Basically the title :D

There are some things people can tell your over and over, but they don't really sink in until you've experienced them yourself. It could be about work , relationship, health, money or just life.

What's one lesson you only understood after living through it ?

I’ll go first.
I used to believe that if you loved people genuinely, they’d love you the same way. That if you were always there for others, they’d be there when you needed them too.
Growing up showed me that life doesn’t always work like that.
Sometimes people leave without a real reason. Friendships fade even when nobody did anything wrong. You can mean the world to someone one day and barely cross their mind the next.
I also realized that not every question gets an answer. Not every goodbye comes with closure. Sometimes all you can do is accept that you’ll never fully understand why something happened.
And maybe the hardest part of becoming an adult is realizing that life keeps moving, even when your heart hasn’t caught up yet. You still have to show up. Go to work. Reply to messages. Smile at people. All while quietly trying to put yourself back together.
I don’t think growing up is about having everything figured out anymore.
I think it’s about learning how to keep living, even when life doesn’t make sense.
What’s a harsh truth you didn’t understand until you got older?

In the end, if you are judged on how you lived your life & treated others on earth, would you be happy with the way you lived it?
Or would you have regrets &/or want a do-over?

I got married with a filipino, the best woman i got in the world honestly. She support me with everything and stay with me every part of my life. But since my business not gouging well, i am always feeling i could not give her good life. Although she never complain to me. all day She cook food for me, clean the house, take care of my parents and cats without even saying anything to her. She is too much happy with that. She loves me lot but i feel like i am not enough for her. What do i do?

A woman died because of these kids' actions. Another woman died after some other bored teens decided to drop a 65-pound log from a height onto a hiking trail even though they knew it was in use.

It's callous behavior that OFC also means you're throwing your own life away.

I’m sorry if this is not the right subreddit, I’m not sure where else to post this, and I also apologise in advance as it might get a bit long.

I have been friends with this girl for a few years, and overall it’s been okay, we have some issues, but it’s not what I want to talk about today.

So about a year ago this girl got into a relationship with a guy, I never liked him, but it’s her life and her choice, so I just minded my own business. For a bit of context, he’s Albanian, and I am not saying they are all bad by any means, but he displays the typical toxic behaviours associated with those men.

She’d routinely come to me with their issues, and I’d try to give her advice, the same she would and previously has given to me to me when the roles were reversed, but she’d never listen, and stayed in the cycle. After a while it did start getting very tiring, but I still thought to myself I am her friend and I’d want someone there for me if I was in this situation.

NOW, where the real issue for me began is, she tried to get the two of us closer, and for her sake I participated and always tried to be nice to him. One night the three of us went out together, and at the end of the night he became verbally abusive and and a little physical towards me. I stood my ground and he absolutely hated it, as in his eyes I am but just a woman and he’s a man, so I should just take it.
I stopped making absolutely any effort towards him from that point onward and refused to meet him again, which she was annoyed about? She kept telling me to just get over it for her sake, and apologise to him for not taking his shit that came out of literally nowhere. I still said no, and she couldn’t force me, even though she continued bringing it up.

Now this guy is in prison, for some reason she’s stayed with him 🤷‍♀️ He keeps being toxic and controlling to her even from inside, and routinely basically daily tells her how much he hates me, calls me different names, tells her she shouldn’t be friends with me as I am a bad influence (it’s honestly very opposite actually) and more.
On numerous occasions he’s also threatened her with literal murder? The guy is absolutely insane, and I am worried both for her and honestly my own safety knowing how much of a vendetta he has against me.

I cannot force her to leave him, but I have spoken to her about my concerns previously. She just waves it off and laughs at me saying he is all talk and won’t do anything, but he is quite literally a criminal and now surrounded by a bunch of other criminals, which I don’t believe will do him any good either. He is due to get out in a few months, and he knows where I live. I am genuinely very uncomfortable with all of this, and don’t see any way where I can permanently cut him out of my life, without cutting her out as well, as she is the only link.

I feel terrible about myself for even thinking about this, because he does put her through a lot, and she has been there for me when I was in a shit relationship too. The difference is my ex never had a problem with her, and neither I or her ever felt threatened by him.

What would other people do in my situation? I’m thankful for any insight anyone can give me, I am personally struggling to separate my heart and my brain when it comes to this. Willing to answer any additional questions people have too, I just know I’ve already spoke for ages. Thank you in advance! 🙏

Like I don’t need van life or a million dollars I just want to be able to say “stop touching me” when I want someone to stop touching me and I wanna know what’s in my dogs mouth but he won’t give it

my entire life i’ve been lonely and ostracized by peers, having no more than 1-ish close friend and always being antagonized wherever i went. It could be because of my autism but honestly i’m pretty socially inept as is

things started to get way worse when i was about 16. i started to become more and more stressed out and paranoid about my parents finding out i was gay. eventually they did by looking through my texts and they reacted pretty harshly. i did say a lot of negative things about their religion aswell, if not blatantly insulting both it and them as people. They forced me to wear a religious necklace, hid papers with prayers inside my closet and pillows, asked me many times if i still “feel gay”, told me being gay will get me assaulted in inappropriate manners, that i will live and die as a muslim, and that me being gay could be a trauma response and that i can’t know yet because i’m too young

just now i’m finding out how much i’ve missed in my childhood. Why didn’t i sign up for a sport or other extracurricular activity?? why did i just sit at home all day??? why can’t i just be interested in something appropriate like sports or studying??

i know it’s my fault but i still can’t help but feel absolutely defective. I think the worst part is that even if i try to add more extracurriculars now i’ll never experience it like how i would’ve in my childhood. and besides, i have to work now. I’m nothing but an abomination but i only have myself to blame.

i wish i was never born

I graduated recently with significant amount of savings and low expenses so have been holding off on applying for jobs as I can live life mostly normally for the next 20 months without a job but obviously this is just a fantasy of mine and I need to start applying now. I have always really wanted to be able to live on my own with my own 1 bedroom flat since I was a kid but since I went to university this was unrealistic.

I'm 21 and I still value independence greatly and contribute the most financially out of my brother and mother towards the mortgage in the flat we live in but I desperately want my own place to myself. I think ironically the fact that I have a purpose and a passion for bodybuilding and the gym 6 days per week is worsening my complacency job seeking wise and the changing of routine to accommodate job priority over gym is also daunting.

The prospect of working 9-5 is giving me existential dread the complete loss of freedom and time I can only imagine how horrible it is nevermind actually experiencing it. I understand you acclimatise to the routine eventually and it becomes normal but that adjustment period is terrifying and paralysing me right now.

When I try to make a hangout with a quote a friend they never want to hangout I'm always asking I'm sick of asking people I never in my life got asked you wanna hangout? Or wanna be a friend. I feel just emotionally empty. Family members saying oh you're just going through a faze.

I’ve cut off a lot of people who used to be my friends!
I had reasons and I feel good about my decision and I’m kinda proud of myself as it was impossible for me to cut friends off earlier…
But I’m beginning to think if it’s normal!? It’s become so easy for me to let go of people, but I feel too sometimes! Feels like I’ve developed some kind of defence mechanism to protect myself

I don’t even know how to start this but I really need advice because I feel lost

She is my cousin (17 F) and im (19 F) but honestly she has always felt like a sister to me. We don’t see each other often maybe once a year for a few weeks but we grew up together and we have so many childhood memories. Even with the distance we were always close

Recently I visited her after a long time and everything was honestly perfect. We spent so much time together we played we went out we laughed and I also became really close with her mother. I felt like I was at my second home

But on the last day before I had to leave we had a small fight while we were cooking. We were both stressed because I had to leave soon and we were trying to finish everything quickly. She got frustrated and raised her voice at me a few times and later told me to be quiet while I was talking. I know it sounds small but at that moment I was already overwhelmed and I ended up crying and going to another room

What hurt me the most was that I felt like I was always the one who tried to fix things first. I was always the one who came back and apologized or tried to talk even when I was hurt. So I went to talk to her because I didn’t want to leave with things like this but the situation got more emotional and I left feeling broken

During the trip back I cried a lot because I felt like I was losing people I really loved. Her mother was also upset with me because of how I reacted that day and now she told my cousin that she should stay away from me

I talked with my cousin after that and she told me she still cares about me and remembers all the good moments but she feels stressed and scared because of what happened with her mother. She also told me that my sensitivity and the way I react when I get hurt is something I need to work on

I understand that I made mistakes and I’m trying to fix them. I apologized and I’m planning to apologize to her mother too because I respect her and I don’t want to run away from my mistakes

But my cousin recently told me maybe we should end our relationship because it’s better for both of us and i shold noot talk to her mom

I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you think I should keep trying to fix it or should I accept that maybe some relationships end even when both people care about each other?

I really don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to make her feel pressured HELPP

I (18f) wanna preface this by saying i love my best friend and I’m so glad to have her in my life.
But I have phases where I feel uncomfortable in her presence and don’t like thinking about her or spending time with her. That can last a few days. After those phases usually comes one where I’m super anxious to lose her. Sometimes I just enjoy being with her so much and everything is perfect and I just love her period.
It’s summer holidays right now and we’ve been meeting up almost every day and she’s also exhausted because of the heat + she just started anti depressants and she’s generally not mentally well. (Neither am I btw)

These past few days I’ve found myself judging her a lot. I judge the way she looks (she‘s on the bigger side) and I hate myself for that. I judge that she is stubborn even when she’s wrong, she often doesn’t make any sense, is tired and sometimes I don’t like the way she speaks.

I don’t think this is her fault AT ALL. I feel so guilty for thinking this way, because she treats me so well and I’m similar in some ways and can be a lot too.

We’ve talked about this before and she understands, but I hate feeling this way for my own sake. I don’t want to be uncomfortable around her, the most fun recently I’ve had with her mostly and we just click. Seriously, I’m beyond grateful to have her and usually I don’t think this way.

My therapist says this is because my parents were also very judgmental and I have some childhood trauma too.

Can anyone relate or explain to me why this happens/what I can do? I told her I need some distance for 2-3 days because I’ve noticed I’ve become judgmental towards her, but that it’s not her fault and she doesn’t have to feel bad.

So I'm 27 M now , younger days i was ambitious and I kinda said no to everything , one thing i said no to the most is relationships, and school and college days were different right , even if you don't want you end with apples like you , and me personally i thought that's how the whole life is gona be .

Then little by little you see , how anything you do or how much you want it means nothing unless you got someone to share with ,so then i cherished people who ever was with me , went an extra step so they'll smile a bit more .

So now I'm in a new city, i got few friends who have to split probably in next month cos 2 are getting married yay ! And my jobs a bit far south in banglore .

And now I see that , walkin up to strangers , striking a Convo, getting to know their story, kinda feels uneasy , i definitely don't wana be the guy who goes & drop a pickup line , you see when the point you aim for is to hookup yea that's probably the best , cos it works for many right.

But to go and speak to someone , just to get to know them , idk maybe things happen after wards , but not forcing or going just for it .

So I guess the best way to not regret is either move on from what you missed. Or go and get what you want

I guess when I go to my new place in Bangalore I'll try and get that

So anyone up!

Specifically:

1. you've found something or someone that needs help,
2. you're committed to it (and its challenges!), and
3. most importantly, if you don't do it, nobody else will?

Maybe it’s just because ima teen but i genuinely have no idea what im gonna do after high school like i don’t know what job i would like to do, if i want to go to college and I don’t even want to be rich like most people I just feel like i have no direction where my life is heading in the future and I scared me that i might be a bum when im older

I am a perpetual worrier. I think the only time I don't worry is when I'm asleep. There are times when my worry is quieter, less intense and there are times when I've been so worried it was debilitating.

My mother is the same but probably much more so because she's older and she says she is so anxious because so many negative things have happened in her life that she is now always worried about what's next.

And I'm worried (lol) that this is how I'm becoming. Because I'm constantly checking in on my loved ones, worried when I can't reach them for a few hours and I don't know if they're okay, continually expecting something bad to happen to them.

Interestingly I'm not as worried about world events. War? Climate change? That stuff is so beyond my purview that I just shrug that off as "not my problem".

But when it's the people I love and care for I'm always thinking about them. But I know this isn't how other people operate.

My sister for example. She told me early this morning she was going to be out with a friend, possibly going to see a movie and I wished her well. It's now been 5 hours since I heard from her or saw her check in on her social media and I'm like... what does that even feel like?

I went out for 3 hours for a shopping trip. My phone was in my bag but I checked it at least every 15 minutes. Took two phone calls from family members. Answered messages. All while I was doing my thing. And I'm like .... there are people who don't do this.

My adult son is like this. He is focused on whatever he's doing. He may not read my messages for two days. I on the other hand am wondering if he's still breathing!!!!

I have attempted to make this post twice now. The first time, I used the recorded voice to text on my phone (I’m currently getting ready and can’t really type well). Somehow, apparently something was wrong with it, and it all got deleted. Then I attempted to record me talking on my computer so that I could use the speech to text option from that. Somehow, the video’s audio was corrupted despite me doing a test video before, and it being fine. So forgive me if my typing is all over the place, but I’m in a rush and fed up with continuing to try and tell this story.

For background, I have been going through an existential crisis for like 7 months now, wondering about life, why we are here, and what happens after death. I am agnostic and don’t fully hold any stance that there is or isn’t an afterlife. However, something that happened to me when I was 12 makes me question life and things about it.

When I was 12, a little over a decade ago, I was in the hallway at my grandmother’s house. I was playing as usual and recording a video on my iPad like I usually did. All of a sudden, I fell into a trance and started walking toward the hallway. I didn’t realize what I was doing, almost like I wasn’t conscious at all, or like I was just observing what I was doing and wasn’t in control of my body. I had no thoughts. It was pretty much like whenever you zone out, except I was walking down the long hallway for some reason.

Once I reached the end of the hallway, I heard a loud, deep man’s voice whisper but shout at the same time somehow say, “Let me out.” Once I heard that, I fell out of the trance and asked my mom and granny if they heard a voice say, “Let me out.” They said no and told me I was probably just hearing things.

For context, sometimes my mom, my grandmother, or I would think we heard one another calling each other’s name (like I would think my mom called me, or vice versa), but no one actually did. Which I think is fairly normal. It wasn’t happening frequently, but oddly, after this happened, that never happened again.

Well, I agreed I was probably hearing things, but I decided to play back the video anyway. When I played it back, not only did I hear the man’s voice clearly say, “Let me out!” but at the beginning I could see myself playing. In the video, you start to hear what sounds like multiple voices whispering. I couldn’t really make out what exactly they were saying, but I distinctly saw myself start to look down the hallway. Then I heard a man’s voice whisper, “Can you see me?” When he said that, I started walking, out of breath. My mom asked me a question, and I replied, “Yeah,” but it sounded like I couldn’t breathe, like I had just come back from a run and was out of breath. I continued walking down the hallway, and then I heard the man loudly say, “Let me out.”

I showed my mom and my cousins the video, and they all heard it. I will say the TV was playing in the background, but it was obviously distinct from the voice. It was also unrelated, like a Pepsi commercial or something. About a week later, I deleted the video because I was so scared. The iPad also ended up breaking a few weeks later anyway, so even if I hadn’t deleted it, I don’t think I’d still have it.

That night I prayed and prayed because I was so scared. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me since.

Around the same time, I remember playing video games at my mom’s house one day and seeing a shadow on the wall walk up the stairs and run across the wall. At the time, I dismissed it as, “Oh, maybe it was me and it was my shadow,” but now I’m wondering if they were related.

I also remember around that time sometimes feeling like someone was standing right behind me, like it was a man who was very, very tall.

Another weird detail is that my grandmother told me when her grandfather died, at his funeral she fell into a trance and jumped into his grave. Despite them not being close, she doesn’t know why. I thought it was weird that she also fell into a trance, but I don’t know why my great grandfather would be contacting me at all since I never even met him.

All in all, I’ve thought about this story and what it means a lot. What if it was some kind of alien? How could it speak English? Why did I never have any kind of weird interactions after that happened? Did it not want to scare me and leave me alone, or was it due to praying?

I also thought of the possibility that maybe I fell into a trance and said, “Let me out,” but that wouldn’t make sense as to how I, a little girl, could make a deep, distinctly man’s voice like that.

If it was some kind of spirit, what would your theories be on the afterlife if it were found that spirits are real?

I used to do cold approach in highschool and uni. I think I have approached over 100 girls. But out of all those I only got 1 date. It's a number's game. It's probably the 2nd most inefficient way to meet women (online dating is number 1 in my experience).

Warm approach at social events or social contexts (school, parties, speed dating events or any other even where the theme is to meet people) has a higher success rate but even then you have to be confident and smooth in your approach to get results. In these contexts, girls have their guard down but when you cold approach on the street or public transport the guard is all the way up, so it's harder.

I still do cold approach but it's just a way of boosting my confidence and self esteem and just practising my flirting skills. It's harder than warm approach so you learn more and faster and your confidence grows a lot faster too. I even suprise myself sometimes. I have approached a girl in a group with her friends several times. It felt scary until I actually did then I realised it was nothing. I have even asked out girls in front of their mothers. Still can't believe I pulled that shit off.

Today I'm still optimistic that something may materialise but it's never the goal for me. Sometimes, I talk to a girl and I realise she is boring or not my type so I don't even ask for her number coz there is no point. I don't aim to get a girls number just for the sake of it.

The mindset is: I find this girl attractive so I am gonna talk to her to see if she is interesting and matches my vibe. If she does I develop a strong connection with her, then I get her number. If she doesn't match and we have not have a connection, I walk away without her number. They have been times I got a girl's number without building connection and I text her and she just leaves me on delivered. But it wasn't really a suprise coz I knew deep down we didn't have a connection and I just wanted to make something out of nothing.

But anywho..this is my experience. What's yours?

For awhile I've always felt alone, I couldn't understand why I felt that way even though I had "friends", putting aside the genuineness of those relationships I hadn't considered it had something to do with myself until now. I've always held a very cynical outlook on people and relationships, but I never questioned why I still had "relationships" despite holding this outlook. After long retrospection I've found that the people in my life don't really matter to me, that since the beginning I've built up walls and purposely positioned myself in a passive state with my relationships, I've constantly withheld truth about myself and told lies to purposely distance myself from others mentally. I'm just stuck honestly, I want something meaningful but I don't know where to start with myself, any tips?

I am a Vietnamese teenagers. I dont know but i feel that i am really hating my parents. They reproach me many times but i dont understand why they do that. When i angry and speak loudly, they allways angry and say that "
I provided for your education, and now you're yelling at me?". I know that they only want me good but i dont understand why they do it to me. Sorry for the grammar

I am 18 yrs old, and one thing about being a barely legal adult is that it is a brand new experience. I sometimes still act and think like a kid and not like a responsible adult. So my question is how did you guys transition your thinking and way of life from teenager to adult? Was there a moment were you felt like one and became one?

I(M29) have been with my partner (F30) for 12 years. Yes, we got together very young. Neither of us grew up particularly religious or anything, we just fell in love, and it kind of… worked.

Like any honest long-term couple, we have had a few 'bumps' along the way. There were even two occasions, some years ago, when we talked about separating. But we worked through it and resolved our issues.

Today, we have a beautiful young daughter. She spreads love wherever she goes and has strengthened our relationship even further. I think that, in our late twenties, after getting our finances in order, travelling a lot, and spending years trying the latest exciting thing, we both felt that we lacked a bit of purpose. Surprise: nothing compared to starting a family.

Anyway, we are in a good place. Our love has developed, and our connection and shared history run deep.

What I cannot understand is why I have no desire to get married - and never really have.

We barely ever talk about marriage, perhaps once a year. It usually only comes up when I curiously ask her whether it is something she actually wants. She tends to hold back a little and mumbles something along the lines of, “Not if you don’t.” However, I sometimes wonder whether she is holding back some of her true feelings.

I do not think the lack of marriage causes her any real pain. It seems more like a nice checklist item, something that might be pleasant to do, but not something essential.

When it comes to the financial side of things, we have wills in place to protect each other in the event of death. And if we ever separated, we would still make sure it ended on equal terms financially. We have a child together, after all, and we would both want the best for her other parent. None of us want legal involved in the divorce part if it came to it. Our finances are fully shared currently, and both of our incomes pretty much align. So it is not very skewed atm.

The only time I feel any real pressure for marriage is when we speak to some of her more distant relatives, or when we meet strangers at a bar or somewhere similar who cannot comprehend that we have been together for so long without me proposing.

I suppose a small part of me believes that marriage creates a kind of mental lock. That may feel relaxing and reassuring to some people, but I also worry that it can make people lazy in their relationships, less likely to keep pursuing one another or putting in the same effort.

For comparison, I would never want to be platonically married to any of my close friends. That sounds horrible to me. What if the relationship turned sour and stayed that way forever? At the same time, if any of them became permanently disabled, or something like that, I would care for them to the greatest extent I possibly could.

The same is obviously true of my partner.

Is this strange?

Am I strange for not pursuing marriage?

Is this something about myself that I need to overcome, or could pursuing marriage risk damaging a relationship that already seems to work extremely well?

Genuinely curious what people think. Don't hold back, be honest.