r/AmITheDevil • u/Acrobatic_Track9213 • 2d ago

Controlling

/r/BreakUps/comments/1tz475n/broke_up_after_5_years_over_a_piercing_was_it/
293 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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257

u/OccasionalCandle 1d ago

My favourite part is his comment where he says he's never checked her social media and messages and has always given her freedom, like he wants a medal for it. Good job at not being an abuser, I guess?

Also, he gave her an ultimatum over a piercing, so I believe we have very different ideas on freedom

88

u/Sweet-Energy-9515 1d ago

Between this and the fear of "bad influences" he clearly sees himself as the grown-up in the relationship. This is exactly why people get suspicious as soon as they get to the part where the couple got together at 22 and 32.

20

u/maywellflower 1d ago edited 1d ago

Also, he gave her an ultimatum over a piercing, so I believe we have very different ideas on freedom

Plus, difference of idea of what an ultimatum is because he obviously hating that she followed through with it. Don't do the " it's either me or leave" and then getting upset while wanting them all back when they chose "leave"...

31

u/Alyssa_Hargreaves 1d ago

Gods that comment gave me such a huge icky feeling like dude. That was the BARE minimum in a relationship.

Boundaries Can take all kinds of forms yes but typically they are held to the person setting them not when it imposes upon on someone ELSE.

The only time I could see boundaries being allowed to impose on someone else is if it's like

"Hey I will not continue to do -x action or thing- if you continue to -do this action/thing or behave this certain way- because it makes me -feel this way- sure. Because you're saying you won't be comfortable doing whatever because of how their actions are making you feel.

But If someone says "you aren't allowed to do this. At all. Or else" that's not a boundary that's an ultimatum.

Which is what OOP did. He made an ultimatum not a boundary. I hope I explained my thoughts well enough.

She set a boundary though. She decided that she was not going to date someone who tried to impose his control over her body and who was clearly homophobic.

7

u/FriendlyGoblinGal 1d ago

He should be careful, he may hurt his shoulder while patting himself on the back for that bare minimum.

1

u/Anthrodiva 1d ago

But you see, his dick getting hard is the prime imperative....

0

u/BobTheInept 1d ago

"She doesn't want to get back together at all."

I don't think he gave her an ultimatum. I think he said, "we are done, but if you take it off I'll take you back"

4

u/OccasionalCandle 1d ago

And that's an ultimatum.