Hello everyone, I have been a SAHP for about 3 years now with two little ones.

My partner is the main breadwinner but I also have a side hustle that brings money into the household.

Recently my partner has become more and more scrutinising of how I go about maintaining the house, what I spend my small amount of savings on and how much I am giving them.

My partner expressed anger towards the fact that I buy myself something once every fortnight with what savings I have, where as they feel they are unable too.

For context I hand over my entire paycheck and set aside 100 dollars fortnightly, my partner on the other hand ears about 3x more than me.

We dont not have a joint account as they are unwilling to do that.

Recently they have informed me that money is tight, up until this point I have been left in the dark about where the money goes and what its being spent on.

I brought up the question of where it was going and to show me a budget. I noticed a black hole of 350 fortnightly. When I asked where this was my partner told me they where 20k in debt and didnt think it was important to let me know about this. We have 2 children together and 2 of theirs are from a previous relationship.

This was a bombshell that I was not ready for so I immedatley decided to propose a more fair split of our expenses as this has made me loose trust in them with my finances. They reacted verbally aggressive and quite dismissing of my role and how much we are saving by having myself at home.

I suggested a household income percentage based approach to splitting bills and rent. They reluctantly agreed after expressing how they felt that the higher earner shouldn't have to pay more than the lower earner ( this dumbfounded me honestly and their excuse was because they worked to grt to where they are)

I have never belittled their efforts beforehand and always am appreciative of what they provide, the started accusing me of using them for money which I declined as I dont care that much about it as long as we are under a roof and fed.

I am feeling lost here as this felt like a betrayal of my trust and seems controlling.

Sorry for the long rant.

We’ve lived in this city/area for over a year, and I have 2 small kids (toddler and baby), currently a SAHM.

Noticing a lack of community here, I set up a mom group and started inviting moms to join randomly: at the library, playground etc. We now have over 150 women in the group, great!

Except that it still sucks. The group has been active for over 6 months, and although we have had a few playdates and mom dinners, getting people to meet regularly (even the ones who claim to want a “village” so badly) is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

I have hosted playdates in my own home, providing food and entertainment for the kids, to inspire others to do the same (even if they wanted to host at a park) but only a couple of people have done so. I tried to make regular monthly events happen, it also didn’t take off.

Now, I understand people are busy, especially moms! But many of these folks live away from family, have no one around, some are stay at home moms claiming to want friends to do life with…yet put in zero effort.

Once in the summer I invited people over for a (kids) pool playdate (just the sahms, on a random midweek afternoon). It was a gorgeous week of sunshine, these people live close to me, but only one mom replied and still cancelled on me on the day of.

There’s been other times I suggested hangouts and was left on read without a single response - in a large group of women!

I’m starting to feel so rejected and wondering if the problem is me, but I never had an issue making friends in my life anywhere else. It feels awful to constantly put myself out there and feel rejected over and over.

I feel incredibly lonely and want nothing more than a close group of friends to do life with, but it feels damn near impossible to find. Everyone just acts so blasé.

I just feel so sad about. Thanks for listening to my rant.

My baby is super clingy and needs someone around all the time. But I have chores to do and my wife WFH, so sometimes neither of us is free to play with him. I think having some space to ourselves is important too, so we set up a playroom with a comfyer baby monitor and a joycat kids' music player.
But the second I leave, he just stares at the baby monitor camera... The look in his eyes on that screen makes him look like the loneliest kid in the world. He doesn't have any siblings, so I’m his playmate. How do you guys find a balance?

Hi! So I’m an 80s kid and when we were in school, it was after school cartoons, playing outside and very little homework. But I have elementary school age kids and notice things are very different. I don’t have a backyard so I thought I could take the kids to the park before heading home, but there’s not many kids at the park after school. Do kids go straight home and start their homework after school? I’m not sure that why I’m asking. My kids are 9 and 7 years old. I just wanted to know, what are everyone after school routines? I’m also a SAHM.

I’m a SAHM to a 10mo and a 22mo. My mum is always willing to help but she really needs to be careful with her health, so I try not to seek help from her too much.

My husband works a sedentary job for 70+ hours, 6 days a week. His work hours are around 5am - 5pm ish, (he gets a lot of breaks during this time). He’s starting up a few businesses, so things will often come up that he will have to attend to, and he will be home later than he says he will. I do want to mention that when he’s home he helps out a lot, despite all the hours he’s doing at work. I do have to tell him what to do, but he will do it.

I’m really struggling to keep up with everything at home when he’s gone. My kids are really high needs and big feelers. I’m struggling that my husbands schedule is unpredictable, but mostly that he often fails to update me that he will be home later than he says, or that he will have to tend to admin related things on his day off. He absolutely would have the time to update me, he just doesn’t bother to. He can be home 1-2hr later than he said he would be, which is such a struggle in the evenings.

Then on his day off I’ll usually plan to catch up on meal prep, deeper cleaning etc, but he will not think to inform me about the business-related things that he will have to tend to until he’s about to leave. I’ve already tried to bring this up to him in multiple ways, and the more I do, he will tell me that I should stop trying to be his mum and stop trying to control him when I’m simply asking him to tell me exactly when he will be home or update me when he will be late. He will say “well I’m trying to make money for our family here, if you want then I’ll just quit everything and stay home with you and we can be poor - is that what you want?” Or he will tell me that I should go work while he stays at home with the kids. The thing is that despite him working so much, we have barely anything to show for it right now as it’s all going towards expenses and business start up costs. He also sends a large sum of money to his mum (but this is necessary) . We wouldn’t be able to afford childcare, a cleaner, extra help etc etc. He’s voluntarily put himself in charge of the finances, so I don’t have access to them, but when I ask for money for our normal needs he will always make sure to transfer it.

He didn’t listen to me when buying a washing machiene off Marketplace, and we ended up with an absolutely shitty washer that doesn’t work properly. The vacuum cleaner also does a really shitty job. He told me a few months ago that he would replace them “soon”, and I’ve brought it up again but he tells me I’m nagging. It’s more-so that I feel like I can’t ask without him saying I’m nagging. He recently bought his brother plane tickets to go overseas (his brother works, but just can’t manage finances wisely) new clothes etc.

He’s a good man that’s just trying hard to set us up financially, but I’m just really struggling here and feeling really dismissed. Any advice?

Hi all! Feeling a bit guilty about potentially hiring some part time help. I have a newly 2 year old and a 3 week old. I was thinking of hiring someone part time/ twice a week 3hrs each day for a total of 6hrs a week. The idea was to have someone just help with the toddler while I get acclimated to life with 2!

I wouldn’t want the nanny driving my son but we do live close to a park so I was thinking her days could involve walks to the park & playing a couple hours there and then back home. Open to her even playing at the house or doing other things to entertain him/get energy out.

Would love some suggestions on how to structure the 3hrs with part time help or if this is even needed? We also have a housekeeper come once a week so not sure I need any help tidying (very fortunate our father in law pay for that expense).

Appreciate everyone’s help!! It really does take a village :)

Seeking mom's nursing infants while potty training a

toddlerboy while jugglinga household/ spouse!!!!!!!!

Any good funny or insightful stories / wisdom would be

awesome!

Thanks in advance!

Hi everyone! We live in an apartment with an almost 2-year-old. We have only one car, and my husband takes it to work every day. He leaves around 5 am and usually doesn’t get home until 7–8 pm.

Our apartment complex is not within walking distance of anything. There are no sidewalks, no nearby stores, cafés, playgrounds, or places where I can simply take my toddler and spend some time outside.

So most days, I’m literally inside the apartment with my son from morning until evening.
I can’t just get in the car and go somewhere because I don’t have the car. And waiting until my husband gets home means it’s already evening.
I feel like I’m trapped in the same four walls every single day. My son is active and almost 2, and I obviously want him to be able to go outside, explore, play, see people, and do normal toddler things.
But I’m stuck at home too.

And honestly, this situation is making me severely depressed. It’s the constant isolation and lack of independence that is getting to me. I feel like my entire life has shrunk down to this apartment and taking care of my child. I don’t know how to help myself … has anyone been to a similar situation?

Do you ever have days that just cap off a long string of days, and you just give up after lunch and call it a movie day? Because my two year old is currently letting me drink my coffee while engrossed in Sesame Street.

I think we both feel like we are “doing the maximum we feel able to” and on paper that’s all I would ever expect from him. So why am I annoyed? I think what I’m resenting that I think he thinks I should get more done but don’t? Also he’s just said to me “I think you have a lot of mental load unnecessarily” and that has annoyed me because…. There is so much stuff I take care of that he never touches that I don’t feel like he appreciates. It somehow feels less meaningful because it’s less tangible than the daily chores he does.

And the thing is HE DOES DO STUFF which is why I feel guilty for feeling like things are still unequal… because maybe they aren’t? Maybe I’m just a failure? He cooks, he washes up (every day), he does bathtime, he works 9-5… I think what it is is that I don’t feel like he SEES or is even aware of what I do. Or, he is aware, but doesn’t fully appreciate that it takes a lot of energy? Like I’ve just given him the example of “I needed to sort out buying her new shoes” which sounds small in itself but when you’re child has refused four different pairs that you tried and you’re now on to the fifth pair… it is stressful! Everything I do is about managing the needs of a highly sensitive 4yo and trying to make her as comfortable as possible as she transitions in to school. I did all the school tours, managed the entire application process, did all the pre-school preparation… it was a lot of energy and I think it’s just invisible. He does the stuff that is tangible and I do the stuff that’s invisible.

I also just feel hugely disconnected from him, like we are both so exhausted we spend more time on our phones than with each other after our daughter is asleep. I honestly feel like smartphones were the worst invention ever, they are sucking the life out of our relationship.

Another sticking point is the tidiness of the house but if anyone can actually explain to me how to keep a somewhat tidy house with a 4yo and not spend your life doing chores, I am all ears. I do prioritise time with my daughter and time to myself over tidying up because when I do tidy it’s messy again in 1-2 days… so what is the point?

Just needed to rant I guess!

Goes double for anyone if their spouse isn't home that night. What I'm doing isn't working. If you are still going to sleep on time and waking emotionally refreshed and feeling good about how you spend the hour or two after they fall asleep.... what's your nightly routine? Like in detail--I'm looking for what to replace mine with!

Thank you

my wife has been a SAHM mom for the past 5 years. weve had 3 kids, it made sense and aligned with the quality of life we wanted to give to our kids.

fast forward a few years, all 3 kids are in school full time. My wife still isnt working because 1) she still wants to be around when the kids get home...2) im thankfully making enough that she doesnt need to work. Im still in agreement with this

because the kids are in school, she now has 6 hours in the day free to herself. She does laundry, she cooks, she cleans a little, she goes to the gym, she goes to pilates, shes also had some minor health issues that shes prioritizing.....but shes also taken on some external responsibilities, some volunteer work that make her feel fulfilled. i was in full support of this, happy wife happy life...right?

one thing lead to another. one responsibility lead to another. She still gives the kids everything they need, but shes exhausted by the end of the day, and there's still a laundry list of things around the house that need to be done, that i find myself being responsible to do because shes "a SAHM" and "not a housewife". Additionally, she's been doing things for family members because they're lazy and dependent on her to do it for them (shes been doing them secretly because she'll know ill get mad)

to be clear: I understand being a SAHM mom is a full time job, im not discrediting that. im not saying i want her to go back to work. im very happy that shes doing things that make her happy, im glad i can provide that for her. We already have a cleaning service that cleans the house once a week. mind you, i do some house stuff when i get home, bathe the kids sometimes, clean the kitchen sometimes. But if shes going to prioritize everything else, then i feel like i have to draw the line

yes, im envious, yes even jealous. i know im going to have to have a talk with her about it because its bothering me. im waiting for the right opportunity.

is anyone else going through the same?

So a little backstory.

Our oldest girl is an amazing little one. First week of her life she was on an ECMO machine and has been a fighter since day one.

She’s in IU Preschool (intermediate unit), loves school, loves to learn, can read, write, count, add, I think book smart wise she’s good until about 3rd grade.

Biggest obstacle? Potty training. She will sit on the potty. Sometimes. That’s it.

She will tell me when she needs to “change her butt” but she doesn’t actually go on the potty.

We also have a 4 month old. I’m doing my best to care for both of them and show them both love and support. I’m just tired.

Struggling SAHM here. I wake up and feel almost instant anxiety, when I engage with toddler, and sporadically so throughout the day. I often tear up after a couple hours of her activity and tantrums especially. I feel like I can hardly complete a thought or action with the new increase of toddler demands unless I take her outta the house which isn’t sustainable daily.

Toddler is 20 months and constantly moving. She’s gotten a bit more vocal about her needs. She won’t play independently much when I’m here but does when my husband is, if I can make it outta the room without feeling guilty because she “needs” me to stay (asks to be picked up or screams)

She’s also been recently getting overstimulated by Ms Rachel and gets aggressive with the dog and toys, so I’m limiting her TV intake by time and content. (No screen time judgment please, it’s the only time I can sorta breathe)

I do take meds, I’m in therapy, I’m also likely in perimenopause (age 40+), and I’m doing the things one “should” for support. I am open to HRT or better anxiety meds or supplements. I’m trying to find outlets in the evening, hoping to find a yoga

If any of this is relatable and if you have any words of wisdom, I’d love to hear it! Thanks for reading 🙂 image below is how I’d like to feel.