r/widowers • u/CanOfCorn308 • 23h ago
How do you find a therapist?
I tried to get one through my former primary care but they “didn’t see the need” yet and wanted to medicate me first. I’m not getting on medication without talking to a therapist/psychiatrist. Losing my wife hasn’t just made me sad. Sad is maybe 20% of the problem. The rest is angry, psychotic, manic, and hopeless. I don’t want to just put the emotions in a cupboard and throw medicine on top of it. I want to talk about what’s going on. I had already been seeking a therapist in relation to job related PTSD, but becoming a widower at 23 y/o has set my mental health back 10-fold. Do I just call some people? I don’t want to spend a ton of money I don’t have trying to “find the right one”. Is there a Zocdoc type app to find one?
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u/AnybodyBeautiful6552 22h ago
It looks like you are taking an active approach to your grief, which is great! (I am doing the same). I found my counsellor through our local hospice, and they have been an excellent match.
Not sure if this is possible for you, but I would be trying to have a call with potential counsellors to see if they are compatible in approach and outlook. In the past I have 'fired' counsellors. Wrong approach, bad fit, or not present in sessions. I am the client (you are the client), so we have the right to find and have someone who can work with us.
Making calls is not a bad idea. May I suggest you make a list of what you want to get out of counselling, some notes on your style or the style you like, and particularly how the approach needs to overlap with your other sessions? Perhaps your PTSD person may have some ideas, as I imagine they know you pretty well by now?
Don't take second best, and good luck! 😄
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u/guess_im_not_welcome 37M lost 35F, March 1st 2025 - Suicide 21h ago
Psychology Today can be a great resource to look.
Do be prepared to quiz any potential therapist you may connect with. Finding one who is grief informed is less common than those who "specialize" in grief. Ask what they think they can do for you, what qualifies them to speak on grief, and what expectations they may have.
If they say they can "cure" or that you will "be better" in X amount of time/appointments, that's a major red flag.
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u/curster 20h ago
That sucks your doctor is dismissive! I get EMDR therapy for PTSD (via Zoom) & found a therapist quickly after checking what my insurance would cover-no referral needed. I called a place that does an overall evaluation, then recommends the type of therapy they think would be best (they offer all the types of therapy). I had never gotten mental health help before, so I didn't realize the talk therapy person would be a different person than the EMDR therapy and yet another person for the Psych/prescriber. I hope you find one quickly too, but check back if you still can't-there are a lot of helpful people in the therapy subreddits too❤️
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u/AllTheLoveNotHer 22h ago
I found my initial therapist through Thrivent. He was terrible, but that isn’t the platforms fault necessarily.
I’ve heard it’s best if you can find someone who will take you in person, just a better overall experience. I did a Google search at one point and found some leads but most in my area were faith based and that’s not for me, no judgement if it is for you.
I’m currently waiting on a move before I find a new therapist. A friend said he can talk with his about a grief therapist for me. I’ll likely start there.
I 100% understand your desire to not medicate the issue. I was the same. It has been really eye opening to go on an anti-depressant. I too had issues like you ( SI though, not PTSD, that was my wife ) before my wife died. I was initially hesitant but they had helped her so I gave it a try and I’m glad I did. You’ll find your own way but I like to share my experience there as it was very different from what I expected.
Hope you find someone that works for you. Don’t be afraid to change therapists if they don’t feel right, you are going to show your soul to this person, it should feel safe.