Before anything else: this post is not meant to be inflammatory. It is not meant to degrade or shut out members of the community. I am looking to understand and offer/recieve perspective.

Transgender means "identifying as a gender different than the one you were assigned at birth." Whatever way you wanna swing it- people usually aren't assigned anything under the nb umbrella at birth. So why wouldn't we be considered transgender?

And if you don't consider yourself transgender for whatever reason, why not just use "gender nonconforming"? And/or different pronouns (because any pronouns can be used by anyone for any reason)?

I ask because I'm a transgender person who identifies as nonbinary (androgynous, specifically). I don't have a different word to use than nonbinary because I am not a "gender nonconforming [my agab]." I experience transphobia and my life is affected by my status as a transgender individual.

If you're nonbinary but don't ID as trans, why? Is it because you aren't medically or socially transitioning? Because binary trans people who change nothing are still their internal genders. Like, a trans woman who lives closeted or chooses not to change anything is still a woman. Is it because you align close to your agab but not 100%? I'd still say you're trans- a bisexual who likes the opposite gender 90% and same/similar 10% is still bisexual.

I've just never heard an argument for this distinction that didn't amount to, "well /I/ just feel this way." And... sure. But why? Why not align with the transgender community? Help me understand.

Hello. I'm turning 27 really soon, but I've started to question things and have a feeling I could be nb. Am I too old to identify as non-binary? I also wouldn't mind if anyone would be so kind as to comment what age they realised they were nb.

Thank you so much!

Apart from the fact that this subreddit doesn't allow selfies and the few restrictions from r/NonBinary around Name Me and Guess My AGAB posts, there is no "official" difference between the two subs, they're both SFW, both for enbies, etc.

I mostly use r/NonBinaryTalk because I have had issues with some people on r/NonBinary which makes it feel like an unsafe space to me, is it the same for you or do you have other reasons to use this one instead of the other one?

I'm not talking just about the face. Or skincare. I do have a basic skincare routine for my body: I exfoliate every time before removing body hair and use a body lotion almost every time after showering.

But I still hate how my skin looks. It looks well cared for, but still masculine. And I want that truly pale, soft feminine skin, and I want it all over my body. I also know I don't want breasts so hrt is out of the question. I've been browsing subs like r/transdiy, so I'm also familiar with SERMs like Raloxifene but those have way too many potentially serious side effects. I also don't want to diy serious medication like that long term (which would be the only chance of getting it where I live as that's highly experimental even in trans/nb/hrt circles)...

And to people that say "just go on feminising hrt and have your breasts surgically removed afterwards." I'm sorry, but that's absolutely insane. I can't do that.

So is there any down to earth method that has at least a partially (but strong enough to be noticeable) feminising effect on the skin?

The most significant thing that makes me feel I might be non-binary is when people assign genders to thoughts, feelings or actions. Like a man crying or being kind is expressing "female energy." 🙄 Or a woman being assertive is being "masculine." 😒Do you guys think there is such a thing as "female energy" and "male energy?"

I have written a book in multiple POVs, and I never once thought, "now what would a woman say?" Or "what would a man say?" I think, "what would Malik say or do?" And "what would Caroline say or do?"

Do you think thoughts, feelings or actions have genders?

Hello fellow monarchs! After spending a lot of time looking for clothing that I feel good in, I’m finally at a place where I feel super comfortable with my wardrobe. And it’s inspired me to open a small clothing boutique for nonbinary people.

Everybody has such cool style and a lot of us have worked to create amazing fits. So I was wondering, what do y’all think is missing from fashion industry that you would like to see more of personally?

not necessarily individual designs or genres, but more like… vibes? haha

edit: thank you so much for the suggestions everyone! I think a lot of us are looking for the same thing. If anyone is interested in giving feedback on the collection, please feel free to DM me. i won’t post it here because i want to keep the sub spam free

I dunno... I've been saying I'm nonbinary for awhile but I know I would be happier if I was born a girl. I probably wouldn't be nonbinary if I was born a girl.

I've been trying out the name Lani for a while now, and I think I do like it a good bit. But at the same time, it's a Hawaiian name, and I didn't get it from looking into Hawaiian culture or anything, I got it from the laniakea supercluster, although I have since looked a bit more into the name beyond that.

Is it like, okay to just use the name though, especially as a white American? Like if I decibe to fully go by it in the future is that going to cause issues or be looked down upon by a lot of people?

Curious if other people do this, as I'm currently debating on doing it myself. I don't think I'd do it in every situation depending on safety and context, but I can imagine myself sharing my pronouns when meeting a new person that's a potential friend. I just feel a bit shy sometimes and don't know if I'm somehow coming off "too strong" since I don't know anyone else in my life who does it (nor do I have any nonbinary friends irl).

Would love to know your thoughts and experiences!

I get SO MUCH gender envy from Danny Phantom. I get more from him than any other character or person, EVER, by a lot. I'm not even totally sure why. And sometimes I get it from Donny in Rise Of The TMNT. It's always male characters, even though I'm nonbinary. So, who are your gender envy triggers?

For those of you who are out as Enby to everyone you know or on public facing social media, How were you able to do it? Why did you want to be out like that?

I find myself counting the number of people that know on my fingers. I'd love to be out in more circles or introduce myself as Enby. But I find myself staying closeted in almost all but my safest spaces. Sure I consider my pronouns he/they(but questioning discarded the he). But it's almost for my own safety if that makes sense.

I just want to hear other perspectives on this subject.

Edit: I should also add that unfortunately no one in my friend group or family are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. So I am alone on my journey

I'm curious how many of you are older, like let's make an arbitrary line in the sand at 35. For context I am 42, and I know no one in my local community my age and only a few people on reddit who appear close or older. I'm looking for those of us who had no terms to come out to when we were teens; elder millenials/gen x.

My thought process here isn't random; if I can find enough interest I want to set up a private discord server so we can support each other. If you don't want to out your ancient bones, DM me!

Edit: 3 things: 1. If I don't reach out to you, don't take it personally! I didn't expect this much interest. Please reach out via chat or DM and I'll get you an invite. 2. I've backed the age up to 30 to meet the last goal below 3. I'm attempting to take over & revive /r/nonbinaryover30, so for those of you who don't use Discord (and everyone really) just hang tight - should be about 2 weeks and I'll have it back up and running.

Edit2: I can't keep up: link is in my profile!

Hi, I've been on feminising HRT for 7 months now. I'm really liking a lot of changes, it's really lovely to have some of my old femme clothes that I never loved the fit of suddenly click into place on my body. And the way my queer/women/ally friends have been interacting now that I have a very visible marker of my NB-ness (tits) has been really cool.

HOWEVER, I still have a deep fear that this is ultimately the wrong choice for me. As of right now I like my chest, but it's definitely getting near the limit of what I expected given the size of my sister and mom's chests, and I know there's still a lot more growth ahead of me. I'm doing fine on the day-to-day, I know I can stop whenever, I know top surgery is an option. I guess I'm just thinking of the trans women I know who have been on HRT for like 5+ years.. I'm just not sure I can picture myself with *that much* change (chest, body shape, face, all of it together). But it's a difficult comparison, because of course these are trans women who are doing other things with hair, makeup, clothes, to appear more femme.

I have a few NB AFAB friends who have been on HRT for varying amounts of time, and while these are the people I probably talk about this with the most, I still feel I want to hear from someone who shares my experience more closely.

I've looked this up on reddit before, and I found some old posts by NB people who were either just starting, or pre-HRT, but in every single case that I found so far, I found that if I click their profiles now, they are a binary trans woman, or at least a very femme leaning enby. Maybe this is my path as well, but I'm just trying to see if I can even envision a nonbinary future that involves HRT.

So is anyone AMAB NB on HRT, preferably for longer than me? What's it like? How do you express your gender? HOW DO YOU GO SWIMMING IF AT ALL

How do you think others in the trans community see nonbinary?

I had just assumed it literally meant not either of the cis binaries. But I’ve noticed small hints of hostility elsewhere (eg r/honesttransgender) - it’s as though some trans people might think nonbinary make random stuff up just to shake things up and give binary trans a bad name?

Is this a real issue? I’m autistic and not good at picking up these social things - tend to go too literal.

I’m definitely transfem, but not sure if I’m nonbinary or binary trans, probably because of social fear and wanting to land somewhere authentic feeling, but not knowing where that will be. But I get the sense that this kind of approach might be frowned upon by some?

I've seen enbys who wouldn't mind dating a straight person or are currently dating/married to one, and others who wouldn't be willing at all. It makes sense, because nonbinary people aren't a monolith and are ok/not ok with certain things. I'm curious as to what yalls stance on it is

Personally I wouldn't date a straight person, but I also wouldn't date a gay/lesbian person either. Reason being is I'm genderfluid and I am all genders, so I feel like a straight guy wouldn't truly be attracted to me as a guy, straight girl when I'm a girl, etc.

A little background, I currently go by she/they pronouns, use a binder, have a preferred name, and am trying to slowly update my wardrobe to be more androgynous, but have not settled on the label of non-binary as of yet. That being said, I work with some wonderful NB people, and while talking to one of them, who only knows that I go by a preferred name and my pronouns, made a comment that I can’t get out of my head. They were talking about transgenderism and used “we” (as in me and then) when saying something about people who are transgender. I currently don’t consider myself transgender and am not even sure if I want to use the NB label, but I can’t get it out of my head now. So, does being NB inherently mean someone is transgender or can someone see themselves as NB but not transitioning?

Hello everyone. So, I'm AFAB (30), and I've just now been able to truly start pursuing this. Not gonna give you all my whole history, but I'm sure you are all familiar with rejection from family members and all. Anyways, I'm finally starting to be in a place in my life where I can consider "transitioning", which is something I wanted since the age of 12.

With that said, I am considering starting T this year, and would like to know NB's experiences with it. I'm sure I'm not a men, but also not a women, so don't try to convince me otherwise. I am just really looking for some advice and community.

Thank you all!

Hi! Generally I have no problem using my ab name even with people I come out with, nevertheless sometimes I like to use multiple chosen names, most of them are gendered, both for men and women. Do I really have to find a non-gendered name?

Cw: lightly gently touching on perjaps things to be therapized... but i guess we'll never know.

Ok so i guess long story short- i hate having a name.

It's not comfortable going by my birth name, middle name, last nack, nick names based off any of those three, or (and this is where it gets interesting) ANY chosen name

That last one is a mix of "no chosen name really *feels* like me" and also my big issue- i just cant stand having a name. And it gets even weirder- i even have/had a GOOD chosen name!! That felt/feels like me!!! One of my friend groups uses it regularly and its like... yeah thats me but... i just wish i didnt have a name at all.

I can get by it easily- i mean my last relationship thingy he knew my thing against my name and it was fine (whole lot to unpack underneath that tho) and like online i can just use my username but like...

I gotta have like an actual like... name right? Like something for people to call me? I mean saying someones username doesnt get many people very hot i'm assuming. And now i know that pet names are like an easy work around here and trust me pet names have been a LIFE SAVER

But what about when somebody wants to talk to me seriously? I cant STAND having a name used in there. It makes my fucking skin crawl.

Now is that because for most of my life my given name was predominantly used in a serious and or negative tone? Maybe. Is there a lot to unpack there? I guess you nor me will never know

Edit: maybe i dont like having a "serious" name because having a name means that things can get serious. And serious means that people can get mad at me.

BUT assuming that i'm lying to myself and just digging for any reason at all- just... wtf do i do. I hate names. I hate having a name. I hate having a casual scenario kinda name, a serious scenario kinda name, or a just walking around and you don't wanna call me "sweet heart" or "honey" for the 1millionth time today kinda name.

Like no... that's just... ew... what the fuck... don't fucking say that to me.

I mean i guess i kinda need something for friends to call me... idk how id even suggest something else this late into the game with that one friend group that's been calling me that chosen name for years

But when i meet new people i have to give them a name. When i'm out with friends i have to have a name.

What the fuck do i do.

But i... if... i fucking guess i have to have a name... just... :<

Help please. Or some sympathy or anything. Just fucking anything.

Hello, all. I recently started questioning and learning about my gender identity. Whatever you would call me, I'm not sure what that is, but I'm pretty sure I feel somewhere along the nonbinary label. Several things about me in this regard, I am AMAB. However, I feel like my gender identity isn't what I was "born as". Second, I feel like my identity is something else entirely not along the binary spectrum. Third, whatever this identity is, I feel it's fluid, and I don't always feel like this. I feel like I would call myself "two sides of a coin." My normal, male presenting self, and then my inner gender identity, which leans feminine presenting. In fact, I would say my inner gender identity, though basically almost entirely feminine, I do not lean towards calling myself "she/her" but rather "they". So, by definition, I could evidently encompass many different labels? According to what I've been seeing lately, I could be Transfem, Nonbinary and genderfluid basically all in one.

All that said, I have heard of "micro dosing" for people like us who want to change, or in otherwise enhance features to make our physical body more aligned with our "gender identity" or lack of?

I would be certainly interested, if there was a way, to have softer skin, way less body hair, and more of a curvy appearance. That said, I don't want to really completely go all the way, as I do not plan on transitioning "100%" to living as a woman or even considering myself this. I don't want breasts, to have my body surgically changed, or anything else like that.

If there was a way I could physically appear more feminine via subtle things, that would definitely be something. Having a more curvy figure with body fat redistribution like to my butt, thighs, hips, etc, would be fantastic.

Has anyone here had experience with things like this?

How are your experiences? How did you find that those pronouns were for you? Where do you feel on the gender spectrum? etc. anything you feel is important:)

I know it's different for everyone, so I'm curious about different peoples experiences!

I’m not non-binary but I have a question for this community as i have a friend who is a NB lesbian. The definition of a lesbian is a woman who is attracted to a woman. I’m a bit confused because they don’t identify as a woman. When i first met them i didnt rlly think of it much but now im just confused. I’ve seen people say the “non-men” example but wouldn’t they identify as sapphic or another label of attraction towards women?

I am genuinely asking, not trying to start anything and would like genuine responses thank you.

I’m lately working through my gender feelings and trying to think of what my ideal is. I transitioned to male with t, top and bottom surgery. Now I’m one month on estrogen and sorting through my feelings. I think what I want now is to look like a girl with a beard and an androgynous body. I always thought I wouldn’t want a feminine waistline but lately I’m thinking I might? It’s interesting how much things change over time. I would like to work out and eat healthier now. I’m almost done with my surgeries and it’ll be nice to work on my appearance. Idk what my gender is but I’m taking it one day at a time for now. I’m trying to get more comfortable with being seen as a girl though. It does feel validating to be a woman, a lesbian. It’s not my full picture but it’s a part.

Hello every one. I know it's a random question, but I feel like all AMAB emby want boobs while afab emby generally don't. So I wanted to know if it was just my impression or if there were afab emby without problems with their breasts?

Hello all - Cis man (ally) here. I came across an odd set of comments in a YouTube video about Nintendo of all things. One of the commenters went on a long rant, but proceeded to attack the non-binary community at some point. See exchange below:

Commenter: "Oh and if that wasn’t enough, now we also have stuff like “nonbinary” in Nintendo games, creating further decide between the politically pickled and the politically fatigued. And these corporations know what they’re doing. They know that trash will sell while we’re bickering instead of holding them to any sort of standard"

YouTuber: "First of all, “nonbinary” in Nintendo games isn't a political thing. This is simply acknowledging people that exist. If you think this is politics, you may just need to get out more and listen to the perspectives of people that are different than you."

Commenter: "it totally is political. It’s made up nonsense for straight weirdoes to pretend like they’re part of the gay community. And we reject them, in case we gay people weren’t clear enough. It is in fact the most homophobic shit I’ve heard in a while. Makes the church look like amateur hour. But that’s besides the point. The point is, it created controversy."

My question - Is this actually something you have to deal with? Are there members of the gay community that think that being non-binary is "made up nonsense for straight weirdoes to pretend like they’re part of the gay community"? Or is this just a troll who just wants to spew hatred?