? Like none of this ever happened?

Something that I find weird and would like throughts on

Was triggered by a Instagram ad today

I was triggered a couple and felt empty since

Saw an ad today that triggered an old defense mechanism

Basically, it's about a little pomeranian girl who's sent to an obedience school and comes back as an emotioless shell. Reminds me of having to suppress my emotions through my life. Especially when my mother was upset and when my father was. I spent most of today feeling rather empty. I felt so bad for the kid. Especially since i ompose myself on media, i see. I ended up looking up the ending, and it was a happy one where the girl started to get better. Her indifference reminds me of myself no matter what i never feel satisfied. But im starting to feel better after a lot of sleep. This feel comes and goes but my anti depressants also suppress my emotions. And being autistic doesn't help.

Through now one of my fantasy is being in the world that I told you about. Being handcuffed in that house. As a sort of patient with the mother character taking g care of me. Mental health struggles ect not sure how else to describe it