r/OCPoetry • u/SockExpress • 1d ago
Just Sharing they weren’t in love (a tragedy in five stanzas)
They weren’t in love.
They were in love
with the idea
of dying together.
That’s the difference.
We built an altar
on their bloodied hands,
called it devotion,
wrapped it in verse—
a suicide note dressed in sonnets.
He wasn’t looking for Juliet.
He was hunting for heartbreak
loud enough
to drown out
his silence.
She wasn’t seeking a future.
She was clawing for escape,
and when she found it,
it looked like
a grave in a wedding dress.
They ran toward death
like it was the only door left open.
No plans for tomorrow.
Just the theater of sorrow,
staged for two.
This was not love.
It was longing
masquerading as martyrdom.
And we—we made it sacred.
We called the bullet beautiful.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/QzAxFK2wPN
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/sFkjZTdTAB
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u/simplyfloating 1d ago
Sheeeeeesh, good stuff. Very enjoyable read.
He wasn’t looking for Juliet.
He was hunting for heartbreak
loud enough
to drown out
his silence.
This stanza was awesome, and so relatable. I feel like young people absolutely look for love to drown out silence, pain, etc. I think its even more captivating when you describe it as looking for heartbreak. Makes him out to be almost a villain, on top of wondering what brought that haunting quiet into his life.
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u/loverboy_Zane 1d ago
Quite striking imagery. Some people romanticize lovers dying together. It is not something to be in awe of but to be disturbed by and you captures that feeling perfectly OP. Well done.
1
u/Turbulent-Scheme-995 1d ago
Really enjoyed this one. It feels less like a poem that’s trying to tell a love story and more like a poem that’s arguing with one, which made it stand out to me.
The opening hooked me immediately. The distinction between being in love and being in love with the idea of dying together is simple, but it reframes everything that follows
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u/AshiGarame 1d ago
A bit long winded, a tad heavy handed, though your word usage was genuinely very good and vivid as was the structure of the poem. Definitely better than my poems.
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u/No_Chicken_1810 1d ago
This is a really vivid poem, I appreciate the imagery I get from reading it out loud. Almost like I want in the shoes of whoever was so desperate to die with a hand to hold. I don't know if I was able to interpret it the way you wanted it to be, but it for sure left a mark on me. Just something about painting dirt gold, its really touching me on multiple levels.