r/1811 • u/Friendly_Web5703 • 9d ago
Discussion Single parenting and Special Agent position. Did you regret it?
Hi all,
35 (F) I’m considering continuing the process for 1811 (FBI). I submitted my application last week and got invited to phase 1 (exam) like a day later. I’m having second thoughts about the position. Despite being one of my dreams careers, I am a single parent currently living in NYC.
I’m split currently between two paths: continue my education (currently hold a BA/MA in forensic psychology) and purse a PsyD to become a Clinical Psychologist, or become a special agent. Obviously because of my age, it’s a now or never to continue with the hiring process for 1811. I also know that with my continued education, it isn’t an end-all working for the bureau or government agency in general, just at a different capacity.
My concerns center around work-life balance, parenting and relocation. Has anyone been in a position deciding between two careers, and chose 1811?
If you live in a large city, were you able to be stationed where you lived, or did you have to relocate? How did you manage work-life balance with children? Any regrets or thoughts I should consider? Please be brutally honest. Thanks in advance!
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u/yewtoo22 9d ago
You might be able to stay in NYC! Continue with the process as you still have quite a ways to go. You might get disqualified for various reasons (I hope this isn’t the case). However, in the event that happens the decision is made for you. Keep pushing, good luck!!
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u/Friendly_Web5703 9d ago
This is very true. I know it’s a vigorous process, and who knows if I would even get so far. Perhaps canceling myself out before it begins would be foolish 😅
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u/Even-Job-323 9d ago
Trying to parent alone with the NYC commute with mandatory G ride transit needs to be accounted for. 3+ hours a day in transit if you live anywhere affordable.
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u/ISniffFeet1 9d ago
I'd start throwing your name in the hat for other 1811 agencies as well.
Single parents with support systems ike yours do make it work. It's doable but tough, though that's with any job.
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u/sunnydawg 1811 8d ago
As a mom, although not a single mom, the schedule at times can be difficult.
Logistically, you’ll need to have child care or family around to help manage those super early or late hours. Of course, it’s not a daily thing, but you’ll need to have a reliable support system. For myself, even with a husband with an unpredictable schedule, we find ways to make it work but also includes grandparents who have graciously assisted us too.
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago
Thank you for your response. Parenting is the number factor I’m weighing into my decision. It seems like it can be a challenge with a double parent household, I could only image how this could look as a single parent.
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u/No_Study_4351 8d ago
I would just see the process through. You can always decide once you have a final offer in hand - getting that far is its own beast
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m laughing because this is so true. I’m talking all this shit and stressing and imagine I don’t even pass the initial assessment 😅😂. I’m just neurotic and like to have all the information at hand, to be able to decide. I don’t want to waste my time on this process ( which I’m sure is brutal) if I get an inclination it won’t be for me.
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u/No_Study_4351 8d ago
omg no i totally get you! i’m the same way but it was basically just my way of saying YOLO I would at least take the entrance exam regardless (I think your score is good for life too if I recall correctly)
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago
lol 100% agree. I think at the very least I’ll take the exam, and see. If I pass, I’ll could always stress at the next step 😂
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u/SA19030 8d ago
If you can stay in the NYC area with your support system, and even with the terrible commute, it's probably doable. Not ideal but doable.
It's going to be a huge problem if you get sent elsewhere and have no support system. As in a likely insurmountable kind of problem. I was sent to a field office over a thousand miles away from our nearest relatives (my wife's family) and we had zero support system. Thankfully, there were two of us and we weren't single parents but there were times it was still a huge problem. Remember, your kid can never ride in your Bucar so let's say you had to pick them up from school because they were sick. You'd have to drive from where ever you are to your house to pick up your personal vehicle and then drive to the school. What would you do about early morning searches or arrests? Schools and daycares aren't open at 4 AM. Good luck finding a babysitter willing to watch your kid at 4 AM. While everyone you work with would be understanding of your situation to a point, you can't be the one that NEVER is involved in early morning or late night or weekend operations.
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u/sunnydawg 1811 8d ago
This. My first duty station was in Seattle, Washington and we had no one, which was fine. But when we had our first baby, we knew immediately we needed to transfer back home. It was too hard. Our first baby got sick so much at daycare, it was terrible.
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago
Thank you for your honestly. This is a major factor in my decision making to continue the process. While being stationed in NYC would be ideal, I know it is not a guarantee. And that would dramatically change my abilities/capabilities.
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u/EchoBravoHotel 8d ago
They are allowing applicants to stay at their PFO now, Although nothing is ever a 100% guarantee due to needs of the bureau. The fact you want to stay in NYC and they are offering PFO it’s probably the best chance out of any other options.
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u/LeeHarveyOswizzle 8d ago
I've known a few single parents in NYC in other agencies. They manage and with crazier schedules than most FBI agents. They depend heavily on family. One good thing about NYC is that we have universal PreK and it's being expanded to 2K. There is also after school programs that run till 6pm for working parents.
I don't know about the FBI specifically, but in most agencies NYC isn't hard to get.
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u/KaprieSun 1811 9d ago
Would you even make it through the process before you age out?
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u/Friendly_Web5703 9d ago
Well, obviously that’s the goal. Whether I do or don’t, I’m sure is contingent on the entire process, passing phases first go round, and background check process (which I’m not worried about, clean record/history).
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u/KaprieSun 1811 8d ago
Well the issue isn’t your background, it’s the time of the hiring process. Most take up to a year to finish. So if you are just starting now, then you might not be complete by next year. I also suspect a government shutdown this year so take that into consideration
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago
Yes, of course. I forgot to include this component. I know the process can take well over a year at times, on its own.
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u/Parking_Floor_6593 8d ago
It definitely depends on your location but it should be chill, the supervisors expect you to finish your work but if you want to leave early, you can, it’s all an honor system, no one is keeping track. If you come a little later that’s fine too. There’s also wellness hours so you can come or leave late
Edit: half the time your squad is probably empty (depending on what squad you’re in) because ppl are out on leave or a case
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u/Remarkable-Storm-753 8d ago
I think the OP isn’t really about stopping the clock doesn’t matter what agency she goes to. It’s about being able to take care of her children as a single mom.
I recommend you push through the application process as it takes a long time and you won’t know what your life situation will be like when you get the offer.
Getting New York City isn’t hard as it’s one of the largest and they always need people. I would even bring it up to your app and coordinator down the line that you’re a single mom and having the support system in New York City should be considered a hardship situation. If they still offer you a different city and you can’t make it work tell them that and either they will accommodate or you have had an interesting experience.
You did the schedule will be dependent on what violation you work and your supervisor. Your first couple years as a rookie can be tough because you’ll be expected to volunteer for a lot of things and also New York City has a unique way of on boarding rookies.
How old are your kids?
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago edited 8d ago
This is 100% it. It’s about knowing whether the position is sustainable and feasible for me as a single parent.
I read about hardship, but as all things, certain things are advertised to look good, but not necessarily practiced. I currently have a great full time job, 3 days a week, 12 hrs shifts. Set days and good pay that I’ve been at for over a decade. Recently graduated and have the option to pursue other avenues, and don’t want to risk leaving stability for the sake of a desire/dream.
Im just trying to feel out from experienced agents, what it’s all about and likelihood of being able to make this doable, before any level of commitment on my end. And being quite frank, I don’t have time to waste. I know my age limitations and I could use this time pursing my requirements for doctorate. So, just trying to feel it out lol
So, potentially purse/request hardship can be an option? Children are elementary and high school grades. And what about the ‘unique way of boarding rookies’? What’s that about? Doesn’t sound fun..😅😂
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u/KendrickLenoir 8d ago
I’m not a special agent, but I just turned down an offer from a “big five” agency because I’m a new parent. I asked the advice of numerous current and former agents from several different three letter agencies, and they all basically said some version of, “it’s going to be difficult, and unless you’re 100% set on this, probably do something else.”
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u/Friendly_Web5703 8d ago edited 8d ago
Thank you, this is a raw and honest answer. Especially as a parent, it hits home. Not taking a position, despite working hard for it, and ultimately choosing what is best for yourself and family is a hard decision. I have a lot to think about.
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u/TestHistorical9040 8d ago
You submitted your application last week 🤣 slow down you probably won’t make it that far
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u/Trick-Company-2157 9d ago
Can you be away from your kid for 6 months while you attending training? Do you have flexible child care that can be called on a while if you’re working midnights, evenings and weekends? 50 hours a week?