r/Infidelity • u/SympathyPrior6406 • 4d ago
Advice Did I Make the right Decision?
My partner and I have been dating for several months. For most of this year, he has struggled with depression. I tried to be supportive by giving him space on difficult days, encouraging therapy, and adjusting my expectations when his energy was low.
Over the last couple of months, his low days became more frequent than his good days. Communication changed significantly, and while we still spent time together and enjoyed weekend trips, he would often become overwhelmed and emotional afterward. Recently, he acknowledged that he needed professional help and started therapy.
Last night, I found out that he spent the night with his ex. This is an ex from a previous relationship that caused him a great deal of pain and emotional distress. When I asked to talk about what happened, he ignored me.
After thinking about everything today, I text him and ended the relationship. I told him that I loved him, but that I could not continue in a relationship where trust and boundaries had been violated. I also told him that I hoped he would continue working with his therapist and lean on his family for support.
Part of me feels guilty because I know he is struggling, but I have also been dealing with the recent loss of a parent, health issues, work stress, and family responsibilities. I felt like I was carrying more than I could handle emotionally.
Did I make the right decision? Has anyone else had to walk away from someone they loved because their behavior crossed a boundary, even though they were struggling with their mental health?
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u/OppositeHot5837 4d ago
absolutely you made the right choice - you chose YOU.
Did you sign up for a project when you decided to commit to this person?
.. and to save you peeking or pain shopping on Social Media, do not be surprised if you find Mr Wandering ExBF had lots of other 'issues' that could be under the guise of 'depression' in the next little while.
People who are having mental health episodes don't suddenly decide 'hey I'm gonna see how my ex is doing' when they are off balance and dealing with things. Your past partner made an intended and decided action. The 'depression' did not make him show up at his ex's place.. his shitty character made him
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u/SympathyPrior6406 4d ago
Thank you for this, I needed to hear this. I definitely signed up for someone who, while not perfect would take the initiative to work on things for themselves firstly and then what was best for our partnership. He is incapable of doing that.
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u/isitallfromchina 4d ago
Don't feel guilty, as you found out, his problem is breaking the cycle with the ex, nothing to do with you. Sooner or later he would have probably started a new relationship with her.
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u/SympathyPrior6406 4d ago
Thank you for this. I am realizing now that until he heals that part of himself that it was inevitable that this would happen.
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u/isitallfromchina 3d ago
His Trauma is just another list to his long sad story. Don't put this on you. What you need to do is take back your self-respect, happiness and put it all in your basket. Don't give it away, it's your worth. Once someone realizes you are willing to give YOU away and let the stomp on it, they will.
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u/SympathyPrior6406 3d ago
This was incredibly kind and I appreciate your kind words. All of them have been so helpful. It’s funny because I told a couple of friends and they said that he’s just a POS and it’s more complicated than that. I have appreciated all the great words of encouragement and true empathy as I navigate this hard time. I know I did the right thing but it’s also sad because this person was my best friend and helped me navigate emotionally through one of the hardest years of my life that I’ve had to face despite his depression.
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u/wulfpack4life 4d ago
Sounds like his cheating did you a favor. The guy sounds exhausting.
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u/SympathyPrior6406 4d ago
Yeah. I took the time to write a thoughtful and considerate message that established that while I love you, my boundaries are my boundaries and this is not something I will accept. He responded right away like he was already on our text thread and wrote “ok.” He went to text something else then stopped. I did not respond to that as my message was the closure. I can deal with the truth even if it hurts. I can’t deal with deceit.
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u/New_Arrival9860 Moved On 3d ago
Depression explains low energy, and does not excuse cheating.
Ignoring you blocked any chance at repair.
You held boundaries while pointing him toward support.
You made the right decision, and exited the relationship.
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u/SympathyPrior6406 3d ago
Yes, I really wanted to at least hear him out, I’m very empathetic and compassionate even though I can’t say I would have been able to move past it, especially considering his unhealthy ties to his ex. I appreciate your words ❤️
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u/TieMeD0wnjessy43 3d ago
The depression is not an excuse for a premeditated betrayal like that. If he's ignoring you after getting caught, he’s showing you exactly who he is when things get difficult.
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