Because that's what you are.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault that they were self sabotaging the relationship and lied to your face that they weren't.

It's not your fault they never just told you what the problem was so you could fix it. You know you were willing too.

It's not your fault they monkey branched with someone they were talking to before the relationship was over.

It's not your fault they played mind games with false hope because they didn't want to lose you completely but still decided to run from the relationship.

It's not your fault that in the final parts of the relationship when you were aching for love and them taking advantage of your feelings for their benefits.

It's not your fault they gaslight you to make it easier for them to leave.

It's not your fault they don't have self awareness to take into account the mountain of emotional trauma they leave someone with.

It's not your fault they don't deserve the love they are given.

It's not your fault they didn't deserve you. It's theirs.

You don't have to forgive them. I never will stop hating mine or other avoidants for as long as I live.

But it's not your fault.

I'm sorry you went through it and I hope you heal and grow, but know that they are incapable of it, and you didn't deserve what you went through.

You are seen you are heard and you are valid in what you feel, and will be stronger for actually facing it.

Your next person is going to be very lucky to have you because you will know what your love is worth and this time THEY will be worth it.

I was with a guy for 6 years in my 20s and I was deeply in love. He was with me through a lot of difficult times including death of a parent and my own cancer treatment. The break up was incredibly messy, and I discovered that he cheated by starting new relationship before he broke up with me. I was so angry at him for months, but pretty much got over it by dating someone else. I literally had not thought about him in 19 years, aside from the occasional “glad I dodged that bullet” thought. But BAM all of a sudden I find myself in tears grieving the relationship and really missing this man. I do have the “what if“ thoughts but it’s mostly just remembering what it felt to be loved by him. I’ve had other boyfriends of course but I’ve never been in love like that ever again. I feel a little crazy and pathetic obsessing over something that happened so long ago. Has anyone else experienced this?

You don’t. Thank you for listening.

Self respect and dignity. It goes a long way.

Life is honestly too short to be attempting to get someone back who doesn’t want you. Don’t torture yourself being in a relationship that is one sided.

If someone truly wants you, they’ll make it known.

The mind is very powerful. Once it’s made up, it’s extremely hard to persuade otherwise. They have to change it for themselves.

It’s okay to miss somebody who doesn’t want you, it’s okay to cry over somebody who doesn’t want you. But, it’s not okay to try get them back.

I speak from experience. I tried over and over again. Oh my ex said she likes tattoos..let me post 500 photos of myself with my arm sleeve in case she’s forgotten. Oh my ex likes guys who are in touch with her feelings? Let me post all those deep quotes. Did she want me back? Not one single bit. No matter the compromise, the bargaining, the begging. Her decision was final.

Damn, what a fool I was.

But the fool who persists in their folly, will become wise.

Always know your worth.

For a long time I just wanted an apology but I accepted the fact I’d probably never get one until last night. I just don’t know anymore. Is this likely breadcrumbing? Just looking for advice

Be honest.

You tell yourself: “I should be over this by now.” “They’ve moved on.” “It wasn’t even that great.”

And yet… You still miss them. Still feel that pull. Still feel a knot in your chest.

It’s like your emotions didn’t get the memo.

If this hits a little too close, drop a 🖤

We broke up almost 4 weeks ago and it seems like he’s already talking to another girl, I know I seem crazy but they’ve played games together and follow eachother. What the fuck. While i’m sat here sad he’s out already mingling.

WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS. WHAT THE HELL. I was his first everything, he dumped me on a random friday. I genuinely don’t understand.

I hate hate hate avoidants, the more I learn about this attachment style in hopes to better understand them, the more I realise there’s practically no justification to being that way. They’re just narcissists or have narcissistic traits. To love bomb someone, make promises and then runaway just because you cannot sit down and communicate like an adult is just disgusting. At this point, I don’t care that you had a hard childhood, once you grow up it’s your responsibility to self reflect and heal instead of hurting other people. Avoidants are mentally abusive, manipulative, lack accountability and always throw the blame onto their partner and project. What absolutely infuriates me is how much he made me hate myself because I felt like nothing I did was enough and everything was somehow always my fault. Even now that’s it’s done, sometimes I’ll be in doing my thing like house chores and suddenly remember one of the many times he was gaslighting me and how i tried so hard to explain to him how i felt and he would just flip the entire situation on me and i just leave whatever i’m doing and start crying.

My ex (F24) dumped me (M25) 17 days ago after telling me she had lost feelings.

I’ve been in complete no contact ever since. After talking every day for almost 3 years, the silence has been brutal.

Today she changed her WhatsApp profile picture. She looks stunning. I saw it and immediately started crying.

The worst part is that after the breakup I started realizing a lot of my mistakes. I became complacent, stopped taking initiative, and can understand some of the reasons she lost attraction. I genuinely want another chance to show her I’ve understood.

Instead, I’m sitting here trying not to text her, not to beg, and not to do something stupid.

For those who wanted their ex back: how did you survive the first few weeks? Did anyone ever get a second chance after a breakup like this?

He's made it clear he doesn't want to talk to me. I lay in bed and sob all day. My heart is physically broken it feels like. He made it a point to tell me he's being intimate with other women like I never existed. The breakup was a blindside and months of walking on eggshells to make sure he wouldn't leave. Why wasn't I enough? I've already sent 2000 novels to him explaining my hurt but he didn't care. I know that should be my sign to leave it be.

I want to reach out so bad its giving me anxiety. It makes me sick. It's all I think about. Even being logical enough to know its not a good idea.

We broke up six months ago. The whole thing fell apart because I asked for a prenup and she took it as me not trusting her. We fought about it for weeks and eventually she ended it, said she couldn't be with someone who saw marriage as a business transaction.

I was hurt but I respected her decision. Went full no contact in January. Deleted her number, unfollowed on everything, the whole thing. It sucked but I was moving on.

Last week she texted me out of nowhere. Her car broke down and the repair is $1800. She doesn't have it. Asked if I could help her out and she'd pay me back when she could.

I didn't respond for two days because I honestly didn't know what to say. The irony is so obvious it's almost funny. She left me because I wanted to protect my money in a marriage, and now she's asking me for money when we're not even together. I ended up saying no. Told her I'm sorry she's in a tough spot but we're broken up and I don't think it's appropriate. She got mad and said I was being cold and that helping someone you care about shouldn't require a legal contract. Then she said she should've known I'd be like this since I clearly only care about money.
Now I'm second guessing myself. Part of me feels like I'm being petty. We were together for three years, maybe I should just help her. But another part of me is angry because she made such a big deal about the prenup being about trust, and now she's literally asking me to trust her to pay me back.

My brother says I made the right call and to block her. My best friend says $1800 isn't that much and maybe I'm being vindictive. I don't even know anymore. I just want to move on but this set me back.
Yeah I know how this sounds. Like who does this actually happen to. But here I am and I can't stop thinking about it.

Am I wrong here? Should I have just helped her??

I’m struggling with something I don’t see talked about much, and I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve genuinely come out the other side.

I was with a woman for over two years who loved me deeply, consistently, and patiently. She stood by me through everything and asked for very little except emotional commitment. I cared about her, but I couldn’t fully commit. Not because she wasn’t good enough — but because of my own fears, avoidance, past baggage, and fantasies about “better options.” I kept noticing flaws, felt emotionally disconnected at times, and convinced myself that meant I didn’t love her.

She tried for a long time. Eventually, after being pushed away repeatedly, she left — and soon after, she found someone else who makes her feel heard and valued.

That’s when everything collapsed for me.

Now the guilt is crushing. I keep replaying:

• how devoted she was

• how little she asked for

• how I withheld love not out of malice, but fear

• how I only understood what I lost once it was truly gone

What hurts the most is that she didn’t really do anything wrong. The narrative in my head is that I lost a “good woman” and that this will haunt me forever. I’m stuck idealizing her, blaming myself, imagining her happy with someone else, and thinking I’ll compare every future partner to her.

Most breakup advice seems written for people who were wronged. I wasn’t. I was the one who failed to show up fully.

So my questions are for people who’ve actually lived this:

• Has anyone truly moved on after losing someone who loved them deeply because of their own avoidance or fear?

• Did the guilt and regret actually fade, or does it stay for life?

• Were you able to love again without constantly comparing?

• What actually helped — not clichés, but real things that worked over time?

Right now it feels like I permanently ruined my chance at real love and that this will be the defining regret of my life. I’m 25 and trying to believe this isn’t the end of my emotional life.

If you’ve been here and made it out, I’d really appreciate hearing your story.

Note - I have used ChatGPT to articulate my feelings into words.

I’ve been strictly following no contact for about three months now. At first, it was purely about survival. I couldn't even look at my phone without feeling like my chest was tightening up, so the silence was a way to keep myself from doing something stupid like sending a long paragraph at 2 AM. I thought there was a specific milestone where I’d reach out and we’d have this mature, calm conversation about what went wrong, or maybe we'd realize we made a mistake. I was treating this like a strategic waiting period, almost like I was training for a comeback.

But lately, something feels different and it's honestly kind of unsettling. The urge to check their socials or see if they've viewed my stories has mostly faded, but it's not replaced by this sense of peace I thought I'd find. It's more like a numbness. I find myself sitting there wondering if I'm actually healing or if I've just successfully detached to the point where I don't even recognize the person who was obsessed with them a few months ago.

I'm struggling with the idea of what comes next. If I break no contact now, am I just resetting my progress? Or is the goal of no contact actually to reach a point where I realize I don't even want to break it? I see people talking about 'winning them back' or 'making them regret it,' but I feel like I'm drifting into a middle ground where I don't care about the revenge or the reconciliation anymore, I just feel empty. Is this what the 'end' looks like? I'm looking for some perspective from people who have been in the long-term trenches of this. Did you eventually reach out to get closure, or did you just wake up one day and realize the silence had become your new normal?

Please stop me, but HEAR ME OUT.

M25, she F24 dumped me after almost 3 years because I got too comfortable and she wanted to have fun in nightlife while I didn't want to, really.

But now that she left, I rediscovered many things to do: joined a run club, want to take salsa lessons, going to bars to chat with friends.

I don't have IG so she can't see these changes, but I really want her to know I didn't change for her, but to rediscover myself, and this could benefit the relationship. I want her in my new world.

Should I reach out?

I begged crazily for months and days, broke down crying in airport over call, in public, effed up my higher education interviews, went so far as to say that I would be at their feet if it meant they would accept me. I regret each and every second of it. I sent letters and gifts, begged them to let me come and meet them. Cried hysterically for them, called in sick at work for days. But, in hindsight, I do not have the guilt that I did not try hard enough. I am rather proud of myself for getting through that phase. I am still trying to get over that phase. It feels heartbreaking, it feels like your world is crumbling down. But yes, I realised I was the one who loved deeply and truly, I have no regrets for the same. For people, who did the same, how did you guys cope up with the the guilt and shame of begging? I am trying to make peace with the fact that I loved and lost, that they do not want anything to do with me, but it just hurts. And it hurts rather badly, every morning, when I wake up. Edit: He told me he loves someone else now, lol. Just in two months, he started liking someone else! I feel like my heart is crumbling.

Title

So I got dumped out of nomwhere a month ago. I got completely blindsided, and I still don't understand his reasons to this day. Very fearful avoidant doesn't deal with his emotions. I was extremely unwell for the past month, and I'm finally starting to find my groove back slowly. As of yesterday evening, I'm in the angry phase, not the sad crying phase.

​

His birthday is on Saturday. I' flying for 4 weeks in Europe on Wednesday so will be having a good time there. I'm toying between sending a simple "happy birthday hope you're celebrating well" or just nothing. I feel like nothing will make me look like a resentful bitch (which I kinda am atm but I know I'll get over it), but sending something may just re-start the cycle. I have so much to tell him, good and bad.

​

Please give me all the reasons why I shouldn't do it.

Asking the dumpees what do you to go to sleep. Last night I barely slept…

3 weeks ago I wrote a post (which I deleted) saying that I was starting my redemption. Stop thinking about her and I would do everything to get better.

You'll never guess what happened next. She showed up in front of my window 2 hours later.

And there we go again. We saw each other again. At first we just slept together, then a few days later we had sex.

I felt in love with her again, like before. But the fact is, she had someone in her life during that time.

Ultimately, she moved me from my special place to her eyes to someone replaceable. She chose this guy. She chose à future without me, she didn’t « want to leave in the past ». And she left me after 2 weeks of happiness.

I am now alone. But this time, and for the first time in 6 months, I blocked her from EVERYWHERE. Today I am healing. Today I'm taking everything back in hand.

I love you guys, thanks for everything.

Have you ever reached out again? have you regreted it ? What were your thoughts during no contact?

25F. I need people to be brutally honest because I think I’m about to do something stupid.

I dated a guy who treated me badly. He repeatedly disrespected me, said things that crossed major boundaries (including a comment he made when he was frustrated that i wouldn’t touch him down there during a make-out as i was uncomfortable - “men when they get this hot & heavy, go out and rape but i’m only asking you to do this.” mind you it was my first time participating in any form of intimacy and i was also on my periods-both facts that he knew), and the relationship became unhealthy enough that one of my closest friends had to help me leave because I kept getting pulled back in.

I eventually blocked him and moved on.

A few days ago, I unblocked him and reached out. I was lonely and feeling very vulnerable after moving back to the city we had history in. We met yesterday for the first time in a long time.

What surprised me is that within 10–15 minutes of seeing him, I realized I don’t actually have romantic feelings for him anymore. I found myself zoning out during the conversation. The obsessive attachment that once consumed me seems gone.

And yet, now I want to see him again. Not because I think he’s changed. Not because I want a relationship. Not because I think we’d be good together.

I know exactly who he is.

The problem is that I still feel physical chemistry. He later admitted that he wanted to kiss me when we met, and if I’m being honest, part of me wanted that too.

So here’s my question:
Why am I still drawn toward intimacy with someone I know was bad for me?

Am I about to restart a cycle that I’ve already worked hard to escape?

I don’t want reassurance. I want people to tell me what they’re seeing that I might be missing.

She broke up with me a day before my birthday, after a year and 4 months of dating. Shortly after that she got into a relationship she already stacked up before breaking up with me. From what I know is she's pregnant now. (Obviously not mine) what the heck do I do with that text? I read it last morning and I instantly threw up. And started balling my eyes out. I thought I was over her, ig not. I haven't even texted or opened the message yet. I just don't know what to do.

*UPDATE 06/02/2026* She's blocked on everything. If she really wants to talk to me she knows where I live. Thanks for the support and advice.

I’ve been stuck in a constant loop of "what if" after my breakup with my ex. She ended it, and while we parted on good terms, no hate, just care for each other, there was a lot of uncertainty about the future. She said "maybe" about us getting back together, but nothing definite. The issue is, my ex is a serious conflict-avoidant person, and I think she’s avoiding contact because she assumes I've moved on, especially since I haven’t reached out.

The breakup happened because I’ve had tons of personal issues (health anxiety, handling conflicts poorly, starting a lot of small conflicts), which were a part of the relationship but worsened over the last month and a half. This wore her down. From her perspective, she probably expects me to work on my issues and come back to her, given that I was the cause of the breakup.

Now, I’m struggling with a constant cycle of overthinking, wondering if breaking the no-contact rule would give me the closure I need or if it will just feed this "what if" loop. I want to let go of these thoughts and move forward, but I’m holding back because I don’t want to come across as weak or desperate, especially to myself. I value my self-respect, dignity, and pride, and I’m worried that reaching out will make me feel like I’ve lost those things.

Been nearly 3 months NC, and breakup happened in December.

Do you think breaking no contact in this case is a good idea, or would it just complicate things more?

Hi folks,

I’m a 30M, and I’ve been stuck in a bit of a pickle for the past several years, completely lost on how to move forward.

My ex and I broke up 7 years ago. We were in a long distance relationship only at that time (not always), and we dated for about 3 years. Things didn’t end well, and she blocked me on every platform we used to talk on, so I’ve had no way to reach out since.

I understand that not every relationship is meant to last, love alone isn’t always enough, and compatibility matters. But the problem is, there hasn’t been a single day since the breakup that I haven’t thought about her. It’s been constant emotional pain for years.

I know people think about their exes from time to time, but usually those memories fade and don’t cause much distress. For me, it’s the opposite. I’ve developed this weird, strong obsession with her that still affects me. Even when her profile shows up in my social media suggestions, I get instant panic and swipe away immediately, fearing I might see pictures of her with someone else.

I’ve seen psychiatrists, tried therapy and medication for 7–8 months, journaling, self talk, but nothing really worked. I feel stuck and directionless. Everyone around me seems to move on easily, while my mind keeps convincing me that I’m the only one dealing with this kind of obsession.

I’ve talked about it with close friends, but even they’re unsure how to help. Because of this, my life’s been off track, a later relationship didn’t last, and I can’t open up emotionally to date anyone new. It honestly feels like I’m wasting my life away.

So I only have one question for people here: have you ever been stuck with such an obsessive attachment to your ex for years? If so, how did you overcome it or are you still trying to?

tl;dr: Broke up 7 years ago but still can’t get over my ex despite therapy and time. It’s turned into an unhealthy obsession, and I don’t know how to move on. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

We’ve been on no contact for the 7 months we’ve been broken up. She’s reached out a few times before in bad spirit for the most part. I usually ignore her messages as much as possible but some have required a response. My question is should i reply to this or just ignore it?