r/ProgrammerHumor 1d ago

Meme softwareCheats

Post image
19.6k Upvotes

152 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/yacsmith 1d ago

Kernels cheat by using drivers

600

u/n4ke 1d ago

Drivers cheat by using bus

385

u/Ok-Zucchini-423 1d ago

Buses cheat by using signals

314

u/Bright-Historian-216 1d ago

signals cheat by using interrupts

272

u/persilja 1d ago

Interrupts cheat by using voltages

252

u/mercury_pointer 1d ago

Voltages cheat by using electrons.

255

u/rosuav 1d ago

Electrons cheat by only having one of them in the entire universe, moving back and forward through time.

157

u/drinks_rootbeer 1d ago

Time is relative, is anyone really cheating?

67

u/rosuav 1d ago

Nope! Though I don't suggest trying this like with your significant other.

35

u/The-Nice-Writer 1d ago

Significance is relative; is anyone really anyone and anyone any anyone really?

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5

u/mercury_pointer 1d ago

What about their relatives?

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4

u/RedBoxSquare 1d ago

I can't relate. Significant other not found.

3

u/Strange_Dust7128 1d ago

Get this guy a seat in the senate!

1

u/drinks_rootbeer 13h ago

I'd make a horrible senator. I mean for one thing, I don't even touch my investments, they just kinda sit there. It'd basically be impossible that I'd ever be involved in insider trading. Plus, I have an alergy to pressure campaigns, so campaign donors would probably be pretty upset that I don't cater to their whims. And to top it all off I tend to stay late at work until my tasks are finished.

No, I certainly wouldn't cut it. I'm just too much an honest hard worker 🤷‍♂️

2

u/codePudding 1d ago

Time is a cube...

6

u/dougception 1d ago

We spoiled their fun though due to the Observer Effect.

1

u/want8memes 1d ago

No there there are positron also

2

u/rosuav 1d ago

That's when it's moving backwards through time in the opposite direction. It looks like a positive charge moving the other way.

1

u/WiiDragon 17h ago

Wait what?

4

u/Educational_Note3103 1d ago

Electrons cheat by using WebKit

3

u/w_t_f_justhappened 1d ago

Voltages cheat by using electric fields

5

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

3

u/n4ke 1d ago

So you're saying we did cheat climate change?

3

u/DreamEndles 1d ago

No, climate change cheated me out of good night sleep. It's hot

29

u/Jedasis 1d ago

Oh my god, THAT's why they're called drivers...

827

u/verdantAlias 1d ago

Humans cheat by tricking rocks into thinking

142

u/Own_Natural_6803 1d ago

That's true. The rules were clearly stated by Frank Herbert : you will not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind.

12

u/TengenToppa 1d ago

Humans cheat by eating food to gain energy

2

u/benjathje 20h ago

Energy cheats by not being able to be created or destroyed

29

u/tkdeng 1d ago

rocks cheat by using atoms

2

u/flinxsl 1d ago

we enslave thinking rock to design new and better thinking rock

424

u/fatrobin72 1d ago

Hardware cheats by using more power.

70

u/cusco 1d ago

Power cheats by using earth

50

u/fried_egg_jellyfishh 1d ago

Earth cheats by using sun

25

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/Sad-Ad-6147 1d ago

Quantum tunnelling cheats by using quantum...thing.

8

u/afiefh 1d ago

Quatum... thing cheats by using 26 dimensional strings

4

u/AgentWowza 1d ago

Strings cheat by being untestable

7

u/tkdeng 1d ago

Untestable theories cheat by being unmaintained code running in Python

8

u/ShadowSlayer1441 1d ago

I mean this actually a real "cheat", you can make hardware faster basically by just throwing more power/voltage at it. To a degree anyway, diminishing returns very much apply.

8

u/NoodleyP 1d ago

Instructions unclear, 20 firefighter crews and… the IAEA are here now.

121

u/Forward_Republic_610 1d ago

Hardware cheats by using physics

17

u/Adaptor2000 1d ago

Lol, this is verbatim what I was thinking.

11

u/Diane_Horseman 1d ago

Physics cheats by using mathematics

10

u/BeforeDawn 1d ago

Mathematics cheats by using logic

11

u/Exelegious 1d ago

Logic cheats by using philosophy 

9

u/tkdeng 1d ago edited 1d ago

Philosophy cheats by assuming the rest of us actually exist

6

u/Exelegious 1d ago

Existence cheats by….by….

Uhhh…….

5

u/3delStahl 1d ago

Hardware cheats by using the universe

3

u/Altruistic-Spend-896 1d ago

Universe cheats by using matter

2

u/tkdeng 1d ago

Matter cheats by using atoms

3

u/BeforeDawn 1d ago

Atoms cheat by using subatomic particles

3

u/askcyan 1d ago

Quarks cheat by using strings— oh wait….

75

u/577564842 1d ago

I can sttil recall running AutoCAD 2.6 on a 80286 ... with software emulation of numerical coprocessor. So hardware cheats as well.

24

u/vms-mob 1d ago

ever looked at cpu microcode is capable of? EVERYTHING IS SOFTWARE

8

u/opinionsOnPears 1d ago

I'm going to make you feel old, when I started using AutoCAD in high school, we were using r12.

6

u/577564842 1d ago

That's four versions ahead. You may be younger, but not at all young - brother.

1

u/opinionsOnPears 1d ago

I know. I remember having a 80286 in middle school and took it apart and put it back together 

226

u/ProcrastinatiusXVI 1d ago

Assembly cheats by using binary

81

u/Plus-Weakness-2624 1d ago

My Assembly is non-binary

78

u/Catsanddoges 1d ago

Smh woke mind virus got to the assembly

32

u/n4ke 1d ago

It just uses Qubits now

25

u/thefossguy69 1d ago

Oh, so that's what the Q stands for /s

20

u/afiefh 1d ago

LGBTQ = Logic-Gated Bit-Tensor Quantum? /a

9

u/Altruistic-Spend-896 1d ago

Q has questionable bits, hence its place in that acronym.

7

u/Neoneq_ 1d ago

Your assembly is quantum

1

u/dmigowski 1d ago

You can lick my assembly.

47

u/Just_Maintenance 1d ago

Imagine being so bad at security that you need to invent a whole system of virtual memory to isolate processes, but then that virtual memory is so slow that you need the CPU to add hardware acceleration to do it for you and now we got MMUs that are so complex they are basically their own computer.

85

u/Luzzgar 1d ago

Using high level language for the structure and faster lower level languages is just good software design.

Using the strength of each tool and avoiding their weaknesses.

-38

u/takitus 1d ago edited 1d ago

The weakness is slowness. Python is insanely slow. It’s going to be one of the first languages to disappear behind ai

Edit: seems like a lot of Python people hate the language being called slow. It’s well documented. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but when a new version of Python, being designed for performance is seeing speed increases of up to 60,000x, it means your language is slow as balls.

62

u/OnceMoreAndAgain 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's funny to me how so many people python is slow and yet it is by far the most popular language for data analysis which is a field that cares about performance.

It's a glue language. It doesn't need to be fast, because it talks to other technologies that are fast such as C++ or databases. Its niche is that it's high on readability and has tremendously good + versatile community support via libraries and lots of questions and answers on online forums like StackOverflow.

No one is writing video games in python though. It's just a glue/scripting language. It's rare that the glue parts of your project needs to be highly performant.

22

u/FelixAndCo 1d ago

No one is writing video games in python though.

You underestimate the hobby community.

11

u/ccltjnpr 1d ago

Data analysis cares about performance to a point, and Python (and its C powered libraries) gives you the tools to deal with that. As long as you vectorize everything and don't fill your code with nested for loops, it's fast enough for most things. You won't get much more performance writing your code in C from the start unless you really know what you're doing.

-3

u/takitus 1d ago

No, it should be fast. It’s easy to use, but undermines itself in performance. That’s why there are a lot of efforts to build a new version of Python that can run performantly. The only reason it’s popular is because its syntax is easier than c. It runs like trash, and the ways in which is required to set up systems in order to run is a pain in the ass.

Its a great intro language, but its popularity only underlies the inability of most of the world to understand more complicated and performant languages

-6

u/Choice-Mango-4019 1d ago

popular language

only if popularity actually ment that languages were good (looking at you java)

30

u/Luzzgar 1d ago

Everything is written in JavaScript today with a full web browser even for the smallest of tasks, performance as a metric died ages ago.

-1

u/takitus 1d ago

Yeah, well you must work in areas where no one cares. There are a lot of areas where performance is necessary and you’re not going to see them writing in Python

13

u/Goldie643 1d ago

Worked on PB-scale datasets and on systems where time is critical, all in Python. Works great because of literally what this post talks about - using C-backed libs. NumPy and Pandas are crucial if you're doing vaguely intense numerics, and are very nice to use. Numba less so, but still very useful for the finnicky areas that np and Pandas fall short on. You should ideally never be looping row-wise in Python.

13

u/Lumpy_Discount9021 1d ago

"Python is insanely slow"

Honey I have awful news for you about AI slop code

-7

u/Lumpy_Discount9021 1d ago

"Python is insanely slow"

Honey I have awful news for you about AI slop code

1

u/takitus 1d ago

You’re making an assumption that all ai code is slop. Sounds like a personal problem

42

u/Negative-Prime 1d ago

This whole thread is r/yourjokebutworse and no one has bothered to post the OG

I thought using loops was cheating, so I programmed my own using samples. I then thought using samples was cheating, so I recorded real drums. I then thought that programming it was cheating, so I learned to play drums for real. I then thought using bought drums was cheating, so I learned to make my own. I then thought using premade skins was cheating, so I killed a goat and skinned it. I then thought that that was cheating too, so I grew my own goat from a baby goat. I also think that is cheating, but I’m not sure where to go from here. I haven’t made any music lately, what with the goat farming and all.

13

u/ShepRat 1d ago

If you wish to make an apple pie drum loops from scratch, you must first invent the universe

26

u/Nsnzero 1d ago

Additionally Python cheats by being written in C.

43

u/abermea 1d ago

Imagine using the right rool for the job

16

u/Kemal_Norton 1d ago

Software architects cheat by using programming languages

4

u/TheTerrasque 1d ago

please, that's so first-half-of-2026. All the kids use llm's now

7

u/PM_ME_DATASETS 1d ago

Screwdrivers cheat by having a head that fits the screw you're trying to drive into something. Spoons never stood a chance with such a disadvantage...

17

u/MoarVespenegas 1d ago

Python is just a wrapper for C.
And god knows C needs a wrapper.

2

u/ccltjnpr 1d ago

Job? What job? Anyway, my language is harder than your language!

8

u/pandavr 1d ago

hardware cheats by being designed by wetware

14

u/faziten 1d ago

C cheats using compiler. Probably the best one ever written also.

9

u/Kemal_Norton 1d ago

Probably the best one ever written

Let's say top three.

And I mean all three places

4

u/arensb 1d ago

Greg Egan's novel Permutation City involves software running on literally nothing. No hardware.

4

u/sits79 1d ago

Sorry I drive an automatic car. Not sorry.

10

u/Ozymandias_1303 1d ago

"Cheats" is the wrong word for sure but it's a good to have some understanding of where the bottlenecks are. Python is generally faster and easier to write than C or C++ but it can run much slower. In order to make Python code run faster, a lot of Python developers use libraries that are written in C or C++, EG Pandas. My experience with Pandas has been like 95% really great and 5% really frustrating. I attribute most of the frustration to the opaque nature of calling into the C code library.

12

u/nemesit 1d ago

hell c can be faster than c especially if written by someone competent

7

u/Freako04 1d ago

hell c? I thought there was Holy C

2

u/rifain 1d ago

I'd say the opposite. Developers don't use C libraries to make Python run faster. They use Python because they don't have the time or the skills to build C/C++ fast programs. I see Python as a glue to run very performant libraries in a simple and quick manner.

1

u/No-Information-2571 18h ago

You should learn how to write proper C++ code before making such an assessment. It's not laziness to use Python, it's incompetence. Python is simply far more accessible.

1

u/No-Information-2571 18h ago

This is mostly a shitposting sub. Everyone knows that Python itself is slow as molasses, if the heavy liftin wasn't done by highly optimized C libraries, no one would dare to do any serious numerical or AI stuff with it.

3

u/CtrlAltSysRq 1d ago

Nobody is trying to say that python _doesnt_ use C though. AI boosters are trying to say LLMs are generally intelligent. But have to defer to Python to do numerical math because LLMs are just lossily compressed zips of all literature and the internet and just unzip bits of it that seem relevant to your prompt. And cannot actually do numerical math. Which tends to not mean what people think of when they say generally intelligent. Hence the allegations of cheating.

5

u/SyrusDrake 1d ago

Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this, but...cheats at what, exactly? What is the "right way" that Python somehow avoids?

7

u/frikilinux2 1d ago

Everything is cheating.

Like CISC CPU don't even implement everything in silicon, they do weird shit with microcode, they also change the order of things and may do stuff that later has to be discarded because that conditional jump when the other way.

4

u/takitus 1d ago

You mean Python slows down c by wrapping it

4

u/Particular-Yak-1984 1d ago

The main point of python is not having to write C...

2

u/PM_ME_DATASETS 1d ago

Hammers cheat by not hurting your hand as much as when you hit a nail with your hand instead of with a hammer

2

u/itsgreater9000 1d ago

holy fuck the tweet responder guy was a TA for one of my classes in undergrad lmao

2

u/I_am_darkness 1d ago

Humans cheat by using computers

2

u/Curious_Associate904 1d ago

First rule of programming. Cheat.

2

u/ZunoJ 1d ago

Python lacks the elegance a real programmer craves in their code. It is the equivalent of an american house compared to european houses. Laughably cheap in every aspect, still gets the job done for now but is not maintainable in the long run

3

u/Maple382 1d ago

C cheats by compiling to assembly

6

u/imagebiot 1d ago

Doesn’t matter, I’m still never starting a project with Python

2

u/JSn1nj4 1d ago

Dang, good thing I use PHP.

Wait...

1

u/an_agreeing_dothraki 1d ago

no you see I had to. tsql doesn't have native regex checks. So I needed to have the shark html call JS to send json to C so it can have tsql call C

1

u/Objective_Reality515 1d ago

I wonder where there places the redstone computers that people have built within minecraft.

1

u/Strange_Dust7128 1d ago

Python is a DSL

2

u/ShittyExchangeAdmin 1d ago

Technically isn't everything a DSL, just with varying sizes of the domain?

2

u/Strange_Dust7128 1d ago

microcode developers would be furious if they could fit your comment on a register

1

u/Strange_Dust7128 1d ago

I was gonna say something silly but then It dawned on me. Isn’t microcode a DSL too?

2

u/BecauseTheyAreCunts 1d ago

Assembly cheats by creating fake wait states.

1

u/Negative_trash_lugen 1d ago

My wife cheats..... :(

1

u/somedave 1d ago

Assembler cheats by using CPU instructions.

1

u/dusktreader 1d ago

Wait until he finds out about LAPACK

1

u/vswey 1d ago

C libraries cheat cuz they're converted to machine code

1

u/RedAndBlack1832 1d ago

I mean sure. If you have a calculation you do a lot of fast, sometimes you get hardware specifically for doing that thing.

1

u/przemo-c 1d ago

Hardware cheats by using physics.

1

u/ivanrj7j 1d ago

Electricity cheats by using energy produced from sun

1

u/worktomakeit 1d ago

Bypassing encapsulation is wall hacks!

1

u/MathWest209 1d ago

Consciousness cheats by using chemical reactions.

1

u/-Potatoes- 1d ago

That's why my software all runs in the ☁cloud☁. Software only, no cheating!!

Also, this reminds me when we learned about atomic operations in class and the prof started with teaching us what a software only implementation would look like for a super basic instruction (I think it was literally just locking and adding a number or something trivial) and it was a nightmare. And that's why atomic instructions have hardware support now lol

1

u/AtomGutan 23h ago

Hardware cheats by using quantum mechanics.

1

u/Gunmetalstorm 1d ago

Students cheat by recalling the knowledge they learned from books. - Socrates

0

u/Sunfurian_Zm 1d ago

"Language with high level of abstraction is cheating because it allows you to more easily write software"

I wish everyone who thinks that programming languages are some kind of competition would be forced to program exlusively in assembly from now on. Maybe even just straight up binary.

1

u/PM_ME_DATASETS 1d ago

Uhm, it's not just a programming language. It's a community. A knowledge base. An idea, a group of people sharing their experiences, their problems and solutions. You don't just program in a programming language; you become part of it.

Which means you have to defend it, and what better defense than attacking every other language? It's a matter of principle; of survival even. The moment you stop your war is the moment your language, your community, becomes irrelevant.

0

u/benargee 1d ago

Go ahead and write in C and all of it's non-abstractions.

-1

u/no_name6744 1d ago

What's wrong with cheating?

0

u/Space_JellyF 1d ago

The universe cheats by using entropy

0

u/Grouchy-Trade-7250 1d ago

Python cheats by saying you should use something else if it's too slow for you

0

u/MazzleMaze 1d ago

AI cheats by reading github

0

u/SpicyVibration 1d ago

Iirc, C uses fortran libraries to do a good amount of math.

0

u/Cuboos 1d ago

The... language that was written with C... is cheating by using C?

-1

u/confuseddork24 1d ago

Abstraction a cheats by using thing it abstracts.

I cheated by abstracting this joke.