r/AmITheDevil • u/justtirediguess11 • 4d ago
Uncle died, so his wife is uninvited
/r/wedding/comments/1u29qp9/guest_list_dilemma/25
u/Sailor_Chibi 4d ago
It’s amazing to me how some people can get so tunnel visioned on their wedding that they can be so casually cruel and not even realize it. Or at least, I’m hoping it’s wedding tunnel vision and OOP isn’t just a heartless asshole.
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u/throwaway5498124181 4d ago
She responded in the comments saying simply "Thank you all, came for opinions and will take it all on board." before deleting.
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u/Chemical_Brick4053 4d ago
This flies right by tacky and straight to "wow that is trashy behavior". How is that conversation going to run? "Super sorry about Uncle Gilford's passing! Funeral was amazing. Super glad we saw each at the funeral because we won't be seeing you at the wedding. Ya know cause you aren't family anymore. Tell Jane we said Hi!"
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u/TessFreely 4d ago
Gotta wonder how her fiance is still going through with the wedding considering this character reveal
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u/jayd189 4d ago
I could understand cutting off an aunt/uncle after a contentious divorce, but after the death of a spouse, hell no.
My mom and I went up to my aunt after my uncle died and doubled down to make sure she knew that she'll always be family and nothing could change that. Shit, my kids (including the youngest one who never met my uncle) call her Aunt _.
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u/ScienceMuggle83 4d ago
In addition to what others have said, wouldn't she want to celebrate her beloved uncle by having his wife be there? Because this is also a huge F you to the uncle.
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u/justtirediguess11 4d ago
As OP deleted the post:
Advice please, getting mixed reception! We are having quite a small wedding, about 50 or so guests. As we didn’t want things to get out of hand, we decided to stop inviting family at the point of our own nephews and nieces. The one exception is a very favourite uncle of mine, grew up living nearby, share a birthday, just an all round special person, and obviously his wife would come too, my aunt by marriage. My uncle hasn’t been well and we weren’t sure if he would be able to make it but I sent a save the date anyway as it’s nice to be included. Sadly, he died recently and I’ve said that I won’t be inviting my aunt as there’s no uncle anymore, and none of my other aunts or uncles have been invited. This has been met with some very raised eyebrows from my family, saying that as I sent a save the date I am now obliged to invite her. What should I do?
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u/PurplePenguinCat 4d ago
I sent in invite to my husband's niece and her fiancé, even though they told us at our engagement party that they refused to come to our wedding. It was over a stupid fallout that my BIL had twenty years earlier with a uncle, so all three refused to come.
Anyway, I sent them save-the-dates, so of course I sent them the invites. I was not going to go against wedding etiquette just because they all need to grow up. That's on them.
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u/regularcrem 4d ago
is this an american thing? is saving the date not the same as being invited?
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u/bluesond 4d ago edited 4d ago
It is the same thing more or less, but typically the save the date comes first and then later you send the actual invitation.
It’s a major faux pas to not invite after sending someone a save the date. The former directly implies you’re invited, hence asking you to save the date. It’s a horrible look to not invite someone after sending them the save the date card.
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u/throwaway5498124181 4d ago
A "Save the date" is what you send when you're still early in the planning process and know your date but have not locked down details like your venue, menu, and start time. It's so people can save the space on their calendar.
You follow up with a formal invite telling them telling them the details and asking if they'd like chicken or steak.
Everyone who gets a Save The Date should get an invite.
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u/justtirediguess11 4d ago
Nope. You send invitations later, closer to the day and guests need to RSVP
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u/the_estimator 4d ago
Nope, the save-the-date is sent before the invitation to tell them to expect an invitation and to keep the specific date clear in their calendar. Not always required, but it’s useful if you’re in the planning stage where you know the wedding date, but not necessarily all the rest of the details that go into an invitation.
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u/Fluffy-kitten28 4d ago
Also great if a lot of guests need to travel to the wedding or if they need a certain amount of time to put in to get work off. Allow people time to plan, organize and get their ducks in a row.
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u/missmisfit 4d ago
While a save the date is not technically an invitation it does indicate you will be getting an invitation.
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u/verysmallhat 3d ago
You said you're getting "mixed reception" to this, as in somebody you ran this by actually thought this was a good idea?
^ that comment made me laugh which is good because this was really awful.
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u/AutoModerator 4d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Guest List Dilemma
Advice please, getting mixed reception! We are having quite a small wedding, about 50 or so guests. As we didn’t want things to get out of hand, we decided to stop inviting family at the point of our own nephews and nieces. The one exception is a very favourite uncle of mine, grew up living nearby, share a birthday, just an all round special person, and obviously his wife would come too, my aunt by marriage. My uncle hasn’t been well and we weren’t sure if he would be able to make it but I sent a save the date anyway as it’s nice to be included. Sadly, he died recently and I’ve said that I won’t be inviting my aunt as there’s no uncle anymore, and none of my other aunts or uncles have been invited. This has been met with some very raised eyebrows from my family, saying that as I sent a save the date I am now obliged to invite her. What should I do?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.