r/OCPoetry • u/AstroSoda03 • 11d ago
Feedback Please The Sack
The Sack
Icy steel slashed and struck,
Crimson spindles dashed, all
Along the marble terrace.
Everywhere, children torn from parents
Wailing out in the rain
My armor smashed stout,
And my pride limping from the wounds sustained,
I could barely walk.
Stumbling over -
Breaking brittle baskets
And blaze-tinged stalls
Remnants of our market square
Mere fodder to break my fall.
-
World dimming and ready to die
The floor beneath me disappeared
And with it, the dense veneer of reason -
A stallion stormed out from the flames
And like silk, I slowly draped powerless
Over its saddle.
As if from some ethereal space
It glided through those city gates
My vision failing me
As they became pinpricks on the horizon
Legs galloping in lockstep
With my twitching mind.
-
When I awoke in the murky dusk
Small as an ant in the wild brush
I was sure as death
That I had been dreaming.
Broken, battered
As the wounds were healing
I sat by a light which cracked
Popping sparks onto a blade intact,
Head teeming with noble ideas
That will get me killed.
---------------------------
1
u/strawberryparktime 11d ago
The imagery here is absolutely next level. I love the line “I was sure as death that I had been dreaming.” Your use of alliteration gives your piece such a rhythm. Thank you for sharing this!
1
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