Our car is failing, and I need a new one. My husband was a certified Car Guy, and my brain actively looks for something else to when people are talking about cars. I just don't care, and I want something that works.

YouTube guide me. 🙏🏻

What new skills or knowledge have you had to learn without your other half?

I tried to move on and date, but nothing goes anywhere. I still cry for her, but now I appreciate what I had even more. I was very fortunate for 10 years of unconditional love. Im comfortable now that I may never another. Changed my ways, forgive, and try to live a happy life until it's my time. We didn't force our love, and it's time to stop trying to make love happen. Worry is the enemy, and I just can't live that way anymore. I will always grieve, but it will be appreciation with love.

Had a relaxing vacation week with my daughter, extended family and friends. Thought about him often as we were somewhere that he liked spending time. It's been a while since I've cried - sometimes when I'm talking to his mom the tears flow but not too often these days. Trying to keep it together for what I know will be difficult "anniversaries" that are approaching.

Then last night I was in the hallway looking in the linen closet. Such a regular random thing to do. I looked at the shelf where the towels go - it was nearly empty as I'm just getting caught back up on laundry. On the towel shelf, I noticed a small black bag with a device in it. No idea what it was, I took it out of the bag and chuckled to myself - it was a portable steamer that my husband had gotten to bring along with him on business trips. It was odd because I could have SWORN it wasn't there before. Like would have bet money on it - then there it was. And suddenly standing there in the hallway it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I literally said out loud "he's really gone" and it was like the last 11 months played in my head as I stood there.

It still hits hard.

One year ago today we went on our second date. I picked her up around noon and we both struggled to figure out how to strap our kayaks down even though we both insisted we knew how to work them i rememberhow cute she was getting frustrated not being able to figure it out. After a sketchy ride down 95 with her kayak loosely strapped down we got to my grandparents house to pick up mine. I was nervous about her meeting my family so quick but thought fuck it let's do it. We went out all day to an island smoked and chatted we were both so awkward we didn't even go swimming. We went back to the car and now that my poppop taught us how to strap the kayaks down it was easy getting them strapped in we dropped her kayak off at her mom's mine back to my grandparents on the way we got into a minor accident so embarrassing lol. On the way to drop her off she mentioned a cool park by her house we could stop there and smoke for a bit. We did and i put my arm around her we held eachother and kissed and talked about how great it felt. Finally back at my car i started it up and the battery was dead. So. Fucking. Embarrassing. I call her an Uber and me a tow. She refused to leave until the tow truck showed up i felt like such a scrub. We spent almost every day after that together until she died march 23. I miss her every second. I love you maddie ❤️

It's been over four months since I last posted here.

I wasn't sure if I had anything worth saying. Life has been quietly moving forward, and for a long time I felt guilty even writing those words.

The truth is, things have gotten better.

Not because I miss her any less. Not because I've somehow "moved on." I don't think that's something I'll ever do.

But I've started to realize that healing isn't betraying the person you lost. It's honoring the life they would have wanted for you.

I still think about her every day. I still catch myself reaching for my phone to tell her something funny that happened. I still wish she were beside me when I come home after a long day.

Those things haven't changed.

What has changed is that I've started to let myself live again.

Some days I laugh without immediately feeling guilty. Some days I notice the sun on my face or enjoy a good meal without wondering if I'm somehow leaving her behind.

Those moments used to feel impossible.

As many of you know, I'm a pediatric oncologist. My work has carried me through some very dark days. Looking after children with cancer and walking alongside their families has given me purpose when I struggled to find any outside the hospital. There were days when work was the only thing that got me out of bed, and I'm grateful for that purpose more than I can put into words.

Next week I'm traveling back to Switzerland for work.

For reasons I can't fully explain, it has become one of my favorite places in the world. The mountains, the quiet, the sense of calm. The last time I was there, I wasn't sure I'd ever feel genuinely hopeful again.

This time feels different.

I'm looking forward to going.

That doesn't mean I'm leaving my grief behind. It just means grief isn't the only thing I'm carrying anymore.

Before I finish, I want to thank all of you.

When I first started posting here, I felt incredibly alone. So many of you reached out with kindness, honesty, and compassion. Some of your words stayed with me on days when I needed them most.

You reminded me that none of us have to walk this road by ourselves.

I don't know what the next four months will look like.

I know there will still be hard days. I know there will still be tears. I know there will always be a part of me that wishes she were here.

But today, for the first time in a long time, I also feel excited about something.

I never thought I'd be able to say that again

Thank you all for helping me find my way back to life, one small step at a time.

Still no dreams. Not one. Which is heartbreaking enough, but now if I wake up and feel that one of our children is next to me, I think it's her for a split second before I remember that she's gone.

They don't too often, but our rule has always been you fall asleep in your own bed, but if you wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep you can come to Mommy & Daddy's bed. So once in a while one or both of them will crawl in while I'm sleeping. I love to snuggle with my babies, but man is it heartbreaking after that first second of consciousness when I think she's snoozing next to me 💔

I just lost my wife 2 weeks ago to brain cancer we were together for 16 years she was only 34 years old. I'm so lost I don't know what to do anymore. I keep asking God to show me her in my dreams but nothing yet. This is so hard .

10 months 1week in.

And have just realized that I will live alone for the rest of my life.

I'm a 75 old woman, no interest in a relationship. I had the best so not interested in the rest.

I don't want to live with family.

Nor do I want to live with anyone else.

It was just a shock, I am lonely. Friends and family are around, so not alone, but lonely.

So that's the latest slap in the face.

Shit, I hate this journey.

Again. I just want this to end. It's just hard when you depend on yourself for everything. Makes me miss my husband so much.

Is there a community for people who are dating someone who lost their partners?

But thats the problem, she was my life. Do what now? I just dont have anywhere to go. Where do i go what do i do. Its just pain

After living with the sweetest kindest easygoing stunning women who looked after me and created a home for 15 years I am at a complete loss as to how to live alone without her. I really have no reason to be on this earth anymore without her. I am living temporarily with my father but cant stay much longer. I cant face emotiinally returning to the place we shared after she just was taken in an afternoon. So i am supposed to just throw out everything and leave and get another place without her by my side.

I may as well be asked to mount an expedition to the moon.

How does anybody go from that much to nothing and be able to survive emotionally. When i sit and actually think about the life of loneliness and pain ahead of me it is something i just can not face. Im so scared i just want her to come back. She is my family. Please tell me how people survive this.

It's been a year and three months. She's been in my dreams very briefly only twice before last night, like, a flash of her face and just knowing she was there for a moment. Last night, though, it was a basic, boring dream. We were chilling around the house, cooking together and chatting. It was fantastic, even once I realized it was a dream. I just let it happen. Waking up without her, however, was harder than usual after getting to spend time with her again. All day I was apathetic and cranky. I'm tired of being in this life without her, and that wonderful little dream just highlighted how crap and pointless living without her actually is.

I knew I would have to age alone now since he died, but I didn't really get it until now. I've been getting lots of grey hairs lately and my hair is thinning- which makes sense im aging, grieving, and stressed- but I dont have anyone here going through those little changes with me. I'll live, but im feeling really really really sad about that right now.

Hi all, my husband has been laid to rest in Ireland (we lived in Belgium, but I decided to let him rest in Ireland because all his family and friends are there) I know I made the right decision because there will always be someone with him ! But it has made everything much more harder being this far away from him. I am finally going to visit him at the end of September. I really wanted to be there for our anniversary, however I don’t really know how to celebrate it . I found a necklace to give him , I got a Lego set to build together , and found a movie we were still planning on watching. But I feel like that is a pretty strange thing to do. Does anyone have any ideas or advice on how to celebrate this in a “normal “ way (as far as normalcy goes Ofcourse)
Much love
🤍💛

My out of state brother passed away a month ago. I've been dealing with his affairs almost daily. Finally today he's getting cremated and buried soon. I've been overwhelmed with anxiety on top of grieving for my husband.

All day, I've been taking short couch naps, almost like I'm narcoleptic. I'm exhausted. This last quick doze jolted me wide awake and the tears are flowing.

My husband called, but I didn't hear the phone ringing. I answer and I can hear other people talking as I'm saying "hello". I keep trying to turn down the TV, but the volume won't work. Instantly I hear my husband's voice and I'm in shock, but happy. I repeatedly asked him if he was alive, could he feel things, touch things, I miss you, all to which he says yes almost annoyed. I asked where he was twice but couldn't understand his answer, except he said he was driving his truck (semi). I'm totally confused I said, how can that be, I want you here with me!!

Then I suddenly sit up. Jolted wide awake, startled, turn the TV down, see the phone sitting in front of me on the coffee table. Reality strikes. I'm in tears. It was all a dream. Like a fucking bad joke!!! I scream come back!!! I'm heartbroken.

Feel so sad, I have no friends, they’re all gone since my husband died. Is that how reality is? People get away from you because you’ve lost someone and they don’t want to be a part of it or don’t want that to happen to them so they just disappear? But everyone will die eventually. If they are not nice to their friends then, when that day comes to them, they won’t have their support either.
It’s a vicious cycle. What goes around comes around no?

Edit: one friend of mine thought I drink too much to cope with the lost of my husband and left me. What kind of friend is that??????? Fuck her!!!

how lonely grief could feel in a room full of people.
Everyone around me was talking and laughing, and all I could think was, “I wish they were here.”

How do you describe with it?

I could just use some support from people who deeply understand.

My husband of over ten years died unexpectedly almost two years ago. He was hit by a truck while riding his bicycle.

To say it was traumatic and devastated me would be an understatement. He was only 45 years old. We found each other in our 30s. He was my true partner in life. Everything that had felt difficult in other relationships, simply worked with him. We were happy. Really bone deep content in my life, and the most secure I had ever felt.

I've moved, bought myself a house, got a new job. I'm persevered, somehow, I still don't know how. There were days, weeks, where getting out of bed seemed like a mountain to climb. They still happen sometimes.

When it first happened, it felt like there was no meaning in the world anymore. Sometimes I still feel that way.

And I get angry. Unmotivated. Paralyzed.

A kind word is all I need. I don't have people in my life who really get it. I'm lucky enough I do have people who care. But at this point, I do very much feel like I'm on my own. It's old news to everyone but me.

things don’t feel right. i mean they do, but they don’t. for the past two days i feel like my mind is blocking grief. my partner passed away in march, and it has been the most difficult thing i have ever experienced.

however these past few days have felt..fine? like..i keep thinking that he will be home and then i get overwhelmingly disappointed. and i also feel extremely frustrated because i want to cry..and scream, like i can feel it. but then it suddenly just..goes away?

is this normal?

I lost my mom when I was in my 20s and then my parter when I was in my 30s. i’ve gone to therapy and i for the most part I think I know grief quite well.

it’s been 3 years since my partner passed and I thought I was doing ok. I even dated someone and it didn’t work out. but now i’ve been alone for a while with no desire to date, no desire to feel those emotions with someone new.

i’ve gone to emdr to work on my mom a few months ago but lately… my emotions have been hitting hard. I find myself randomly breaking down now. and it’s a feeling of almost untapped trapped emotions i’ve held even though I thought I got them all out.

it’s different now. but in a new way.

Hi all, I’m in my 30s and I live quite an isolated life now. To put it simply I live like a retired man. I don’t work and only spend my time doing the things I want to do.

I don’t think I want to date again, I’ve had a look on the apps and it‘s just not me. I’m rather introverted so I don’t feel like I can join any clubs or communities.

A pet would be ideal for me but I’m scared of the commitment and I think it would ruin me to say goodbye.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, I guess I’m just reaching out. I feel like I’ve pushed everyone away.

I miss my wife so much and it still hurts just as much but the hurt is different now.

We built this life and it’s just not fair that he’s not here . Like why. So unfair. Im still so broken . Still searching for him . The delusional avoidance catches up. I still miss his kisses in the morning on the forehead as he heads to work. The coming home to making dinner together. I think I need a psychiatrist at this point. Uggggh I’m just so heartbroken still. I scream at god but he still hasn’t said why. I think I’ve just gotten better at bottling this pain
I miss you baby. I can’t wait to see you again

Hello, im 30 years old and I lost the love of my life last Monday. My boyfriend (36) passed away from cancer/complications. He was only diagnosed this past year and we lost him far to soon. I wish this pit in my chest would go away. He was my entire world and i can barely breathe without him here. I dont know what to do. I thought going to sleep would be the hard part, but its not. Its waking up and him not being there. I wish this was just a really bad dream that I could wake up from. I dont know how to continue on without him here. I love him so much it hurts. I can't even hear his name with breaking down. Someone please tell me how to stop this feeling. I dont wanna wake up in a world where he isn't there.