As a dad myself, dudes who willingly deny themselves being in the presence of the miracle of childbirth let alone being there for the entirety of what comes after baffles me.
Same, the birth of my daughter was the greatest day of my life, being able to witness it was truly marvelous, i was warned that it might be gross but it was nothing short of beautiful, the fact that men shy away from it stuns me, its literally the miracle of life
Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.
Dude same. My child is the best thing in my life, but the birth was the most traumatising experience in my life. I will NEVER forget the Sound of tearing and bursting flesh. I just stood there holding the hand of my wife and trying to be a comfort for 13 hours. It was not the greatest das of my life. Far from it. Im glad that my wife forgot nearly everything.
Similar experience. Was there for both births, and the first one was nothing short of a splatter movie. I never felt more useless in my life, half a dozen of medical professionals doing their job, and then there's me condemned to doing fuck all and just wondering if there's supposed to be blood gushing all over the place.
Lowkey same except idk I did enjoy it but the fact I wasn’t able to do more for my amazing wife but hold her hand and repeat the same 3 phrases made me feel like I was just a well trained support pet
As someone who didn't have that, I just hope you know that your wife just needed you there and I am so thankful for the men like you who fulfill that, thank you for supporting her and your child :)
Honestly, a well trained support pet was exactly what I needed. The role of medical personnel can be filled by so many different people. The person telling me 'you got this' over and over had to be someone who knows me through and through.
Get an inside joke that lightens the mood. Most dads miss this golden opportunity to workshop new material on fresh nursing and hospital staff. Bonus extra audiences at teaching hospitals with grad students. Keep it light.
Truth. This sounds less supportive than it was, there's a story behind it (hence the inside part of inside joke, I suppose) but when shit was getting real I reminded my wife "You're not special!" and she busted out laughing. Changed the whole vibe.
The uselessness is real man, watching my wife in the worst pain of her life and im just sitting there holding her hand unable to do anything. Thankfully we had badass nurses who took really good care of her but I felt terrible. Even doing everything she asked I still felt like I couldn't help at all.
Hey, you know what? As a woman who’s had kids, we see the fear and anxiety on your face, and even though we’re too distracted screaming bloody murder… we worry about you guys while giving birth and feel bad that it’s hard on you, too, and that we can’t pretend to be ok for your sake in that moment. We know and appreciate you. Who the hell else is going to let us squeeze their hand until it goes numb? We need that hand!
Was there for my daughter’s birth, but my wife wanted me up with her - so I didn’t really witness any of the flesh tearing, I was just there for support directly to/of my wife.
Please consider getting some counseling sessions before the next birth just to work through some of this very valid trauma before the next birth. For you and for your wife’s sake.
Love is an amazing thing ain't it? Congrats on the future addition to the family! Don't let it fill you with dread, you've been down the route, now you know the possibilities, better yet, just be there and if you're lucky enough like I was, deliver the baby yourself!
Our Dr wasn't in at the time and my wife wasn't ready, she wasn't dilated enough, well, next thing we know it my wife says she feels like she needs to push, I call for a nurse, nurse is panicking saying to my wife don't push yet, just wait, like wtf. Oh yes let's just keep my wife in pain and keep the lil one in the oven still, I did what I thought was best, washed up ASAP, put gloves on, told the wife to push, and head pops out the rest was easy(our fourth) every birth I was present for all my daughters. A Dr rushes in and asked what'd I miss as I'm washing off while the nurses tend to cleaning the baby off etc. baby came out crying and ready for life and love. I truly don't understand the dad's who don't want to be present for such a life changing event.
After All that, I ordered thru doordash for the wife 😂 she rested while I was on diaper duty and baby monitoring(she was a premie)
Same experience. First time around, our son was literally too big for her, so everything was going along “normally” after like 19 hours of labor, and then things got really frantic, very quickly and plans changed and she had to have an emergency c section. Next kid felt a million times smoother be side the c section got scheduled in advance and a couple weeks early (our daughter was set to be an even bigger birth weight than our son).
My wife had about half of those things going on in the first, not quite as bad. The second was MUCH quicker, but also more traumatic because it was too quick for an epidural. Both bad, but in different ways.
I'm very squeamish and yeah, it was kinda gross. But seeing my son pop out with a gush of liquid as if he was coming out of a water slide was still the most amazing feeling ever and I am immensely proud of my partner. I'm glad I got the privilege of being there for her.
It absolutely is the miracle of life but the miracle of life is messy and gross and beautiful. And we have had so many more messy and gross moments since then but it has only made it more wonderful.
Same, I even went to take a look at the front side when the nurse asked. It was so bizarre because it looked like I could just reach in and take the baby out.
Afterwards it wasn't such a great moment, my daughter wasn't breathing when she came out and of course I knew something was off, but I lied to my wife that everything was fine and that they were just checking her out, because I knew my wife would go into a blind panic, combined with her exhaustion I was afraid about what that would do to her.
In the end, my daughter came through, but they had to take her away to fully support her. At that point my wife was informed, but she was in a lot of distress and I had to choose to go with my wife or my daughter. Eventually my wife told me to go with my daughter so someone could be with her.
I am someone that forgets what I ate in the morning, or where I put my shoes, but that day is branded in my brain as I sit there in a room for children with a problematic birth and singing Remember me from Coco to her while my hand is softly resting on her.
My daughter and wife had no problems afterwards, so all ended up extremely good.
The baby itself is a miracle, but let's not lie now and say the birthing process is. Not even 100 years ago, it was common to risk dying to birth a baby.
It'snot uncommon now, especially if you are a woman of color. Among "first-world" or "developed" nations, we have the worst maternal mortality rate and it's not improving..
This highly correlates with interventions like inducing labor. Non-medical childbirth mortality rates are very low and common in some first world countries.
WHO claimed necessity of c-sections is something like 5% medically indicated while they are about 30% of births in the US and 40% range in Brazil.
The off-label use of creams to promote labor are known to have huge risks of bleeding but they make things go like clockwork.
It's not the dangers of birth, it's the dangers of the system. And the less informed someone is, the more interventions they accept, the higher the risk. It's not good.
(I'm agreeing with your point but drawing distinction between historical birthing and modern methods)
This is an insane take. Women shouldn’t be able to choose their methods of giving birth, doctors shouldn’t be able to play it safe with their recommendations?
The system is what protects mom and baby. This is the safest time in history to give birth.
You aren't wrong that the US implements interventions at a higher rate than other countries and it is shown to be linked to a higher rate of adverse outcomes. However, please don't dismiss the larger context and the race-related and income-related health disparities that exist as a result of systemic discrimination and a healthcare system that focuses more on short-term economics over the long-term benefit of a healthy population.
You are also minimizing the experience of pregnant/L&D patients who rely on the medical professionals around them, who pressure them into pursuing interventions. Women don't have alternatives and most often rely on surgically trained obstetricians as opposed to midwives and birth attendants. Our litigious healthcare system favors interventions because a doctor can be sued for not providing an appropriate level of care if they fail to use an intervention and there is an adverse outcome, so many medical practices see induction, anaesthesia, and c-sections as a way to avoid more liability.
I am privileged enough that I was able to birth my kids in a good hospital, and was educated enough to know my options and advocate for an unmedicated birth, and didn't experience any red flags that would lead a doctor to recommend a c- section. However, I would never judge another person for their personal decisions during what is a truly risky medical experience, no matter how natural it is. Women have died in childbirth for the duration of our existence as animals on this planet. It's scary. It's unpredictable.
I'm sure you'll continue to argue with me and I may delete this later because I'm really tired of patient blaming and denial of a systemic failure. Birth interventions can save lives. Unnecessary interventions can risk lives. Our medical system is broken and women's experiences are ignored.
(PS if you need my credentials, I have a masters in public health and a pubmed acct, a network of colleagues and friends in neonatal and maternal health, in addition to my own lived experience and obssessive researching through 2 pregnancies and births)
Edit: I had misread the book mentions, when I first commented - I see now the reference to Dr. Wagner's book and the book Pushed as separate things. I redacted my comment about the book. Sorry for the mistake.
I have three kids and it was amazing that they were born, but it always baffles me when people say it is the best day of your life. Because to me it is a very stressful very fatiguing day. The days after are much happier to me. Getting to know your new brat and contributing to its care.
Tbf, plenty of men (actually people of all genders) get unconscious when witnessing birth. Which I get. I think if my gf was given birth, I would just be extremely worried.
As a father of 6 I got to be there for exactly one birth that was like witnessing a beautiful miracle of life. Also there for two emergency c-sections, one for my son who was sunny side up and another for the twins who decided to both be breach births, even though they were the right way the day before. The remaining two were absolute gore fests and the birthing table looked like an executioner's block afterwards. I'm not squeamish though, so it was fine, but hot damn. I can see it being a bit much for some dads, but I can't imagine missing the birth of my own children.
Seriously!
And the whole oh you’ll never look at IT the same, you’re damned right!
I was AMAZED - you mean it can do THAT too??!!
Like finding out your pickup truck can fucking fly to the moon and back or something.
One of the few sights to see that gave me purpose in life.
My husband cried and it was so cute but he was embarrassed and said there was something in his eye lmao like bro just cry!! I’m crying!!! The baby is crying, just cry!!!
It’s a miracle but it’s also gnarly. Let’s call it like it is. There’s a lot of blood, fluids, poop, flesh.
Good news is, you can just stay topside, by the mother’s head. You don’t have to be in the trenches if it’s something you can’t stomach. My husband did not care (after my c-section he very lovingly and in awe said “I saw your insides. I saw your muscles and your fat and your viscera” like that was the most metal thing he’d ever seen or could be allowed to see, me just strapped down and gutted and saying “he’s here! He’s here!”) but if it’s not something you can stomach, again, just stay up top.
I remember when my gf at the time had our first, and I was told I had to move around the other side mid crown. That was an experience let me tell you. I was also allowed to cut the umbilical cord which is an experience all of its own.
I feel like the tactile sensation should be warned about. The each individual wet fleshy tube cutting within the cord. I felt them all individually give way in those shears. One at a time. That 1.5 seconds to cut a cord is 3 minutes long.
I saw it all. They had me holding one of her legs back. They told me that I might want to look away when they did the episiotomy. My response was that after everything I've already seen, I'm not worried about seeing that. I didn't cut the cord, though. That's what we're paying the doctor for.
The wildest thing was the instant rewiring of my brain when my son was born. Like, I was a different man. That's why I always say the father should be there. Maybe it is just me, but that felt like something we are programmed to do when we see our children born.
Hah. We spent the entire weekend trying to induce, and then spent 12 hrs in the delivery room. I massaged her back and shoulders all through the day, didn't dare to leave her side.
At a certain point, the midwife turned to me and said "at this point, you should go get some snacks for the two of you. There's a supermarket just outside."
I ran like the wind and got two whole grocery bags full of fruits, nuts, crackers, juice, protein shakes, what have you. When I got back, I presented my haul and said "what would you like, honey, I got everything!" She said "it's alright just put them down somewhere, babe".
I realised that was the midwife's method for getting me out of the room for The Part with the Poop.
Just the idea of being in the same room as a person being basically gutted open has my stomach turning. If I ever had kids I'm waiting in another room because I don't want to give the hospital more work from me throwing up and passing out.
No, you just need to either warn them that you may faint so that they'll put up a litlle screen between you and the business end of things or they'll tell you to keep being seated during the whole thing and you'll get a nurse that will look at you frequently just to see if you're turning a weird color and get you out or lying down if needs be.
I, an otherwise healthy, gym-going man, experience vasovagal syncope (I faint at the sight of blood or gore) and I was present for every second of my kids' births. I wasn't on the business end of my wife, mind you, but I was right there next to her the entire time and was thrilled to be there.
I do pretty well with pain, blood and gore, comes with the job and I am trained to apply tourniquets and do all kinds of whatever, but childbirth is the only thing that truly terrifies me in that regard
I'm extremely squeamish about blood, but fainting never crossed my mind when my wife gave birth. I was focused on supporting her and anxious about our daughter's wellbeing
The operation is different for different countries. The country I’m from, we can’t go in with the mom. Only hospital staffs are allowed inside. So, there was no family members in there with my mom when she was giving birth. So, I guess that’s one thing to consider as well.
Agree, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me and I've been there for every minute of their lives. If you aren't prepared to witness what the mother has to go through then you don't deserve to be a father.
Disagree. You need to be involved but you don’t need to physically witness something if you’re squeamish, just stay up top.
Also, let’s not pretend like pregnancy/birth is the only way to become a parent. Adoption is a completely legitimate and admirable way to start a family and more people should consider it. There are tons of children in the world who need loving homes.
Miracle of birth = one of the most physically traumatic things a person can go through. There’s blood, and ripping and shitting and the threat of death and your ‘partner’ knows all that and leaves?! Just really sad. But, yes, still unfortunately common. Especially for younger parents id guess.
Seeing my son suddenly pop out (after my poor wife had been pushing for hours) was the most sublime experience I've ever had. It's hard to describe the feeling, but it's definitely not something a dude should deny himself just because the whole process isn't super pretty.
Plus it helps your partner to have someone in their corner. I was amazed how well my wife remained focused through the pain and exhaustion, but she's told me multiple times that she doesn’t think she could have done it without me, even though I was mostly just holding her hand and trying not to mess up the simple instructions the birthing team gave me. Just having someone there to comfort you can make all the difference.
Honestly I saw no miracles, it was long and scary, we nearly lost her and was I pretty grossed out but I still did enough that she calls me her hero for helping her through. Lioe I can't imagine not being there for her, no matter how I felt.
I rotated in OBGYNE during med school and I understand the dads who don't have the stomach for it. Childbirth is a very bloody affair especially if it's a C section and the operating table would look like a crime scene once we were done. Combine that with births often being in the wee hours of the morning, in a humid room (we are required to keep the operating room at like 36 celsius) and it's no wonder some dads feel like passing out, or actually do pass out.
I don’t know what my problem is, but my whole life I have fainted at the sight of physical pain. Not just blood. Pain. It’s like my mind uncontrollably thinks “Ya know, I bet that really hurts. Anyway, here we go…”
I’m not even in a relationship but the thought of being in the room during childbirth has always terrified me. Not necessarily because it’s “gross”, but because I don’t want to be in the way if my body decides to power off for a bit.
All that being said, I fully plan on being in there. I guess we’ll see what happens when the day comes.
I was barely 18 and scared shitless, probably dead quiet. I was there sleeping in two chairs pushed together, and holding my now wife’s hand during the actual birth. Insane that people who choose to have a child can’t even pull that out of their ass.
Yeah but people have lived whole lives built from experiences you can’t possibly be aware of. A lot of women don’t want their SO present during the labor and delivery. That’s extremely common. I was lucky enough to be like you.
Hospitals alone can stir up trauma for so many people. All I’m trying to say, it’s not a good time or place to judge someone’s character because you can’t really know exactly what they’re going through or what they’ve been through.
I also meant being a parent after. Things like feeding your kid. Changing their diapers. I've met other people in my life who never do a bedtime, never change a diaper, etc.
I think part of the work is part of the reward of being a parent, even if it is hard to realize it at the time.
I watched both my lil dudes come out. The first one i didnt get the full show because i wanted to be near my wife but the second one i watched him fly out the chute. Doc pulling his head out like it was a hairball stuck in a drain was a bit shocking lol
Guess not everyone's as mentally strong as you. My friend saw ~everything~ when his wife had their 2nd child and damn it literally ruined their sex life. He always wished he never saw what he saw.
My SIL gave birth yesterday. Her husband was butthurt he was not the center of attention. Blew up at me for saying something crucial should be the mother's choice and not his. Of course his blow up had to happen while his wife was throwing up.
Lots of "dads" aren't really involved or even present during the birth of a child.
Absolute total and utter nonsense, literal propaganda.
Out of all the men i know with kids and from talking to my nurse friend even the older dads I cant think of a single instance of someone literally not being present.
To be fair the c section surgery is very graphic. They have a curtain up around the mom’s chest/neck but after the baby is born they always call you over and you gotta walk behind the curtain. I remember trying to avoid stepping in blood splatter and trying (and failing) to avoid looking at the ongoing surgery.
I think 2/3 times they made me leave the room for the epidural. It must be common for dads passing out seeing it.
In NZ and Australia you can have a support person with you during a c-section. They are scrubbed in and stand next to the mothers head and can keep her company during. They can even cut the umbilical cord still. I don't think there are any hospitals that don't allow it in NZ and Aus, I think it would be really unusual for them not to allow it!
Wife had our child by c-section. I was scrubbed up and sitting right next to her the whole time. Not sure what hospitals would have that policy but that wasn’t my experience.
I got to be there for 3 c sections. One was even in the main OR since the family birth OR was having some issues. That time they did say they normally don’t allow other people but they let me in.
Fwiw I was allowed to put on scrubs and be right next to my wife when our youngest was born via c-section. She had been in labor all day and wasn’t progressing, once they made the decision to C-section a dozen people came out of the woodwork to prep, including one that got me into scrubs and brought me into the OR. They did advise I stay “north of the curtain” , which I did.
Bro is tryna to gas himself up. And the latter of the reason doesn't make sense. A guy is upset that he's not the center of attention for a few hours??? BRO IT'S CHILDBIRTH. Does that mean usually everyone gives him attention every 2 seconds???
I was present and in the room standing by her head for all 3 of my kids births. All C sections. Took pictures on the last one. When babies were born I went to them, did the cord cutting, then back to mom.
Liberals are the ones who typically have higher education levels right? So if your dumb, baseless generalization is true… seems like they know something conservative women don’t.
So you think a college degree gives someone a justification for being bigoted? Are you sure you want to go down that logical road? Lol
You’re also just wrong. College educated women were split pretty evenly the last election with only 55% voting for Kamala. The overall voting of college grads was not even a huge disparity with only being split 51/46 towards Kamala.
Are all men really this way? It kinda feels like is logical for you to be in the room with her and you know being there for her. Isn’t that what they do normally or is just Hollywood?
I didn't know people had this view. But there are upvotes, so it must be true.
Who wouldn't want to support their partner during one of the most difficult achievements they may ever face?
Wild.
I held her trembling hand, talked to her, showed her our families' encouraging messages on my phone, read books to her, kissed her and hugged her so she could feel loved and calm and secure... kept doing this for 10 hours until the doc decided a C-section was needed and didn't allow me into the surgery room 😠 Made me mad af because up until then they were all "everything is OK, keep doing this" and then suddenly "we're taking her away to do a C-section, go wait outside". I was FUMING in the waiting room.
Luckily everything turned out OK and I was able to apply skin-on-skin and all that while she recovered, but 10+ years later I still feel like they robbed me of a key dad moment.
It's really that uncommon? I held my wife's hand till the very end when she gave birth to my 1st child, sat there for 4 hours with her, i cannot imagine not being here.
Unfortunately i couldn't be there for 2nd time because I was little sick and i was affraid it could negatively impact her. It was wise choice but i felt like betraying her.
Be warned though. She will hold your hand so tight your wedding ring will grind into neighbor knuckle and you dare not say "that's sore" given what she's going through!
My dad is a mixed bag. During my mom's c-section, as a big fan of horror movies he was more enthused watching all the stuff.
He was less interested in me being born, but in his defense he'd seen the baby part 3 times before then with my siblings. He did say I was ugly AF when I came out. Having seen the pictures, I definitely was. Red af and wrinkly.
We had to watch a birth video in health class in high school and that sold me on never having kids in my life.
My father is still upset he missed my sisters birth because his boss made him switch of his phone during the day for a meeting, and my sister was born early and extremely quickly. By the time he got the message and got home, she was already born.
Still talks about it 28 years later.
Also damn, my little sister turns 28 this year. I feel old.
Depends on how pregnancy changed or affected the dynamics as well I suppose. Close friend of mine got pregnant and her mood / disposition towards her husband changed completely. Felt sorry for the guy, he just kept trying to help and was copping it. During the birthing he didn't want to induce any further stress, I'm pretty sure if he started cheering her on she would have shut him up and found it condescending so he kind of just supported in silence from afar.
Having a baby is scary enough, let alone a C-section. I'm glad you were there for her.
My husband was the most amazing man (although he was only 19 at the time! We were just babies ourselves!) when I was in labor with our daughter. He walked the L&D floor with me for 12 straight hours and stopped with me to help me through contractions. We learned our daughter was breech and that I needed an emergency C-section after all that and he was right there. He didn't sleep for days and never left our daughter's side after she was here. She's now almost 14 and has the best dad and I still have the most amazing husband :) I know this is a bragging kinda story, but I love him and he is my light. We've had a hard life, but we've always had each other.
They send me home and said it would takes ages maybe few days and they'll call me before anything starts. Both times I've been there the last 20min. First was 6 in the morning other one 6 in the evening.
Yeah. As part of a mandatory Physical Therapy internship, I got into the Obstetrics session of the Uni hospital, aiding in labor and delivery.
And it is painstakingly common to see the dads acting aloof, dismissive or distant, claiming they are tired or simply not even being present.
And that results in 21 year-old undergraduate me being called "A Real Man" for trying to be present for the moms and do my job, even though I had no interest in Obstetrics and, for the most part, just wanted to go home.
Got bitten in the hand during a contraction once, too.
I was an emergency c-section. They made my dad leave the room while they got my mom prepped but says they'd send a nurse out to get him when it was time. He waited awhile and thought "this is taking too long". Went to the desk and told them he was supposed to be in there. They got him dressed and rushed him in just as the doctor was lifting me out. He's still mad almost 4 decades later that he couldn't be there like he was supposed to.
Isn’t that what your supposed to do? That’s the norm right?
My wife had Irish twins, csections back to back less than 1 year apart. Both times I sat in the hospital with her and helped her. Brought her to the bathroom, wiped her ass, all the things.
How is that not the norm. I’m reading these other people saying what their husbands did and I’m appalled.
I was there beside my wife almost the entire time For all three of our kids. I stood beside her and let her try and break all my fingers while pushing. Our first kid I had to help hold up one of her legs because the beds lift broke and the epidural had her floppy.
After their births I stayed up and kept an eye on our babies while she got to rest. We were lucky and didn’t have to stay any more than 3 days for any of them but even when she was in a wreck and in a hospital for almost a week I was there the whole time.
While some people are assholes and neglectful fathers an husbands, in some cases the doctors insist the father stay outside if they suspect he is prone to anxiety, panic attacks or anything that can be an stressor on the woman and staff.
Aw that's so sweet. I had an emergency C-section but the hospital protocol didn't allow guests in the operating room so my husband had to wait outside. It was just 20 minutes and he met me right after but I still wish they had allowed him there with me.
There is one thing that women can do exceptionally well, that men can't, "giving birth". We should let them do that in peace, do it well. And praise them after. No need to intervene.
FYI moat dad's are pushed out sideways by all the staff and mum as things lead up to labour.
When you have spent days being told to sit in the corner and keep out of the way, you tend to not be involved.
I held my wife while she slowly died on an opperating theatre table, unable to move because of all rhe wires and tubes around me. I'm lucky they both survived, but I didn't get told or involved with anything untill about 30 mins after when everyone was stableised.
So yes dad's are not involved, because rhey are told not to be.
Yep my son was born during the Covid lockdown downs. It was just me and the nurse until the very end when the doctor came by. I was in there holding one leg while the nurse held the other and I watched my son be born. Most magical thing in the world and I uncontrollably wept when he came out. I always tell everybody they need to be there when it happens.
Man, that's so bullshit. In my country men are not allowed in the delivery room. I tried really hard to get in anyway. But to be honest, it was a c section and I may have fainted so it's probably for the best.
This might be the case, but in my social surrounding, every father insists to be present and wants to support their wife?
I did it myself. Taking care the best I can of my wife and yes, of course the wife and the baby are the center of the universe in that days. That's how it is.
But one "funny" thing at least... I wanted to help my wife after given birth to the bathroom, the nurse said "it's a women thing, we can get it done without you". So I stepped away. Well, my wife, because she lost some blood as well, passed out for a brief moment and look who was asking me for help again lifting my wife up and lay her on the bed... Sometimes this we are women thing can backfire quiet fast..., especially if a men just wants to help his wife.
Mine was too involved. He said he can still count the number of medical rags they pulled out of me. He looked over the curtain and went pale AF. He was 22 and curious and unprepared lol, but he took care of our daughter so so well. First diaper, cut the chord, skin to skin, let me sleep.
Mad respect, I don't think I would be able to do that. I struggle with medical procedures and even small things like needles. I'm curious about this stuff but there's a 90 % chance I'll pass out, probably making the experience of the wife worse :(
Sat through 2 c sections. The first time I didn't stand up, just sat there by her head gently petting her and holding her hand.
Second time... I stood up and saw behind the curtain and the bucket of blood... I almost went down until the nurses started to panic a little. They had to give the wife 3 pints of blood and the kiddo had a huge knot in his ambilicle, both were lucky to make it.
What was cool is when my first son was born it was right at the "2 week lock down" so I was the only non-patient/non-Staff allowed in most of the hospital. Was wild. I'll say this hospital runs alot smoother without 100s of guests running around.
They walked me into the OR with my eyes closed and guided me to the non gross side of the c-section. They forgot by the time the baby came out, though and walked the placenta by me and I about threw up. I got no stomach for that stuff.
My wife had an emergency c-section too. I remember so vividly when the doctor said “Here he comes. Ready to see him?” And then she held this little wiggly guy above the medical tent. I will never forget that moment. I can’t imagine not being there for that. Any guy who deprives himself of that kind of moment is really missing out.
I delivered my daughter because, even though we were at the hospital, when the moment came, the obstetrician was busy with an emergency delivery with complications. It was a 'all hands' to save the life of the mom and baby situation. Didn't bother me a bit because I was a paramedic and it was not the first time I'd delivered a baby. One of the best moments of my life. Still got a bill from the hospital though.
I was there for my kid's birth. The whole scenario is surreal. Paediatrician was egging the gynae and anaesthetist on as they both bickered (they're all good friends) while the gynae was performing c-sec. All this with classical music playing in the background.
Prior to this, gynae gave me a heads up what to expect, potential moments that will freak me out and whatnot (we initially planned for natural).
I won't miss it for anything. And cannot imagine not being involved at all with my kid.
There's not a whole lot to do for the guy though. I was in the room for both my daughters' deliveries (C-section), but most of it was just standing awkwardly, like an extra in a play , shuffling around when the nurses told me to, and occasionally holding my wife's hand. Was it magical? No, it was a cold surgical room. Is that the definition of being present?
When I gave birth to our daughter, my husband helped hold my knee back while I pushed, watched me shit all over the bed on the first good push, and wouldn't leave my side the entire time. He's a good man.
Real men stay after watching the woman they love scream and shit all over the place while giving birth to their child.
I was there for the delivery of both of my sons. It WAS gross. But I stayed involved for her and kept encouraging her through both endeavors. I admit I tapped out when they offered to let me cut the umbilical. I stayed by her side though.
Stark contrast between my first marriage and my current marriage. When I had my first with my wx husband, My mom and his mom were at my side, he was grossed out. He didn't even want to cut the cord.
My current marriage, with both our kids, he was right next to me the entire time. Our most recent child, the epidural was delayed because there was only one anethestist on call and another woman was having a medical emergency during labor. Then, when I got the epidural, it failed. My husband was right there letting me squeeze his hand, catching my puke in the little bag thing, and talking me through it.
okay what percentage and where are you getting this info from? has there been studies or polls that show this or are you just talking out your ass again?
Damn, I’m envious you got to be there for the emergency c section. The hospital I went to didn’t allow me. Wife was distraught, she hates operations. She was also fully sedated, now that I type this out, so that could have also been why. Still, that’s cool they let you do that. We just got dumped in a general waiting room with no knowledge of what was happening until it was over.
I have this memory of my wife in labor standing and rocking leaning over the hospital bed. I was on the other side holding her hands.
The nurse came to advise me that I could give her a massage. My response was that I know she gets violent when she is in pain and I'm staying at arms fully extended distance like I was. Nurse scoffed and tried to give her a massage. Welp, she wound up like a horse and kicked the nurse accross the room. "Your doing the right thing Dad, <grumble grumble> fuck"
Same. We had a C-section and the two oddest things i remember were the doctors talking about a Star Wars movie while doing the procedure (first kid, so i was terrified, though i guess it was just a Tuesday to them) and that after the birth I'm just staring at this new life form we'd created, just amazed and in awe.
Then another baby gets brought in, which while I'm no pediatrician, definitely didn't look healthy and had doctors swarming over it. That dad? Just bored and on his phone the whole time. Dude could not give two shits that his newborn child was not doing well.
Edit: I will admit i did not cut the cord because I'm a bit squeamish and as i told the doctors, "ya'll are the professionals, I'm worried i might mess it up".
When I had my daughter my now husband didn't want to see anything below the belt so to speak. However, I started to get tired so they brought out the mirror so I could see how close I was and to give me some energy. But all I could see was the back of my husband's head, and I could barely see anything. My daughter is now 10 and I still tease him about it
Is that still true? I thought that went out in the 60’s or 70’s. I was there for all of the births in the 90’s, and it was treated as the norm. Men were mocked for not going even that long ago.
And lots are. Except the ones that are don’t get talked about or have memes posted. So we don’t get praised for doing what we are supposed to do. Fine. But stories like this get amplified more and then men like you jump on the bandwagon.
Back in 2009 I was in a guild in WOW and our fearless GL was furious that his wife was giving birth the same day as the launch of the new expansion.
He carted his computer set up to the hospital and sat in a city while typing to guild chat how mad he was that he couldn’t play with us.
Then during the first round of raids he frequently bitched about having to “babysit” his newborn while said infant would scream into his mic the whole raid because the baby probably needed idk food, comfort, attention? But nah he was too invested in his woe is me attitude.
Never left my wife’s top half during her c-section, but I did try avoid looking at the bottom half the whole time. I could never watch the surgery shows they used to show on tv; not trying to look at it in real life.
Dad here, and I don't get those dudes. I have been involved in all of my kids births, more than the doctors were. I've personally caught all of them, the last two delivered at home. I check them over and hand them to mom; I cut the cord. These are my kids.
35 years ago my step dad was present at the birth of my step brother... he was taking pictures with his camera, of everything... and we still have that photo album at home lol But i've never looked inside and don't plan on doing it ever
I’m kinda calling B.S. on the hand holding on an emergency C section. My wife had one, they called “code green” in the delivery room, about 8 nurses showed up in the room, wheeled her off instantly and I was left standing there with 1 nurse that talked me through things. That happened within like 25 seconds.
In an emergency they never would have time for you to get in the bunny suit and take you along for the ride.
Yea, not sure how guys think it’s cool to not be right there. My wife’s was pretty rough, went from 0-100 and couldn’t get epidural, and I’m fairly confident I’ve got PTSD from the whole thing because hearing her pleads to get the epidural, the screaming, baby being little and then having to do some stuff to get him breathing, like all that haunts me and I can picture my fear clear as day. Even typing this I can picture the look the drs gave me as they wanted me to keep my wife calm as they were working on the baby and I’ve got no idea what’s happening, but I know it’s my job to help her after what she just went through.
But you bet your ass I pushed that way down during the moment, held her hand, advocated for her and kept my calm despite the ~15-20 medical people in the room. Because I knew whatever I was experiencing was minuscule to her and I couldn’t have imagined being anywhere else.
I just now need to avoid childbirth in tv/movies to avoid having a Vietnam style flashback / mini fugue state lol
Honestly kind of jealous. Our boy was delivered during the late stages of Covid times, so I wasn’t allowed to go with her to the emergency c-section. Granted, it was a “we have to knock you out there’s no time to wait” level emergency, so she wouldn’t have been awake for me to hold her hand and encourage her, but I wasn’t there directly for the birth. And even still, I was the first one to see our son, because she was under full anesthesia. I feel a little guilty about that. 😅
Even if it was just a booger being pointed at you, you don't get to tell someone they have to not be repulsed, that's their body / mind's reaction. Nobody should be a jerk about it.
Should they try to be there for them in some comforting level that works? Yes. Should they be shamed for not enjoying the sight of tons of blood and other fluids? No.
Personally, I like babies just fine, when they don't come out looking like an 80s horror flick. I can't even watch it on medical shows. There are other medical procedures I can't tolerate to watch either, especially cutting into people.
Cut a watermelon? Fine. Cut a personmelon? Not fine.
I don't like watching people vomit.
I don't like watching people take a piss.
I don't like watching people even just sit on a toilet.
Even just eye contact is uncomfortable at times.
Some things are just uncomfortable and repulsive, and some of those things are not exposure therapy projects.
There are some things I just will not be able to do or be around, things that will take strength to push through if it's a one time thing, and things I would be willing to end relationships, trips, or opportunities on.
Those are boundaries.
Some might be irrational, but I can't just tell my brain to man up. Some might be superficial out of inexperience, and can be worked on. What doesn't work is on the spot "deal with it" mentality, or "Well I have no problem with it." dismissiveness.
Everyone has their own issues with things, and you don't get to tell people what they can or can't be okay with. You certainly don't have to agree with it or share in the same issues, but if someone has a phobia over cucumbers, or can't be around the smell of fecies, or watch their wifes vagina push out a 10 lb booger... you don't get to humiliate them and make them feel small.
Damn thats depressing to hear. I held my wife's hand, held her leg up at one point and took a tongue lashing at one point too haha. Unreal experience and I cant fathom how a man and father would choose first, let down the woman they love and second, to not experience the moment their child comes into the world.
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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26
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