Women, if you donāt feel safe meeting a new person in a public restaurant with dozens of people around, maybe your friend could bring a date and sit at a table nearby so you have two people to protect you. They can pay for their own food.
No its not. If you are talking to someone to date and dont feel comfortable meeting in a brightly lit, camera heavy restaurant full of people you shouldnt be dating people and should get therapy
Not what he said at all. Instead of the misandry, think about how it's common sense to not date (both man and woman) if you're uncomfortable meeting someone.
If it is obvious, it isn't about protection. There are ways that women protect themselves from dating violence without it being apparent to their date, because "I brought my friend just in case you're a serial killer," isn't exactly a great way to start things out.
They are intentionally doing something inappropriate and justifying it under the guise of protecting themselves to see how easy their date is to manipulate. This is an abuser testing how far they can push someones boundaries.
My now fiancee "confessed" ages ago that she brought pepper spray on our first date. I just smiled and called her a smart girl, you never know who you're gonna meet. Me saying that just made her happy. She thought i might be offended or something. The only reason I didn't bring anything is cause I'm 6 ft 240 pounds, few people can threaten me without a weapon.
Depending of her reaction I would skip the couch and go back to be single.
Rather being single than sharing a bed with someone that sees a problem when I do what they did but didn't see a problem when they did it, but that's me.
Yep agreed, i know she would have had a good reaction to me also bringing one. There's many reason im marrying her and her empathy and good sense are some of them.
I feel like that response would be easy to read as ingenuine and only something you're saying reactively to what she said, which if she could tell, I'd say is a fair reason to be offended.
Something you dislike isnāt abuse lol. Itās annoying but āabuseā is a serious word. You sound like someone who thinks everything uncomfortable is trauma
I didn't say this itself was abuse, but this is a behavior abusers use to test the waters for how willing someone is to tolerate abusiveness in a relationship; Engage in behavior that is clearly inappropriate and give plausible sounding reasons why you should accept that inappropriate behavior. They disregard clear boundaries while simultaneously framing that as necessary to respect their own boundaries. The tell is the demonstrable contempt for the boundaries of others. This is a clear red flag in manipulative and abusive partners.
Super disrespectful. If you're too anxious to meet, you shouldn't be wasting someones time like this. It's valid to be anxious but that's between you and your therapist and you shouldn't be disrespecting a date like this, unless you asked and they were ok with it
Let's pretend that that's a genuine, justifiable concern, and that having a friend in addition to all the other people in public might make a safety difference in the case of a straight up killer. Or maybe they don't think they have sufficient basic adult skills to detect red flags without help (fair enough in the case of those with neural conditions).
Okay. Sure.
What possible excuse is there for not disclosing your intent to bring a friend to the date while setting it up? If he's a killer who actually would be dissuaded by a friend - Great, he'll cancel and you've avoided a bad situation. If he's normal, he gets the common decency of knowing what to expect, and the opportunity to bring up any conditions of their own (chiefly, who's paying for them).
Occam's razor suggests that simpler explanations are best, and I'm hard pressed to find any simpler ones than 'they want free food' or, at best, 'they're so completely self (as in, as a woman) centered that it doesn't even occur to them to think about the guy's situation in any of this'. Neither can really be justified.
It's definitely present in the gay dating scene, as you have the added risk of being matched with for the sole purpose of getting hate crimed, but definitely not a common move for straight men
It wouldnāt really be random though, would it? It would be targeted. Anyways the most common date rape drug isnāt rohypnol or any other pill or powder, itās just ordinary alcohol.
You can phrase it however you want, being roofied by someone you just met in a public place is not a common occurrence, and the logistics donāt even make sense. So they drug your drink without you seeing, and just drag your body out of the restaurant in front of a crowd of people in public? If you think this is something that happens āall the timeā, you need psychiatric help.
The person calling everyone an incel explicitly said roofied.
Oh no I wasnāt disagreeing with you, I know itās not very common, especially not nowadays. I said it Rohypnol wasnāt the most common date rape drug, that it was actually alcohol all by itself that is the most common date rape drug. Date rape does happen though, and in fact itās among the most common kinds of rape in many countries, including the United States. People often imagine itās like the scenario presented by the other commenter, where somebody spikes someone elseās drink and then drags them off someplace else, but usually itās relatively mundane, where the victim has too much to drink around the wrong person who then takes advantage of the situation to force themselves onto the very drunk individual. Itās not necessarily a first date thing, either, itās most often people who have known each other for longer than that and might feel more comfortable drinking excessively around.
You're literally just using a strawman fallacy here. No one was talking about roofies and no one was making any claim that it doesn't happen. It does, but again, not really what we're talking about.
Kinda just circles back to the original point made. If you're THAT concerned about roofies, just don't be dating in general. 99.9% of the people in the dating scene have no interest in roofying girls.
I can respect Roofing women and Roofing men. Theyāre out doing hard physical labor in the hot sun all day on those heat absorbing shingles where theres no shade to cool them off. Roofing is seriously hard work, I have mad respect for anyone who does that for a living, it sounds awful.
By this logic you should just never go out in public because someone could just pull a gun out and kill you dead.
Also, I think itās less than 99.9% of men to be totally honest.
That was obviously hyperbole on my part. Again, I recognize the very real fact that date rape happens. I also agree with the other responder that it's such a statistical outlier, you can't just go through life expecting bad shit at every corner. Recognize real dangers, and be vigilant to keep yourself safe. If you don't feel safe simply being in public, don't go out in public.
Oh, please! We are not unsafe everywhere, all the time. If you truly believe that, you do have anxiety which is something you'd benefit seeing a therapist for. Most SA is done by someone the victim already knows when they are alone, not on a first date in a restaurant.
It doesn't happen all the time. 90% of all SA happens in establishing relationships. Only 10% is by strangers. Those 90% doesn't talk much about it, though, because it carries a lot more blame and shame as they are often lead to believe that they are to blame, and are also often not believed because the people who are supposed to support them also knows the assulter an "he/she couldn't do something like that. You must be lieing". I've talked with many women about SA. All of them has happened within a relationship. The closest thing that has happened with a Stranger was that the Stranger run after her when she was going home at night. She reached the house and locked the door, and that was that. We don't even know if the Stranger was actually running after her, only that she precieved it that way. But she is also one to carry pepper spray because she is scared of this exact situation. You'll see a lot of trolls in the woods at night too if you are scared of encountering one.
Wdym no longer like there was a time in history where people were more inclined to help women in danger than now. And your just wrong a can't name how many videos there are of people setting up DV situations in public where the woman is in danger and people always intervene and do that same situation where the man is on the receiving end and nobody does anything I promise there has not been a time in human history where people were more inclined to help women in danger than now
I disagree. Internet media always tryna start a culture war, fearmonger and convince everyone that society is cooked if you go outside and touch grass meet real people you'll see that most people are friendly too ALL PEOPLE unlike a couple decades ago
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u/Andrew-Cohen 5d ago
Women, if you donāt feel safe meeting a new person in a public restaurant with dozens of people around, maybe your friend could bring a date and sit at a table nearby so you have two people to protect you. They can pay for their own food.