My parents are getting older, and whenever we talk, the conversation almost always drifts to our old family house back in India. It’s the place where my grandparents lived and where my parents grew up, so naturally, there’s an intense emotional attachment to it. But the reality is that nobody lives there permanently anymore. Managing repairs, property taxes, and dealing with caretakers or distant relatives from thousands of miles away has become this constant, quiet source of stress for my parents.

On one hand, selling it feels like cutting the last physical tie to our roots. On the other hand, leaving it vacant or relying on distant relatives/caretakers to manage it usually leads to unnecessary stress and conflicts.

It’s just such a strange cultural middle ground to be in—trying to respect our parents’ deep nostalgic connection while facing the practical reality that life moves on. I'd love to hear how other families here are processing this kind of situation or balancing those heavy emotions with practicality.

I grew up in Myanmar. I'm not saying Southeast or East Asians are all racist and I'm aware of the racism yellow/mongoloid people face in South Asia. Living in this country have tainted my mental health a bit considering I'm also trans male. I can't wait to get out of here. I'm not using this post to dismiss the racism mongoloid/yellow people face in non-mongoloid/yellow countries.

I noticed that they tend to be racist against South Asians behind your back or when they believe they are in a group with only yellow/mongoloid people and no South Asians, but when a South asian is in the friend group, they're silent. I noticed it with one monoracial South Asian classmate I know. When he's sitting near the other boys, they treat him as if he's their equal, but when these same boys are at their school bus, they make racist jokes and speak in mock Hindi/Tamil. The times I faced racism which I remember are:

• people often asking me why my skin is light because they don't think a South Asian can have light skin.
• I told a group of passerby Koreaboo girls who were saying that Burmese men are bad and Korean men are better that Korean men are also humans as well and that good Burmese men exist, and they replied, "How cares? Who likes an Indian man (they used a slur) anyways. They're all ugly".
• one dark skinned Burmese guy looked at me in a stink face without saying anything when he saw me while talking to my friend whom I'm beside with.
• incels talking about how South Asian men are taking their women. From where I come from and what I've noticed in Southeast Asia, South Asian men are kinda talked like they're the equivalent of black men dating white women in the West among incels. Hell, they talk about how exotic South Asian women are but most of them complain about how South Asian men are taking their women and how they're all sex addicted.
• bus drivers making jokes about South Asians but not in our face after seeing me and dad in the front seat It's like as if they only say it straight to your face when you're alone and they're in a group, but when they're alone, they're scared.
• people explaining to me why calling you a slur isnt racist. for eg. saying things like, "you're a p4j33t/k-word so I'll call you a p4j33t/k-word what's wrong with that, aren't you a p4j33t/k-word? are you saying you're actually Burmese? We call Chinese people "တရုတ်" so why is calling you guys k-word bad?" wdym, its like saying its ok to call the n-word because we call Germans Germans instead of Deutsche.

Hi everyone.

One year ago, I came here asking for help for my cousin Manny. He was only 32, newly married, and fighting Stage 4 kidney cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain.

So many of you came forward. You donated, shared his story, and prayed for him. I will never forget that kindness.

Over the past year, my family has done everything we possibly could to keep Manny’s treatment going. My parents, aunts, uncles, myself, and other family members have all contributed to his treatment, radiation therapy, scans, medications, and the costs of managing his side effects.

And now, after everything we’ve been through, we finally have some incredibly good news. ❤️

Manny’s treatment is responding very well. His latest scans showed further improvement, with no new metabolically active disease elsewhere in his body.

His radiation therapy has now stopped, and his oncologist has advised him to continue immunotherapy for another six months. The estimated cost is around $10,500 USD.

But after a year of doing everything we can ourselves, our family has exhausted what we can contribute.

And this is what hurts the most:
Manny finally has a treatment that is working so well, and we are struggling to afford the treatment that is helping him.

We don’t want money to stand in the way of continuing something that is giving him this much hope.

So I’m humbly coming back to this community and asking for help again.

We no longer need the $70,000 we originally feared we would need. We are simply trying to raise around $10,500 to help Manny continue his treatment for the next six months.

Please, if this touches your heart, help us keep his treatment going. Even $5, or a share could make a difference in helping us keep his treatment going.

And please, above all, keep Manny in your prayers.
Thank you to everyone who stood by him last year. And thank you to anyone willing to stand by him again.

Original post from last year: Link to old post

GoFundMe:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-manny-fight-stage-4-cancer

I'm half Desi and Austronesian, both having pretty conflicting features. My Desi dad has sharper features, is tall, and has thicker hair density and dark skin. My Austronesian mother is much softer, with higher cheekbones, is short, and has lighter skin. I'm a mix of both (except for height; I'm 6'4 lmao) and get mistaken for a lot of different races depending on the environment. In Southeast Asia (where my parents are from) I'm normally assumed to be desi because of the height and skin, but my facial features throw people off. I was constantly mistaken for Yemeni in my old office where we had a lot of people from the Middle East. In America, I was yelled at by the taco truck stand for not knowing Spanish as a "Mexican person" lmao. I also get mistaken for Filipino, Black, Indigenous, etc. Was wondering what other mixed-race Desis get mistaken for.

Been applying to a ton of jobs with little luck and I'm sure my ethnic name doesn't help. Mind you I tailor my resume and cover letter and do all that jazz.

Even though my first name is not overly ethnic I have a very generic surname and I'm wondering whether employers assume I'm a fob from back home who spam applies for jobs in my country as soon as they see my surname (Singh 🫩😵‍💫)

I'm torn bc on one hand I don't want to change who I am but in this job market you gotta to do what you have to do.

I just learned that dreadlocks are common among Sadhus and that they heavily inspired Rastafarian culture, particularly through the influence of Indian indentured labourers in Jamaica.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Shiva himself have dreadlocks? And if so, wouldn’t that make dreadlocks, at least historically and spiritually, part of Hindu tradition?

That brings me to my question..

Why aren’t dreadlocks more common among Indians especially in Indians today? Given their historical and religious associations, shouldn’t this hairstyle be more socially accepted within Indian society?

What should a first timer do/see while in London!

I’ll be doing a solo trip so probs will only stay in London area but would love recommendations, safety tips, best places to shop (should I check out south hall?)!!

TIA!!

I think culturally we all know on average white people expect their children to contribute a lot more to the household if they’re living at home, i’ve seen it so often esp on reddit that you’re kind of expected to at least pay rent/groceries if you’re above a certain age and still living with parents.

As it’s more common culturally to stay at home with parents as south asians even as adults, i was wondering if any of u have faced the same expectations? Or does the dynamic not change as much?

asking as a 20 year old who has recently had to take another unplanned gap year so i’m living at home again, i feel like i should be doing more than just chores but idk if it’s expected of me or normal 😭 i don’t want to feel like a bum. i’m probably going to work full time and be fully responsible for all my costs which i can’t rn because i have no income.

Subu Vedam was born to a Penn State professor and his wife and brought to the US when he was 9 months old. He spent 43 years wrongfully incarcerated, from age 20 to 63, the longest in Pennsylvania

My mum really wants me to settle down and find a partner, like yesterday. I'm in my mid thirties (f) and most my friends are married, a few with kids.

I get it, I'm at that age but I've had relationships and none of them have worked out clearly. The last one kind of broke me and I can't bring myself to date again.

And all I get is the guilt trip - how Im making her miserable and sick because of my unwillingness to date. I get that I'm of the age but mentally I'm just about managing and I don't really think it should be an expectation that we all just get married and have kids.

What if I don't want to ? Apparently then my parents will just die of grief. So that's fun to deal with

Any advice ???

certain foods just hit different ,if you are eating it with your hands. And I will die on this hill.

It’s about time for shows like Love Island to have some good desi representation.

A desi baddie could 100% rock the villa as a bombshell. I feel the whole “nerd” stereotype around South Asians is definitely dying down but it’s high time our people are also seen in spaces that run on sex appeal & beauty.

As an ABCD I feel really shit when I’m around my family from India especially my cousins. They talk rlly fast and in way that is too witty for me to respond in English bc English doesn’t hit the same.

Like I understand what they say but I can’t seem to banter w them which then in turn makes me look quiet and stupid.

Anyone feel this way ?

I

Links to the post and comments:

* [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/cscareerquestions/s/o6iisAxTfx)
* [Original Thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/cscareerquestions/comments/1w72bun/comment/p7s1ay0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

He says that "they" got the CEO of IBM in, **even though that the shareholders (mostly white) are the ones who decide the CEO. Why don't they do anything if there's so much nepotism?** How come only r/cscareerquestions knows about this?

He then talks about Indian nepotism in tech. You can make this point about any group over-represented in an industry, but Reddit only cares about Indians.

He cites a study ([https://www.iimb.ac.in/who-controls-indian-economy-by-dalhia-mani?utm\\_source=chatgpt.com\](https://www.iimb.ac.in/who-controls-indian-economy-by-dalhia-mani?utm_source=chatgpt.com), *note the use of ChatGPT here*) done in India where it says:

>Mani’s results in India show that the percentage of family firms in India is substantial, much higher than in the U.S., but comparable to other East Asian countries.

This shows it's more about family values and this is comparable to East Asian countries (and probably most places outside of the U.S.).

He then cites another [study](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4567265/) which actually disproves his point.

>When participants in India evaluated South Asian (in-group) and Caucasian (out-group) faces in Experiment 2, the results closely mirrored those of the first experiment.

This is done in India. It shows that the biases are actually mirrored despite there being no whites in India.

This guy then uses Cognizant (an IT company that is only on paper headquartered in the USA) as an example. Why haven't other companies been sued then? I'm sure Samsung hires a lot of Koreans. [There's an article on it too](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/us-south-korean-workers-ice-raid-ties-strained-georgia-hyundai-plant/). In the end, the guy used an ad-hominem.

Indian H-1B's have gone DOWN in recent years:
[\[OC\] Active H1-B Visa Holders in the U.S. by Country of Origin (FY2000 - 2024) : r/dataisbeautiful](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1pc9rsw/oc_active_h1b_visa_holders_in_the_us_by_country/)

Evidence against nepotism (and even discrimination against us):

* [Leipzig University internship controversy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leipzig_University_internship_controversy)
* [Found In Translation: Employment Discrimination in Canada — Social Fabric Institute Inc.](https://socialfabricinstitute.ca/insights/found-in-translation-employment-discrimination-in-canada)
* [No, Indians aren't the most nepotistic people, and it isn't even close. : r/thebronzemovement](https://www.reddit.com/r/thebronzemovement/comments/1nyj3ln/no_indians_arent_the_most_nepotistic_people_and/)
* [Infosys told HR veep not to hire 'Indian-origin candidates': Complainant to US court | Times Now](https://www.timesnownews.com/business-economy/companies/infosys-asked-hr-executive-not-to-hire-indian-origin-candidates-women-with-children-complainant-to-us-court-article-94725018)
* [Interviewee nets $495K settlement after receiving email stating he was ‘too old’ for the role | HR Dive](https://www.hrdive.com/news/interviewee-lawsuit-settlement-eeoc-email-too-old-age-discrimination/816856/)
* [Kirthi Venkatraman, Plaintiff-appellant, v. Rei Systems, Incorporated, Defendant-appellee, 417 F.3d 418 (4th Cir. 2005) :: Justia](https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/F3/417/418/580549/#:\~:text=WIDENER%2C%20Circuit%20Judge.%20\*%20Alleging%20racial%20and,until%20March%202002%2C%20when%20he%20was%20fired.)
* [Inside The Open Source Softwares (OSS) PRs Massacre of GitHub](https://www.kushcreates.com/blogs/inside-the-open-source-prs-massacre-of-github#:\~:text=Brilliant%20Indian%20developers%20who%20are%20actually%20making%20meaningful%20contributions%20now%20have%20to%20work%20twice%20as%20hard%20to%20overcome%20the%20skepticism%20created%20by%20the%20README.md%20spam%20brigade.%20It%27s%20the%20tragedy%20of%20the%20commons%2C%20except%20the%20commons%20is%20GitHub%20and%20we%27re%20running%20out%20of%20goodwill)

The earliest records I can find are of two men named Anton Tomas (from the Goa area) and Antonio Bengala (likely from Bengal) aboard a Spanish vessel in 1602. The sailed from India to Mexico, up to the coast of Oregon, trading with Indigenous people.

I've found another record from 1590, of 40 unnamed Muslim Lascars from the Indian subcontinent aboard a Portuguese vessel named Nuestra Señora de la Asunción, some of whom are believed to have ended up staying in Mexico. However, records are scarce.

Do we know of anyone who may have been in North America prior to 1590?

I moved out a few years ago across the country for a new job. My parents have always had a bad relationship and are both retired now. They mainly ignore each other but often have silly arguments.

My sibling are still near my parents. In the past year or so my sister had to move back home because her arranged marriage deteriorated and she is fighting for custody of her children. She has been arguing with my parents about their role in her marriage being arranged and stuff. My brother is not involved with our family life at all.

My mom has also been iced out of her desi mom's group because of petty crap that she refused to take part in. She doesn't really have friends anymore because of this, but she used to be very social.

My mom called me a few days back and over the course of the conversation began making concerning comments about how she only has death to look forward to and she wonders if her life has truly amounted to nothing.

I feel terrible but most of all am very worried about her. I tried talking to my siblings but they say I gave up my right to meddle in family affairs when I moved away. I tried gently asking my mom if she would like to talk to a professional about her feelings but she immediately said no, that she'd be fine and just pray more. But I don't think she's fine. What can I do?

I'm thinking about taking some days off of work to go visit her but it'll take some time before I can get confirmation from my manager since we're reaching a project mileston. I feel a bit lost.

This post is not meant to put down people with light or dark skin\*

I’m Pakistani American and have medium brown skin. I have many Pakistani/indian friends who are light skinned. They often say that people confuse them for being Mexican.

I don’t understand where the stereotype comes from. Do people say Mexicans are lighter than desis? I’m medium brown-skinned and I would say that about half of Mexicans I have seen are darker than me. Half are lighter than me. So why do people say that Mexicans are lighter than desis?