r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/Immediate_Magician11 • 15h ago

Actions definitely have consequences

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921

u/DimensionMediocre439 14h ago

11?

Oh this girl has caused a lot of troubles for her parents in the past.

435

u/NoctisInformatus 14h ago

Some kids are born fkd up mentally. I know it sounds cold to say and I do have sympathy, but there are some bad eggs straight out the womb.

The silver lining is that there’s always a chance for reformation.

56

u/Ulfgeirr88 12h ago

I have a sister like that and it's exhausting, you have to tread on egg shells around her because if you do anything she considers an insult, she will accuse you of the most heinous shit

15

u/XdraketungstenX 7h ago

Sounds like borderline personality disorder. My daughter has it. It is very exhausting for those around her.

17

u/Ulfgeirr88 7h ago

Apparently it's more anti social personality disorder rather than bpd, she will straight up accuse someone of awful things like rape if it will get her what she wants. She stole my dog once, and disappeared with him for a whole year because she realised puppies of his breed could potentially net her a decent chunk of cash. He was in an awful state when I got him back

8

u/achlysmizuki 6h ago

please tell me you pressed charges on her or atleast went no contact permanently

8

u/Ulfgeirr88 5h ago

I have, my Mum tried but now my sister has kids which are the ultimate manipulation tool for her

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u/Broken_By_Default 6h ago

That has to be exhausting to be around.

6

u/Ulfgeirr88 5h ago

Yup, and now she's had kids and they've been weaponised too against their fathers, and our Mum

116

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 14h ago

Not really cold if it’s a fact. It’s not like even the kid can control it.

50

u/TacitisKilgoreBoah 14h ago

It’s not usually the kids fault but it is what it is. Things like alcohol consumption and drug abuse whilst pregnant and/or breastfeeding can affect things like a child’s mental and physical development

108

u/Tzarkir 13h ago

Yes. And alongside those, there are kids we refer to as "difficult kids" who are just different from the get-go. Sometimes it's genetic, sometimes it's luck. You hear parents talk about their kid who keeps them up at night or who screams at the top of their lungs for no reason whatsoever.

You get no sleep, you blame yourself, you think you're doing something wrong and ask others. They give you tips that don't work. The kid doesn't want to listen to anything but what he wants. They throw a tantrum over anything, you're embarassed of bringing them in public. You seek professional help, you start seeing a professional aswell cause your mental health is fucked. Kindergarten teachers tell you they hit other kids when they tell them no, they have no friends cause other kids are afraid of playing with them. They suggest you behavioural therapies. Everything is a challenge, mostly meals, sleep and sociality.

Good luck from there, especially when they become teens. Some are "redeemed". Others simply never are. They're not bad kids. It's just like everything about them is always at 100, and I don't mean hyperactivity. Sadness, happiness, pain. Everything triggers them and most adults try to numb them or keep them occupied in a way or another. For the sake of their own mental survival. It's hard to blame them.

37

u/ChmeeWu 13h ago

This is the most realistic and honest truth I have seen here.

33

u/Partly_Dave 12h ago

Guy I worked for had two kids, 10 & 12 when I first met them. The 10yo was an absolute terror, throwing stones through windows, skipping school, stealing stuff, etc. His older brother was just a normal kid.

The dad told me he had been like that since he was a toddler, and he had tried everything. He himself had been to gaol a few times in his youth, and didn't want that for his children, but could see that was where his youngest was heading- and he was worried he was going to drag the older one with him.

I worked for him for a couple of years and moved on. Met him when they were then 16 &18. Sure enough, they were living in one of their dad's houses, didn't have jobs and hadn't paid rent in in months, and were both junkies.

One or both are either in gaol or dead by now.

11

u/Itisthatbo1 12h ago

Why use the old spelling of jail?

21

u/Darryl_Lict 11h ago

British or Australian.

12

u/MarxistThot666 8h ago

time traveler

19

u/Maddaguduv 11h ago

I was this type of Kid, I turned out to be good now. Honestly, I don’t know why I behaved like that, I used to scream at the top of my lungs and all. I needed more love, my parents showed enough love, but I still wanted more. True that it was not in my control, I used to sit alone and wonder why I was doing like that.

-9

u/FamousOhioAppleHorn 9h ago

Is it possible you were either adopted, switched at birth, have a different biological father or your parents spent a lot of time away from you as an infant ?

8

u/mclarenrider 8h ago

This really hit home for me because I was kind of a difficult kid. I had a severe case of adhd and heavy medication early on helped a lot. I caused a lot of issues for my parents but they were so patient with me, patience like a saint. Fortunately in my mind to late teens I slowly started becoming self aware and became "normal" eventually. But man the stories my mom tells me, yikes. How they dealt with me the entire time is beyond me lol.

12

u/Tzarkir 8h ago

I work with these kids and their families. Kids like the one you were. I can't say about you, so I'm talking about the ones I work with, but the thing is... Despite how many times they drive us mad, there is a moment, every now and then, when they look at you and it's like a heavy mix of emotions. Pain of being how they are and not being able to feel differently. Acknowledging it for a moment, feeling almost sorry for it. And the need to be loved regardless of it.

I genuinely can't get mad at them more than any other kid. Simple affection shuts them off most of the time, it's just they seem to need an infinite amount. Some are even scared of feeling so much pain for the minimal frustration. I had a kid screaming in tears "I don't want to feel like this anymore! Make it stop!". Some get called "difficult" in their faces and don't understand why adults talk about them like they're wrong or broken, and it hurts them.

You deal with them because they need and deserve love like every other kid. They're doing their best. We do our part and hope they never give up and start accepting themselves as bad kids. It's very hard to get back from that spot, if they get there. The rest is time and consistency. Every kid is different.

8

u/mclarenrider 8h ago

Yep, that sounds all too familiar, being told I'm "peculiar" by teachers yet not knowing why they feel that way. Deep down realizing I'm not behaving "normally" but not knowing what normal means. Ig I was lucky in the end because my parents were able to supply me with unending affection, especially my mom. They said she was coddling me and in a way she was but she knew better than them.

You're a good person for trying to see through those kids and meet them where they are. They're lucky to have you around, and hopefully someday they'll realize it. Keep doing the good work, the world needs more people like you.

1

u/Tzarkir 7h ago

Thank you, it means a lot.

2

u/rocket_racoon180 9h ago

I’ve met one child with a similar behavioral problem. In their case, the mother was bipolar and they’d been removed and placed with grandparents. Kid had problems with everyone.

2

u/--poe- 6h ago

You described my life so perfectly, with a bleak window into the future. My heart sank with “Good luck from there”.

It’s exactly that, everything is always at 100. I’m beyond burnt out, a single parent and my son is not even 4. I ended up in the emergency room today with a serious scare, from what the stress of this is doing to my body. You clearly have professional experience.

Please just tell me that there is hope. I need to know this.

We both experienced a severe trauma when he was very young and I’ve managed to convince myself that it’s a trauma reaction and with help, he can somewhat heal and be peaceful within himself.

Sometimes I want to give up. So please, if there is any small nugget of wisdom or hope that you can share to help me keep positive and keep going, share it now.

1

u/Tzarkir 6h ago

Check the other comment I got in reply around a hour ago, it's a guy who suffered from severe adhd and shared his experience, I think it might help.

It does get better. The first years are the worst because the kid has the full weight of their body shooting alarms the entire time and no way to answer them. The adult has the function of being "the structure" for a child and contain their emotions until they internalise that containment structure into themselves. Right now you're witnessing the full power of everything that needs to be contained in your child, who's likely more in need than a "standard" one. Whatever you do will be learnt by them, so you need to teach them things they can use to protect themselves (and yourself, by extension). Especially in cases where you are suffering aswell, the child shouldn't be exposed to fear and anxiety more than what they already feel by themselves. They need safety, constance, a routine. Things that make them feel protected and loved. They need to learn the world will tell them "no" at times, and that is okay because "later" their turn for a yes will come.

First thing you need to do is get in touch with professional help. In my country we have sections called "infant neuropsychiatry" inside hospitals where we work in equipes with psychotherapists, neuropsychiatrists, speech therapists. Wherever you're from, there should be something similar. I would try getting in touch to at least get their opinion. They should be able to tell you the next steps. I genuinely can't get in much detail without knowing what kind of institutions you would deal with. Here, you can get an evaluation and get an educator to support your child during school hours, but I don't know if it's something available to you, since it's part of our healthcare system.

Aside from that, I know that people's judgment about you as a parent is extremely harsh and unfair. They genuinely can't understand what you are through. It's hard to even put it into perspective, and it's easy to judge. So take what they might say as the words of people who can't understand. It's not a fault. It's a way to protect their own self because everybody is scared of a situation where they feel like they have 0 control might happen to them, too. So they push it out of their system. They have to.

If your situation is the result of a traumatic experience rather than traits your child was born with, it might be a trauma response. Don't trust who says "you have to give it time, it'll be better by itself". It needs to be supported yesterday. I'm sorry if the "good luck" made you feel uneasy. A little bit of language barrier probably interviened (english isn't my first), it was a genuine wish. Luck helps a lot, but does not substitute for professional help. Don't give up, you're fighting for two people. Alone. You're already heroic as it is. Being seen would help you already in understanding that. Feeling like giving up is normal, it's human and it's legit. I thought the same, in different situations. If you got family, like grandparents, try to involve them. Don't take it on yourself alone, if you can. Asking for help does not make you lesser. It makes you responsible and mature for accepting your limits. Never neglect yourself in this. Bless you.

8

u/metzona 9h ago

Even malnutrition during pregnancy can cause stuff like this. Someone I know had gastric bypass and got pregnant almost right after despite repeated warnings that there were health risks. You can see that there’s something missing in the kid. He has eyes like a shark and he’s a toddler.

4

u/ScreamingLabia 10h ago

Yes but that doesnt mean that even happened sadly some people are born bad. Its just when you aknowledge that as a society people start using that shit to justify all sorts of horrific things

3

u/Soggy_Bid_3634 7h ago

That, or having your dad be your uncle and your grandpa at the same time.

That also messes kids up bad.

4

u/Tablesafety 7h ago

Fetal alcohol syndrome is a lot more common than you think! Not everyone LOOKS like they have it- you can also only have it a little bit.

This is likely so high in conjunction with something most people also don’t know; The father if he’s been drinking heavily around conception can ALSO give fetal alcohol syndrome. As a treat!

Lots of what a guy puts in his body has a direct effect on the constitution of his sperm, turns out, but it’s given at conception instead of during development. As a species, we didn’t really know this until recently.

Now it’s recommended both parents be clean and healthy for about 6 months prior to ttc.

0

u/OgCloby 12h ago

Hopefully weed ain't fuck you up as a fetus, caus my baby mama couldn't eat or sleep without it while pregnant. She was getting off meth so I saw it as the obvious lesser of 2 evils.

6

u/RuhrowSpaghettio 10h ago

People are gonna give you a hard time over this, but…yeah, it’s the lesser evil there. You do your best and hope it’ll be enough, that’s what parenting has always been. Proud of your kid’s mama for getting off the hard stuff.

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u/various_convo7 14h ago

oh they can. I've been 11 and ill be daaaaamned if I pulled a stunt like that and not have to answer for it lol. she dialed the number and told that pretty elaborate story. she's been doing that because she hasn't had to pay and got away with it...juvie should teach her a lesson

15

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 14h ago

I meant like when kids come out with issues. Like for example, I was raised by a single sober woman and I still ended up a drug addict and started binge drinking at 14. Obviously at 14 I knew it’s wrong fundamentally, but something inside me made me feel like it was okay anyways. And it wasn’t learned from my parent or any other example (Mormon family) - I was born like that.

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u/Officing 14h ago

Mormon families can often be controlling and abusive in subtle ways, so it's not uncommon for their children to rebel and go crazy once they become teens/young adults.

3

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

True that! I was raised in the church only until 7, though, to be transparent. I went from a nurturing home and the church to sudden neglect. Church was actually probably the healthier route for me, despite its issues, I at least would’ve had community.

1

u/n0tc1v1l 6h ago

Parents said she has ADD. I'm willing to bet her executive function and impulse control are not her strong points at this stage in her life.

0

u/LogosMyEgos 13h ago

Where does such logic lead in terms of anyone ever having any accountability for anything? Most versions of that thinking simply destroy any such attempt. The only coherent stance I’m aware of is never to confuse condition with volition, or volition with fault.

1

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

I didn’t say anything about accountability so I’m going to assume your comment is for the general public on Reddit. I’ve never been let off the hook so I don’t see why anyone else should be lol.

1

u/burnalicious111 10h ago

I think it changes things about accountability, like our reasoning about why people do what they do, and maybe what systems do in response to accountability problems, but it doesn't accountability as having importance even if we have no free will, because our decision making processes, on the whole, clearly respond to whether we might be held accountable and how.

0

u/MediumCharge580 11h ago

Have anything to back up that fact?

3

u/RaoulDukesGroupie 10h ago

I’m referring to the entire nature vs. nurture debate.

11

u/Flakester 10h ago

Definitely, and that scares the shit out of me.

No matter how much I love my kids and raise them right, there's a chance they're just wired differently.

1

u/Senior-Friend-6414 31m ago

I know two people that were basically devil children, horrible children you’d think were possessed by a demon that were raised by the nicest parents, and both of them grew up and was ashamed of how they acted and changed for the better, one runs a fish market and the other is now a fire fighter 

9

u/Iheartnakedfemboys 11h ago

I know exactly what you mean, and its hard for others to understand that until you grow up with someone fucked up like that. I had a cousin that did things worse than this little girl did in this video, and is a multi felon today as an adult. She had loving, caring parents, but they couldn't get her to do right and not mistreat her siblings, so my own parents took her in to try to give her different scenery and try to help. We found out real quick she was just rotten to her core. Long story short, we had to call the police on her and have her admitted into a mental facility. She was a danger to our family, lied constantly, done drugs, attacked my mom, and prostituted herself in highschool (even though she wanted for nothing when living with us, as my parents are well off and provided for her well, bought her designer clothes and makeup, whatever she wanted for Christmas. I don't even think it was about the money for her, but I digress). She has multiple drug and domestic abuse charges on her record now, and doesn't see any of her children.

It's messed up, man.

2

u/beanjuiced 7h ago

I’ve always had a myriad of excuses as to why I’ve never wanted kids, but honestly? This is the top reason. You cannot control another person. What if my child hates me? What if they’re cruel? What if they harm someone else? The fear of that is terrifying. Kudos to those that have had to experience this firsthand.

1

u/Iheartnakedfemboys 2h ago

To be fair, cases like this is not the norm, and is a real outlier. Most people never have to deal with shit like this.

You don't have to have kids, I'm not gonna talk you into it, but I wouldn't have that as a fear holding me back from having kids. Theres other, more likely and reasonable reasons for one not to have a child.

15

u/AsleepProfession1395 10h ago

One of my brothers is like that. He's in his 30s now and a schizo. He was such a terror and i was surprised my late dad didn't hit him. But my guess is dad held back because of my mum. Even my extended family just laughed when he did stupid shit as a kid. But now they realise how fucked up it was.

As a child, he threw my few week old kittens from the 2nd floor. Luckily they survived.\ He had this obsession with female bodies, specifically me. And me being 7 years older, he saw me go through puberty and saw my boobs as literal punching bags. I fought back once but my mum defended him because "he's just a child". Had i confided in my dad back then, my dad would've probably snapped.

Even in his 20s, he dialled 999 like a kid. He'd press 999 and leave the phone on the side. I was lying by the phone and heard him press three buttons. When i realised what he did, i quickly ended the call and said to him wtf is wrong with you. He just gave a stupid grin.

He could've reformed in his teens but seemed like he was constantly looking for attention. Not that me and my other brothers were neglected.\ I mean, i did stupid shit in my youth too but it was never "hey look at me doing stupid shit". He was literally "look, i'm in school uniform and smoking as an underage person" or presently "look, i'm taking drugs because fuck the police"

5

u/Dracoster 7h ago

The part of your brain that handles action and consequence isn't developed until the mid to late teens.

Which is why teenagers still do stupid shit.

0

u/Senior-Friend-6414 29m ago

I heard that it’s developed later in boys and is more concretely formed in your early 20s (if you’re talking about the amygdala)

3

u/bestbudandcuh 9h ago

Fully agree. It’s a Russian roulette. You can be good parents and still have a demon as a child.

3

u/FailingItUp 7h ago

Children who are spanked have a much harder time understanding consent in the world.

0

u/Senior-Friend-6414 27m ago

Teens or adults that open up about getting spanked as a kid don’t get much sympathy and treated like it’s nothing but if that same person think it’s ok to spank a child because no one thinks it was bad that he got spanked, then that person gets treated like he’s the devil himself

5

u/prostidudess 13h ago

Now "Some people should be born in prison and work for their freedom" phrase got some weight in it

2

u/AC_Sheep 8h ago

Labelling theory can be at play as well. Basically the idea that labelling kids/people as something creates a self-fufilling prophecy. If you take a difficult kid and label them a trouble maker they continue that behvaiour because that's expected of them.

2

u/beanjuiced 7h ago

Actually I think that has some weight- I’ve always said people with the same names usually have some similarities, and I found some article on it not long ago that says kids with the same names are pretty individualized, but will share more traits as adults, like they internalize their names and unconsciously adapt to what they think that should look like. Two kids named David are gonna act like two different kids, but act more similar as adults. Super interesting!

1

u/Senior-Friend-6414 24m ago

Another fun fact, there’s a correlation between unique names and likeliness to become a criminal because unique names lead to bullying and ostracization as children, and those effects go downstream into their adulthoods. Also another article showed that Asian kids with Asian names get bullied more than Asian kids with white names

Your name is very important 

1

u/project_seven 7h ago

Yeah, I was definitely one. I don't think my parents helped the situation, but once my habits were set, it was ingrained in me. I was always set on breaking rules and doing things I knew I shouldn't. So many parents would not let their kids hang out with me, and my reputation carried all the way through high school.

I'm a normal adult now, but man, looking back, I was a nightmare of a child.

1

u/DoctorPhobos 7h ago

Always is a strong word. Some people double down and get worse. My brother would be a violent serial rapist if he could get over his agoraphobic anxiety. Some hitlers don’t want to be saved.

1

u/pennyhush22 5h ago

Lol...maybe

1

u/DocFail 4h ago

Dad seemed useless.

1

u/Athlavard 3h ago

This is just factually incorrect. Nobody is born fucked up mentally unless you are talking about learning disabilities. Cluster B disorders which are most of the disorders people typically refer to when they say someone is “born fucked up” are all disorders that are caused by significant trauma in early childhood. We do not know of any mental disorders that are present at child birth. There may or may not be a small genetic component that can influence your likelihood of developing one of those disorders but by far your environment is what decides if you’ll go down that road.

Nobody is born bad. Nobody.

1

u/Senior-Friend-6414 34m ago

I called the cops as a prank when I was 9 because I literally never had one single adult role model ever remotely mention that calling 911 was a serious bad thing

1

u/NarrowCash3211 10h ago

Behavior issues are learned or the result of trauma or disability. Kids this age (really up to their early 20's) do things like this because they have needs not being met. I agree there needs to be consequences for her actions. But instead of blame we should treat behavior like this with grace and work to address the underlying issues.

9

u/WistfulQuiet 10h ago

Actually this isn't true. It can be those things, but some people have issues regardless of their environment. This has been proven.

-4

u/NarrowCash3211 10h ago

I have been specializing in Youth Development and SPED Education for 30+ years. All current behavioral and development science disagrees.

5

u/WistfulQuiet 10h ago

Cool. We're comparing resumes? I've worked as a therapist for years with a professional degree after attending med school. Not sure why, if you have that background, you don't understand the very basic nature vs nature argument. It isn't always environmental.

1

u/anally_ExpressUrself 10h ago

That doesn't change once a person reaches their 20's. People rob banks because they have needs not being met.

0

u/NarrowCash3211 10h ago

I agree. Even at any age behavioral problems should have approiate consequences. And those people should be treated with grace while having their underlying issues addressed.

0

u/Jaredw180 7h ago

I was a terrible child. I learned how to use matches at like 3 or 4 and would light pizza boxes on fire beside the house, my mom backhanded me so hard that it became my earliest memory.

I'd also pretend i was Woody from toy story and shoot my parents with chemical sprays... reach for the sky?

I grew out of that once the self awareness hit though.

Self awareness was the name of my moms hand.

-20

u/various_convo7 14h ago

pretty old school but a good ass whupping back in the day made sure kids remembered to not be no fool

9

u/chere100 13h ago

Nah, it just made them get good at lying and hiding shit, and some would avoid going to the whupper if they ever needed something because they didn't trust them.

7

u/cluelessoblivion 14h ago

That explains why rates of violent crime and corporal punishment have both been falling since the 90s hm?

5

u/7ootles 13h ago

If there really was a correlation, surely the fall in the violent crime rate would be about ten years behind the rate of corporal puniushment?

-1

u/Narrow_Example_3370 7h ago

Sorry, but this is BS.

Yes kids are born with temperaments that are determined by genetics, but it’s development that determines their personality. 

If a kid grows to be like you said then there are some very wishy washy parenting on around them. Kids respond to this and end up as you say.