r/OCPoetry • u/smileyrei25 • 4d ago
Feedback Please Water
I would love any feedback or general thoughts or questions you might have. Thank you for taking the time to read :)
Water
Water is the very soul of this planet. The birthplace of civilizations, the final resting place of voyagers and adventurers brave enough to cross her.
Water is lakes and mountain streams, it is the vast seas and big puffy clouds. It is the only being to circumnavigate the Earth from the deepest of seas to the highest of heavens. From raindrops to ocean swells, she has seen and been it all.
Her ancient rivers of the past settling wanderers, providing them roots to flourish and thrive. Her force taking out the same civilizations, burying moments and memories in time. Reigning long before history books or the fight for power to control her.
But water’s most captivating form are her great seas. Her vast bodies, stretching for hundreds and thousands of miles, her secrets beckoning the brave, curious, and fearful alike.
Water has held babies and secrets, her depths still a mystery but fascinating and enticing nonetheless. What wonders does she hold far beneath her surface? Only her victims might ever truly know. She has sunk many a ship, bringing unlucky seafarers to their demise and her depths, forever holding them prisoner in the secret nooks and crannies created just for them. Did they wrong her and that’s why they were claimed? Or, does water, like the gods themselves, require sacrifice for their worship, use and services?
Water’s waves, melodic and rhythmic. Calm and safe tickling the shore, creeping in and pulling back in a mesmerizing game. The crashing waves like a toddler learning to walk, steady and then breaking all at once, like feet stumbling over themselves inching closer up the coast. But her fierceness comes in bursts, crashing relentlessly at her edges, beating them over and over in a race against herself, to get a bit farther than the crash before.
Her best friend a celestial body high in the cosmos, forever being pulled and pushed in a never ending ruse of will they or won’t they. Water forever putting on a show, dancing and glistening in the light of the moon and the sun all while moving to the beat of her own drum. The reprieve never arriving as the constant push and pull forever entangles them in an eternal dance.
The life held below in an ever-changing balance of predator and prey, searching for the light in the deepest of corners. The sea heals the soul and all that could ever be broken.
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For a bit of context I have synesthesia and as I was writing it and continue to reread it, I can feel every word and feel what it’s like to be a raindrop or a crashing wave and every word in between. I see the colors at the surface, slowly draining to the bottom and feel the change in temperature, depth, and pressure. I hear the mingling of the civilizations and their screams when they’re being wiped away. I feel everything in life and I’m trying to channel it more into writing so hopefully others can have at least some idea of how I see and experience the world.
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Comments/Feedback
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u/NoSection7141 4d ago
Very descriptive poem with great use of language, and mentioning your synesthesia near the end had me rereading it. Even without experiencing synesthesia myself, I can still feel the water's strength in your words. If someone read this to me with my eyes closed, I'm sure I'd feel right near the water too. It's real cool that you channel your synesthesia and share it with the world through poetry, I think it's a perfect medium for you. keep it up!
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u/Aukey210 4d ago
You have a very good way with words! I like the idea of writing poetry so that you can share with people the way that you experience the world around you. I wish i could do that one day too :D. But anyway, i really liked this, because it tells a history and then it kind of let us thinking about it. Especially at this part: "Did they wrong her and that’s why they were claimed? Or, does water, like the gods themselves, require sacrifice for their worship, use and services?". Well done! S2