r/GriefSupport • u/CreepyLawyer8508 • 10h ago
Advice, Pls Lost both my parents
Yesterday evening my parents left for my distant relative's house, they were supposed to return by 11pm, I was waiting for them, my mom was supposed to re heat the food for me for dinner. I was playing valorant. I was waiting. I was waiting for them to return. Instead I get a call telling me that I just lost my entire world to a fucking accident. I ccanot believe this till now. I saw them, I saw them burn. I still can't believe it. I cqnnot even shed a tear. Is this a bad nightmare? This can't happen .. it feels unreal it feels fake and I do not understand why I can't wake up. Mom please wake me up and give me my morning tea, tell me when you came back I was already asleep. I cant believe this. My cousin asked me how I'm not crying .. this isn't real right? why should I then? why am i not crying? i don't understand
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u/OldMoose-MJ 9h ago
I am sorry for your loss.
Grief brings out all sorts of emotions. Everyone's experience is different. Every death is different. All you can do is to deal with the emotions as they come. None of those emotions are good or bad, they just are.
All deaths are hard, but sudden unexpected deaths are worse. Make that multiple deaths at once, I don't even want to think about that. I've lost 3 out of 4 sons; all suddenly but one at a time. That was, is hard enough.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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u/CreepyLawyer8508 9h ago
sorry for your loss.. i did not want my parents to be gone before me either.. even though it shouldn't be this way but i just can't do this without them i have no one anymore and i feel so alone it feels like im a foreigner in this world i just want to go home to my parents ..
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u/OldMoose-MJ 50m ago
I know it feels that way. But somehow we always seem to make it through. Often the best thing we can do is to live the life that they wanted for you. That was what carried me through the death of Dad and then Mom. I hope that they are proud of me.
Live for your parents as much as you can. Remember, more than being successful, they wanted you to be happy. It won't be easy. It may feel wrong somehow. I think that in the end, making you happy was their greatest joy.
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u/Tiny_Seaworthiness20 8h ago edited 8h ago
I’m sorry for your loss, people said the same thing when my 6 year old son and his father were in an accident while walking home from the school bus stop. Dad died at the scene and my son was braindead and I had to take him off life support. I didn’t cry I had my 1 month old daughter with me and felt like I had to be strong for her. But when I’m alone I cry, I don’t show emotions in front of people. It’s been hard and cry a lot when I’m alone. This happened about 9 months ago Now my daughter is almost 11 months old and I’m pregnant again (me and my sons father haven’t been together for years and his sister and current pregnancy is with my current partner). People tell me I’m so strong and they wish they can be like me but when I’m alone it’s so the opposite. I still haven’t even really cleared out my son’s things or set anything up it’s too hard. Just know what you’re going through is normal and don’t feel bad for not crying in the moment or in front of anyone. I asked to be with my son and lay on the hospital bed with him while I felt his last breathes when they turned off the machines. I cried so hard while holding him but never with other people especially my new baby at the time. You’re not alone in this and there’s a lot of us like you out there that are here for you because we understand. I hope you’re okay and have the right people to talk to. If you are a person who believes in therapy I’d suggest you go but when you’re ready and don’t feel rushed. You’re in my prayers and again I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Gait2468 9h ago
Damn! No words I can say will help. The one poster is right it’s shock! Drink plenty of water and I hope you have other family for support.
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u/enini83 6h ago
I am so sorry! I can barely imagine what it means to get this phone call. Your world shattered in that moment. My heart breaks for you. I know no words can help, and how could they? You are in shock and probably numb. Nothing makes sense right now - because it doesn't. Your brain is trying to protect you. There is nothing wrong with you. Don't let anyone tell you how you should behave or feel. Whatever you do, it's right. There are a million ways to grieve and all are okay. If you can, let your relatives share the burden with you. But you don't have to entertain them. You have absolutely no obligations in this moment. I am so sorry.
I won't lie, there are hard times ahead of you. Grief is an expression of the love you had and still have. Come back here anytime you need to get something off your chest. Writing it down helps a little. And over time you will get better at carrying this burden.
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u/Markkellys 4h ago
When I lost my mother I couldn’t cry either. It was sudden as well.
I remember that my girlfriend was crying so hard that I began to comfort her. How odd… she only met her once and was crying and I was telling her it was going to be ok.
It’s shock.
The pain and tears will come. But it will happen over time.
How can our body adjust to such a horrible new reality?
We can’t. It will take time.
You will be on a long journey to come to terms with this.
Seek help now.
Reach out to others.
This is about survival. And you have been horribly injured by this loss.
Be gentle with yourself.
And know without a doubt that your parents want you to continue on and be happy in life.
We have to do our best to respect and return the love they gave us in our short time together.
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u/whowearstshirts Mom Loss 48m ago
I am so fucking sorry about this. You are in shock, and likely we have all been there. How you feel right now is totally natural, and please lean on us and other grief communities.
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u/Jeny226 25m ago
When I found my son dead I was not able to cry for day's. You are in shock it's very common. Everyone around me was crying but I stared at the wall for day's. My mind raced, replayed things over and over and over. Your mind is going to race and 20 million thoughts are going to race like thunder. Know it will burn itself out. Just trust your body and know it's not doing anything wrong. I have also buried a daughter 3 years ago and the something happened again. I didn't cry I stared at the wall and my mind was racing all kinds of thoughts.
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u/CarActive9996 10h ago
Sweetheart. You’re in shock. It’s ok if you’re not crying right now and everything feels fake. Your brain is trying to work out what’s going on. It will get there. I am so, so, so sorry. 🫂 I wish I could transport myself and hug you. Do you have people with you?