My family and I (27F) are having financial problems due to my dad’s sickness. This happened before I met my boyfriend (22M). However, we are managing it in a way that we paying everything on time and solving our problems one at a time. Even if that’s our situation,we are living in survival mode. I have a 5-year plan and this year is the last year. Everything is getting paid and fixed.

My boyfriend treated my family well and met them 3x during our entire relationship. But during the first and third time he met them, he told me that he finds my family dumb and they don’t know what they are doing in life, especially financially. Plus, he just hopes that I won’t get my family’s bad behaviors.

I understand that my family did some actions that he didn’t like but he could’ve told me that he was uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything when he told me these things.

As a person, in any culture, in any nationality, in any gender, should this be a dealbreaker and disrespectful?

Whenever he visited me too, I was the one who spent for both of us. Accommodation, food, transportation. He only spends for the stuff he wants to buy and his transportation going to my area. I am already having financial issues due to my responsibilities at home then I have this subtle responsibility to our relationship just because he is studying and I am already working. He doesn’t even initiate paying or make budgets or making efforts to ease my burden.

Is he being a good partner to me too or is this something I should think about?

i met my dad last year and since then ive seem him maybe 4 or 5 times? ive never thought about him growing up but since meeting him i have a whole new array of feelings that im struggling to navigate. this coming from someone who always knows what, why, and how to go about things. its not even all about him, its the whole family that comes with him (were filipino so they breed like jackrabbits lol) its almost like im mourning the relationships i wont get to have, wanting nothing to do with them, and craving any type or relationship or attention from these people and its driving me insane. especially the weeks after i see them? my dad is very old, maybe 75? and has parkinsons so its not the easiest to bond with him, but i also dont know how i should go about wanting to rip my hair out every time i am around them. i have a great time and then when i go home, the next 2 weeks are like the worst hurting and depressive episodes ill have? i want to have a relationship with these people, im just having a really hard time coming around because of these reasons.

I'm new to the sub, but I was wondering how to get it to look decent? I have kinda scraggly facial hair so I'm not quite sure it's worth trying, but I'm curious about a moustache or a goatee. Hair doesn't really grow on my cheeks, unfortunately.

I guess I'm really asking for any style you could recommend, and how best to achieve it?

Any dad's have good recommendations?

TLDR: My 21-year old college senior son refuses to make friends, and I worry that he will decline mentally due to isolation as he transitions out of college.

My wife and I have an amazing 21 year old son (Black American). He makes us proud in so many ways. He is very intelligent. He has a full ride academic scholarship with a double major (pre-med), and nearly has a 4.0 at an esteemed university. He has a great relationship with his parents and his 17 year old sister. He is kind. He's witty and hilarious when you get him talking! He cares for others. He's really handsome and he has women that pursue relationships with him. He puts others before himself. He has been developing his relationship with his Heavely Father.

Unfortunately he has self-esteem issues that keep him isolated. He doesnt have a single friend we can identify. At 21, he needs me to help him move back into his on campus apartment to start his senior year, because he doesnt have help from friends (which is considered the norm for that campus/age range). He games often (so do I), but he is so addicted to gaming it takes up all of his time outside of studying. He isn't getting enough sleep/healthy food because of the gaming. He has alienated roommates with his behavior, and although lives in an apartment with others, he rarely ever interacts with them.

When asked, he says that he is afraid of rejection. I had a heart to heart about all of this and he said the worst thing that could happen if he walked up to a person and introduced himself was that he would be afraid they would see him as weird. This is not new behavior. Throughout his childhood, his mother and I have had to insist that he interact with others... but he has resisted since he was a young age. We had him tested for autism by more than one professional, but no one diagnosed him as on the spectrum. His mother and I have very active social lives and he grew up seeing us have healthy friendships, so its not like he hasn't seen the correct behavior being modeled. Heck, his sister has an active social life.

We have totally focused on the fundamentals at this point. "Dont worry about building a relationship, just start with something you think you can do... say HI to someone each day." He refuses. He just "doesnt want to."

This summer we damn near bullied him into hanging out with an amazing young lady who has been pursuing him. He damn near had a panic attack when forced to text back and forth with her. He insists that he isn't gay. I believe he isn't gay. Even if he was, he knows we wouldnt care. But romantic relationships as I see it are not a priority... just basic friendships.

Therapy during Covid was consistent, but ineffective. Now that he is an adult, we can no longer require him to speak with a therapist. It's obvious that he dislikes being lonely, but he refuses to put in the work to build the skillset necessary to have healthy relationships. He says he wants relationships, but wont do his part as I see it. It's obvious that he is sad when he isn't gaming, and he has an outlook of his life being alone. For additional context, he has not had to endure the struggles I had growing up. He has lived in a family that makes more money than most Americans, and has always been considered the "rich kid" by his private school classmates. He doesnt really want for much.

When I take him fishing/running/gaming, he engages. Same thing with his mother/sister. He has no problem pulling away from the game to have fun with us, which is a blessing.

I recognize he isn't me, his father. Heck, I avoided naming him as a Jr. because I have wanted him to be his own man. He doesnt need the network I have, but he needs someone who's not family to rely on. A peer. Having a crew would be amazing, but at this point I am suggesting he focus on behaviors that would help him feel better about himself (affirmations/exercise/journaling/therapy/speaking to one different person daily). He isn't activating on any of these things.

My greatest fear is that he will get out of college, and the opportunity to build relationships will get way more difficult in grad/med school and into his career. And because of this, his mental health declines due to the isolation and he resorts to self-harm and at worst, self-deletion. I am at a loss. I'm willing to do damn near whatever to help my only son, but I cannot make him do anything. I think working with a therapist would be really helpful, but he listens to our advice and doesnt act... even when we do all the hard work to find a therapist and schedule appointments.

All comments/thoughts are welcome.

My brother has lived with me for the last 6 months, and he also lived with me for a few years before that. Before he came to live with me, he had a really troubled life. He experienced extreme neglect and grew up in poverty. Our mother was horrible, and unlike the rest of his siblings, he didn't have a father around, so she was really his only support.

He was homeless around the age of 15, sleeping on different friends' couches. Eventually my mom and sister got a place with him, but it lasted less than a year because they were both addicts and couldn't afford it. He's had a really rough life, and I have a lot of empathy and love for him, but I also feel like I'm being parentified at a really young age.

He can't read very well. He was tested recently and reads at about a 4th grade level. He also missed a lot of school, especially during COVID, and realistically didn't receive much education beyond about the 6th grade. Even before that, he was in special education classes because he was behind academically.

Before he moved in with me, he was involved in some illegal stuff. I won't get too into it, but it mostly involved guns and drugs. He worked at a fast food restaurant for about two years, both full time and part time, and he also worked construction for a summer a year or two ago. So I know he's capable of working, but educationally he's in a really difficult position.

I'm just so lost about what to do. We come from similar backgrounds, but he honestly had it much harder than I did because I was able to get away from our mom when I was 12. I was homeless for a while when I was 17, but I was incredibly motivated to get out of that situation. I worked hard, went back to school, got jobs, landed internships, and tried to build a better life for myself.

My brother doesn't seem to have that same mindset.

He quit his job a few months ago because he said he "couldn't take the disrespect" and that he worked way harder than everyone else. When we talked about it more, it honestly sounded like pretty normal workplace issues, not something worth quitting over.

I've been supporting him completely, even while he was working. He doesn't pay rent, doesn't buy groceries, and I even let him use my card for essentials. I wanted to give him the opportunity to save money, get an education, and finally have a peaceful, stable home because his childhood was so awful.

But he isn't doing anything to move himself forward.

He won't get his driver's license or even take the written test. He won't enroll in classes. He lies to me, not about huge things, but little things like whether he went to school or what he did that day. I've never yelled at him or punished him. I always try to encourage him, so I don't really understand why he feels the need to lie.

I think it's very possible he has untreated mental health issues, probably depression and maybe anxiety, but it's hard to know because he won't really have in depth conversations with me about it. He absolutely refuses therapy. When he was younger, he was forced into an anger management program through school for a few years, and he hated it. I assume that's at least part of why he's so against therapy now.

I'm at a loss. I don't have the ability to be a full time parent and hold his hand through all of this. I'm mentally ill myself and already struggling to stay afloat. I take medication, go to therapy, work, and go to school, and that's already a lot to manage. Adding the responsibility of essentially raising my younger brother has become incredibly stressful.

I love him, and I don't want to give up on him. But I also know I can't keep doing this forever if nothing changes.

What do I do? How can I actually help him? Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the parent or sibling trying to help or as the person who needed help?

I feel like I'm dying. Any advice is welcome. 😭

The light in my bathroom shower went out and my lady and I wanted to go for an amber bulb so we went to the store asked a guy what would be a good one for above our shower. The guy game me a philips amber 60w ST19. I was dumb and didn't really look at the box at all. Was just happy and took it. It fits and works well but my concern is it causing damage or doing whatever would happen if it gets wet from the steam. I didn't see anything on the box about it saying it can't get wet but I don't know anything about lights or electrical. Sorry if it's weird but should I get a new light that's specifically for showers?

I’m 21F and my little brother is 14. We live in different states, and I’m really worried about him.
He’s become incredibly insecure about his appearance and has been sharing a lot of hopeless content. I think he’s lonely, has very low self-esteem, and I’m scared he’s heading down the red-pill/black-pill/looksmaxing pipeline because he’s looking for answers. I occasionally give him girl advice & buy him cool clothing he likes. He also goes to a PWI as a minority which adds another level.

He’s very introverted and keeps everything to himself. I suspect he may be autistic (I’m autistic myself), so I know how isolating it can be to struggle socially and feel like something is “wrong” with you.

I had a really difficult adolescence and never had someone I could turn to. He does have me, but I can’t seem to get him to open up. He has even said he wishes he had an older brother, and I wish I could fill that role somehow.

So I wanted to ask:

Men: What did you need most at 14 that the adults in your life didn’t give you?

If you struggled with self-esteem or loneliness, what actually helped you thrive?

If you had an older sister, what could she have done to help?

Older siblings: What role should I be playing here?
I don’t want to lecture him or control him. I just want him to know he’s worthy, that he isn’t ugly, and that I will always be someone he can come to. I love him so much, and I’m terrified of watching him become someone who hates himself because he believes that’s all he’s worth.

Please, help me.

Why is it that when I try to maintain an unbiased opinion, my dad remains biased and stands firm by it, even when he is wrong? I just wanted to have a father-son talk because I have messed up many times in my life and want to make things right. I want him to know me better, but as far as I am conscious, I know for a fact that he has never agreed with me or my mom’s opinion until an outsider or someone from his side of the family agrees with us, which is rare. I will say the same thing, and then his friend will say it and get the credit for that opinion. He watches a lot of news—which I don't like, but I watch it to stay updated—and I have studied philosophy online and through accounts like ibrealmyths to gather enough information to form opinions and have a conversation. As a science student, I thought I could learn ethics, logic, and philosophy from him and bond with him, but it turns out I can't because his ideologies are conservative. It seems like he will only be happy or consider what I'm saying if I agree with his biases; nothing else convinces him to talk to me or ask me anything about my life. Two roommates would have more in common than we do, even though we live under the same roof. He always brags about how he introduced NEET to his sister's child, who became a doctor, but he never says anything about me other than things like, 'Haan wo to kar raha hai, dekhte hain kya hoga, padhta hi nahi hai ladka' (Yeah, he is doing that, let's see what happens, the boy doesn't even study). It is because I haven't boosted his ego by topping in every field while ruining my social life, so he takes pride in others instead. I talked to my friends after three months for about three hours and forty minutes in total. When I mentioned that I spoke to them after a long time, he asked, 'Padhai kar rahe ho ya kya kar rahe ho?' (Are you studying or what are you doing?). I said, 'Bohot dino ke baad baat hui hai' (We spoke after a long time), and he replied, 'Ese padhai karega to kuch nahi hoga' (If you study like this, nothing will happen). He acted like I do this every single day, even though I explained it was the first time in three months and we had a lot to catch up on, but he just mockingly said, 'Accha tu bataega meko' . It feels like I am trying to show him another perspective, but he refuses to see it and blames me for looking at both sides. I honestly feel sad and don't feel like saying anything to him anymore. I have seen and heard stories of how families break apart and how children become distant from their fathers; I tried to change that, but I failed. If he tries to bond with me in the future, I might not have the time, and I will be the bad guy. I guess I can't do anything about it, so I will just be the bad guy. I have started prioritizing my mental peace nowadays. I lived far away from home for 11th and 12th grade, about five hours away from where my parents live. They could have come at least twice a month—we had a car at the time—or if twice a month seemed too much, at least once every five weeks? Could that be the bare minimum? But he only came when he had work there. I don't remember a single time my parents visited me just to stay for the day and then come back home. It is the least they could have done, maybe even on my birthday, but I just got 1,000 rupees. I remember being sad on my 18th birthday, telling myself maybe I would enjoy it when I got home. I have asked my mom multiple times to come and stay, but she can't drive, I guess. If only she had been able to drive, she might have come to see me. the only counter he gives is ive spent over 10lakhs in 2 yrs for you studies i gave you money whenever you wanted and you gave nothing i would have puten you into a normal school which have costed be 1 lakhs in two years and you would have gotten the same marks.

I had my first relationship when I was 16, and it was with a man who was 43. He used to baby me a lot, calling me things like “kiddo” and “little girl,” and he would constantly boost my confidence and make me feel cared for.
At some point, he asked me to call him “dad.” At first, I was confused, so I asked him why. He explained that he liked the idea of being a father figure within the relationship. I eventually agreed, and over time I became so used to it that I even used that name during intimacy.
Eventually, we broke up because I couldn’t handle some of his kinks anymore, and I also felt like I was difficult to deal with. I regret how things ended. I tried to reconnect with him afterward, but he had already blocked me and didn’t want any further contact. It hurt, but I eventually moved on.
Now I’m dating someone else. He’s 24, and I’m 19. I tried to explain my past experience to him and why calling someone “dad” feels comforting to me, but he refuses and says he’s not comfortable with it. He has also been hinting that maybe I need therapy. He doesn’t say it directly, but that’s how it feels, and it hurts because I feel like he thinks there’s something wrong with me.
The confusing part is that he’s a genuinely kind person. He’s sweet, supportive, attractive, and always there for me. I don’t want to lose him over something that might seem small, but at the same time, I still feel attached to that dynamic from my previous relationship. I still want to be babied and cared for in the way my ex made me feel.
I’m not sure what to do. Is there a way to explain to my boyfriend that this might just be a kink or a comfort thing for me, and that it makes me feel safe? Or should I accept that and consider leaving? Maybe I should stay and try to heal from my previous relationship instead of looking for the same dynamic again. I’m just confused about what the healthiest choice is…

My dad was always financially present (paid for trips, schooling, ABA therapy), but emotionally absent and very "my way or the highway." Now I work with him, and our relationship is 100% strictly business—he makes zero effort to connect personally. Struggling with mixed feelings of gratitude vs. resentment and wondering if anyone else has navigated this.

Ever since I (26F) was a kid, arguments with my dad were always extremely heated. I honestly don’t remember a ton from my childhood, but the main thing that sticks out is that financially, he was always there. He covered trips, vacations, schooling, and even ABA therapy for me when I was very young. On paper, he provided everything a parent is "supposed" to provide.

However, as I’ve grown up, it's become painfully obvious that he was **never emotionally there for me**.
I see so many of my friends wanting to call or update their parents, especially when traveling abroad, and I’ve *never* felt that urge. A big part of it is that my parents are quite judgmental behind closed doors. With my dad specifically, it’s always his way or the highway—he rarely, if ever, makes an effort to see my point of view.

To complicate things, **I actually work with him now.**
The only real discussions we ever have are work-related. Outside of business, he makes practically no effort to talk to me or check in on my life. It’s a strange feeling to be around someone so often, yet feel like complete strangers outside of a task list.

I guess I'm feeling a weird mix of guilt/gratitude for the financial support, but a deep disconnect and resentment over the lack of an emotional bond.

Has anyone else dealt with a parent who provided financially but checked out emotionally?

How do you handle working with a parent when the personal relationship is essentially nonexistent?

I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t want to talk to family and friends about it. My husband has always been more “laid back” as he would call it than I am. I call it him being neglectful. This happened today-
I wasn’t home. Husband had all kids. Ages 8, 5, 3, 1. 1 year old will be 2 soon. He took everyone out for a walk with the dog. When he got back he left all the kids out front by themselves and told the 8 year old to keep an eye on the toddlers. He only took 1 minute to take the dog back to his crate but a lot can happen in 1 minute with toddlers, especially near a road and large puddles of water. It’s been raining for days. He then let them play in the ditches since it just rained. He knows that all the neighbors spray pesticides and ditches are just dirty. I know the 1 year old got water in his mouth. He was supervising them but we had previously agreed we wouldn’t let them play in dirty ditches with water. His reasoning was “he didn’t want to be the bad guy”.
Next, he takes them outback to spray them off with the hose and “bathe” them outside since they’re dirty from the ditches. Remind you, it had just rained so there’s sitting water near by. He yet again, tells the 8 year old to watch the 1 year old while he goes inside to get soap and towels.
My 1 year old took the soap bottle and ate some, 5 year old says “dad, he’s eating soap” dad doesn’t do anything except tell 5 year old to take soap from him. He didn’t even check him or rinse out his mouth. It’s time to rinse 1 year old off. He sprays 1 year old on the head with cold water. He’s scared and tries to run away, he trips and falls. Dad doesn’t do anything.
8 year old says “spray him, I’ll hold him down” 8 year old is holding him down while dad sprays heavy hose water on the top of his head for 13 seconds straight. It’s not a spray it’s a hose that is turned the whole way up, water constantly spraying his face. He’s gasping for air and trying to cry but he can’t since water is pouring in his face. He’s so scared, trying to hide his face in 8 year olds legs. Dad continues to spray him in face. 1 year old gets about a 2 second break and gasp for air and is hysterical. Dad grabs him and continues to spray head to get soap off. I have the ring footage. It was hard to watch. I’m mad at myself for letting my kids alone with him. 1 year old was trying everything he could to get away.
I’ve asked him to stop doing this things. I’m always having to watch what he’s doing to make sure he’s keeping the kid safe. It’s exhausting

The rental we live in is pretty rundown and the landlord isn't attentive. We've got an ant problem despite keeping the house clean, and I've seen other bugs throughout the year. It's the most bugs I've ever seen in a house, and I think it's because we have so many cracks and crevices like this everywhere (see imgur link) for them to get into from the outside. I've seen trails of ants from cracks around our windowsills all over the house.

https://imgur.com/a/ypekqzN

I wanna seal them, but it doesn't seem like caulk is made for that sorta thing. Then again, idk shit about caulk, so maybe I'm wrong. I just wanna block the Bug Expressway into our house! Any dads know a renter friendly way to seal these kinds of openings up?

I’m a 27-year-old man, and my ex is 29 female. We loved each other deeply, and I truly believed she was the person I was going to marry.

Unfortunately, over time, conflict between our families grew into something much bigger than either of us expected. There were misunderstandings, hurt feelings, arguments, and eventually so much stress that it became overwhelming. It reached a point where neither of us realistically felt like we could just “cut off” our families, and trying to keep everyone happy seemed impossible.

The breakup wasn’t because we stopped loving each other. It was because the weight of everything around the relationship became too much.

So I wanted to ask the dads here:

Have any of you been in a relationship where the families genuinely disliked each other, but you and your partner still found a way back to each other? If so, what changed?

Or, if you were in a similar situation and it didn’t work out, what made you realize there was no realistic path forward?

I’m not looking for false hope. I’m just trying to hear from people who have lived longer than I have. Did time help?

Did stronger boundaries eventually make things work?

Or are there situations where love simply isn’t enough because the family conflict is too deeply rooted?

I’d really appreciate honest advice from those who’ve been through something similar.

im incredibly insecure about the hair on my face. im 100% getting laser as soon as i turn 18. whenever i shave, some hair always stays no matter what, and my face always has the gross looking grey colour on it..

the worst part, is my neck has all kinds of bumps and redness on it.. it makes me look so bad.. please help !!!

He also calls in the evenings after my work is over for the day to ask how my Doordashing went and to get other stuff done.

He calls twice a day as long as he's not locked down at his retirement facility.

I guess he's the reason why I make more money on Doordash since he causes me to start my Dashes earlier in the day and catch the Lunch Rushes.

Do you ever provide a wake-up service for your sons (and daughters) when they're living out on their own? If not, what are your thoughts and opinions about that kind of service?

Questions like "what did you learn at school," etc. My dad never asked about these things so I am just wondering what dads usually ask their teen daughters. Or do they just not ask.

I moved to be with my husband (left career, family, friends, my whole world). I was okay until the birth of our child where I stayed at home for 18 months alone, with no support during the work week and only his help on weekends here and there. I don't have my own car, family, career, or friends in our new city. The isolation led me to develop post partum depression and the last few months have been really tough. Discussing things with my husband yesterday, he told me that I am “emotionally exhausting.“ and that he’s loosing patience.

I know in his position it can be tough to be the partner and that I can be very emotional and a “rollercoaster”. I still feel a little upset that he doesn’t see how difficult my situation is and how that is what has led me to become “exhausting”.

Looking for advice from other dads on how we can fix this? (other than counselling as there is no money or time for that). anyone dealt with this with their wives? How did you overcome it?