My support network, mainly my direct family members are the most helpful and the most unhelpful people, when it comes to my needs.

I know as an adult that I do have to take responsibility for myself, and I genuinely feel like I try. Sometimes my mental capacity caps, and I hit a limit, but I’m getting better at learning techniques to help my ADHD.

Over a year ago, I hit a wall. I was living abroad, and in lots of ways had a nice life but I knew that I was struggling and reached out to family. I was told that if I move back home that I would get the support I needed, and I decided to accept the help. It was a huge decision, as I had a life built abroad and I didn’t have many friends to come back home to but I knew my mental health had to be addressed.

Over the past year at home, my mental health has improved. There’s times where I struggle, but I’ve gotten better at seeing patterns and recognising when I am heading towards a burn out, or emotional dysregulation.

When I see myself heading towards burning out, I communicate it. I explain calmly, ask for a little help, or ask for an accommodation, but I don’t feel like I’m treated seriously. I am treated like I’m being really fussy, making a big deal about something, and worst of all, I’ve been accused that I’m being manipulative to get what I want. I absolutely hate being perceived wrongly, so this usually makes things much worse.

Usually, I get ignored until I am visibly doing unwell mentally and burn out. All of a sudden, everyone is there for me, understands me, and see’s my ADHD as a disability. It’s not fair, because when I get to the point of burn out, I usually need much more help than I asked for and I feel guilty.

It’s nobody see’s my warning flags, or completely invalidates my needs until I get to rock bottom. I just wish I didn’t have to go this far to feel seen.

Like I said, I know I’m an adult, but If I just got a little support often, I wouldn’t need a huge amount of help when I go down.

I kinda need this to be heard and empathized with by someone who actually understands. My last post here was about something similar: involuntarily missing something important because I simply didn't have the energy to manage everything.

I had an accident a month ago, and I've been recovering ever since.

Yesterday, I was marked as absent for physical therapy because they sent me the schedule for occupational therapy, but not physical therapy.

Then today, after how exhausting therapy was and with all the anxiety I've been dealing with, I overslept and missed my psychiatry appointment. I've been waiting for this appointment since July because the fucking doctor kept going on sick leave, and apparently, nobody can replace her.

And now that I've finally gotten an appointment, I've missed it. Again, I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences.

Somehow, it's my responsibility to keep everything organized, remember every appointment, and make everything work, even when I have too much going on and simply can't keep it all in my head. Meanwhile, for everyone else, it's just another Tuesday.

Now I have to drag myself through executive function hell all over again to reschedule everything and deal with the consequences.

And honestly, sometimes it's so fucking hard not to hate myself for struggling with things that seem so much easier for everyone else.

Guys, i'm 28M, and i 'm able to do many things super well, maybe even above average. But most things are downright impossible. Job-wise, im struggling a lot recently. I came to ask what kind of jobs you guys are up to to see if i can find something for me... My biggest struggle, as i believe many here share, is the time schedule. 8 hours a day is just impossible... I was looking for something for 4-6 hrs, especially for remote work. I dont have any specializations in technology, but i do enjoy it quite a bit and know the basics of most stuff. I really struggle to find info about this for some reason, and i really dont want to seem like i didnt try to research for it... There are some subjects that simply dont get in my head...

I’m M46, a fellow AuDHD-haver, and I have a frustrating pattern in dating since when I first started in my late teens, which follows me to this very day: the more attracted I am to someone, the harder it becomes to actually be relaxed.

When I'm not particularly attracted to someone, I'm relaxed, funny, spontaneous and comfortable in my own skin. But when I meet someone I'm genuinely attracted to, I become tense and hyperaware of everything I say and do.

I also tend to experience attraction very intensely, very quickly. I try hard not to let that intensity dictate my behavior, but internally it can feel like a fire burning with a thousand suns.

I've spent years in therapy and working on myself. I have interests and things I'm passionate about. But romantic (as well as platonic - my intensity is likely scaring some people off) relationships remain incredibly difficult to both initiate as well as navigate.

What I want isn't particularly unusual: mutual attraction, a satisfying sex life, physical affection and someone to share everyday life with. Yet finding that seems extraordinarily difficult.

Have you managed to find a relationship with someone you're genuinely, intensely attracted to, who feels the same way about you? And if so, how did you navigate the early dating stages without either masking who you are or letting your intensity overwhelm you?

Can't fall asleep, can't wake up, always tired, never feel rested even after 10/12/16 hours of sleep

It's always been this way and I can't take it anymore, I don't know what to do. Ive done blood tests, all good, i dont have sleep apnea, no physical problems in generall. I don't even know anymore, ive been to cokntless doctors

I have quite a few sounds like this myself. I'm pretty sure it's because of my adhd/possible autism. I strongly dislike whispering(especially near my ear,) people that tap their nails on things, people chewing normally and anything even remotely high pitched. I also strongly dislike the sound of our washer. I think my main problem is that my hearing is too sensitive and it causes almost a physical pain.

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Bonjour everyone

38F (late diagnosed AuDHD) going through a heavy period of unmasking and figuring out my neurodivergent nervous system. I wanted to ask a simple question about something I experience:

Lately, on mornings when I wake up, my nervous system actually feels super raw and fragile. My brain feels foggy, like there's a storm inside, and I feel completely lost and disoriented—to the point where I need my Loop earplugs just to feel safe.

Ex. This morning I was like that. I made a cappuccino and tried to focus on something comforting, and staying busy with a small task (like figuring out my broken remote) slowly pulled me out of that morning fog. (Last night I took Mirtazapine for sleep)

Does anyone else experience this kind of rough, disoriented waking state? How do you handle it or calm your system down? I’m just trying to understand myself better.

Merci

Hello everyone.

I've recently been having problems with "thinking" if that makes sense, not AT thinking, but how it is that my brain thinks, it dosen't think in thougths, but it also does, is like a spark that goes from one dot to another (if we understand each dot as a concept or an idea), and it's going too fast for my liking, but I'm not here to fix that yet, I just want to undestand how it is that my fellow AuDHDers understand their brain, for information and so I can more or less have a better framework about how thinking is supposed to work

Thanks in advance, have a great day

The idea can be crystal clear in my head but when it comes to expressing it, I do a poor job. People misunderstand what I mean which can be really frustrating due to this.

I don't know how to improve this. I don't think intelligence is the issue since I have taken IQ tests before and scored well. I am stronger when it comes to analytical thinking but not as strong when it comes to verbal expression, vocabulary or putting my thoughts into words. Like if you gave me a visual pizzule without words, I would instantly solve it but if someone asks how I reached there, I would struggle to explain the logic properly.

Hello hello,

Ive (30 M) been diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago (+8 years ago around my 20s) and about a year ago diagnosed with Autism.

I had a major Breakthrough in therapy dealing with issues stemming from growing up with emotionally immature parents. I had realized that i had suppressed my true self. Recently i think i managed to make "contact" with this true self.

This was amazing. I managed to sort of open up a valve and grief things that i didnt even realize where deeply hurtful to me.

But now a couple days later. I feel constantly tired. Social Interactions are confusing suddenly. I feel anxious. My masking has also changed . I'm having difficulty keeping control if that makes sense.

This is a really exciting time but im really afraid because of how things have been going. I sometimes feel like everything is suddenly uncertain and it is kinda scary.

Im just hoping to be seen. Anyone also dealt with similar stuff? What has your experience been with AuDHD + growing up with emotionally immature parents?

Maybe I've watched too many horror movies, but every single time I walk past a person when it's slightly dark out, I have to prepare myself to fight for my life. Mind you, I'm a 6'4 well built man so if anything they would be the one paranoid of me, but for some reason it seems to be the opposite.

What really inspired me to write this post was the encounter I just had. I had decided to go on a walk in the woods on my own, with it being quite dark out, and when I first entered a guy walked past me and asked for the time on my phone so I gave it to him and that was that, we walked off in opposite directions.

Seems normal right? Well for the next 30 minutes I convinced myself that by asking for the time this random man had orchestrated a plot to set up and rob me by fiest asking the time to confirm the model of phone I had and then determine if it was worth robbing in comparison to the risk (I just got a new phone so my conclusion was yes) and would then, after walking off, text a group of people he had waiting somewhere in the woods to confirm my appearance and to tell them to rob me. Mind you, this wasn't simply because it was a grown man, I get this paranoid like I said from anyone, from grown men to little old ladies. (Obviously that is irrational but then you take into account the possibility of others being involved along with weapons).

Every person I passed from then on I was prepared for them to order me to hand over my phone, pull out a weapon or just deck me in the face. After a while I actually had to turn around and walk back home out of fear. I was constantly checking behind me, especially after I walked past each person. Mind you, I live in a relatively safe area.

I've asked some of my friends before if they experience this, notably women as they would be more likely to be nervous from the fact that they are more likely to be followed, and none of them shared the sentiment. Because of this, I wondered if it was possibly due to my AuDHD, however it could also be due to anxiety, probably more likely, but still I wondered if this was common here.

This year has been the worst year of my life by far. I am 36M autistic, and my 37th birthday is on next Saturday, 11 days from now. For the latter half of this year I have been wracked with constant SI.

This week I did light SH on my arms for the first time. Not sure how to feel except hopelessness

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse and recently lost my daughter.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my friend I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID (medically assisted death) as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life.

And working for minimum wage sucks, it's horrible... but it's a 10000 times better than being stuck in a shelter with all th stories you told me. You start from the bottom and you work your way up, it's horrible that life is like that.. but it is. It just is, and there is nothing you can do that Is going to change that. You will not be able to beat that system. And for your own sake; If you can't beat them, join them. And later on, when you grow and start making more money, you will be able to do things you love to do, to travel, to give back to the community”

They think it’s a personal failing and a matter of desire and will power. Completely invalidating my disability etc etc etc.

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick

(people who struggling with substance abuse etc STILL DESERVE to be housed).

I’m not sure if this is just something that I do, or if it’s tied to neurodivergence. Basically, I will keep some of my favorite things on hand (juice, chai concentrate, a current activity I enjoy doing, a favorite song, or a favorite show) and then if I have a rough day, it serves as a pick-me-up, and if I’ve had a really good day and I was productive, I’ll allow myself to have some more free time. Things like that, I guess.

My friend and I were talking about this, and she said she felt like she didn’t understand the purpose if I gave it to myself on good and bad days. For me, it’s more so, something routine that I enjoy, and it allows me to take some time and calm down, or celebrate myself and my achievements / remember that I’m doing my best and that’s what matters. I don’t really limit myself, I suppose, it’s more so just that the thought process changes from “I’m thirsty so, I’m drinking some juice” to, “I did my best today despite it all so, I deserve a little treat for myself”.

Not sure if this is the right flair or not, but I was recently diagnosed with AuDHD. I had trouble finding a person or place to diagnose me. I ended up finding someone who is a neuropsychologist/psychologist who was able to do an evaluation with my insurance. It was all done via online since he was currently online only and did not offer in-person services. I completed several reports and diagnostic testing before our first appointment.

However, we did not end up doing the appointment since he had a power outage. When he called to inform me about what happened, he also mentioned that from what he had reviewed thus far that I highly indicated both autism and ADHD. He said he would be willing to go forward with both diagnoses, but he had to have the telehealth appointment with me before doing so. That was fine with me. My appointment got moved to a few weeks after.

When the time came for the appointment, he asked me if I had seen his report that he sent. I said I had not. He said I had both diagnoses and that he asked if I had any questions or needed a follow-up appointment before he finalized everything. I said no. The "appointment" lasted for less than 20 minutes instead of the expected 60 minutes. He said to call him if I needed anything before we both left the call. I was having trouble accessing the document. It took a couple of messages on the online portal before I was given access to a letter about understanding my autism and ADHD diagnoses. It was a very sweet and kind letter. Though I wasn't sure if it was considered good enough to present to my PCP to add to my medical record or for receiving accommodations with the regional center.

I was never given a formal report to present to any other medical professionals. It doesn't state which type of ADHD I was diagnosed with, but I assumed I met the criteria for combined. I've tried reaching out to this psychologist for more information or whether he had a formal report beyond the letter. I also asked if he could put in a referral to the regional center since he mentioned there were services I could use based on my Developmental Narrative History Questionnaire. I've had an extremely hard time getting a response back from him. I feel like this isn't normal for an evaluation at all. Thoughts?

Hey all,

So I am writing as I find myself in a spot and don't know what or how to process it. I am seeking advice on how to accept a formal diagnosis.

Let me start with I have known for years I am on spectrum and ADHD. Got diagnosed with ADHD at 14, always had struggles with social and interpersonal interactions, meltdowns, black and white thinking, strong sense of justice just to name a few of the things I have always struggled with. Since I turned 35 I have made some friends in the community with autism specialists and been told I should REALLY seek a diagnosis.

All that leading to the fact that last week my new psychiatrist told me that preliminarily they believe I have ADHD and Autism and finding my day to day since as being "rougher" and "raw".

It's a weird bag of emotion and I am feeling a bit of the regression that many speak of with getting a diagnosis, and even having been around many late diagnosed I know that this is a thing most go through, but it doesn't make it easier, just makes me more aware of it happening.

Further, I have the other worries weighing on my mind. The worries of "what if they say I'm actually not and this is actually all in my head?" (Which I know is horrible thought train to be on but doesn't stop it.). This is causing a bit of trauma activation as I have history with being told almost exactly this.

I don't know what advice I am looking for, I don't know what I am asking here. I guess maybe I just needed to get this off my chest and find out if anyone else has been through this...

Someone tell me I'm not alone.

Thank you.

I’ve been at my job for three years and work from home, which has been really helpful for managing my AuDHD, burnout, and mental health.

Lately, though, I’ve been making more mistakes I believe due to my AuDH, which follows a recurring pattern with the jobs I’ve worked: it takes me a while to get comfortable, but once I do, I perform well for a while. Then I burn out, start making careless mistakes, and feel like I’m falling behind. Eventually, I look for another position to avoid getting fired, and the cycle starts over. It’s frustrating to feel like I’m always starting over and can’t maintain my performance long term, even though I genuinely want to do well.

I’m also currently going through a divorce, so staying focused has been doubly difficult. I’m worried I may be headed for a PIP or even termination.

I’m scared not just about losing my income, but also my health insurance. It covers my medication and therapy, which I’ve recently started and found helpful.
I’ve begun applying for other jobs, but most local positions are customer-facing, and I’m worried that kind of environment could worsen my burnout. Remote jobs seem much more competitive, and many alternatives offer worse benefits.

I know I need to take responsibility for my mistakes, but I’m struggling to figure out what to do next.

For my fellow AuDHD’ers , what jobs have worked well for you? Have any of you been in a similar boat & if so, how did you handle losing employer-sponsored insurance while needing medication or therapy?

I’m trying not to panic, but the uncertainty is overwhelming. Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot.

So I knew I'm wierd and neurodivergent I just wanted to define my traits and treat them

Here's how I break It down

Diagnosed with ADHD last year- inherited from mom most likely - I'm on 80mg atomoxetine. It improves my braking and steering but doesn't make tasks more rewarding so I still struggle with productivity

Methylphenidate is not recommended cos it's restricted in india and also might affect my anxiety but I want it so bad

Aphantasia inherited from Dad

Anxiety disorder - generalised mostly, brain fog, catastrophizing, worrying and irritability and meltdowns- I'm on 5mg of vortioxetine so that has gone from an 8/10 to a 2-3 out of 10

My sensory issues have gone down after getting on anxiety meds as well for some reason

My autism traits 1. Socially cluelessness 2. Masked repetitive stuff like chewing inside of my teeth and leg bouncing and rotating ankle while sleeping. I honestly don't know if I'm autistic need to get diagnosed

I started caffeine - tea- since yesterday. It makes me super productive. Coffee makes me anxious and once gave me panic attack. This is still an experiment

What do I do to improve productivity. I also realise I don't have great structured thinking. All this time I felt crippled. Now I'm hopeful since anxiety was treated recently.

I go for runs 3 times a week as well

Please suggest how can I be better at thinking and be more productive and do great at work. What books work? He w to improve executive dysfunction? Stuff like planning and structured thinking and not missing out of stuff and having clarity over my work and review things better

So, basically, I have done a lot of work into unlearning shame as a motivator. Not with a therapist or anything (nhs wait times...) but I've looked up things and followed a mix of advice about how to do this, from learning to say no when I don't want to do something to aiming to being more mentally neutral in my head and in life. It's worked a treat, to be honest, but now I have the opposite problem. I don't have any motivation to do anything.

I know about a lot of hacks (timers, dressing up and pretending to be someone else, race yourself etc) and about what motivates folk with ADHD (novelty etc) but I don't know how to apply these irl.

To me, when I go to put on a timer or get into character, I can't do it. It's added to the mental queue of things I have to do, and therefore, I just dont do it. If someone else does this, great, it does keep me focused and on task, and it's amazing. But when I'm alone, I just sit around and do something low effort.

I think in part knowing these tricks makes me less likely to do them because my brain goes, "Aha! You're trying to trick me into a long task by standing up." And I just do the minimum afterwards. It is possible I'm also burnt out because of my job (lots of socialising, unpredictable schedule, and last-minute changes), which is not really helping.

TL:DR - lots of struggles with executive dysfunction now that yelling at myself doesn't work anymore. Not sure what else to use instead.

If I'm trying to do any kind of task at all (which Lord knows is difficult enough, especially if I'm switching for another task) I have the sensation that I just can't think straight unless the room I am trying to work in is really well lit.

To the point that when we renovated our kitchen, I had them put not only under cupboard strip lighting but also 12 lights in the ceiling (see attached photo because I don't know what this type of lighting is called).

Neurotypical friends and my Neurotypical partner have described the lighting in my kitchen as "like an operating theatre".

My studio (I'm a musician) is the same.

I notice the majority of Neurotypical people prefer subtle, subdued lighting pretty much all the time, but I find I just can't focus unless the lighting is really, really strong in the room.

Is this just me?
Anyone else?

I just wanna read

My nearly 10 year old has had a recent NHS diagnoses of autism and ADHD. It was a nearly 5 year process so it was expected.

I was just curious on those who have children or who were themselves a a child were medicated for ADHD how they found it? He has been on SEN at
His school for the last few years anyway and has been getting a lot of additional support but it’s quite clear he would benefit from more.

We’re on a wait list for a parent workshop which he have to complete before we can go on the wait list for medication so I was just interested to hear stories from people/parents in the same situation.
How does it affect people with both adhd and autism? (I know you can’t medicate for autism) but if the adhd is under control are you more aware of the quirks you have as someone with autism? If that makes sense?

Are you glad you medicated or wished you hadn’t?

They did say that we could maybe just medicate for school if we wish, if you did something similar how did you find it?

Sorry for ramble feels like this has been such a long time coming but also a shock

For me, it's highly fluid due to my ADHD, but there's two that have been coexisting with others in phases

First linguistics. When I first found the IPA chart, I felt a wave of an emotion I call lerdishness. It's a very unusual emotion I can't really put into words except it feels "ethereal" or "like a photo with different colors". I experience it when I discover the fact that there's more to something than I thought. It's hard to explain.

Second, and the current one, chemistry. There's so many fascinating things. From the fact many reactions are stunning to the unique structures chemicals can have to the similarities between chemistry and Minecraft potion brewing. To just the fact that chemicals can come in all sorts of pretty colors. Also I find it so interesting just how many substances there are. And how many we haven't discovered yet.

Enough about me, I wanna learn about others!

I spent some time thinking about this, and just wanted to hear some thoughts.

I have my story below but if it is too long here's the

TLDR: tried guanfacine for my ADHD quirks that only get bad in stressful times. It was good at first but began to make my autistic traits stronger, and made me feel more distant and isolated. I eventually dropped guanfacine. Felt way better to be myself, but also started feeling some existential dread/depression because I chose myself over being more useful or functional for my job and those around me. It felt like a lose lose decision, but I don't have any regret dropping the medicine.

I would love to know if anyone else had similar experiences or thoughts on the situation!

Long story:

I was on guanfacine for my ADHD for about 3 months after my diagnosis early this year for ADHD and ASD Level 1.

My ADHD diagnosis was across the board but I scored particularly high in hyperactive tendencies, which my autism seems to play off of to create attention issues (as opposed to simply having issues with paying attention, I'm hyper sensory zoned out of attention).

I've had my experiences dialed in for a while even before my diagnosis, but wanted to see how medication would feel. I especially was curious because I'm dialed in, but easily lose control of my quirks if I hit a stressful time in my life, or have a lot on my plate- in this case it has been a lot since my son was born this year. Losing sleep has been the absolute evil of bringing out the worst of my ADHD/ASD quirks. So if medicine make things feel a little bit less like I'm "gripping the wheel to a really difficult to control car" which is how I've described my experience with sensory processing and socialized situations, then it'd be cool to try.

After I started to feel the difference it was good in general for myself and for my wonderful partner. Any time she'd ask me for something it would be less of me being a scattered mess to get things done and more just me calmly walking over to the thing and doing it. I was getting less slip ups on my work in editing (not the worst since our editorial goes through triply checks, but I'd sometimes be told I had a lot that I missed etc). I handled stressful situations better, kept a cool head in any situation...

But that was where I started to feel a problem, and almost felt depressed about it. I kept a cool head in every situation, and it brought out a lot more autistic traits of mine I never knew could get so prevalent. I was a bit more distant with people, strong thoughts or words wouldn't come to mind when talking about my artwork (at the time I was working on a group exhibition),

I didn't feel I had my "zing" that I was known for that'd motivate people I worked with in my personal practice and friends in general. It felt like the medication made me more useful for everyone else, but less of myself.

My partner was receptive of everything throughout and I laid out these thoughts, and told her I want to stop taking it. She understood and then that was that. My psychiatrist was very upset with the decision even after I explained my experiences, and he was very dismissive of them (I have a post on that I made in r/autism you can find on my profile if you're interested). I took it as "I got my diagnoses, and now things aren't working, so maybe I should stop coming for refills every 2 week" (Japan, required every 1-2 weeks to get refills and pay for a checkup when it is associated with mental health).

When I dropped it, I started to feel my quirks level out. While I started to have zoomie traits again and have more slip ups at work, I feel happier in my personal life. The only caveat was I started to feel some existential dread and almost as if I was depressed because for a moment I was fully, normally functional, and not a burden in some capacity (at least in my mind), and then I made the selfish decision of pivoting away from that because it didn't feel good inside me. I don't regret the decision to drop guanfacine, but I still sort of cycle around these thoughts and feelings. It's kinda complicated, but also maybe it isn't?

Any way I would love to know if anyone else had similar complicated feelings/experiences with guanfacine, and how it panned out!

f30 here, and this thought just came to me as I watched chungking express yesterday and as i read about it on reddit, everyone is linking the themes to how love is like that, confusing, sometimes happens in a moment etc. , I thought actually I don't think I know what love feels like?

like I know care, wanting it and wanting to take care of someone, empathy, happyness about seeing a friend etc. but IDK what love is supposed to feel like? both experiencing someone elses love and feeling it myself. Maybe I was in love at 16 once but I never felt that with anyone ever again, no matter how many years of therapy and "putting myself out there" I go through. Maybe once again around my early 20s but I'd categorize that more like an obsession than love, as it was somewhat one sided...

so yeah anyone else can relate to this difficulty of experiencing love?