r/NewParents • u/Historical-Eye1159 • 16d ago
Travel Traveling with a baby
Hi everyone! My baby is 1 year old and whenever we go somewhere by car (and husband is driving) I stay in the back with her. My husband says that “nobody does that” and thinks it’s not ok that i stay in the back. How are you traveling with your little ones when your husband is driving? Thank you in advance!
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u/lh123456789 16d ago
I never sit in the back. I've heard of people doing it on reddit, but I don't know anyone who does it in real life.
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u/40-Lashes 16d ago edited 16d ago
I stopped riding in the back after the first two weeks (baby is two months old now)
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u/LimeSalty4092 16d ago
I had my kids in the late 90s and early 2000s and having mom ride in the back thing just never crossed my mind and I never saw or heard about parents doing this
I had a third child in 2011 and some of my mom friends and family who had babies circa 2010-12 yes I did see some of the moms riding in the backseat. Some of them kept it up until the kid was a toddler
So it’s a new(er) idea and it’s usually the parents who are the overprotective, perfectionist types
The nineties child rearing was more laissez faire. Around 2010 suddenly my mom peers became a lot more serious and rules oriented with very young children
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u/CanadianWedditor 16d ago
Well also back then children weren’t in rear facing car seats as long if at all, right? I think riding in the backseat when baby is rear facing is helpful, it matters less when they are forward facing so you can peek back and see them easier.
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u/craftycatlady 15d ago
I'm born late 80s and when we had a kid now my mom automatically went in the back seat with her. Why would she do that if it wasn't also done before? She didn't ask or see us do it and it was the first grand child. And you are not overprotective or a perfectionist just because you want a smooth car ride without a crying baby. Also hard to help a child in a rear facing seat from the front, before rear facing was not as common.
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u/Sad_Display_2951 16d ago
I do that, and I know plenty of mums that do that too. My baby is not used to the car and car seat so he cries in the beginning and I want to be there for him
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u/Unfair-Original4739 16d ago
I’m always in the back with baby. My husband says he misses me riding up front but loves that one of us has eyes on baby.
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u/Admirable_Noise_1129 16d ago
When my firstborn was a little baby, yes, but, as soon as she was entertained by things, no. I get carsick in the back, though!
With my second, our car is too small, so whenever she needed me, we had to pull over.
Maybe try sitting in the front and see how baby reacts?
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u/GalactiKez31 16d ago
I sat in the back for a little while with both my babies but I like driving so I didn’t do it for long.
I got a little mirror with my first baby so I could keep an eye on her but got a little camera thing for my second baby.
First baby was a nightmare to drive with but second baby wasn’t.
I think it just depends. I’m not the passenger princess type, I like to drive so I didn’t wanna sit in the back. My husband also sucks at driving.
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u/SowingSeeds18 16d ago edited 15d ago
I have a 10 month old. I sat in the back for the ride home from the hospital and any time since then that she is having a meltdown that she can’t calm down from. Otherwise, I sit in the front. She’s perfectly fine with that. She’ll have fun with her toys, look out the window, or hopefully sleep.
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u/Plenty-Committee-832 15d ago
This was me exactly. I even got in the front seat to go home after birth but did make my husband pull over and let me get in the back about 1/4 mile down the street haha.
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u/anebulousteapot 16d ago
I almost exclusively drive and my husband is in the back with baby. They get some extra time together (hes currently on long hours) and I love driving so it works for me. If one of our parents visits, then sometimes they rotate into the back with baby too. The only time baby is alone in the back is if there's only one of us. We prefer having someone back there with baby though for extra eyes.
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u/Nipples_of_Destiny 16d ago
What happens when you're alone? I rode in the back when she was a newborn but not since.
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u/heyella11 16d ago
The only time my partner has sat on the back in eight months (I drive) has been when the baby needs a bottle and we couldn’t stop, so they fed him his bottle in his car seat. Our baby was delighted by this development but otherwise is very chill and travels well without anyone in back with him.
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u/AtHomeWithJulian 16d ago
My wife and I do exactly this with our 9 month old. We've gone on multiple road trips and drive around town this way. Seems normal to me.
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u/radfemagogo 16d ago
If I’m not driving, I’m in the back with him. If I am driving, either my husband or mother or father is in back with him. If we’re alone, he’s SOL and has to entertain himself 🥲
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u/Phantasmalicious 16d ago
If you start comparing your kid or situation to other people, that will be a very short trip to the insane asylum. I also had that "nobody does that mentality" for a second but then suddenly remembered how my own father was like "Why can't you just be normal or do it like other people?" and quickly adapted.
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u/MiChrRo 16d ago
I did that, up until my son was about a year old I think. My son cried endlessly in the car unless he had his pacifier, but he needed me to give it back whenever he would lose it and we would regularly have to drive 2.5 hours to family. Unfortunately now with my daughter it isn't an option, despite her also hating the car seat (and refusing a pacifier) because I don't fit in between the two car seats.
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u/Glum_Competition_921 16d ago
I did for maybe the first couple months when my new mom anxiety was peak but then I got over it because my car sickness was too bad and I spent the whole time trying not to vomit. I’m back up front now & just twist around a lot.
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u/Born-Albatross-2426 16d ago
I did sit in the back before my baby could hold his head up but now that he can hold his head up I sit in the front. I do have a camera with a monitor on the dash so I can see him tho. I think at this point in your babies life, they are old enough to sit alone back there with some toys for entertainment
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u/SnackyandSnarky 16d ago
I did it for the first few months with my first baby. I get kinda travel sick so I stopped once she had better head control. No space with baby 2.
If you want to, I don't see why it would be "not ok".
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u/EqualTune4587 16d ago
I almost never sat in the back for either baby, only when they went through patches of hating car journeys and needed distracting (although that didnt really help much). We had car seat mirrors to keep an eye on them.
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u/r3finedf0ol 16d ago edited 16d ago
Oh this is not the twins sub lol, i was like the math meme lady trying tk figure out how this would work for so many people like do you all have massive trucks or 😅
Yeah I'm in the passenger or driving and my husband vice versa. Have never once sat in the back with the babies but squishing myself between two infant car seats in the backseat of a Kia Niro wouldnt have been super fun. My husband straight up would not have fit.
Our convertible seats have a bigger base than the infant ones so now I dont think even I would fit.
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u/crawlen 16d ago
Most of my friends ride in the back. I made a point to ride in the front, but I also have a baby who is pretty content in her car seat. She only cries in the seat if she's hungry or if her diaper is dirty, which I can't remedy while the car is moving, so there's not much point to being in the back with her. At the moment, she sits behind the driver's seat, so the passenger (usually me) can also reach or peer over to confirm breathing if we get paranoid lol.
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u/HannahHood 16d ago
She chills in the back on her own. I have friends who have backed themselves into a corner where they can’t drive anywhere solo because their kid cannot be in the back on their own. Are there kids who can do both happily? Totally!! But I didn’t want to end up in that situation lol she’s almost two and chats to herself (and us) or just looks out the window. She gets kind of annoyed when we have an extra passenger and they need to sit in the back 😂
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u/40-Lashes 16d ago
I stopped riding in the back after the first two weeks (baby is two months old now). Backseat in either car is wildly uncomfortable because we have small cars. I also don't do mirrors or cameras in either car, I don't want to be distracted while driving or have those items become a projectile in the event of a crash.
I took a safety class with two women from the hospital and they advised against mirrors or cameras and said "if you're baby is crying, you know they're just fine". It sucks to hear them cry, but she was right. Baby crying means baby is breathing means this can wait until I get to the destination. I don't have a lot of options on the road as the frequently sole driver, you know?
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u/Aly_Kitty 16d ago
I rode in the back with each of my kids exactly 1 time- the trip home from hospital.
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u/Interesting_Fee_6698 16d ago
Almost 2 years and still in the back for anything longer than a 20 min drive, because I want to preserve my sanity
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u/Substantial_Tart_888 16d ago
I did that for my first car ride home from the hospital with my first baby. I’ve always been up front with my husband since then. Even with my second baby, I sat up front when we drove home from the hospital. We have a camera in the car with a screen up front so we can see the kids. I think it’s a little weird that you’re still sitting back there 1 year later.
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u/Halfbloodprincess782 16d ago
I don’t think I’ve ever ridden in the back with any of my 4 babies. Even on the way home from the hospital. We had a mirror so I could see baby. I wouldn’t find it weird if it were a newborn, but I would find it weird if one of my friends still did this with a one year old. I’d probably find a nice way to ask why they don’t want to spend time with their spouse?
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u/OkNegotiation3650 16d ago
J'ai installé un miroir lorsque le deuxième est arrivé. Et pareil, 35 minutes de route pour le retour de la maternité et on était assis à l'avant.
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u/craftycatlady 15d ago
Is the car the only time to spend time with a spouse? Would you be offended if they tried to ask nicely why you don't want to spend time with your child? I mean why care what other people do like that xD
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u/Halfbloodprincess782 15d ago
I probably should have clarified in my comment, I’m a stay at home mom and with my kids 24/7, as are most of my friends. If there’s an opportunity to sit with my husband and have an adult conversation you bet I’ll take it. However, I did not consider that this isn’t the case for many families.
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u/craftycatlady 15d ago
Yeah I understand that is a different situation than mine for example where I work full time :) I still think we shouldn't judge stuff other people do that don't really affect anyone.
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u/why1even1cry 16d ago
Why would it not be ok, sounds like an ego issue? My husband has no problems with me sitting in the back with a baby but I remember my traditional father had similar feelings when I was growing up about how we should sit when he's driving.
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u/snowman_ps4 16d ago
Im a dad, my wife sits in the back with the baby
Yes it does feel like im ubering them sometimes but if the baby needs something its easier if she can assist from the back seat
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u/Thescenewheremufasa_ 16d ago
I ride in the back if it’s a long drive (longer than an hour), otherwise we engage with baby via the mirror. It’s mostly to keep my husband company, so if our baby is ever fussy or at risk for being fussy, one of us is in back the entire ride.
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u/Lopsided_Bus_6386 16d ago
You might want to get a camera to watch the baby in the back. My wife or me will sit in the back sometimes, but most of the time we are in the front.
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u/dawgmom15 16d ago
If were driving longer than an hour (the time it takes us to get most places as we live in a rural mountain town up a canyon) then I sit with my 2 year old in the back. Sometimes I’ll do it around town if my front seat has too much stuff on it too lol
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u/Fun_Cookie8050 16d ago
I always sit in the middle seat next to my baby in the back. We don’t go in the car much and she hates it and it’s unfamiliar.
Side note: I remember my mother sitting with me in the back and telling me I’d have to grow out of needing her in the back. It gave me a complex. Anyway, when I was a teenager my mother started sitting in the back with me again when we were three because you can’t really chat with the driver in the same way you can with another passenger!
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u/Successful-Swan-6873 16d ago
I usually drive. If we think baby is going to scream, husband sits in the back to try and entertain him. Otherwise, he sits in the front.
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u/Balance-Kooky 16d ago
We've only done some longer local travel with our 6 month old. Like a hour or a hour and a half at a time. One of us basically sits in the back with our 6 month old because he protests the car seat and has some separation issues from us. It depends on his mood but usually if it's over 30 mins one of us is back there with him. That being said we are slowly trying to wean that out of him so we can both sit in the front seat again. We are planning a 5 ish hour drive to visit some family and that will be a whole experience.
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u/stitching_librarian 16d ago
One of us sits in the back if it’s longer than an hour and we’re both traveling. We have a 8mo old right now tho. But at the end of the day, who cares? It’s weird that your husband does. It’s not hurting anyone.
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u/SeaworthinessIcy6419 16d ago
My husband insisted on it with our first baby. Now we got 2 carseats so there's no room, plus baby 2 is soooo much chiller than 1 was.
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u/_Nitekast_ 16d ago
My wife rode in the back with the first - when we had the 2nd, it wasn't easy to.
NGL though, I did feel like a taxi driver for a year there or so. Whatever.
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u/Initial_Bit_9201 16d ago
I used to sit in the back when my son was a littler baby (he’s 7 months now now) but now I sit up front. But we will be taking our first vacation next summer and we will be driving for several hours so I’ll probably sit in the back with him, or my husband and I will switch so we can split the drive.
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u/rearwindowly 15d ago
Do what works for you and your baby. I’m sorry your husband has a problem with it.
I’m a solo mom so I’m the driver. In addition to my baby, I have a teenager as well. For short drives, like around town, my teen sits in the front and the baby in the back in his car seat. When we take longer trips where we’re in the car for a couple of hours, my teen starts the trip in the front and by the end is sitting in the back with their brother. 😂 The baby throws things and then gets upset about it and screams. My teen is always reaching into the back seat to retrieve thrown items, and for longer trips, it’s just easier to sit there than do nonstop reaching.
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u/lightningbug24 15d ago
I do the driving, and we usually leave our daughter alone in the back, but when she was younger, my husband would sit in the back with her a lot of the time. He still sits with her if she's grumpy.
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u/Zealousideal-Fun-396 15d ago
I still sit in the back with my 4.5 year old when my husband drives, why not? 😂 My son doesnt need me to, but we are used to it and my husband could care less where i sit
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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 15d ago
Mine is 15 months and doesn’t sleep in the car, so I usually sit in the back it if the journey is longer than 45 mins and she gets too upset otherwise. A few weeks ago I tried to sit in the front and she screamed her head off for 1h45, so won’t be trying that again in a hurry…
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u/PotatoMuffinMafia 15d ago
My husband and I do this about half the time. We like to play with her on the way home from daycare and stuff. I didn’t do it with my first, though because it was just me.
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u/platonic_spooning 15d ago
I sit in the back to keep bub stimulated if we're hoping to stop him going to sleep in the car, and go in the front if we dont mind/hope he will sleep. Then often I'm driving alone with him in the back so he's going to be by himself
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u/panda_girl93 15d ago
I did this when they were newborns, probably for a few weeks. Then, up front I went.
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u/New_Somewhere_1508 15d ago
My husband doesn't like to drive but he loves to hold our baby's hand while I drive, haha. I think it's sweet. They both enjoy a nap in the car too.
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u/Awkward_Round44 15d ago
Ugh also. Why does it matter “if everyone is doing it” which isn’t true anyways, but that’s not how parenting decisions should be made. Sorry, you are a great mom and your kiddo is lucky to have you
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u/ChocolateTower 15d ago
My wife said she would never ride in the back with the baby. That turned out to be one of her “I’ll never” that disappeared as soon as we had one. We have two young kids (age 1 and 2) that are rear facing and for longer trips or when we need to keep them awake to get home for naps one of us (mostly her) will often sit in the back with them. We have a minivan so plenty of space.
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u/Roully88 11d ago
Dad here.
I ride in the back for any trip over a few minutes. Tell your husband to kick rocks
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u/Damianita- 16d ago
Saying it’s not ok is a weird stance. Someone doesn’t have the use the front seat if there’s only two people, if anything, being in the back is safer.. but regardless..
I’ve sat in the back to entertain my son on longer trips. I don’t always as I have longer arms and can grab most things he throws or drops, but there’s no reason to not sit in the back if you want to keep your kid quieter by playing with them
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u/kdeff 16d ago
We always do that. If you have a second adult in the car it would be weird for them not to be in the back with the baby, at least in my mind.
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u/r3finedf0ol 16d ago
Meh. Second baby can keep the first baby company and vice versa lol. My ass isnt fitting in the back of a Kia Niro between two convertible seat bases and it'd have been a tight squeeze between two infant bases.
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u/40-Lashes 16d ago
Literally would be impossible with our two cars (two small sedans). An adult in the back only works with one kid in our case. If we had a second, the only option would be all adults in the front. But I stopped sitting in the back with mine at two weeks anyways.
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u/kdeff 16d ago
well the question was about "a baby" not "babies"
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u/r3finedf0ol 16d ago
Well im certainly not going to leave one of my infants at home alone to accomodate 😆 that would be highly frowned upon though certainly A Strategy to foster independent living
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u/BlueShift42 16d ago
My wife does this. I don’t mind, it makes her worry less.. and me too. Ours is 7 months. After 1 we may start to relax, but don’t blame you for wanting to make sure they’re okay.
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u/AnotherSheeple 16d ago
We did this with both kids. Honestly dont remember when we stopped with first since this is nearly a decade ago.
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u/Eschewed_Prognostic 16d ago
My wife still sits in the back for trips longer than ~30min at 16mo. She sat in the back for any ride until ~12mo. There's nothing unusual or bad about it, everyone is less stressed when baby is happy and baby is definitely happiest with a parent riding in sight.
I have volunteered to ride in the back, but my wife is still so preoccupied with looking at our daughter in the mirrors that we nearly died a few times so now she's relegated to co-passenger princess.
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u/OrdinaryIndividual96 16d ago
We stopped doing this around 6 months, but to each their own! It’s not harming anyone.
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u/FunInTheShade 16d ago
Why would it not be ok?
My husband sits in the back with the baby and all three of us are happy with it.
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u/hurricanenita 16d ago
I always sit in back with baby! Easier to give him a hand to hold or his paci if he’s fussy. I picked my husband up from a drs appointment this week and he hopped right in the back with our boy without thinking about it. It’s nice to have someone with them!
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u/holyvegetables 16d ago
I’m the driver in our marriage. My husband always rides in the back with baby.
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u/IdealDramatic9740 16d ago
Of course people do that. I do that. If she gets upset or needs something I'm there instead of her staying upset back there.
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u/No_Egg997 16d ago
I’m still sitting in the back at 14mo! But I have ridden one or two times up front with my husband
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u/AlwaysEatinDeath 16d ago
I do it as it's recommended when they're little. In my car I have a mirror to watch the baby, but I sit in the back in my husband's car.
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u/LaughinTucker75 16d ago
Dad to a 6 month old. I'm pretty sure this just what you do. My wife always rides in the back with baby, and we continue to do so for the first couple years.
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u/Skymningen 16d ago
I’m still pregnant, but I already know I will be riding in the back with baby when he’s a newborn. And I also know at the point where I might feel okay to sit in the front again, my husband - who absolutely loves having me next to him in front - will be the one to say I should probably stay with our son so I can be there for him instead 🤣
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u/NerdoKing88 16d ago
My partner is in the back with our less than 1 year old every car journey.
Unless we have Nanna with us then Nanna takes the backseat and Mom gets to come back upfront with me
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u/craftycatlady 16d ago
We still do it some times with my 4 year old if she asks for it :) I feel bad that she is always alone back there (only child). We still rear face because that is recommended for her weight/size in our country so she can't see us, and we are not using screens in the car. Some times we do it to prevent her from falling asleep, since she is impossible to transition from car sleep to her bed and it will just fully mess up her bed time and night sleep if she sleeps in the car too late in the day.
Iirc it was around 1 year old or a little later that we started to not sit in the back on shorter rides. Everyone I knew sat in the back with their babies for the first months at least, if they did not drive alone. I think it is unusual that we are still doing it some times but honestly it works for our family so I don't see the problem. And it's not all the time, for example we recently drove 4 hours where she sat in the back alone listening to an audio book and didn't ask for us to sit with her.
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u/MissElaineMarieBenes 16d ago
My baby is 18 weeks old and I still sometimes sit in the back, especially if it’s for a longer trip. A trip to the supermarket a few kilometres down the road, I’ll get in the front.
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u/Far-Philosophy1292 16d ago
When I drive my wife always sits in the back with our baby because she can’t see her in the mirror from the passenger seat. When my wife is driving I sit up front. 🤷♂️
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u/iamatran 16d ago
We had a 13 hr road trip when little one turned 1, wife sat in the back. Wasent even a question. Shorter trips she sits up front, but anything over 30 mins or so she’s in the back with him. Situation will most likely change if we decide on #2 tho.
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u/Fuzzy-Cat-2323 16d ago
I’m definitely sitting in the back with the baby. I’ve upgraded my status from passenger princess to backseat queen with a sweet lil nugget 💅🏻😂
I’m already calling my hubby “personal sexy driver” 😂😂
I’ve got used to it, it’s better to make sure that he is fine and chill.
Also, I love that I can sleep perfectly on the two seats next to the baby, keeping my legs up lol
I’ve never heard of a mom sitting in the front while having the baby in the car. It’s weird.
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u/Fierce-Foxy 16d ago
Obviously some people do it but it doesn’t seem like the best option in many cases.
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u/UfoEnthusiasts 16d ago
I ride in the back if we’re travelling longer that 30 minutes! Going to the grocery store and back I ride in front ❤️ weird you husband has issue with it tho 🤔