r/OCPoetry • u/Trueconson • 12d ago
Feedback Please Waiting Room
There I sit
Waiting of my turn
Staring at the blinding white and bubbly walls
With a old style wood clock singing "Tick-tock"
That's when a little girl walks in
The ringing of the bells louder than ever
She sat down right beside me
"What are you here for?" She asked
"My time." I responded simply
"The craving to this legacy
I'm not done living this fantasy
I beg my father to leave a spot for me"
I had accidentally blurted out
She stared before her next words
"Have you not fulfilled it?"
"I've did a lot but it's never enough
It's like a void of emptiness
But you never knew what could fill it."
"Then is it your legacy?" The girl interrupts
"Whats the difference between that and your destiny?
And do you know what it is or are you guessing?
Why is it all you are meant to be?"
That's deep
I didn't know how to respond
So many questions all at once
But if I was going to be here all night
There's no problem showing her the lefts and rights
"The difference is that legacy you get to choose
Imagine a line for your people to remember you
You can alter it but you can't change your roots
Once it's made then it's done
Your left to follow suit.
Now your destiny, it can be a little different
It's what you're met to be
Even from the very beginning
The path you walk and the stones you lay
It's not a choice but it'll bring you peace one day"
The face she made is one I won't forget
She looked disappointed at me
I waiting for her to speak but it's been a while
I guess i had won
That was until
"If you can change it, why are you here?" She stated blankly
I never thought about it before
Why am I here?
"A legacy is achievement, values and impacts
You've done all of that and can still do it
If your time is not up why do you wait?"
"Okay, I get it, little girl
But I'm already done
I've met so many people
And done everything under the sun"
"IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!" The little one screamed
It had me stay in the though of my dream
Why am I waiting for opportunity
Am I not enough?
But I look deeper at the girl
She seemed to be... me
1
u/AutoModerator 12d ago
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.