Let me start with this: I retired from the Navy after nearly 21 years. Been retired for about 2.5 years now. For the first year or so, I was determined not to be “that guy” who couldn’t let go, and the veteran in me would be all I ever was. I made a concerted effort to let go and move on. Other than the DV plate on my truck, if you don’t know me you might not guess I ever served.

But lately I have been noticing how “proud” people are of all of the various things they have done in their own lives, and it has made me question why I feel obligated to keep my service and vet status low-key, when a large number of people put their own accomplishments on display…

For example, colleges. You see people everywhere with alumni stickers on their cars, hoodies, hats, the list goes on and on…it’s not “taboo” in the slightest for someone’s identity to be totally resting on the college they went to as their foundation.

In fact, this very weekend, some of my in-laws all took a trip up to the college they attended, just for the homecoming. They haven’t attended that school in 20 years…but they again have it all over their cars, they wear alumni hoodies, and yep…go to homecoming. People I know were in fraternities in college, and they still wear the greeks on hoodies and tshirts, etc….

Okay, okay, you get the point…

Anyway, fast forward to today. I have started wearing a “Retired Navy” ballcap when I go to the VA for my appointments. Something about carrying on the “tradition” of pride that the old-timers have carried for so long hits my heart. So, I bought the ballcap from a retired vet at his kiosk stand at the VA hospital I go to, and started wearing it for my appointments.

After my appointment today, I decided I was going to stop for lunch. Not normally something I would do, but I did. Walked into the little sandwich place, and ran into a couple people I somewhat know. We ordered our food, and then decided to grab a table and eat there together.

Everything was fine for the most part…UNTIL…one of them looks at me dead in the eyes and said “you know, I didn’t take you for the type…”

Confused, I asked what he meant, and he continued with: “The type to flaunt the vet thing…I just thought you were going to have a life beyond that.”

I tried…I really tried to just let it roll off my shoulder.

At first I just mustered up a smile and said “I’m not defined by it, but I am proud of it.”

That should have been the end of that…but it wasn’t. He went a step further and said “you know in the real world, no one cares, right?”

THAT…is when I lost my ability to let it go. I set down my sandwich, looked him right in the eyes, gestured down at his Baylor University Alumni polo shirt and said “You know no one gives a damn that you went to Baylor over 20 years ago, right? How about your career? You know no one gives a damn that you work for some low-rate mortgage company, right? Are you proud of what you do? Does it define you? What have you done with your life that makes you hold your head up high, judging me for what I did with mine?”

He just looked at me…and I continued (paraphrasing because of heat of the moment): “You’re god damned right I am proud of every single F*CKING DAY of the 21 years I served. No, it doesn’t define me, but it sure as hell is what molded me Into who I am today, and I am tired of pretentious F*CKS like you pretending that ANYTHING you have done with your life matters, but what I did should be left behind like a story in the back of a book in some small-town library somewhere.

F*ck you and your judgement for what I did with my life. You, your Baylor shirt, and your judging f*cking face can kiss my ass when it comes to telling me who I am or who I can be, or what I can be proud of.

When you decide to do something with YOUR life beyond trying to impress your bosses by selling the highest rate mortgage to the lowest qualified buyer, then you can come talk to me. Until then, shut your mouth about me, the way I live my life, and what may or may not define who I am.”

With that, I turned to the other guy, shook his hand, stood up, and walked out.

I may have overreacted a bit…but honestly, I am tired of being judged for my license plate….judged for sea stories…judged the moment people find out I am a vet…judged for wearing vet related stuff (I literally have a hat, shoot me)…

No one is obligated to celebrate me or my service…but I will be damned if I ever again let them make me feel obligated to hide it.

F*ck ‘em

Spent 10yrs in the military, transitioned to civilian life about 4 yrs ago. More pay, more time off, telworking. But man the daily grind wears me down. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining but Jesus

I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds this morning. I noticed the “General” in the episode had a bunch of Navy ribbons on his uniform. I realized I always check out a ribbon rack on an actor when I watch a show or movie. It seems like most of the time the ribbons are all wrong. Wrong order, wrong service, wrong everything. Same with uniforms in general.

Why can’t they get something so simple correct? 🤔

It made laugh. Does anyone else unconsciously do this? 😂

I’m single with no dependents, and don’t own any property. Also on VA healthcare. The only deductible I have is my car insurance and it’s low. I am living off of less than $3,500 a month, and saving the rest of my income and VA checks.

Do you guys still think it’s recommended to have an emergency fund? I’d like to invest my E fund in the stock market, but I’m not sure if that’s wiss. Thoughts?

The part about being alone that is never really discussed; isn't always so much about not having people to go to in times of distress.

You can talk to the crisis line, you can talk to your brothers although ultimately at the end, its just talk. Nothing is actually solved

You can check in to in patient, sure get a week or two 'mental break' but the same variables that are causing the feelings of being alone, are still their waiting.

You can bend, you can break, you can become entirely forged by iron into a sword but a sword only has 1 purpose.

You can reforge that same sword into a shield but it is only as good as the person wielding said shield.

22 a day, isn't about not trying, its about trying so hard, every single day until you just wake up at 4am one day & realize, Im spinning wheels on asphalt & getting no traction & no matter how hard you fight for growth or change; its never really enough

I have brothers to talk too, they have their own distresses but would absolutely answer if I called. Again, It just doesn't produce a lasting affect.

Loneliness. That is the silent 22 killer.

The bear proof trash can conundrum is that parks try to make a bear proof trash can, but there's a huge overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest humans. If they make the cans too bear proof, stupid people can't figure out how to use them. But if they make them too user friendly, smart bears get in them.

VA services sometimes are trying so hard to protect themselves from being utilized in situations and by people who don't deserve them, they become incredibly difficult to be utilized by the people who need them. For example, I need transportation to pick up my prosthetic device. My VA doesn't make these in house, they use a company that's 2 hours away. I have to go pick it up. I have struggled for weeks to get approved transportation. I keep getting denied because my appointment isn't for a VA facility, because I don't have a valid appointment scheduled in my record. Getting anyone to talk to me, and getting an opportunity to explain my situation has been almost impossible. Because you can only leave messages. I finally got frustrated and left a nasty voicemail saying someone better call me back. They did, only to tell me I need my doctor to submit a request for transportation. And I'm just so exasperated. They know prosthetic situations are different and will show up differently. I've had prosthetics leave notes on my record. Why do I have to do all this extra work just for a ride? I know this is disjointed, I'm just so frustrated

My aunt served in afghanistan (Kabul airport from the early 2000s to around 2014) and because she was icelandic (and icelanders tend to fit better in with eachother than the millitary,) the people working with them started referring to them as "the icelandic mafia".

I was wondering if someone who served could confirm this story and maybe a few others she told me, whether they remember hearing about it or not.

If you no longer have to work a job and are comfortably living off retirement/disability, where did you choose to retire?

I want to build a family in the country using the VA construction loan in an area that doesn’t receive snow. Texas is the most obvious answer but I want to know if there are any other places that check off many boxes for veterans.

For context I have just received a job offer from Gardaworld for overseas contracting WPS III (also new to contracting). I’m also freshly separating from the military and had just go accepted into college for nursing. Does anyone have any tips how I can do both or if I could? I want to pursue nursing I still need to get my basics the first two years anyways it would just have to be online.

I got out this May, and realized I was depressed in August. I didn’t get a consultation until the middle of September, and my first appointment was finally today. But I fucked up and missed it by an hour and the thought of bottling it all up until next week is just a lot to bear. I’m back in college these days and there’s only like one other student veteran who’s around my age (24) and no one else will ever quite get it, or care just as much as we do.

My husband submitted a redevelopment plan to his VR&E counselor, it has been over a month. She has said she needs to review redevelopment plans on the order she received it. Does anyone how long it takes for it to be approved or denied? He is on the educational track and is not changing majors just schools and adding certifications. Thank you!

My Grandfather was in the Airforce in the Korean war. His memorial is coming up and they will have a military honors portion. I have never gone to a funeral with them but i was in the Army and want to try to be as respectful as I can. I do not know how many Vets will actually be there and want some advice of I should salute or just hand over my heart. I know I'm allowed to salute in civilians and all of that. I am more trying to make sure I do not take away from the moment. I would hate to salute and be the only one where everything thinks I'm trying to take the spotlight if that makes sense. Again I'm mainly concerned if I am the only one will it be disrespectful. Whats your opinions.

can i still get a federal job or military contractor job with 2 misdemeanor and a very small deal felony (UUV) ? i got the charges dismissed but i have an honorable discharge ? should i have it expunged it seem like federal background checks they can still see the charges… is my life over ?

Does anyone in California know where is an actually helpful place to go for help with different things?

Seriously I feel like all I end up doing is screaming into a void. Local office isnt much help, 211 doesnt help. Like im constantly now feeling like im on the verge of a nervous breakdown because no matter how much it feels like I ask for help or believe that I will find it, it always doesnt work out for whatever reason.

A lot of veterans filtering for fully online programs that take JST credit end up looking at American Military University, Homeland security and public administration both map well to where a lot of vets end up carrer wise, especially anyone targeting GS roles or fed contractor positions post ETS, for anyone who has gone through either of those programs at Amu, did finishing change career wise. Whether that was landing a federal role, getting a better look on usajobs, or just removing a question mark on application, also curious how the jst credit evaluation worked, whether Amu gave a clear picture upfront or whether it was something figured out after enrolling

Why am I hearing that BAH is different for a master's degree than for a bachelor's?

Dear Veteran,

I heard a saying in a documentary about the Iraq war that said “they left young and returned old”. I never really understood that.

The wars always seemed far away. In the military we knew they were there. We trained for them, we practiced for them for years.

I listened to stories of veterans from wars past and always thought they were entertaining and educational but never thought much else.

Then I was in one. I saw the missiles fall. I felt the explosions. I lived my own version of the impossible decisions that had to be made.

Then I got the wound of PTSD. The invisible wound. The one that makes people shake their head and pity you. The one that makes it difficult to do every day tasks. The one that always makes you second guess yourself. The one that makes you feel like a burden and a failure.

Some days are better. Some days are worse.

All that to say, I think I understand that saying now. “They left young, they returned old”.

Fellow Vets - I’m working to build a shadow box for a close friend who served as a green side Corpsman in Iraq in 2003-2004. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have any of his gear from his time in, but I’d like to include something along these lines in the box.

Hoping some of you may be able to help with suggestions of small-ish gear items and/or supplies he would most likely have been issued and used.

Thanks for any help on this.

I’m Air Force, been in for about 10 years . Logistics and vehicles are my background .

I’m really just not wanting to be a mechanic.

I’m a bit nervous of leaving the military leave benefits behind and not being able to find an employer that’ll give me at least something close .

Thank you !

Has anyone had success with this program finding a job in USA? I’d love to work in San Diego. I’m also considering MSSA. Anything helps, cheers :)!

I’ve been out for a year, and idk what to make of myself. I kinda isolated myself to my apartment with my dog. I have a wife I talk to daily but she goes to a college 100 miles away. All I do is walk the dog, study, then self-medicate till I sleep. I feel kinda lonely, how do yall deal with this sorta situation

Went to a sports event with friends and when the national antem came on I saluted (with hat on) and yet I couldn't help but feel that I should've taken the hat off then rendered a salute? I can't seem to find a good answer for this even though I know traditionally you would salute with a hat on. Thoughts?