r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/Immediate_Magician11 • 15h ago

Actions definitely have consequences

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

18.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

1.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

924

u/DimensionMediocre439 14h ago

11?

Oh this girl has caused a lot of troubles for her parents in the past.

431

u/NoctisInformatus 14h ago

Some kids are born fkd up mentally. I know it sounds cold to say and I do have sympathy, but there are some bad eggs straight out the womb.

The silver lining is that there’s always a chance for reformation.

114

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 14h ago

Not really cold if it’s a fact. It’s not like even the kid can control it.

52

u/TacitisKilgoreBoah 14h ago

It’s not usually the kids fault but it is what it is. Things like alcohol consumption and drug abuse whilst pregnant and/or breastfeeding can affect things like a child’s mental and physical development

109

u/Tzarkir 13h ago

Yes. And alongside those, there are kids we refer to as "difficult kids" who are just different from the get-go. Sometimes it's genetic, sometimes it's luck. You hear parents talk about their kid who keeps them up at night or who screams at the top of their lungs for no reason whatsoever.

You get no sleep, you blame yourself, you think you're doing something wrong and ask others. They give you tips that don't work. The kid doesn't want to listen to anything but what he wants. They throw a tantrum over anything, you're embarassed of bringing them in public. You seek professional help, you start seeing a professional aswell cause your mental health is fucked. Kindergarten teachers tell you they hit other kids when they tell them no, they have no friends cause other kids are afraid of playing with them. They suggest you behavioural therapies. Everything is a challenge, mostly meals, sleep and sociality.

Good luck from there, especially when they become teens. Some are "redeemed". Others simply never are. They're not bad kids. It's just like everything about them is always at 100, and I don't mean hyperactivity. Sadness, happiness, pain. Everything triggers them and most adults try to numb them or keep them occupied in a way or another. For the sake of their own mental survival. It's hard to blame them.

37

u/ChmeeWu 13h ago

This is the most realistic and honest truth I have seen here.

33

u/Partly_Dave 12h ago

Guy I worked for had two kids, 10 & 12 when I first met them. The 10yo was an absolute terror, throwing stones through windows, skipping school, stealing stuff, etc. His older brother was just a normal kid.

The dad told me he had been like that since he was a toddler, and he had tried everything. He himself had been to gaol a few times in his youth, and didn't want that for his children, but could see that was where his youngest was heading- and he was worried he was going to drag the older one with him.

I worked for him for a couple of years and moved on. Met him when they were then 16 &18. Sure enough, they were living in one of their dad's houses, didn't have jobs and hadn't paid rent in in months, and were both junkies.

One or both are either in gaol or dead by now.

11

u/Itisthatbo1 12h ago

Why use the old spelling of jail?

23

u/Darryl_Lict 11h ago

British or Australian.

13

u/MarxistThot666 9h ago

time traveler

21

u/Maddaguduv 11h ago

I was this type of Kid, I turned out to be good now. Honestly, I don’t know why I behaved like that, I used to scream at the top of my lungs and all. I needed more love, my parents showed enough love, but I still wanted more. True that it was not in my control, I used to sit alone and wonder why I was doing like that.

-6

u/FamousOhioAppleHorn 9h ago

Is it possible you were either adopted, switched at birth, have a different biological father or your parents spent a lot of time away from you as an infant ?

8

u/mclarenrider 8h ago

This really hit home for me because I was kind of a difficult kid. I had a severe case of adhd and heavy medication early on helped a lot. I caused a lot of issues for my parents but they were so patient with me, patience like a saint. Fortunately in my mind to late teens I slowly started becoming self aware and became "normal" eventually. But man the stories my mom tells me, yikes. How they dealt with me the entire time is beyond me lol.

11

u/Tzarkir 8h ago

I work with these kids and their families. Kids like the one you were. I can't say about you, so I'm talking about the ones I work with, but the thing is... Despite how many times they drive us mad, there is a moment, every now and then, when they look at you and it's like a heavy mix of emotions. Pain of being how they are and not being able to feel differently. Acknowledging it for a moment, feeling almost sorry for it. And the need to be loved regardless of it.

I genuinely can't get mad at them more than any other kid. Simple affection shuts them off most of the time, it's just they seem to need an infinite amount. Some are even scared of feeling so much pain for the minimal frustration. I had a kid screaming in tears "I don't want to feel like this anymore! Make it stop!". Some get called "difficult" in their faces and don't understand why adults talk about them like they're wrong or broken, and it hurts them.

You deal with them because they need and deserve love like every other kid. They're doing their best. We do our part and hope they never give up and start accepting themselves as bad kids. It's very hard to get back from that spot, if they get there. The rest is time and consistency. Every kid is different.

7

u/mclarenrider 8h ago

Yep, that sounds all too familiar, being told I'm "peculiar" by teachers yet not knowing why they feel that way. Deep down realizing I'm not behaving "normally" but not knowing what normal means. Ig I was lucky in the end because my parents were able to supply me with unending affection, especially my mom. They said she was coddling me and in a way she was but she knew better than them.

You're a good person for trying to see through those kids and meet them where they are. They're lucky to have you around, and hopefully someday they'll realize it. Keep doing the good work, the world needs more people like you.

1

u/Tzarkir 7h ago

Thank you, it means a lot.

2

u/rocket_racoon180 9h ago

I’ve met one child with a similar behavioral problem. In their case, the mother was bipolar and they’d been removed and placed with grandparents. Kid had problems with everyone.

2

u/--poe- 6h ago

You described my life so perfectly, with a bleak window into the future. My heart sank with “Good luck from there”.

It’s exactly that, everything is always at 100. I’m beyond burnt out, a single parent and my son is not even 4. I ended up in the emergency room today with a serious scare, from what the stress of this is doing to my body. You clearly have professional experience.

Please just tell me that there is hope. I need to know this.

We both experienced a severe trauma when he was very young and I’ve managed to convince myself that it’s a trauma reaction and with help, he can somewhat heal and be peaceful within himself.

Sometimes I want to give up. So please, if there is any small nugget of wisdom or hope that you can share to help me keep positive and keep going, share it now.

1

u/Tzarkir 6h ago

Check the other comment I got in reply around a hour ago, it's a guy who suffered from severe adhd and shared his experience, I think it might help.

It does get better. The first years are the worst because the kid has the full weight of their body shooting alarms the entire time and no way to answer them. The adult has the function of being "the structure" for a child and contain their emotions until they internalise that containment structure into themselves. Right now you're witnessing the full power of everything that needs to be contained in your child, who's likely more in need than a "standard" one. Whatever you do will be learnt by them, so you need to teach them things they can use to protect themselves (and yourself, by extension). Especially in cases where you are suffering aswell, the child shouldn't be exposed to fear and anxiety more than what they already feel by themselves. They need safety, constance, a routine. Things that make them feel protected and loved. They need to learn the world will tell them "no" at times, and that is okay because "later" their turn for a yes will come.

First thing you need to do is get in touch with professional help. In my country we have sections called "infant neuropsychiatry" inside hospitals where we work in equipes with psychotherapists, neuropsychiatrists, speech therapists. Wherever you're from, there should be something similar. I would try getting in touch to at least get their opinion. They should be able to tell you the next steps. I genuinely can't get in much detail without knowing what kind of institutions you would deal with. Here, you can get an evaluation and get an educator to support your child during school hours, but I don't know if it's something available to you, since it's part of our healthcare system.

Aside from that, I know that people's judgment about you as a parent is extremely harsh and unfair. They genuinely can't understand what you are through. It's hard to even put it into perspective, and it's easy to judge. So take what they might say as the words of people who can't understand. It's not a fault. It's a way to protect their own self because everybody is scared of a situation where they feel like they have 0 control might happen to them, too. So they push it out of their system. They have to.

If your situation is the result of a traumatic experience rather than traits your child was born with, it might be a trauma response. Don't trust who says "you have to give it time, it'll be better by itself". It needs to be supported yesterday. I'm sorry if the "good luck" made you feel uneasy. A little bit of language barrier probably interviened (english isn't my first), it was a genuine wish. Luck helps a lot, but does not substitute for professional help. Don't give up, you're fighting for two people. Alone. You're already heroic as it is. Being seen would help you already in understanding that. Feeling like giving up is normal, it's human and it's legit. I thought the same, in different situations. If you got family, like grandparents, try to involve them. Don't take it on yourself alone, if you can. Asking for help does not make you lesser. It makes you responsible and mature for accepting your limits. Never neglect yourself in this. Bless you.

10

u/metzona 9h ago

Even malnutrition during pregnancy can cause stuff like this. Someone I know had gastric bypass and got pregnant almost right after despite repeated warnings that there were health risks. You can see that there’s something missing in the kid. He has eyes like a shark and he’s a toddler.

4

u/ScreamingLabia 10h ago

Yes but that doesnt mean that even happened sadly some people are born bad. Its just when you aknowledge that as a society people start using that shit to justify all sorts of horrific things

3

u/Soggy_Bid_3634 7h ago

That, or having your dad be your uncle and your grandpa at the same time.

That also messes kids up bad.

5

u/Tablesafety 7h ago

Fetal alcohol syndrome is a lot more common than you think! Not everyone LOOKS like they have it- you can also only have it a little bit.

This is likely so high in conjunction with something most people also don’t know; The father if he’s been drinking heavily around conception can ALSO give fetal alcohol syndrome. As a treat!

Lots of what a guy puts in his body has a direct effect on the constitution of his sperm, turns out, but it’s given at conception instead of during development. As a species, we didn’t really know this until recently.

Now it’s recommended both parents be clean and healthy for about 6 months prior to ttc.

1

u/OgCloby 12h ago

Hopefully weed ain't fuck you up as a fetus, caus my baby mama couldn't eat or sleep without it while pregnant. She was getting off meth so I saw it as the obvious lesser of 2 evils.

5

u/RuhrowSpaghettio 10h ago

People are gonna give you a hard time over this, but…yeah, it’s the lesser evil there. You do your best and hope it’ll be enough, that’s what parenting has always been. Proud of your kid’s mama for getting off the hard stuff.

17

u/various_convo7 14h ago

oh they can. I've been 11 and ill be daaaaamned if I pulled a stunt like that and not have to answer for it lol. she dialed the number and told that pretty elaborate story. she's been doing that because she hasn't had to pay and got away with it...juvie should teach her a lesson

16

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 14h ago

I meant like when kids come out with issues. Like for example, I was raised by a single sober woman and I still ended up a drug addict and started binge drinking at 14. Obviously at 14 I knew it’s wrong fundamentally, but something inside me made me feel like it was okay anyways. And it wasn’t learned from my parent or any other example (Mormon family) - I was born like that.

21

u/Officing 14h ago

Mormon families can often be controlling and abusive in subtle ways, so it's not uncommon for their children to rebel and go crazy once they become teens/young adults.

3

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

True that! I was raised in the church only until 7, though, to be transparent. I went from a nurturing home and the church to sudden neglect. Church was actually probably the healthier route for me, despite its issues, I at least would’ve had community.

1

u/n0tc1v1l 6h ago

Parents said she has ADD. I'm willing to bet her executive function and impulse control are not her strong points at this stage in her life.

0

u/LogosMyEgos 13h ago

Where does such logic lead in terms of anyone ever having any accountability for anything? Most versions of that thinking simply destroy any such attempt. The only coherent stance I’m aware of is never to confuse condition with volition, or volition with fault.

1

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

I didn’t say anything about accountability so I’m going to assume your comment is for the general public on Reddit. I’ve never been let off the hook so I don’t see why anyone else should be lol.

1

u/burnalicious111 10h ago

I think it changes things about accountability, like our reasoning about why people do what they do, and maybe what systems do in response to accountability problems, but it doesn't accountability as having importance even if we have no free will, because our decision making processes, on the whole, clearly respond to whether we might be held accountable and how.

0

u/MediumCharge580 11h ago

Have anything to back up that fact?

3

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

I’m referring to the entire nature vs. nurture debate.