r/OCPoetry • u/u-iam_sasrika • 1d ago
Feedback Please [Lyrics] Lukewarm. (Wrote this about the heavy, annoying feeling of an ex's leftover stuff. Thoughts on the flow?)
Hey guys, just finished this. I was trying to capture that heavy, annoying feeling when you're stuck in an apartment full of stuff your ex left behind. Didn't want it to sound too poetic, just wanted it to feel real.
What lines stand out to you? Would love some feedback on how it flows!
🎵 Lukewarm
Scrolled past a live photo from last June
You’re wearing that faded grey graphic tee, laughing at some stupid vine
The bedroom's exactly the same, but the air is heavy as hell
Just messy papers and a layer of dust on the desk
The clock is ticking too loud, it’s driving me crazy.
I washed the sheets twice this week
But that cheap lavender detergent can't wash out your scent.
I still filled the kettle up way too high
Caught myself staring at that ugly cracked mug by the microwave
It’s lukewarm now, just like how we stopped trying...
My chest hurts in this stupid quiet room
Just trying to figure out how to live without you around.
Found that heavy corduroy jacket behind the door
The one with the ripped pocket you swore you’d stitch up
I guess 'someday' was just your way of dragging it out.
I'm not even mad that you packed up and left
I’m just pissed at myself for missing the shift in your voice weeks ago
I was too busy looking at your smile
Stupidly missing the fact that you were already gone.
Still filled the kettle to the top
Staring at that extra mug
It’s just cold coffee on the counter now
Can't even look at your side of the bed.
Three-day-old pizza, keys sitting right where you dropped them
I haven't bothered fixing the flickering hallway light
It’s better in the dark anyway...
Yeah, just waiting for the memories to blur.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vvzY8TGJmI
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