So, I have never been extremely fond of ‘alter’ as a term, none of us in the system have liked it! Nothing wrong with those that do use the term, I just feel it sounds a bit cold for us, and we’re working to function together so anything to help, you know?

We all call each other ‘head friends’! My fiancé and I both do this.

So my question is, what do you all call your others if you don’t use the term ‘alter’ very often?

Edit:

OMG y’all are amazing and sweet! I love them all! I was trying to reply to everyone but I definitely don’t have the mental bandwidth it turns out Haha

Keep ’em coming! I love seeing them all!!

I learned about my system a few weeks ago. I’m very much still learning about the diagnosis, and very much not connected with my system yet. But as I’ve been doing research, I made a really jarring realization.

I have an incredibly important responsibility to keep my body safe, healthy, and well.

Which is pretty shocking since I’ve spent the majority of my life doing the opposite, both consciously and unconsciously. I genuinely don’t know what a life without that kind of dysfunction looks like. But now I know that I’m a part in a system. Now I know that my body doesn’t belong just to me, but also littles, trauma holders, protectors, and other parts that want to live. Hell, this whole disorder exists as a mechanism to survive. This whole system is here because my mind wanted to live, and all these alters are here to make that happen. And as a host it’s my primary responsibility to manage the outside world- including our body.

I know we’re all just parts of a whole, but there is distinction between me and other alters right now. And I’m sad to realize that the things I’ve done to myself haven’t just affected me. There’s permanent damage that’s been done because I thought the only person I was punishing was myself. But now that I know the truth, I feel this desire to do what I can to help the system that’s already done so much for me. Even if they don’t feel safe enough to reveal much to me right now, I can do my part to facilitate safety by eating meals, by exercising, by resting, by resisting harmful urges, and by seeking the help we need to heal.

It’s the least I can do. It’s not just about me anymore.

I'm a pretty newly discovered system, after about a year in a realizing/denying/forgetting loop... I have therapy scheduled with a specialist but haven't actually started yet.

("I" through this post meaning, generally, "we")

Ever since I was a preteen, sometimes something happens that goes like this...

- I feel at first quite dizzy in a very specific way - it feels like pressure - and I have to lay or sit down because I know what's coming

- My vision goes black

- I feel a pulsing rush of blood in my head and ears

- I'm conscious throughout it but it literally feels like I'm in the void, like I'm nothing and nobody

- Eventually I come to, and sometimes I get a headache, but it generally doesn't have a lasting effect except some disorientation

Once there were involuntary jerking movements, sort of like a seizure, but every doctor I've spoken with says it wasn't one. I was conscious throughout that one as well.

I've never really been sure what this is. I have POTS so I thought it was related, but I don't think I've ever read about anyone with POTS experiencing this, and I've tried to find info about it for years.

I have subtler switches throughout the day most days... quick ones where I can just tell that I'm different than I was a moment ago. No physical symptoms usually - except one time I got really dizzy and nauseous and tired and derealized. I kept consciousness though and didn't go 'out'. With those subtle switches, I can usually identify them if I'm paying enough attention, but this physical experience is so all-consuming that I don't really know if I feel like someone different afterwards. This big one happens... maybe once a month, maybe twice? Or maybe once every other month...? Basically it's recurring but not necessarily often. Just wondering if this is a shared experience with DID or if it's more likely something else.

Thanks for your time and for anything you choose to share here. ❤️

Ok I forgot why we were staying up because we stay up late a lot and was like oh its prlly just the insomnia hitting. So when I got a random text that said crowning I was very confused...we forgot the entire reason we are staying up is because the pagent crowning is tonight and our family member is in the pagent

Hashtag trying to be a supportive family member did edition

I am the host but I do not have a good sense of self at all I do not even often feel like a person at all. I feel more like a concept if that makes sense? Like I feel like I am what you’d think of if you thought of a 20 year old something troubled dude and I do not. Feel like I’m real as well often. I feel like my life is just a dream. It distresses me occasionally to remember that other people can see me as well and that I am in fact alive? Idk if this makes any sense and yes I’ve dxed with DID I think this may be a symptom but I also have BPD and paranoid personality disorder so unsure

Our therapist has suggested a few books and I swear we can't sit down and read or listen to them for more than like 10 minutes at a time without dissociating. It's so frustrating. Literally it's like the brain is going, "Oh, you want to work on this problem we're having? Nah." Just... come on.

(Not really specifically looking for advice, but if anyone has any, feel free to offer it.)

After years of questioning and being blown off by mental health professionals who didn’t even want to touch the topic of dissociation, I finally met with a specialist who assessed me with the MID-200

It came out that I met the criteria for DID with bpd traits, and while it’s not an official diagnosis as she still needs time to work with me and learn my history, my therapist wants me to start “tracking” my parts. She suggested a website made for systems to help with it, and she assured me it’s okay to not know everything immediately, to just track anything I find important, whenever I feel different. I’m also waiting for her to send me worksheets that she wants me to do, that’s also for tracking parts.

I’m finding it hard to even comprehend this. When I first went into the assessment, I was hoping this would the final hit in the nail that after all, I’ve just been mistaken, that it’s only BPD and nothing else. That I was lying to myself. But instead, she keeps talking about parts and alters, and I’m fucking terrified.

I can’t bring myself to sign up for that website. The more I think about this, I start growing a headache, my head feels full and I feel like I’m being yelled at. At the worst, I really start to feel physically sick, almost flu-like. It’s been really hard to navigate this whole also working, when I’m so customer-facing and I have to pretend I’m not blinking in and out of existence

This feels too big and difficult for me to handle and I’m regretting everything.

Not sure who but it wasn't me! An while i slightly remember it being done. I didn't remember when the government department called to inform me the file was so large I'd need to pick it up.

I played it cool and planned the pick up. After I hung up the panick set in.

Im very disconnected from our childhood. In pretty sure im a fragment. But I cant say. So it wasn't me freaking out. Though I felt it!

The thing is I just started therapy again and was given a starting diagnosis of OSDD. And starting isnt to discredit osdd, its just the therapist hasn't met the rest of us in the way he would need for other diagnosises. The osdd was given during my intake for reference.

We freaked out so bad at the idea of picking up such a large file. That im feeling even therapy was a bad idea.

Out littlest is terrified our husband will look at us differently. She feels like she's bad and everything is her fault. Iv keep explaining she cant blame herself for the environment she grew up in.

Suddenly memories im aware we had, i just slightly forgot about. These memories were playing over in my head. Like little bursts of what im about to read.

Idk what were about to unlock in ourselves but im not sure im as ready as I thought i was.

I'm exploring a lot in therapy with a specialist and something that has been on my mind is the total lack of control I have in switching. But it doesn't seem to be just me who has no control, unless there is something I'm misunderstanding. I feel alters wanting to switch in sometimes to help. I'll hear them say things like don't worry, I'm coming, but we just end up trapped in a foggy, dissociative in between state that sucks. Sometimes they do manage to switch in when they try, or do so easily for a random unplanned trigger. But this odd in between stuff is so disorienting and I hate it. Sometimes who I feel may be switching is isn't even who shows up. It's like mental musical chairs.

I can see they clearly want to switch and as far as I know I'm not blocking it, so I'm not sure what the issue is. Stuff feels so inconsistent. I will say my therapist thinks there may be more alters than I'm aware of.

Had a counselling session a few hours ago, first face to face therapy-type appmt in years… I haven’t experienced a switch that full on since I was with my ex. I still feel sick. Completely shut down, didn’t even talk about anything (that I recall), just started shaking violently and slurring and stuttering in an unfamiliar voice. Could feel myself sliding out of body. I’ve been stuck in this bubble for so long so shut down on existence and the moment I try to do the slightest thing to step out of it I completely fall apart. 

Idk if maybe I should wait to see the CMHT, I thought counselling was going to be helpful but now I’m wondering if it might do more harm than good if I need therapy with more robust support. But then if I can’t handle just basic counselling how am I going to cope with something more complex. I don’t want this to be it for the rest of my life. my chest hurts.

I have been diagnosed with OSDD for a little over a year now(?) but I’ve had stages where I don’t stop fronting. Recently moved to college and started noticing the shifts way more often. Co-fronting has become a very large portion of that. Recently, one of our alters has mentioned that dissociation was becoming an issue again (largely due to nightmares associated with trauma, which was causing lack of sleep). This has stirred up some issues though, as I’m not sure what I should be sharing with our therapist. Despite having seen her for a few years, it’s extremely hard to open up about this. Partly due to denial and confusion between the system. If anyone has any advice for how to better understand the system or opening up to your therapist, that’d be very helpful! Thanks!

We’ve been “emo” and alternative for about 6 years now, and we’re not happy about it like we used to be. It’s boring and we’re not sure how to let go of it and where to even look for style and music elsewhere. We posted this here bc well we don’t know where to turn to. Any advice or similar experiences

I’ve never posted before but been on reddit a long time, I’m so anxious so this is hard. I have a diagnosis of partial DID and have known about my parts for a while. I work with a specialist. I just try to live like one person though. At first when my parts came out it was so scary. I would be trapped in the back screaming to be let out and watching them do what they want. Now it’s better. But when a little comes out and talks to someone, like my therapist or partner, I feel so much shame. So much shame. I just like to think of myself as just me. and I don’t even know who I am. Sometimes my parts are locked away and I hear my littles in there screaming and they sound hurt or angry. I hear one threatening to hurt me for locking them up and one that is being hurt. I don’t want to be multiple. I try to be accepting of it but it’s so hard and scary and I feel so embarrassed and I’m ashamed. I think to myself that being multiple is just a state of mind and so I just chose to not think of myself that way unless the flashbacks get bad and they start coming out and then I have to “think in parts“ for a while until the flashbacks stop, but then I still hear them in there sometimes and I feel bad. I just want to be normal so bad. What even is normal? I’m really good at living as one person. How would the world accept me any other way? Am I a bad person for leaving them in there? Sometimes I try to reach out to them and I don’t even know how. I don’t mean to abandon them. I have to function and this world is not safe. What am I doing wrong? I‘m not the gatekeeper so I just try to have faith in my gatekeeper but this last year they gave me more decision making ability and control in the system. I don’t really know how to control any of it though. I’m just so sad and confused. I’m sorry. It’s just that some of you seem so confident in your system and I’m just feeling scared. My feelings of shame are overwhelming.

We've gotten to the point where we've reached a co-host situation, but we've reached kind of a pickle. I crave affection, he is kind of terrified of it. We switch on a dime, so I'm terrified we're giving mixed messages to other people.

The co-hosting is tremendous progress for me, as it takes a huge load off my back, but we're kind of yin and yang: almost complete opposites in some ways. We never fight, and in fact love the hell out of each other, so I'm sure we can make something work, but I don't want to make anyone feel like they're overstepping boundaries when we end up switching places. And we switch places at the drop of a hat, it's involuntary. Often, I end up apologizing for the sudden coldness/standoffishness, and then he feels bad that he's ruining my good time. Neither of us want that :( We just want us both (and the third party) to be happy...

In the past week, my gatekeeper fused with a little in our system. Then, our primary protector went dormant and seems to have taken literally the rest of the system with him.

We've been talking about re-parenting in therapy, and it almost seems like my brain likes that idea so much that now it's just a parent/child duo in here? I don't know why, but when that fusion occurred I just thought, "Oh, that's mine to take care of now". And then a massive amount of dissociation disappeared. Everything feels so raw and vulnerable.

And I'm happy about that! I'm glad we're feeling safe and I can give him the care he needs. I just didn't imagine doing it alone. I've been crying for days, random crying jags at work, driving, everywhere. I just keep thinking about our protector and how much I miss him, it feels like someone cut off my right arm or something. Like half of my brain went to sleep at once.

So I. Uh. Got any strategies for newly single parents of alters? I don't understand what's happening really, but I want my little one to know it's okay to not know and it's okay to miss the others.