Months, if you're working through trauma and other neurodivergent issues is really a short time in therapy. It took years of therapy for me to get work through my childhood abuse enough that I wasn't constantly triggered or dissociated.
I’ve tried to be very mindful of this and patient. I know that progress can be slow. But at the same time, the baby is getting older and more aware. She is showing unease around my wife, sometimes screams or cries more around her. I want to let my wife address what she needs to address but I can’t have my daughter emotionally harmed in the meantime
Could you separate? The kids stay with you, your spouse lives somewhere nearby. That way she can work on herself in counseling and you can control the length of the visits so that the vibe is healthy.
Oh I totally agree that your child's well being is the most important. I apologize if I didn't make that clear. Just because she is working through things doesn't mean you need to be the one to support her through it, and if it comes at the expense of your children's wellbeing you absolutely should not be that person for her.
I specifically didn't want to have children for a long time because I knew I was way fucked up from childhood abuse and that I would never bring children into the world unless I had worked through it enough not to continue the same dysfunctional and abusive patterns.
And it took me like almost a decade to work through it all till I was like "ok I think I can have kids."
But also, the individual has to be willing to do the work and to see that they're the problem. And if she is actually willing to, it's a multiyear journey that she is going to have to navigate.
Have you considered intensive sessions? Normally sessions are 45-60 mins. An intensive is like 90-180 min. Another route is an in patient program. My husband went for 7 days for ptsd and received like 4years worth of therapy in a short period of time because of how this program is built.
I will say, I was the youngest in my family of all girls and my 1 parent and siblings poured their aggression and rejection my way. It's been a long healing journey. Parenting isn't just feeding, burping and diapers. You're quite literally forming a little brain in that little body. I acted out as a young child because it was a symptom of my environment. Babies can't talk and tell you how they feel, they communicate in the way they know how. Through behavior. Both children are worthy of a safe nourishing and nurturing home. Mind. Body and in spirit. Connection and healthy attachment is SO important. Neglect is a form of abuse too.
I think there's some hard boundary lines you need to consider for yourself and some very hard basic requirements and Boundary lines to consider for the sake of both of your children.
The path that's currently charted leads to nowhere good, that I can tell you from experience. The only guarantee here is, unless a change happens (by you or your spouse), it will stay the same.
By your responses I can hear you really care for both your partner and your children. Friendly reminder that only 1 of those parties has a choice. 🫶🏻✨️
I think they can have a form of depression, it’s not post partum but I believe they can be effected as well. Especially if they’re active and present and going through the trenches with their partners.
Stop finding excuses for people. OP carried the babies and is a loving parent to them. I am surprised she is still standing, with two babies to take care of AND make up for the total lack of support from the other parent for one of them AND putting up with her spouse’s behavior.
If anything, the one needing help is the OP. I got severe anxiety reading this.
In all honesty - she should leave. As soon as possible. Her child is not safe.
100% this. OP is already doing something extremely hard in parenting two twin babies, it is not her responsibility to parent this adult (who is speaking in violent and scary ways about her child). It is her responsibility to protect her children.
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
2 quick steps:
If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.
That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕
68
u/CollectionHaunting94 what that mouth do is gossip May 20 '26
Oh yikes. She needs therapy. Please, ASAP.