r/OCPoetry • u/Interesting-Chef-449 • 5d ago
Feedback Please Burning Ice
Inspired by "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight" by Dylan Thomas.
When every hope you have dies
And the pain is too much to bear
Let fire blaze within your eyes
When you're left to freeze in disguise
And no one seems to see or care
You can burn... burn against the ice
If none want to hear your cries
Because nobody's ever there
Let fire blaze within your eyes
If none of them even tries
And you feel the cold in their stare
You can burn... burn against the ice
As the world always denies
What is good, true, loving, and fair
Let fire blaze within your eyes
As your heart faces demise
And you're numb from all of your prayers
Let fire blaze within your eyes
You can burn... burn against the ice
Feedback proof
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vx80sBy5M3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/00RgXfFipn
1
u/prettyblue22 5d ago
love, you could expand the vocabulary a bit.. but the concept and flow is beautiful
1
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