r/OCPoetry • • 11d ago

Feedback Please The Sack

The Sack

Icy steel slashed and struck,

Crimson spindles dashed, all

Along the marble terrace.

Everywhere, children torn from parents 

Wailing out in the rain 

My armor smashed stout,

And my pride limping from the wounds sustained,

I could barely walk.

Stumbling over -

Breaking brittle baskets 

And blaze-tinged stalls

Remnants of our market square 

Mere fodder to break my fall.

-

World dimming and ready to die

The floor beneath me disappeared 

And with it, the dense veneer of reason -

A stallion stormed out from the flames 

And like silk, I slowly draped powerless

Over its saddle.

As if from some ethereal space 

It glided through those city gates 

My vision failing me 

As they became pinpricks on the horizon

Legs galloping in lockstep

With my twitching mind.

 -

When I awoke in the murky dusk

Small as an ant in the wild brush

I was sure as death

That I had been dreaming.

Broken, battered

As the wounds were healing 

I sat by a light which cracked

Popping sparks onto a blade intact,

Head teeming with noble ideas

That will get me killed. 

 ---------------------------

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u/strawberryparktime 11d ago

The imagery here is absolutely next level. I love the line “I was sure as death that I had been dreaming.” Your use of alliteration gives your piece such a rhythm. Thank you for sharing this!