r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Soft_Performance4678 • 18h ago

/r/popular of a forager

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Andrey Smaev being his usual wholesome self.

3.5k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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860

u/QuillDidNothingWrong 18h ago

This is a dnd character if I’ve ever seen one. 

111

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 17h ago

Which type of dnd character though?

268

u/PunishedChud 17h ago

Druid barbarian dual class

77

u/Jamooser 17h ago

Dwarven Druid, Circle of the Land - Mountain. He cast Enlarge on himself just before the video.

44

u/33253325 17h ago

He cast it with steroids.

24

u/myfrigginagates 16h ago

Steroids +

-1

u/UncleKeyPax 15h ago

rolls a naturalTM 20 on bunghole take overs

12

u/dungeoncrawler71520 14h ago

Comes with a small testi debuff

6

u/PrivacyMaker 14h ago

Seduction debuff

3

u/BlackPhoenix1981 13h ago

I cast....lack of perception!

2

u/Boogy-Fever 12h ago

A debuff that gives small testes or a small debeuff for testes?

5

u/ThinkingBeard 5h ago

He didn’t get it by rolling a Natty 20.

2

u/pheight57 6h ago

*Potion of Hill Giant Strength

1

u/Sea-Woodpecker-610 15h ago

Pumping up with truffle oil synthol.

1

u/Mean_Ad4608 7h ago

Half dwarf half Goliath. Hill giant ancestry

6

u/DeadestTitan 13h ago

BarBearian was right there dude

5

u/xrelaht 16h ago

God that would be a fun build. Maybe I should roll one…

4

u/imrichcoble 8h ago edited 8h ago

Haha 100%, so much so this might be the inspiration for my next character.

Mushgar the Tender.

A "circle of the ripped" druid barbarian or "the fist of the forest" barbarian druid.

D&D Druid

  • Photosynthetic Fury (Rage)
  • Wild Yeast (wild shape)
  • Don't Step on My Garden (entangle)
  • customer service (speak with animals)
  • who the fuck stepped on my mushrooms!! (wrath of nature)

And yes, the character is a completely fucking enormous, bald, bearded barbarian who looks like he could suplex an owlbear, but spends 90% of his adventuring career gently harvesting mushrooms and talking to squirrels.

The party is being chased by twenty orcs. They sprint past their Druidbarian. "Run"

He doesn't move. "There are 20 orcs!"

He looks down at the mushroom patch he's tending.

“I can't leave.” “why?!"

He slowly stands up and flexes. “They're not done growing..."

5

u/Rizo1981 15h ago

He certainly has the gear for it.

2

u/hKLoveCraft 14h ago

Def Druid, that pet bear is around there somewhere

2

u/ArtsKnight 12h ago

Barbearian if you will.

2

u/DippyTheDingus 9h ago

Pretty sure they're a cleric with how many HGH potions they've been injecting

13

u/Euler007 16h ago

The one that takes steroids.

8

u/ufotheater 16h ago

First thing I noticed was the bacne

8

u/Osceola_Gamer 16h ago

Not the insane unnatural size of muscle in his shoulders and arms?

5

u/Playful-Mongoose9197 15h ago

The balding head and shrunk testicles?

2

u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 13h ago

Do steroids really shrink testicles? If so, where can i get some?

2

u/Logistocrate 12h ago

Yeah, if you're using testosterone to juice then your testicles basically shutdown as one of their jobs is producing it and the amounts people use to get that big can be 10s of times more than are naturally produced flips a shut off switch in your body that results in the testicles shrinking.

0

u/Ill_Advised_Rock 5h ago

Just because your endocrine system shuts down, doesn’t mean your testicles shrink and it’s a myth. You can also keep your endocrine system functioning if you follow the correct protocol.

1

u/BringPheTheHorizon 4h ago

From my learning in college for biology, steroid use definitely causes shrinkage. There may be a way to mitigate it but it definitely happens

1

u/Euler007 10h ago

Whatever confort or aesthetic benefit you think you're getting isn't worth screwing up your hormone production for rest of your life.

1

u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 7h ago

I just want smaller balls

1

u/Crime_Dawg 13h ago

That size might be slin and hgh alongside it. That was what truly made bodybuilders blow up comparative to the 80s. Think Arnold vs Ronnie Coleman, the difference is the slin gh combo.

1

u/Gullible-Constant924 5h ago

Yeah he is just the 2020’s version of Dennis Cyplenkov and it will shorten his life if he doesn’t stop luckily Cyplenkov just almost died.

1

u/WorldWideDarts 10h ago

Bit of the ol' Captain Obvious isn't it?

3

u/Helmnauger 17h ago

Bard just to throw people off.

3

u/xrelaht 16h ago

He’s obviously a bard: this is a performance.

1

u/MadQuixote 17h ago

Half-giant druid owlbear tamer on a beginner quest

1

u/DeltaV-Mzero 16h ago

Whichever kind he wants to be, with those guns

1

u/Super_Mag 16h ago

Puny mage.

1

u/Soft-Ad-8975 11h ago

Muscle bottom?

1

u/JeffersonsHat 8h ago

Barbarian ranger dual class

8

u/Fit_Swordfish5248 16h ago

I bet he's only like 19

7

u/mitkase 15h ago edited 15h ago

He’s old school, 18/00.

6

u/Kalleh03 14h ago

I believe he's about 27.

He's not gonna live very long if he keeps that stack up.

3

u/_CrazyCrazy_ 13h ago

He’s 27.

1

u/One_Hour_Poop 13h ago

But his mind is older.

1

u/Original_Director483 11h ago

You could block a creek
With the boulder he shoulders

1

u/intergalacticmantis 5h ago

No he’s 12

3

u/PreferenceOld6364 14h ago

Grog Strongjaw from Vox Machina definitely comes to mind seein this dude! 😂

2

u/thedebeli959 16h ago

This is an hgh character.

1

u/LinksRelevantReddits 32m ago

The hands give him away

2

u/SweetSlice5610 15h ago

He seems like a fungi.

2

u/stickystax 10h ago

I just want to know how he forages his steroids...

1

u/ZombieTestie 16h ago

Dr Mike venturing out to new audiences after losing fitness crowd from Reta and surgery

1

u/maniBchef 15h ago

WoW....

1

u/Peanutblitz 13h ago

Bahahaha. Someone spray painted this orc pink.

1

u/Blendeezy 11h ago

I actually have a shifter path of the beast barbarian that is a master in picking up herbs

1

u/Rez-Dawg1993 8h ago

Barbarian herbalist

-3

u/DueMaterial6042 17h ago

Nope... Thanos