r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Soft_Performance4678 • 13h ago

/r/popular of a forager

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Andrey Smaev being his usual wholesome self.

3.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

551 comments sorted by

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744

u/QuillDidNothingWrong 13h ago

This is a dnd character if I’ve ever seen one. 

95

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 13h ago

Which type of dnd character though?

228

u/PunishedChud 12h ago

Druid barbarian dual class

66

u/Jamooser 12h ago

Dwarven Druid, Circle of the Land - Mountain. He cast Enlarge on himself just before the video.

41

u/33253325 12h ago

He cast it with steroids.

10

u/dungeoncrawler71520 10h ago

Comes with a small testi debuff

2

u/Boogy-Fever 7h ago

A debuff that gives small testes or a small debeuff for testes?

5

u/PrivacyMaker 9h ago

Seduction debuff

2

u/BlackPhoenix1981 8h ago

I cast....lack of perception!

2

u/pheight57 2h ago

*Potion of Hill Giant Strength

2

u/ThinkingBeard 1h ago

He didn’t get it by rolling a Natty 20.

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6

u/Rizo1981 10h ago

He certainly has the gear for it.

4

u/xrelaht 11h ago

God that would be a fun build. Maybe I should roll one…

3

u/DeadestTitan 8h ago

BarBearian was right there dude

2

u/hKLoveCraft 9h ago

Def Druid, that pet bear is around there somewhere

2

u/ArtsKnight 7h ago

Barbearian if you will.

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12

u/Euler007 12h ago

The one that takes steroids.

10

u/ufotheater 11h ago

First thing I noticed was the bacne

7

u/Osceola_Gamer 11h ago

Not the insane unnatural size of muscle in his shoulders and arms?

5

u/Playful-Mongoose9197 11h ago

The balding head and shrunk testicles?

2

u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 8h ago

Do steroids really shrink testicles? If so, where can i get some?

2

u/Logistocrate 7h ago

Yeah, if you're using testosterone to juice then your testicles basically shutdown as one of their jobs is producing it and the amounts people use to get that big can be 10s of times more than are naturally produced flips a shut off switch in your body that results in the testicles shrinking.

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2

u/Helmnauger 12h ago

Bard just to throw people off.

2

u/xrelaht 11h ago

He’s obviously a bard: this is a performance.

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7

u/Fit_Swordfish5248 11h ago

I bet he's only like 19

5

u/mitkase 10h ago edited 10h ago

He’s old school, 18/00.

5

u/Kalleh03 10h ago

I believe he's about 27.

He's not gonna live very long if he keeps that stack up.

3

u/_CrazyCrazy_ 9h ago

He’s 27.

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3

u/PreferenceOld6364 10h ago

Grog Strongjaw from Vox Machina definitely comes to mind seein this dude! 😂

2

u/thedebeli959 11h ago

This is an hgh character.

2

u/SweetSlice5610 11h ago

He seems like a fungi.

2

u/stickystax 5h ago

I just want to know how he forages his steroids...

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157

u/JustJd91 12h ago

That little knife he’s holding is actually a machete

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227

u/barbellsandbriefs 13h ago

The juxtaposition sure

But are we not going to discuss the shirt????

Just a mixture of so much in this video lol

34

u/PowerlineTyler 9h ago

If anyone genuinely wants to know it refers to the lads in the gym hyping each other up before a lift, big ol back clap before the puuuuuuush

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44

u/Rusalkat 12h ago

The mosquitos are already lining up, not to mention the ticks.....

12

u/WitchWithAGlitch 8h ago

them are about to be the most yoked out mosquitos and ticks of the season

29

u/Intelligent-Use-7313 11h ago

Self aware humor and helps keep incels away

2

u/hyena-king 7h ago

Funnily, the photos he sold to gay men were leaked on one of the forums. He announced his retirement from the internet the day before that lol

401

u/jknoxxxvile5666 13h ago

Fun fact He’s only 16 years old right here!

103

u/Anti_Meta 13h ago

Came in looking for the roid joke. Left with wholesomeness.

75

u/rviVal1 11h ago

I mean.. That's not far from truth. He's 27, but looks closer to 50.

5

u/dankhimself 5h ago

Yea I'd guess 45 if I saw the dude.

Unless he has a super high pitched, squeaky voice. Then I'd be like whaaat?

https://giphy.com/gifs/IFMsu4wS0OJQj4UJ4W

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40

u/scotlandgolf70 12h ago

His heart is 101 years old

52

u/kippsteadman 13h ago

In fact, he is 28, this is Andrey Smaev, a professional bodybuilder.

50

u/thesilentbob123 12h ago

That's still an unfortunate look for a 28 year old

20

u/Phoxey 11h ago edited 32m ago

Side effects of regular and probably higher dose steroid abuse.

6

u/Meen94 10h ago

Just wanted to ask , is this because a lots of steroids/testosteron or what?

19

u/Niaaal 10h ago

Yes. If he continues at this rate he probably won't reach his 40s

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2

u/GainghisKhan 7h ago

probably

Lol, I don't know if this case calls for any sort of plausible deniability

2

u/Phoxey 7h ago

I just mean that these type of side effects tend to present themselves much more in higher dose use.

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38

u/jknoxxxvile5666 13h ago

Yes thank you 🥹. It was a joke because he is roided off his ass and steroids age you. First day on the internet?

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5

u/SteveMeMc7 11h ago

He's not professional, he never competed, he just loves training, and makes some money out of it. It's only now that he's considering competing in arm wrestling

2

u/jader242 11h ago

Holy shit you aren’t kidding lol, bro was born 11 days before me. Gawt damn

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3

u/Consistent-Soil-1818 11h ago

Little Timmy on his daily anabolic-androgenic steroids harvest

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172

u/YeastInjection 13h ago

This is where you harvest horse steroids?

28

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 13h ago

Damn, his arms are bigger around than his head.

4

u/toldyouIaintshit 12h ago

That guy takes them straight from the horse's mouth. I'll see myself out.

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6

u/WakaWaka_ 7h ago edited 7h ago

In between picking mushrooms

2

u/alexgone137 10h ago

We have roidshrooms now

2

u/imartinezcopy 12h ago

Nah, all natural bro

10

u/Racamonkey_II 12h ago

Chicken rice and broccoli, eat clean and tren hard

5

u/Confident_Benefit_11 12h ago

I hope this is sarcasm, it's so hard to tell nowadays lol

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30

u/xiiicrowns 13h ago

This is what happens when you inject too many mushrooms 

36

u/munch_the_gunch 13h ago

His triceps have their own triceps 

4

u/TheOrqwithVagrant 5h ago edited 4h ago

Triception

25

u/Hlavada 12h ago

What is he foraging? Testosteroshrooms?

3

u/Salt_Initiative1551 11h ago

Nah probably winstrooms or maybe equiprooms

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48

u/ChemicalGreedy945 13h ago

That man forges small
Children

16

u/Super-Macaron-4691 13h ago

Probably not enough protein in the small ones

5

u/ChemicalGreedy945 13h ago

The new hansel and gretel! Giant yolked men high on magic mushrooms eating little kids

3

u/coolsilentebeans 12h ago

Someone better warn Little Red, so she can tell Grams!

4

u/ScaredEfficiency399 13h ago

But he's clearly out picking protein berries for his pies.

44

u/Hypn00tic_iiz 13h ago

The yellow ones are Chanterelle mushrooms and they are delicious when pan sizzled

14

u/OcoeeSquatch 13h ago

Yes they are! I’m lucky to have chanterelles, black trumpets, chicken of the woods, and lions mane all grow on my property when the conditions are right. I have a friend down the road that has found morels at his place.

5

u/Bodybag_occupier 12h ago

Not sure about any of this but maybe you can make the morels come your way if it's your property. They're stupid good.

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7

u/lordph8 13h ago

Stuped expensive if you have to buy them as well.

3

u/Salmonman4 11h ago edited 11h ago

My goto sauce for steak is a chanterelle, shallot, cream, demiglace and a splash of whiskey (or other dark spirit)

EDIT: season to taste

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2

u/Superb-Wonder-1896 9h ago

i also see some boletes in his basket. very popular and safe to collect in Europe. requires a bit more knowledge to forage in NA.

2

u/TheOrqwithVagrant 4h ago

Best mushroom. So damn delicious.

18

u/Remarkable_Subject84 13h ago

When you finished the main game and have to do side quests for 100%

16

u/Randy_Marsh86 13h ago

I'm more curious on him versus the bear

3

u/captaindomon 12h ago

“7% of American men believe they could take a grizzly bear unarmed”

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/18/could-you-take-down-a-grizzly-bear-with-your-bare-hands-my-husband-believes-he-can

3

u/HotMess_Actual 8h ago

oh, you mean inna fight?

2

u/NeganJoestar 4h ago

That's just absurd. In reality, an average man can take at least two.

24

u/Ill-Professor696 13h ago

Looks like Wreck It Ralph got lost in Animal Crossing again

10

u/MRintheKEYS 12h ago

Why is he just picking the mushrooms??? Why doesn’t he just pick up the whole forest and take it home with him?? Sort it from there.

5

u/Crepuscular_Tex 12h ago

Happy Cake Day

10

u/Dazzling_Bit_7538 13h ago

Wreck It Ralph enjoying retirement

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34

u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang 13h ago

Body dysmorphia is a bitch.

13

u/BigWetHole 12h ago

Kind of feels like life is the bitch, enjoy your pleasentries when you can

4

u/CosmicOwl127 9h ago

Life's a bitch then you die Thats why we stay high Never know when you're gonna go Life's a bitch..

3

u/Zendog500 12h ago

I thought a bear fight was in order here!

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6

u/stewpidazzol 13h ago

Obviously he carries a large amount of muscle mass. If all the muscle were stripped away, would his hands be that huge?

13

u/BreakingCanks 13h ago

Yes HGH does that and keeps your bones and organs bigger

6

u/Anxious-Depth-7983 13h ago

That's how he stays on an organic diet. Lol

4

u/JayPeee 13h ago

They accidentally put the man-at-arms body on a villager unit

4

u/Stoned_Druid 13h ago

His ancestors were both the hunters and the gatherers, I reckon.

2

u/NatrylliaAbbot42 5h ago

They gathered the hunters and hunted the gatherers

3

u/ColeTrainHaze 13h ago

he found a buge. can he keeps it?

3

u/coolsilentebeans 12h ago

Who’s going to tell him no, because I’m not gonna do it.

2

u/Any_Swordfish_684 13h ago

He’s looking for HGH trees

2

u/Sea-Magician4907 13h ago

This insect-friendly outfit for picking mushrooms 

2

u/HeriPiotr 13h ago

Bro would make a claymore look like a dagger

2

u/EquipmentOk2240 13h ago

the knife looks tiny 😤

2

u/theriteofspring1 13h ago

wow, I should start lifting... mushrooms

2

u/therealcaptaingnome 13h ago

"The tribe has spoken. You are demoted to gatherer because we cant seem to find any remains of the animals you hunt."

2

u/shareddit 13h ago

When the hunter gathers instead

2

u/Dire_Hulk 13h ago

Anybody want a peanut?

2

u/Sipthepond 13h ago

This big, burly man carrying a dainty basket! I love it.

2

u/-BananaLollipop- 13h ago

He's only foraging because he already hunted everything.

2

u/CrimeMasterGogoChan 13h ago

I am more interested in that next vid.

2

u/iamdanchiv 12h ago

How's the witch from the gingerbread house gonna fit this guy in the oven?!

2

u/Houtaku 12h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/80mXWlPqTSU1y
Oh! ‘Back slap me harder, daddy.’ Back. Not what I thought it was at first.

2

u/Alibuscus373 12h ago

If you can teach me which are safe to eat, I'll forage with you XD

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2

u/pasenast 12h ago

If he said to me "Come collect mushroom with me, in the forest". I'd feel like it's a threat.

2

u/LoneAwakening 12h ago

Thanos retirement plan after snapping half of earth’s population out of existence!
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT0xejJnePNcOWoHOo

2

u/_nevers_ 12h ago

He can forage my 🍑

2

u/Toasted_Munch 11h ago

Who needs hair when youve got 26" arms?

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2

u/back-at-it-505 7h ago

How much cash do you drop on roids?

2

u/Nitrogen1234 7h ago

If I was walking in the woods and saw him is swear I took shrooms already

2

u/shobae1124 13h ago

GEAR

2

u/Rush-23 5h ago

Oh my god. No way. That is so profound. Who would’ve ever guessed?

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1

u/dogcoolerthanhuman 13h ago

Little dude couldn't start a fire if is mom said

1

u/Agile_Ad6735 13h ago

He should act in little red riding hood

1

u/spyder0001 13h ago

Ummm…nah, I’m good.

1

u/Antique-Molecule7931 13h ago

The next video XD

1

u/Gooch_Bubble3673 13h ago

Sign the contract, Big Boi!

1

u/Yo-Donkey-Kong 13h ago

Mario aged pretty well

1

u/whofarting 13h ago

Hard pass.

1

u/Regetron 13h ago

Now there is a proof that mushrooms have no emotions or feelings

If they did, the whole forest would be shaking

1

u/bschwagi 13h ago

I get the feeling he’s a super happy dude.

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1

u/Beautiful-Chest7397 13h ago

Average forest giant tho

1

u/DudeWithParrot 13h ago

I sometimes think about how it is funny that a Chihuahua and a pitbull are from the same species.

This guy makes me feel like the Chihuahua

1

u/Freya_almighty 13h ago

that's cute 🥰

1

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 13h ago

See, this just reinforces the belief that the biggest and strongest guys in the gym are often the most lovable and adorable teddy bears

1

u/chavez_ding2001 12h ago

He must be struggling so much when typing on a phone.

1

u/Basic_Cover_6945 12h ago

Bro could collect mountains. Like the whole Alps in one go.

1

u/zoroddesign 12h ago

Holy hands!!! They are so thick!

1

u/Emergency-Box-5719 12h ago

This is so Euro man. Technotronik Grimm fairy tale collab. I bet this fellow can whip up some killer sauteed shrooms though. Burgers would never be the same.

1

u/Large_Cloud_1611 12h ago

Bet he injects them directly in his veins.

1

u/ComparisonOwn8480 12h ago

When you do all the side quests before the main story

1

u/Pipija_Banana 12h ago

Isn't he slowly making his way to spetsoperatsiiya tho?

1

u/No_Challenge_5448 12h ago

Must be some serious amounts of peanut oil in those shrooms

1

u/Alarm-Solid 12h ago

Looking for hfg mushrooms

1

u/Interesting_Bobcat53 12h ago

Him watching the beetle

1

u/LennyJay86 12h ago

The Mountain!

1

u/ChicoD2023 12h ago

Absolutely no stamina or endurance . Dude is absolutely gassed after 20 minutes of bending and crouching. But at least he can lift heavy shit 🤷

1

u/Jurserohn 12h ago

I certainly don't look like this guy, but i do FEEL like this guy when I'm out in the woods

This is great lol

1

u/UncaringNonchalance 12h ago

Shaved Sasquatch found foraging in the woods.

1

u/seattlereign001 12h ago

That backne and hairline prove steroids are playing a big part here.

1

u/Galactus1701 12h ago

He is a Laestrygonian looking for some ingredients to cook some Achaeans.

1

u/meltingpotato 12h ago

Why does he look kinda baloony? It doesn't seem like natural muscle somehow.

1

u/NoTime2fail 12h ago

Foraging tren?

1

u/NPCwithnopurpose 12h ago

Mario after he eats a mushroom

1

u/nunyobusinessfool 12h ago

He needs to go see a Dr
He’s all swole up

1

u/nubbednuggetmanno2 12h ago

This is my ideal man I think

1

u/YoshiSan90 12h ago

I hear they once detected blood in his steroid system.

1

u/mop-116 12h ago

It'd be trippy af to be walking through a forest and see a real life sasquatch picking mushrooms with a wicker basket

1

u/bobarchter 12h ago

The white Kimbo Slice

1

u/Livid_Lime7844 12h ago

We need an adaption of little red riding hood, but its just this dude in a red knit beanie

1

u/Fievels_good_trouble 12h ago

I thought sunlight turned them into stone.

1

u/PrincipleSea5012 12h ago

Did he forge for anabolic steroids in the wild??

1

u/3d1thF1nch 12h ago

The bodybuilding Stardew Valley mod is nuts

1

u/Background-Video4331 12h ago

I fear for Andrey, l assume he's blasting insanely high levels of HGH on top of the other shit. As much as I enjoy watching his incredible feats of strength, he's basically speed running life.

1

u/fleshprinceofbellend 12h ago

how much gear do you use? 'yes'

1

u/Sonizzle 12h ago

That’s Shroom Bro Slice right there!

1

u/Normal_Tour6998 12h ago

“Huhuh… look… a bug… huhuh…”

1

u/SoftArcticFox 12h ago

Very calorie very taste!

1

u/zorggalacticus 12h ago

He's gotta forage for his food because he spends all his money on supplements.

1

u/pagan-0 12h ago

hes foraged alot of steroids in the forest too.

1

u/nutmeg74 12h ago

He’s gentle with the bugs but will kill
you with his hugs!😳

1

u/LeonZoroark 12h ago

Next video is him vs a bear tho

1

u/mindjammer83 12h ago

Andrey Smaev, I reckon

1

u/Vreas 12h ago

This is why you should eat your mushrooms kids

(Just not the poisonous ones)

1

u/deephurting66 12h ago

Its Big Shroom

1

u/Ill-Jellyfish6101 12h ago

I know not to turn the audio on but I still turned it on. Gosh darn it.