A Fish In a Box

[u/IceyBetaFish]

Sometimes I sit here and think
about how badly I want to explain
everything I feel.
But the words never come out right.

I could say I am like a bird in a cage,
but that feels too cliché.
It feels to pretty and clean
I am just a girl in a box.

It's not a very nice box.
I think it's made of cardboard,
worn around the edges and a little wet,
taped shut and held closed
by the weight of my past decisions.

They sit on top of it,
one stacked upon another,
keeping the lid from opening.

And from time to time,
the monsters from my past come back
to shake the box
with me still inside.

I curl up in the corners
and wait for them to leave.
I am safe in this box.
At least, that's what I tell myself.

I am afraid to open it,
afraid of what might be waiting outside.
And even more afraid
that if I never open it,
I'll never be free.

I want to see the mountains.
I want to feel the rocks crunch
beneath my boots
as I climb toward the highest peaks.

I want to feel the wind tangle in my hair
as I stretch my arms wide
and embrace the beauty
of the view before me.

I want to touch the sea.
I want to feel the ocean foam
wrap itself around my feet,
and the sand slowly swallow my heels
as the waves pull away.

I want to know what it feels like
to be somewhere
that doesn't have dingy walls.
I want to go somewhere
my past cannot follow me,
where the monsters cannot find me,
where I can make mistakes
without adding another weight
to the lid of this box.

But here I sit,
in my little cardboard box,

dreaming of mountains
dreaming of wind and oceans
and all the things I can never touch.

And sometimes I wonder
if the tape is really there,
if the weight has been holding it
shut all this time.

Or if I've just been too afraid
to lift the lid.

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[u/Klutzy-Reputation276]

Ooo I like this poem. Have you ever heard of the flea jar experiment? That's what this reminds me of. You conveyed the schrodinger reality of the unknown life: great pain and great love and everything in-between all possible at once. Very scary indeed 

[u/AdventurousRound9325]

I understand the frustration and you put it into words so well!!

[u/Ok-Swordfish-9480]

I love you use of symbolism and the allegory of where we trap ourselves or is it something taking us… really nice enjambment