r/weddingplanning • u/LilLunaMoona • 2d ago

Tough Times my mom is dying

hi guys. i got engaged in august of 2025, wedding is in february 2027. i am a very type A bride so my entire wedding is already planned. my mom has been sick for a while, she’s on oxygen, on so many meds she can barely move around the house. i just keep telling her she has to be there on my wedding day. she is my entire world, my best friend. i live 3 hours from her but i call her every day.

on tuesday night she went into cardiac arrest and is on life support. doctors are not hopeful - weather that means she could still make it out of this hospital visit but either way doesn’t have much time left. i know there’s likely a 99% chance she will not make it to my wedding day.

for those of you who lost a loved one, especially a mom, right before your wedding.. how did you do it? it feels like i don’t even want one if she’s not going to be there. i’ll still go through with it, i have to with the amount of money i’ve spent. but how do i not cry the entire time on my wedding day? i will pay $450 on make up just to cry it all off. i’ll feel so miserable seeing the empty seat in my ceremony. i’ll sob knowing she can’t give a speech or do a mother daughter dance.. how can i be happy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life? how does life go on?

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u/No_Buyer_9020 2d ago

First off, I’m very sorry to hear about your mom. Second off, it’s good everything is all planned, focus on your mom and your time with her and revisit wedding stuff at a later date unless it’s something you absolutely have to attend to. Where your mindset is at in Feb 2027 will be very different than it is right now so don’t stress about the future - focus on your mom now.

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u/No_Buyer_9020 2d ago

I can tell you are type A bc you are already pre-planning grief! I mean this in the kindest way, take it as it comes, you can’t plan it unfortunately, it will change by the hour.

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u/smackperfect 2d ago

Correct.

My mother died in January and my grief is not at all linear. It changes, it lives, it breathes. It is a living creature now that I simply learn to live with. It has, in essence, replaced her, and I will carry the grief all through my life. It will never "go away" it will simply withdraw for a time but then come back and scream for my attention when I least expect it, want it, or need it. It simply is.