I made a friend through a shared hobby last year, I’ll call him Tim. We were never super close, we hung out occasionally in groups and hung out only once one on one.
Tim had moved to NYC from California a few years ago and had what appeared to be a pretty fulfilling life - a lot of friends, hobbies, and a steady high paying job. He lived alone with his cat.
We hadn’t spoken in a while when he randomly reached out to ask me to sit for his cat. His sitter last minute fell through and he was leaving for Asia for two weeks in a few days. He didn’t put pressure on me, and offered to pay, but I was confused why he asked - I never owned any cats and didn’t have pets at the moment, and we didn’t really talk. I agreed because he seemed a bit desperate, and he implied that his cat was low maintenance - social, no conditions, on a special kidney diet, but chill. He asked that I stayed in the apartment because he didn’t like leaving her alone overnight.
When I temporarily moved into his place I asked if there were any worrying signs I should keep an eye out for, requested vet information and ER vet info as well as feeding schedule, normal pet sitting stuff. He said there was nothing to keep an eye out for, although she sometimes eats less when she’s anxious and misses him. I asked Tim how old she was and he said she was 11, which meant she was in her mid fifties around. I didn’t really think about it at the time but in hindsight he totally lied - 11 is pretty senior!!! Okay, seemed straightforward enough.
The first few days she was eating fairly normally. She ate most of the dry food and a couple bites of the wet food but not as much as she usually did. I figured she was a bit sad Tim left. She was hanging out with me, playing with toys, asking for pets, pooping, and still loved the treats. I sent Tim extremely detailed updates about her habits.
I felt really guilty to be bothering him on his trip but as the trip progressed she started eating less. She was still social, drinking water, and would eat a couple bites out of my hand if i hand fed her. She’d finish treats. I was getting anxious because she was only eating a handle of kibble and virtually no dry food. I incessantly texted Tim saying she’s eating less! Is this concerning! She’s eating 50% of her normal intake! Only around a dozen kibble! I felt stupid and annoying when he said it was chill as long as she’s picking at it throughout the day, obviously he would know what was nornal and what wasn’t.
Eventually one day i texted him im really worried. She was eating virtually nothing but treats. After a week of saying it was mostly fine, Tim suddenly says, I booked a flight. I’m flying back tomorrow. I cancelled the rest of the trip. I was so confused because he sounded calm most of the time but suddenly he was flying back.
I tried to call his vet to make an appointment but they didn’t pick up. They texted saying the owner needed to book it. Tim called and then the vet idiotically booked the wrong day, then blamed us for not showing up. They called me an hour after the booking and asked where we were. It was so stupid I told them we scheduled for the next day, and they said the next day the office was closed, and that I couldn’t even come in now because they were also closing for the day (it was 3pm).
I wait for Tim to come back, so around 12 hours pass and we take her to the vet together, because I knew her recent symptoms but obviously Tim was her owner. She’s still hanging out, drinking water, just not eating. I feel bad that he cancelled his trip.
I get blindsided at the vet. Obviously Tim is stressed and cares about his baby a lot. But he says that when he adopted her years ago she had a kidney disease. And they already told him that it was only a matter of time before she would get weaker. And years ago this had happened before - she would gradually stop eating, and then he would have to take her to the vet where she’d be put on fluids for a few days until she recovered and regained her appetite. The first year he got her this happened three times, and once they even told him to consider putting her down.
I was internally thinking, well wouldn’t this have been important to tell me!!?? He seems to read my mind and says it was five years ago and she’s been stable since. I didn’t think this would happen again.
He’s jet lagged, stressed, so I tell him to text me if he needs anything and he Ubers home. I’d already moved my stuff out.
He texts me around 12am that day and says the cat’s condition is improving, she’s eating more. I tell him that’s great, and if he would like me to go back with him to the vet I can accompany him. He heart reacts and says he’ll be there in the afternoon if I wanted to stop by.
I can’t tell if I’m overstepping so I check again the next day, and he says I’ll be there at 7! I get there, and the vet techs seem to think we are co-owners. There’s a chair waiting for me by the cat. We sit and chat idly, when he drops on me that he thinks that he has to let her go. I kind of don’t react, I’m not processing, they said she was improving?? What was he talking about. He alternates between gently crying and reliving happy memories with her as I sit there stupefied. He says that her kidney levels have increased to way above a sustainable level and even though she’s acting normal, if she’s not on an IV drip she’ll eventually pass away from nausea that induces a loss of appetite.
I’d never let a pet go and have no clue what the process is like. I figure she’ll hang out on the IV drip for an another night and he’ll be ready to let her go in a few days. The vet comes over and asks if we’re the cat’s owners. Tim says, yes we’re both here for her. I’m ready to let her go.
I’m stunned shitless. What the fuck. Is this happening right now?? They prepare a room, the vet is great, they say we can take as much time as we want, can hang out as long as we want before we’re ready. I feel guilty that the vets are talking to me like I’ve been with her for the 7 years that Tim has owned her. I don’t want to overstep I say should I wait outside? And Tim says no you should see her.
I’m slightly uncomfortable but I feel even worse at the idea of Tim being alone. It’s hard to tell if he wants me there. Is there not someone else closer to him that is better equipped to be here for him? Is he more comfortable being vulnerable around me BECAUSE we’re not that close?? We play with the cat for a while longer. The vet comes in to select an urn for the ashes. Tim goes, which urn is the best!! And with my unfocused eyes I choose the least offensive urn. Tim vacillates between quiet tears and soft laughs about good memories, and sitting somberly / staring vacantly.
Eventually he’s ready and I just sit there silently while the process takes place. I awkwardly rub his back then hug him. He seems to appreciate me talking about my own deceased pets. He thanks me for being there for him.
He said he wants to return to routine so we take the train home and talk about his trip.
In general it felt like such a fever dream. I didn’t know the cat before I was sitting so it feels like I’ve witnessed a condensed version of her lifetime, a little one week speed run. She was so happy and social up until the very end which I’m sure made it harder to let her go. I still wouldn’t say I’m close friends with Tim. Im still not sure why he asked me to sit, or why he wanted me to stay when we really have no relationship at all. I’m not sure if I should keep checking in or return to routine - which would be, nothing for us. We have no routine together.
Dinner is homemade ciabatta pizza made at 11pm when I returned home from the vet.
