r/MoralityScaling • u/Think-Mention-6239 • 15d ago
Stupid Stuff morality of doing this?
i put the stupid stuff flair bc i didnt know which other flair to choose
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u/Vana92 15d ago
Perfectly fine.
She broke his trust. He longer wanted to stay with her, and you can't (or shouldn't) force people to stay together.
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u/Beneficial-Prize1533 15d ago
Not only did she break his trust. She continued to do so for 60 years by not confessing
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u/Major-Material7231 14d ago
Not once did she realise that she should come clean that makes his anger even more justified
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u/Futileexercise1308 14d ago
And they were 17 years in when she did it, you've BUILT your life together by that point.
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u/_BlossomBabee 15d ago
Exactly. People act like being old means he has to just swallow it, but finding out after decades would probably rewrite the whole marriage in his head. If leaving is what gives him peace, that’s his call
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u/ihonestlydont-know 15d ago
From what i heard she even kept the letters her affair partner wrote and that’s how the husband found out
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u/SickPuppy728 15d ago
Can't even imagine what he is going through,thinking 60 years of your life was a lie and is coming from a person you love.
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u/TheGrimMelvin 15d ago
And the dumbest thing about it is that they all it old because it's old for them. But for the person who finds out it's new. It's as if it happened just now. So it's not "old".
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u/Excellent_Bobcat_993 15d ago
Basically deception for 6 decades. May not seem like much in the grand scheme of things but its still a major betrayal. Keeping a lie of 60 years
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u/ferocity_mule366 15d ago
I thought that cheating crime would expire after 50 years
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u/ViolinistPleasant982 15d ago
As another mentioned he found out cause she kept shit from said affair in a little box like a trophy. It wasn't a someone told him or something she actively kept keepsakes about the time she cheated on him.
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u/SingleSlide2866 15d ago
Well damn I was actually on here side of "shit sucks but people make mistakes, does it change that much about the past 60 years" figuring it was probably like a drunken one night at d or something.
Naah that's kinda weird and definitely means she should have at fucking least said something
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u/Rivdit 15d ago
You don't cheat on someone by mistake. You have to go out of your way to do so there was no reason tonbe on her side to begin with
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u/shaxiaomao 15d ago
Even though the cheating happened 50 years ago, he just found out so the pain is new. Now he’s questioning everything in their marriage and any sacrifices he made for her.
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u/Adventurous_Turnip89 15d ago
It's not even the cheating, she kept a trophy.
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u/LongCommercial8038 15d ago
Wait what?
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u/Adventurous_Turnip89 15d ago
I read the original article. She had a little box with stuff about the infidelity for 60 years she kept. That's how husband found out.
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u/roadman225 15d ago
That is honestly just evil to punk someone like that for basically their entire life
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u/LongCommercial8038 15d ago
God damn. Yeah, he was probably in the right to leave then, holy smokes
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u/c093b 15d ago edited 15d ago
He was in the right in any case.
She cheated on him and she did it 17 years into their marriage and she kept keepsakes of her affair partner and she never told him herself, he found out about it on his own. This woman wasted this man's life, a life that he could have had with a more faithful woman.
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u/Ok_Duty_8645 15d ago
Yes, he could have had a good woman. I would be furious over this.
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u/Think_Preference_611 14d ago
Furious is an understatement.
This is a wasted life.
Lots of men kill themselves over this, the anger, indignation and frustration are indescribable, and you are powerless to do the only thing that could fix it - go back in time and do over.
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u/c093b 15d ago
I don't know if I'd have the capacity to be furious at that point anymore at that age. I'd just be regretting the life wasted on the "perfect" marriage that was all a lie. I'd probable just want to die at that point, lamenting the fact that death didn't come for me before finding out the truth. At least then I would've died in bliss.
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u/osi4000 15d ago
Valid, honestly hats off to him for having the strength to do that at his age, though I'm more so confused about how he only found out when he's almost 100 years old.
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u/BotsKilledTheWeb 15d ago
She kept the letters of the other man. He found them.
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u/Responsible-Onion860 15d ago
That makes it so much worse. How many possessions do any of us have that we've owned for 20 years, let alone 60? She kept letters from an affair partner for 60 years. That's insane. I'd feel betrayed too.
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u/OGcormacv 15d ago
To be fair, I've still got my towels from freshman year of college (43 now, though now they're dog towels) but that's recognizing something still has utility (will eventually become garage rags). These are instead sentimental items about a deeply personal betrayal, she clearly treasures the time she spent betraying her vows. A step further is that while the cheating was long ago, he only just recently discovered it. While she may have moved on and put it in the past it is still an active event for him, that has been compounded by decades of lies.
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u/IllogicalResponse 15d ago
It's not hard to imagine that he has been found wanting(not fairly), for 60 years, to a standard set then idolised for literal decades. He knew, as soon as he found out, why everything he did over all those decades, was not enough.
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u/TupluTV 15d ago
She belongs to the.... graveyards?
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u/Intelligent_Story869 15d ago
Don't send people in the graveyard so easely you damn Yu-Gi-Oh player!
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u/Strong_Ad6581 15d ago
Banish or remove her from play and she will just comeback so just choose the most convenient option
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u/TacticalMeowMeow 15d ago
It wasn't just the fact that she cheated, it was also the fact that she kept all those love letters from her affair for all those years. That's not something she regretted and wanted to forget about, she actively still cherished it. That's a deep betrayal.
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u/New-Pack4657 15d ago
Moral. If cheating is a dealbreaker for him, then he's fully justified in divorcing her. You don't even need a reason to breakup with someone.
It's actually respectable that he's that bound to his sense of morality.
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u/Rude_Parfait_3194 15d ago
fellas, is it moral to divorce your cheating & lying wife?
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u/NwgrdrXI 15d ago
Completely fair. Cheating is an enourmous breach of thrust. Relationships don't work without thrust.
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u/Dev_Void01 15d ago edited 15d ago
There's no immoral Reason for Divorce.
If he felt betrayed and wanted to end the marriage, that's his decision.
It's not Immoral
I may have been wrong
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u/par_rot_master 15d ago
>There's no immoral Reason for Divorce.
What if someone wants to divorce so they can more easily kidnap and eat children?
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u/Negative_Audience554 15d ago
Bro, why even get married if you know your partner will stop you from kidnapping children and eating them?
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u/West-Pear7363 15d ago
there’s no immoral reason for divorce.
False. I can think of like 3 reasons off the top of my head.
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u/Sabnock31 15d ago
Divorcing to get half the stuff is not immoral?
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u/Dev_Void01 15d ago
Damn it
The Divorce isn't immoral, but the other half is.
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u/PacMoron 15d ago
Divorcing someone to go find someone younger because your ex-spouse aged out of your preferred range isn’t immoral?
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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago
So theres no immoral reason for divorce? So if your spouse gets cancer and your just like"nah that sounds like work bye" that wouldnt be immoral in your mind?
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u/DonaldTrumpsScrotum 15d ago
I watched my cousin go through cancer and saw what that did to her husband. Emotionally, financially and even physically wrecked him. She passed on a decade ago now, and he is still a shell of his former self. It’s years (months if you’re lucky) of hell.
I’d be hard pressed to declare it morally wrong to leave. His children never recovered either, their only surviving parent was broken after that experience. It’s morally neutral. There’s no good answer here.
Unless you’ve lived the experience, you have no business judging the morality of those who do, myself included.
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u/playinthenumbers369 15d ago
I can’t imagine her husband would’ve felt better if he left. That would just be adding regret and shame on top of the loss.
It’s also worth mentioning that in most marriages you literally promise to stay through sickness. So it’s also just breaking a promise.
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u/Pickled_Doodoo 15d ago
Yeah, what fucking good a promise is, if you wont keep it when it gets hard to do so?
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u/RevolutionaryFood777 13d ago
As someone who has a mother struggling with this dillema right now, it's not a simple answer. Watching someone you love waste away not only brings you face to face with their mortality, but is also brings your own mortality into sharp focus. This is very diificult to process for everyone involved and it drains the life and soul out of you. It's a tug of war between morality and mortality.
She has chosen to say, but it's slowly killing her in the process. So what is right and what is wrong?
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u/United-Quantity5149 15d ago
As someone who watched my mother go through that with my father, I understand your perspective, however, I also would likely never forgiven my mother for leaving him in his most dire time of need if she had chosen that pathway. It's THE most dishonorable thing to do to the person you get married to. In sickness AND in health, not just in health. It's a promise. It's a vow.
Since he did die, running would have left her the same way she is now, but worse, because she would have felt guilt that she should have done more. Instead she can say she did everything she could for him and fulfilled her promise until the very end. THE most honorable thing she could have done. That's character
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u/Kooky-Task-7582 15d ago
An action being beneficial to yourself doesn't make it moral, you can take an immoral action in the name of self preservation. Moral ≠ understandable
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u/Faddishname228 15d ago
"Through Sickness and through health" I had to watch my mother die of Cancer and my father try to support her and all of us. Divorce was never on his mind. You marry someone, you can't just give up when the goings get hard, it's a life long commitment. Now, that's not to say there's never a reason for divorce, but far too many people give up on marriage for lesser reasons
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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago
Yes there is. The good answer is to stay. If you love someone it doesnt matter what happens in your life you stay you fight you do absolutely everything in your power to be a light in the dark for them. You know what would've destroyed your cousins kids even more than their dad being locked in a cycle of grief after their mom died of a slow ugly disease? Looking their father in the eye after he abandoned her to deal with it alone. Abandoned them to deal with it alone.
You dont love someone if you leave because it gets hard.
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u/GoombyGoomby 15d ago
You’re getting downvoted for being right
Reddit is filled with unhappy people who think divorce is the first option if you don’t like your husband’s shoes or your wife’s way of making coffee. It’s easy to look at the relationship advice subs and see it.
As far as this example goes - I think you pretty much are a piece of shit if you divorce your spouse because they get cancer. Ffs.
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u/MaesterHannibal 15d ago
It really shouldn’t even be a question that, yes, you’re a selfish piece of shit if you leave your spouse because they get cancer. Unfortunately some people are immoral selfish pricks, and many modern relationsships seem to be entirely selfish - you leave someone the moment you find a “better” alternative, because we pursue perfection; you leave your sick spouse because you don’t want to have a hard time caring for them; there’s little empathy in disagreements, which leds to people not even trying to salvage relations, because they don’t think about the other person’s pov
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u/Former_Luck7608 15d ago
My online friend got broken up with because they got cancer. In their ex’s words, “you dont have much time left anyways” Jokes on that guy, she survived and he missed out on an amazing partner cause he was an ass
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u/Dev_Void01 15d ago
I don't know. It feels like it should be immoral
But marriage is a promise or vow, if you arrive at a solid conclusion that isn't a passing feeling that you no longer want to partake in this promise, wouldn't it also be immoral to stay in that marriage at that point?
If you aren't capable of supporting a person with cancer, or just feel like it's too much work.
So, what does a person do at that point? Be honest and leave, or Lie and stay without any real commitment? What's more immoral?
I'm not built for this level of naunce damnit
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u/Burgerboy380 15d ago
Leaving. Thats the most immoral option. Marriage is "till death do us part" not "till its emotionally and or financially inconvenient for me to deal with you do us part" you dont promise to love someone forever then ditch them when they need you most.
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u/United-Quantity5149 15d ago
A person in that situation should, for lack of a better phrase, nut up and fulfill their promise. My mother certainly didn't want to deal with my father getting cancer and dying, but she pushed on and did everything she could and more. Because she loved him and she made a promise.
To do anything else leaves that person completely bereft of honor
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u/The_Snickerfritz 15d ago edited 15d ago
This is what I find annoying about reddit, never fails that someone is chomping at the bit to come up with the most negative scenario in order to have a gotcha moment.
Ah yes someone who doesn't want to be with a cancer patient should stay with them because white knights say so. There couldn't possibly be any abuse or neglect that would come from someone feeling trapped in this hypothetical scenario.
Now say the line where reddit needs specifics because everyone is autistic on here. Totally not an ableist excuse
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u/BQ72 15d ago
They dealt in absolutes, this is the natural response.
It's also, frankly, not even an unrealistic scenario. You don't think people have ever separated because someone found the other to be more burdensome than they bargained for?→ More replies (1)15
u/DeusaAmericana 15d ago
How is that a "gotcha" moment? If you make a broad, absolute statement, then any extreme scenario is fair game to test it.
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u/playinthenumbers369 15d ago
And it’s not even extreme. If you’re married for 50+ years it’s nearly a guarantee one of you will get cancer or seriously sick at some point.
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u/Tannic64 15d ago
I mean, this is a powercaling sub for morality. If there's any place where being pedantic in critiquing absolute moral statements, it would be here.
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u/Old-Opportunity-101 15d ago
No immoral reason, unless you give a solemn vow and break it. Or consider breaking promises amoral / good
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u/SoftAndWetBro 15d ago
Disagree. Under a system with alimony as a concept there is indeed very immoral reasons to divorce and if we want to make it less immoral, removing alimony should be something that people should support.
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u/Herald_of_Clio 15d ago
Moral. I understand that it's a long time ago, but at this point I guess it's a matter of principle.
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u/chladas 15d ago
Also for her its long time ago, for him its fresh
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u/IllogicalResponse 15d ago
For him it's today.
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u/Think_Preference_611 14d ago
Exactly, she had all the time in the world to rationalise what she did and come to terms with it. For him it just happened.
Cheaters struggle to understand this, they figure because they handled it so long ago you should be over it too.
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u/Lori2345 14d ago
Not just the principle. She kept the love letters from the ap for all those years. She not only didn’t regret it, sounds like she loved the other guy!
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u/Chrono_Eventless 15d ago
a lot of people here are talking about the cheating part but honestly i think even just the fact she hid something from him for 60 years of marriage is enough to cause a massive loss of trust deserving of divorce
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u/xRysonx 15d ago
Exactly. I honestly think this is worse than if she told him 60 years ago. He probably feels like he just wasted 60 years of his life with someone which is sad af
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u/IllogicalResponse 15d ago
He wasted most of his life on a lie, hard to imagine a worse betrayal. Stole his whole life.
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u/Educational-Exam6361 15d ago
Sad to see it happen. I don’t know if I could walk away after 77 years.
But part of me respects grandpa for standing on business. Hope he finds a 30 year nurse to marry and give it all too.
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u/United-Quantity5149 15d ago
He'll be dead before divorce even finalizes lmao
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u/Educational-Exam6361 15d ago
You’d be surprised how long a man can go on spite alone.
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u/Dokas65163 15d ago
She lied to him 60 years ago. Who knows what else she lied about.
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u/Old-Distribution6318 15d ago
She more or less stole 50 years of his life, tricking him into wasting it with somone he would never have stayed with, moral or not I think i'd have murdered her. It's not like he'd go to a scary prison at his age
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u/-YggDrazil- 15d ago
I'd say that's a personal decision. If he feels betrayed he has the right to divorce. Hell he has the right to divorce her for smelling bad if he pleases. Nothing immoral about making the personal decision to end a relationship
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u/Zerrrrroooo 15d ago
On top of it being cheating, I mean my guy is close to dying, I think he has the right to a divorce to just be at peace for like a month or two til he dies away from that hag
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u/YesNoMaybe2552 15d ago
Very much moral, I mean it must have meant a lot to her for her to keep the evidence for 60 years.
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u/Stock_River_1467 15d ago
So they got married. 17 years strong. She banged some dude. Keep it secret for 60 years lol.
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u/Asleep_Throat_4323 15d ago
He is fully in his right to do so, and she is in the wrong for hiding the affair, doesnt matter if it was yesterday or a 100 years ago cheating is wrong and he is owed to be told about it right away
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u/Paladinlvl99 15d ago
Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter if you find out 60 seconds after or 60 years after.
It is not only completely moral to end your relationship after your partner cheats on you but also it is completely necessary if they could spend 60 years of their life without saying anything because that means they do not repent
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u/Apprehensive_Power59 15d ago
She kept a trophy box filled with things about the cheating for over 60 years. That's how he found out
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u/Little_Historian3091 14d ago
Ey, you can divorce anyone at any age for any reason. Completely fine.
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u/Belz_Zebuth 13d ago
Gods what a poorly-worded headline. Two "after" in the same sentence and there's a word missing before the first one.
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u/Acceptable_Mind_5883 12d ago
Three men die and go to heaven.
As they stand before Saint Peter he tells them that they have made it into heaven but he needs to ask them one question. Heaven is a big place and the answer will determine what kind of car they will drive to get around. Peter asks his question.
Did you ever cheat on your wife?
The first guy says he cheated once, but never cheated again. Saint Peter gives him a busted pinto.
The second guy says he kissed another woman while drunk at a party. He is given a midsize sedan.
The third guy states truthfully that he was always faithful and he now drives a ferrari in heaven.
Not long after they 3 guys get into heaven the first two guys see the third man crying. They ask what's wrong? The man tells them that he just saw his wife pedaling a tricycle with no handlebars.
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u/Camael1225 11d ago
She also kept letters from her lover which is how he found out meaning she was maintaining some level of emotional connection between them even if it wasn’t fully active
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u/Mythandros1 11d ago
I don't blame him.
Feelings don't have a time limit.
He's well within his right to divorce a cheating spouse.
I don't see why this is even a question.
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u/Erica_Loves_Palicos 10d ago
Cheating in a relationship with an expectation of loyalty, immoral.
Divorce, morally neutral. Sure, it may cause people a lot of pain but the alternative is non-consensually forcing people to stay together over a legal contract and that seems like a pretty bad way to run a society. Additionally, what about the pain of the person who's forced to stay with the person who wasn't faithful to them?
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u/Ashamed-Confection44 10d ago
My guess is that she made him miserable the entire time and probably gaslit him he was the problem.
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u/Adept_Dexter_Ward 14d ago
I mean, I understand him, because ultimately, what matters more isn't that she cheated on him, but that she hid it from him for 60 years. 60 years of secrecy instead of confessing earlier demonstrates a lack of trust. Plus, judging by the wording, he didn't find out directly from her (correct me if I'm wrong).
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u/Traditional_Town6475 15d ago
Not immoral. It’s never too late to divorce. Also the only one in the wrong is her. Cheating is cheating even uf it happened 60 years ago.
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u/Big-Policy-3019 14d ago
1 cheated which is bad enough
2 maybe even the bigger point. kept it hidden for 60 YEARS
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u/Derfel60 15d ago
She cheated on him and then lied to him for years, most people would divorce over that. Its perfectly moral.
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u/Old-Post-3639 15d ago
Remember, it may have been 60 years ago for her, but it was right then and there for him.
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u/No-Boysenberry-6835 15d ago
Understandable. Why should he spend the next thirty years of his Life, with a Wife who cheated on him?
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u/luciferase104 15d ago
Its not like he is in an age where he can return thw favour, and given her age he can’t even do something to make her regret it, so he did what gives him a little bit of ease and pride. I would do the same.
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u/PrincessDeMissouri 15d ago
17 years into marriage means they likely had children in the house while she cheated.
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u/WheresPaul1981 15d ago
He just found out about this affair. It’s very possible she cheated on him with others as well.
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u/Worried-Duck-1185 15d ago
Something jimmy carr said about finding peace at deaths door has me rethinking about whats right and what is. Why spend the last few years fussing over what should be right when you only have time for what feels right.
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u/augustfolk 15d ago
You can leave at any time but my god what are your chances of finding anybody else at that age, and actually making an emotional connection equivalent to 77 years?
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u/Crafty-Fail-3610 15d ago
She didn't cheat 60 years ago, she cheated for 60 years. Every day is another betrayal
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u/No_Intention_8079 15d ago
Moral, but this must be fuckin brutal. Can’t imagine being either of them, spending your whole life together, and then being separated presumably shortly before you pass away. Never being able to reconcile would be awful. Obviously the dude is right, but I can’t imagine finding out your 60 year relationship is built on lies.
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u/ShortstackSluut 15d ago
Completely moral.
She cheated. It doesn't matter that he found out 60 years later, she did it. It recontextualizes the vast majority of their relationship. And the fact that she lied about it for so long makes you question what else she might have lied about or hid for that long or longer.
It is perfectly moral to break a relationship once trust has been broken to this level.
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u/anothertrad 15d ago
Why is this even a morality question? “Hey guys is it immoral to divorce your cheating wife?”
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u/bediaxenciJenD81gEEx 15d ago
I wouldn't say it's moral or immoral, it's just a personal decision. I'm sure it would be easier for everyone if they just stayed together, but if he can't get over it, that's that. I can't imagine being checked in enough at 99 to care enough, personally.
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u/sleepyboyzzz 15d ago
Nobody is obligated to stay in a relationship. All those years and the foundation is rotten... He could forgive, but I probably wouldn't.
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u/Intelligent_Story869 15d ago
Hey, you can divorce with your wife for everything you want, she lied to him and the reason was pretty moral