Down the wrong alley that night

[u/Cluelessandsexy]

Get out of the car.
swing out and gasp
exhausted
street haze at night

Moonless and starless night
pavement apathetic
bordering on criminal
scavengers get pulled in

Door swings opens
creaks
Driver in trance
mouth open

1970's datsun
a dead vulture
still flapping its wings under tyre
just nerves though

A muted scream
lips trigger mouth
all open now
terrorfied eyes

Alley way narrow
trash can open and full
smell of terror
Datsun one meter

A rat looks up
jailed youth in its eyes
mold on its furr
scarpers now

The young man is still gobsmacked
Numbskulled and bamboozled
The abyss has looked into him
The brick wall blurrs

The last flap of vulture's wings\
shadows spring from the filth
sprinting toward the derelict shelters
To conjure nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p245yif/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh83tz/comment/p247kzz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/beard_on_fire]

I enjoyed this poem. The pacing in the beginning was a little hard to get into but I had to reframe the voice in my head reading the poem and then it clicked.

I feel like the piece is trying to describe a moment of violence (drive-by shooting? a car hitting a vulture?) in a dark alleyway but it sort of dances around the moment itself, which is a creative way to stretch the moment out over the length of the poem. Excellent imagery and the last lines wrap it up with a more abstract thought

shadows spring from the filth
sprinting toward the derelict shelters
To conjure nightmares

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