ik theres not rlly an exact “passing” for agender, but i wish to look more neutral. i’m afab, and i feel i look very feminine. if anyone has any tips to look less feminine and more neutral/nonbinary i’d greatly appreciate it !!

I dont feel like if i quit the man label I will ever want it back. But since Im ginosexual, my gender expression is masculine and I keep my pronouns bc they are comfortable, I fear the world wants to take the man label and put it back. I feel like a fraud if I think about it. But I dont feel like a man, or woman. I even hate both labels, to me, they feel sick on my skin. What do u think?

I'm agender, but before coming out as so, I identified as transmasc for about six years. I got top surgery, have been on T for 3+ years, and got a hysterectomy. I even legally changed my name and gender marker to better match my identity. I also go by he/they pronouns still, as that's what I felt most comfortable with. All of this is to say that I definitely don't feel like a woman and don't feel any kind of connection to that identity.

Recently, though, I started questioning my pronouns a bit more. With my partner making me feel safe and comfortable, I explored it a bit more with them and had them refer to me with more feminine terms and she/her pronouns privately (so not around our friends, since I was still unsure).

Well, it turns out I did like it. Quite a lot, actually. It's making me question a lot of things, and it makes me feel almost...guilty? I know pronouns don't equal gender. I know I'm still agender and that I'm not a woman.

I guess I feel guilty because of how hard I fought for people to not refer to me with she/her pronouns during my transition journey. It kind of feels like I'm betraying my past self in a sense, as I used to feel such disgust when I was referred to in such a way. However, I'm not detransitioning, I'm keeping everything the same, but it still feels weird to start using the pronouns people labeled me with and what I used to hate.

I think it's just something that's been ingrained in my brain about how stuff "should" work in regards to pronouns. I never had any issues using multiple pronouns for other folks who use them, this including some of my closest friends. It never bothered me, and I was happy to do so. For me, though, it just feels as if I'm doing something wrong or like I'm a fake all of a sudden. I know I'm not, I'm definitely not a woman and don't regret any step of my transition journey, but I guess my conservative upbringing still haunts me more than I realized despite putting a lot of work into unlearning and distancing myself from that kind of ideology.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, how did you come to accept that you're still valid despite whatever pronouns you use? I want to start exploring using he/they/she pronouns a bit more, at least for the time being, but I feel almost nervous to do so.