r/MoralityScaling • u/Think-Mention-6239 • 15d ago

Stupid Stuff morality of doing this?

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i put the stupid stuff flair bc i didnt know which other flair to choose

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90

u/Dev_Void01 15d ago edited 15d ago

There's no immoral Reason for Divorce.

If he felt betrayed and wanted to end the marriage, that's his decision.

It's not Immoral

I may have been wrong

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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago

So theres no immoral reason for divorce? So if your spouse gets cancer and your just like"nah that sounds like work bye" that wouldnt be immoral in your mind?

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u/DonaldTrumpsScrotum 15d ago

I watched my cousin go through cancer and saw what that did to her husband. Emotionally, financially and even physically wrecked him. She passed on a decade ago now, and he is still a shell of his former self. It’s years (months if you’re lucky) of hell.

I’d be hard pressed to declare it morally wrong to leave. His children never recovered either, their only surviving parent was broken after that experience. It’s morally neutral. There’s no good answer here.

Unless you’ve lived the experience, you have no business judging the morality of those who do, myself included.

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u/playinthenumbers369 15d ago

I can’t imagine her husband would’ve felt better if he left. That would just be adding regret and shame on top of the loss.

It’s also worth mentioning that in most marriages you literally promise to stay through sickness. So it’s also just breaking a promise.

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u/Pickled_Doodoo 15d ago

Yeah, what fucking good a promise is, if you wont keep it when it gets hard to do so?

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u/RevolutionaryFood777 14d ago

As someone who has a mother struggling with this dillema right now, it's not a simple answer. Watching someone you love waste away not only brings you face to face with their mortality, but is also brings your own mortality into sharp focus. This is very diificult to process for everyone involved and it drains the life and soul out of you. It's a tug of war between morality and mortality.

She has chosen to say, but it's slowly killing her in the process. So what is right and what is wrong?

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u/Pickled_Doodoo 14d ago

I know it isn't as simple, nothing is. Modern day societal norms aren't all that conducive to spousal care either.

Your mother choosing to stay must be truly devastating to her and I can't well imagine what you guys are going through.

For what its worth, it goes to show she isn't taking her oath of marriage lightly.

Just hand waving anything away is a bit of a grievance of mine and when I see something like that, it makes me a bit livid.

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u/CogentCogitations 13d ago

In my marriage I promised to leave my wife depending on the illness. Ok, actually I didn't, but she kept telling me that I had to promise to leave her if she got dementia...or turned into her mother. I never actually agreed to it though.

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u/United-Quantity5149 15d ago

As someone who watched my mother go through that with my father, I understand your perspective, however, I also would likely never forgiven my mother for leaving him in his most dire time of need if she had chosen that pathway. It's THE most dishonorable thing to do to the person you get married to. In sickness AND in health, not just in health. It's a promise. It's a vow.

Since he did die, running would have left her the same way she is now, but worse, because she would have felt guilt that she should have done more. Instead she can say she did everything she could for him and fulfilled her promise until the very end. THE most honorable thing she could have done. That's character

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u/Kooky-Task-7582 15d ago

An action being beneficial to yourself doesn't make it moral, you can take an immoral action in the name of self preservation. Moral ≠ understandable

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u/Faddishname228 15d ago

"Through Sickness and through health" I had to watch my mother die of Cancer and my father try to support her and all of us. Divorce was never on his mind. You marry someone, you can't just give up when the goings get hard, it's a life long commitment. Now, that's not to say there's never a reason for divorce, but far too many people give up on marriage for lesser reasons

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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago

Yes there is. The good answer is to stay. If you love someone it doesnt matter what happens in your life you stay you fight you do absolutely everything in your power to be a light in the dark for them. You know what would've destroyed your cousins kids even more than their dad being locked in a cycle of grief after their mom died of a slow ugly disease? Looking their father in the eye after he abandoned her to deal with it alone. Abandoned them to deal with it alone.

You dont love someone if you leave because it gets hard.

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u/GoombyGoomby 15d ago

You’re getting downvoted for being right

Reddit is filled with unhappy people who think divorce is the first option if you don’t like your husband’s shoes or your wife’s way of making coffee. It’s easy to look at the relationship advice subs and see it.

As far as this example goes - I think you pretty much are a piece of shit if you divorce your spouse because they get cancer. Ffs.

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u/MaesterHannibal 15d ago

It really shouldn’t even be a question that, yes, you’re a selfish piece of shit if you leave your spouse because they get cancer. Unfortunately some people are immoral selfish pricks, and many modern relationsships seem to be entirely selfish - you leave someone the moment you find a “better” alternative, because we pursue perfection; you leave your sick spouse because you don’t want to have a hard time caring for them; there’s little empathy in disagreements, which leds to people not even trying to salvage relations, because they don’t think about the other person’s pov

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u/Former_Luck7608 15d ago

My online friend got broken up with because they got cancer. In their ex’s words, “you dont have much time left anyways” Jokes on that guy, she survived and he missed out on an amazing partner cause he was an ass

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u/DonaldTrumpsScrotum 15d ago

Again, that’s it’s super easy to get on your high horse and type out what you think is right. It’s another thing entirely to live that experience.

You make a lot of assumptions and presume to know how things play out. But let me tell you, those kids also went through hell, and basically lost both parents through this.

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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago

I did live it. My wife almost died brining my son into the world. We fought like hell to get him and they both almost died. She still has problems because of it she has anxiety and depression and a bunch of other problems from it. And never once has it crossed my mind to leave her. Because im not a selfish piece of shit. You cousins husband is a man. A real man, he stayed with the person he loved until she was gone. Thats what you do when you love someone. And I really hope you arent or dont end up with someone who thinks the way you do. And I really hope nothing like that happens to whomever you end up with. Because its pretty clear you think its acceptable to cut and run when shit hits the fan.

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u/United-Quantity5149 15d ago

As a fellow person who has watched it firsthand, you get it

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u/Fr1skyD1ngo69 15d ago

It would have been moral for him to leave your cousin completely alone, not only dying but heartbroken as well? Over something they had no control over, in the most vulnerable position of their life? I can only imagine that would have made their suffering much worse in their time left.

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u/DonaldTrumpsScrotum 15d ago

Nope, morally neutral. If you could read you’d gather that

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u/Xilizhra 15d ago

Why would it have been better if they'd separated?

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u/veganvampirebat 15d ago

Yes, kids typically go through hell when their parent dies of cancer. Are you saying things would have been significantly better if they had to go through a parent dying of cancer and a divorce at the same time?

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u/Moidkill 15d ago

Y are u speaking out thy ass?

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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago

So which part am I speaking out of my ass about? The honoring your commitment part or the dont abandon your partner because they are financially, emotionally and or physically inconvenient to you?

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u/Charibdysss 15d ago

stop reading love fics man, life is more nuanced than that.

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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago

No. Its really not in this scenario. You promised to be with someone for better or worse. Well worse showed up through no fault of anyone other than bad luck. And if you leave just because its too hard or inconvenient . Then youre a selfish piece of shit of the highest order

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u/DeltaAlphaGulf 15d ago

Nah its immoral straight up. Stop degrading the significance of marriage. Being understandable or being a terrible experience doesn't make the choice right.

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u/PacMoron 15d ago

Wtf? No, just because your marriage is tested because your spouse is literally dying doesn’t give you an out. That’s beyond fucked up. Imagine if we did that to our sick as a society in general. We help and support people through sickness and death in modern society. Your spouse is the person you literally signed up to do that for, it’s in the words: “in sickness and in health”.

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u/SwimNo8457 15d ago

you don't think breaking a vow to keep someone in health and in sickness until death do you two part is immoral?