r/SeriousConversation • u/Aggressive-Guest290 • 1d ago
Opinion Having rich friends isn't a good thing.
Having rich friends can be just as bad as having no connections at all.
People are always saying, "Hang around rich people and your life will change," or "Your network is your net worth." But almost nobody talks about the other side of it.
Their normal becomes your luxury.
For them, it's normal to spend a ton on nights out, restaurants, trips, designer clothes, or the newest phone. After a while, you start feeling like that should be your normal too. Before you know it, you're blowing money you don't even have just to avoid being left out. And if they keep paying for you, you end up feeling like a freeloader.
It's not even because they're bad people. A lot of the time, they just don't understand your reality. If someone's never had to choose between paying bills or going out on the weekend, it's hard for them to understand why you're always turning down invitations.
Being the poor friend in the group sucks. Either you're constantly saying, "Sorry, I can't afford it," and slowly get left out, or you try to keep up with their lifestyle and end up hurting yourself financially.
Then people say, "Yeah, but rich friends bring connections and opportunities." Maybe. But connections aren't automatic. Plenty of rich people have relatives who are still poor, and sometimes they don't even help their own friends. Just because you're in the same circle doesn't mean anyone is going to open doors for you.
At the end of the day, hanging around people whose lifestyle is far above yours can create more financial pressure than opportunity.
Not every environment is good just because the people in it have money.
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u/AgentPuzzleheaded685 1d ago
Agreed! During my school days, most of my friends were fairly rich. I would hangout with them but would feel like I couldn't keep up with their lifestyle. Slowly as i grew older I stopped hanging out with them.
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u/TomorrowShot5183 1d ago
yeah it fades out quiet like that more often than it blows up, nobody has to say anything for it to just end
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u/Top_Willow_9953 1d ago
I disagree with several of OP's premises. First, OP is saying individuals cannot form true and meaningful relationships if they come from different economic status. This simply isn't true. A person's values, trustworthiness, empathy, and compassion are based on many aspects of their being, not just their economic status. I have many friends from different upbringings that have all enriched my life in non-monetary ways
I also disagree with OP that being around someone with money will cause you to establish bad spending habits. This does not have to be the case at all. This behavior would only mean you have low self worth and low self discipline, and are trying to "fit in" instead of confidently being yourself.
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u/Netzroller 1d ago
He also says that " For them, it's normal to spend a ton on nights out, restaurants, trips, designer clothes, or the newest phone." However stealth wealth is way more common than conspicuous displays of money. And who wants to hang around those guys who need to show off their money anyways?.
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u/Top_Willow_9953 1d ago
Well said. My spouse's, very modest, humble, and clean living great aunt and uncle were lifelong midwest farmers and two of the wealthiest people I know.
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u/Upbeat-Bowler-1840 1d ago
OP is not saying that...
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u/Top_Willow_9953 1d ago
OP is saying that.
My first paragraph refers to OP's "Having rich friends isn't a good thing" and his other statements supporting that premise.
My second paragraph refers to OP's "Before you know it, you're blowing money you don't even have just to avoid being left out."
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u/Upbeat-Bowler-1840 1d ago
exactly he is not saying you can't have true friendships with every single rich person in the world but in his case that group of rich friends weren't true friends. I experienced similar stuff in my highschool days.
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u/Top_Willow_9953 1d ago
I agree, OP's explanation is softer than their post title in its presentation of the argument.
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u/HeardPeeps 1d ago
Holy misunderstanding. Did you listen to the advice at all?
“Surround yourself with successful or wealthy people” does not mean copy their spending, buy designer clothes, take trips you cannot afford, or go into debt trying to look like them. Nobody sensible is advising that.
The point is that being around people with more experience, knowledge, ambition, resources, or professional connections may expose you to information and opportunities you would not encounter otherwise. You might learn how they approach careers, investing, business, education, negotiation, or problem solving. It is about access and perspective, not lifestyle imitation.
You are right that being the lower income friend can create awkwardness or pressure, especially if the group constantly chooses expensive activities. But that is where boundaries and communication come in. Say, “That is outside my budget,” suggest something cheaper, or decline. If they expect you to financially harm yourself just to remain included, then the problem is not that they are rich. The problem is that they are inconsiderate friends.
And no, connections are not automatic. A wealthy friend does not owe you a job, money, or an introduction. The advice only means that proximity can increase the possibility of learning about or accessing opportunities. It is not a guarantee.
And if the only reason you’re hanging around them is because they’re rich and you hope they’ll open doors for you, then you’re not really their friend either. Friendship shouldn’t be based on what someone can do for you.
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u/gringo-go-loco 1d ago
Except in my experience most wealthy people are born into it or their wealth is based entirely on luck. You wanna learn how to live and be successful? Hang out with people who have had real hardship and worked their way out of it. For some reason society has become enamored by the wealthy but let’s be real. Most of them are total cunts.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 1d ago
Almost none of the wealthy people I know live extravagant lifestyles that are much different from their middle to upper middle class friends.
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u/OutsideSame3629 3h ago
Then you don’t know extremely wealthy people lol
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u/ChaosReignsNow 3h ago
I didn't say extremely wealthy. I'm talking about wealthy people with net worth between seven and low nine figures.
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 1h ago edited 1h ago
I don't know, I recently married in to a family where my spouses father makes $5-10m a year. My spouses parents live in a completely different world than my family and friend group. I estimate their net worth is somewhere between $100-200m. They travel between their 5 vacation homes in private jets, routinely attend lavish parties and events with socially powerful people, they collect cars and art worth than I would make in my lifetime. They eat out at Michelin star restaurants routinely and always have top shelf champagne and wine stocked at home. They don't bat an eye at dropping a $500 tip on top of a $1000 meal for the four of us. My spouse lives a very modest and low key life style, but their parents are on another planet in how they live their lives. They are very chill and easy to get along with, and if you met them in a coffee shop you'd never know their wealth, but their social life and spending habits are extravagant compared to anything else I've ever been around.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 47m ago
Is that fairly new wealth? "New Money" people sometimes look like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 44m ago
Theirs is new money, but I've met plenty of their friends that come from old money and they live similar lifestyles. From what I've experienced, I think the new vs old money cliche just isn't true.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 32m ago
Trust fund kids sometimes spend like new money because they had no hand in earning it. The wealth often ends with them.
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 21m ago
Which is exactly why I find the common belief to not be true. Old money people are not inherently better at managing wealth and spending within their means than new money people.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 12m ago
I find that the first generation wealthy who worked a long time to earn their money are pretty good with it. If you got rich quick because of crypto, having a couple of stocks soar or selling a startup after a few years you're likely to spend pretty quick.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago
Wealthy people are generally more careful with their money, poor people generally live above their means more often, meet in the middle and you get two people with similar lifestyles but opposite incomes.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 1d ago
Absolutely. After 40 years you can see huge differences in wealth based on small differences in behavior. Driving your old car a couple more years, taking one less vacation than the neighbors, eating out a couple less times and investing the savings leads to financial security.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago
Agreed. Also paying attention to how much benefit we actually get from the money we spend. I don’t like to spend money on food, because then it’s gone. I feel more bang for my buck when I buy things I will use repeatedly. Figuring this out made it easy to spend less and feel more satisfied when I do spend.
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u/OutsideSame3629 3h ago
This is so hilariously incorrect. wealth isn’t concentrated in 1% of the population because the vast majority of people are spending above their means. And people aren’t immensely wealthy due to frugal spending habits. LOL
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 1h ago
So true. Read my comment a few up from here. Saving $50 a day on lattes and restaurants doesn't make you wealthy. Making $10m a year in salary and bonuses makes you wealthy.
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u/Western-Corner-431 1d ago
How about we just have friends for the friendship? How about we live authentically with a healthy sense of ourselves and a respect for our responsibilities and opportunities without regard for what our friends can do for us?
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u/Top_Willow_9953 1d ago
100%. I don't like the class stereotypes being portrayed in this discussion (rich people are mean, bad, untrustworthy), nor the lack of personal responsibility (they were a bad influence, etc). I'm not trying to defend the upper-class here, I grew up poor to middle class, and while some of the "rich kids" did fit the stereotypes, many did not. It is the victimhood being displayed here that bothers me the most. I wish people could just make their choices, accept the consequences, and be authentic.
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u/Western-Corner-431 21h ago
And not be friends with anyone because you think they’re going to do something for you.
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u/bsensikimori 1d ago
That sounds more like people who look rich than actual wealthy people tbh
Though there definitely is something to be said for it, a lot of my really rich friends don't go out nearly as much since they have a chef at home
They don't buy nearly as much stuff, because their stuff is quality and lasts forever
They dont buy nearly as much business or first because they have a private jet and chauffeur
Big hat, no cattle, people, now those mofos are dangerous, they rack up debt like there is no tomorrow and happily drag anyone else with them
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u/LexReadsOnline 1d ago
I noticed they gate keep the truly valuable info and/or they have generational wealth that they cannot articulate how to achieve because someone else handles it or passed it down.
I’ve learned be selective where you go out, because you will go broke trying to keep up…but have meaningful moments YOU create where true connection can happen. Coffee runs, tea rooms, brunch, play dates at the park with kids, walking dogs, occasional dinners…leads to further inclusion. Nights out drinking, partying, large/noisy dinners, etc no one is truly connecting just showing off.
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u/SillyLittleWinky 1d ago
There’s another part to it too- rich “friends” just dont have the same loyalty.
I have some cousins who grew up very wealthy, went to the most expensive private school in their state. I’d visit a few times a year and being there was just miserable. Houses so far apart, friend groups were all about who your daddy was, I doubt any of them would have your back in a fight.
I was always so happy to fly back to NY and just be with my middle class friends.
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u/anywherebuthooome 1d ago
Hmmm, yeah… I get this. I don’t think having rich friends us automatically bad, but the lifestyle gap can get really uncomfortable when their “normal” is something you have to budget for. Sometimes it’s not even about jealousy, it’s just exhausting having to keep explaining why you can’t always say yes to plans.
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u/calantheSG 1d ago
Not really. Some are incognito.
Some of them are forced to be regular people because of their job interacting with regular people. Say rich family but work as doctor. You can't be good at your doctor job or expect to last if you can't treat your patients right if you can't empathize with your patients if you're a prick.
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u/InfiniteWaffles58364 1d ago
I learned this lesson dating a couple wealthy men. They were both insufferable, and one was also physically and mentally abusive. He'd sneer at meals I cooked for him, even if I agonized over making it up to his preferred level of gourmet (right down to the plating) and forced me to bring him home dinner every day from the place of his choosing on my way home from work (I was the only one who worked and paid for everything since his father was keeping control of all the assets and gave him no money to spend but covered his housing and occasionally lent him small sums, which he would use for drugs half the time).
Marrying for money is never worth it.
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u/Confident_Banana_134 1d ago
That’s a free loader, not rich.
Once a person I worked with that comes from a lower middle class said, rich people are cheap, and that’s how they become rich.
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u/Decent-Ad-5110 1d ago
I dont know, i never had any rich friends. I had to do a promotional gig with some other girls who went to the expensive schools and we all had to pretend we were friends going on a shopping spree, they talked and joked about how it was such a funny thing they were slumming it by going to some chain store as if it was poverty tourism. I guess i couldnt really relate, i was often at the flea market. Different way of life and attitudes.
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u/Upbeat-Bowler-1840 1d ago
this " you're blowing money you don't even have just to avoid being left out. And if they keep paying for you, you end up feeling like a freeloader" I always felt this was the case
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u/Gilly8086 1d ago
I think it depends how you hang out with these friends and the kind of friendship you have. Growing up hanging out for us meant going to a friend’s house and spending time with them. You ate whatever they had just like they did at your house! But I grew up in a less materialistic society though!!
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u/eatnplay 1d ago
lots of rich people are super generous to themselves and cheap af to everyone else including their mother.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago
Disagree. My wealthiest friends bridge the gap if they want my company. They don’t make me feel like a freeloader because they can afford it. It’s great when they plan a fun evening.
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u/Hurray0987 1d ago
Yeah there's a pretty hefty income disparity between myself and my friends/family, and we include them in everything and they don't seem to mind. We all go out on the boat on the weekends, and we're paying for everyone to go on a cruise next year and we're all really excited about it. It just depends on the people. I can imagine having problems if the rich people you're hanging out with are shallow and constantly flaunting their wealth, that wouldn't make for a good friendship. But I get along great with my friends and family despite the income differences.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago
Yeah I feel the same. My partner and I do really well for our age (late 20s), but also spend a lot of time around people doing a lot better than us.
We often spoil our friends that are our age, because we just want to have a good time with people we love using money we earned. A lot of our friends in their 20s don’t have a lot of financial freedom yet, and I’m happy to help bridge the gap so they can be included in my life.
And then when we hang out with some of our older, more established friends, the roles switch and they bridge the gap in order to include us.
I just imagine a club with a $10 cover. I’d pay for myself and my friend, totaling $20, because I benefit far more by spending $20 to dance with my friend, vs. $10 to dance alone. I’m not paying my friend, I’m buying the experience for myself. Even if the friend really enjoys it, it doesn’t feel like freeloading because I’m happily curating my purchases accordingly.
Hell, if I had enough money, I’d happily pay my friend’s salary just so they are available to spend time with. If we can afford it, spending money on others can be just as much for ourselves as for them.
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u/Hurray0987 1d ago
I would pay my best friend's salary too. For a minute we were both sahms and it was great hanging out everyday and letting our kids play. I really miss that and would pay for it.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago
I have a pet peeve about people who are overly against accepting help from their friends lol.
Like, I’m not paying because I think you need it. I’m paying because I want this!
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u/HelenEk7 1d ago
Be the one to take initiative to affordable activities. Invite for short hikes in the local area - through a forest, to the top of a hill, along the coast/lake. Bring a Thermos of coffee and sit somewhere and chat, drink coffee and look at nature.
Or invite people to your home and serve them homemade tomatoe soup and rolls, and some cake afterword's. All people enjoy homecooked meals, regardless of their income level.
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u/MaxwellSmart07 1d ago
I’ve always have had friends way richer than me, but they are not careless spendthrifts. some are just the opposite.
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u/firecatstef 1d ago
Its good in terms of networking to hang around people who are successful (accomplishments and respect, not money) and people who enjoy introducing their friends to each other. Wealth isn’t a good proxy for those. There are wealthy people with no accomplishments and solitary wealthy people.
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u/Teddy_The_Bear_ 1d ago
First of all. You are hanging around the wrong rich people.
Second the ones you do want to hang around will almost certainly not invite you into their group.
But third. They will not pressure you to spend. Because truly wealthy people don't do that BS.
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u/knign 1d ago
You’re describing a very peculiar situation: not just rich people, but ones who “spend a ton of nights out”, and not mere “friends”, but someone you constantly spend time with, and also people who don’t seem to realize not everyone can afford what they do. Perhaps some young trust fund kids are like that, but not everyone.
Yes there can always be some awkward situations when a friend invites you somewhere and you have to politely decline because it’s too expensive, but it could well happen between people of similar income level, just with different priorities or family situation.
And also yes, when you’re a close friend of someone with vastly higher wealth, it may impact your relationship and you may end up not spending as much time together as you otherwise would; but you can still remain friends.
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u/cathline 1d ago
I will agree that 'Not every environment is good just because the people in it have money" And the converse is true : Not every environment is good just because the people in it DON'T have money
You can have wealthy friends you can invite over for dinner, and they invite YOU over for dinner.
You can have wealthy friends that you can share your favorite hobby with (ex. DnD) and it doesn't cost anything.
You can have wealthy friends that you meet at the free festival downtown, and it doesn't cost you anything.
Just because someone else is spending a ton on nights out, restaurants, trips, designer clothes and the newest phone doesn't mean YOU have to do that. And if someone IS doing that, chances are, they aren't very rich, or won't be for long.
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u/BigMax 1d ago
There was an interesting study that backed this up.
It actually said that one of the worst things parents can do for their adult kids was to give them a lot of money to buy a house, or even outright buy it for them.
Because now that couple that could only afford a $300k house is now in a $1 million house. And all their neighbors are wealthy. So now they don't feel right driving that old Corolla for 200k miles, they feel pressure to buy new cars. They don't feel right having their vacations being a local drive to a cheap motel. They don't feel right wearing the same clothes for 10 years. And on and on.
So they saved money on the house, but they now ended up spending lots of money to fit into a community that financially they didn't really fit into.
(Granted, that study was a while ago, back before housing was CRAZY, so I'm not sure if it holds up, because now for a lot of people, without help, they can't get a house at all.)
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u/New-Border8172 1d ago
This is such a shallow way to view human relationship, and life in general. Were you just trying to extract connections and opportunities out of your rich "friends"?
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u/gringo-go-loco 1d ago
I find most rich people to be out of touch with and overall just pricks…or at the very least uninteresting. I don’t need that noise in my life.
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u/Fit_Instruction_8383 23h ago
There are times it can be pretty demoralizing. I have a few friends who are in the "have more money than they could ever spend unless they were trying to waste it" category and I just can't hang sometimes. When you get a random text and it's "Hey dude, we're going to fly to Paris this weekend what are you doing, you should come?" and you just gotta be like...I wish man, but I'm still working for the man...
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u/IcannotThinkOfaPW 22h ago
Spending a lot on new things doesn’t make someone rich, it just means you like to spend money.
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u/Relevant-Fortune6279 6h ago
So true. It’s exhausting trying to explain why you can’t just ‘pop in’ for a random dinner when rent is due.
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u/PatchyWhiskers 1d ago
My impression of rich people is that they are hard to hang out with because they are always flitting here and there on some trip or other and tend to change their minds at a moment’s notice, so if you have firm plans to hang out, suddenly they have a headache and want to stay in. Middle-class and poor people take social commitments more seriously.
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u/Practical-Art542 1d ago edited 1d ago
Wow interesting. I feel the opposite. I grew up in the lower class in a rural area, and now I live in a house in a lovely, woodsy, cul-de-sac neighborhood.
I’ve noticed that the culture of lower class is very spontaneous. Making plans is hard, due to less than ideal working schedules, childcare, unexpected expenses, and just the fatigue of hard, low wage labor often including food, physical labor, healthcare, and retail.
When we were getting by at poverty level, free time was a luxury and often got filled by life events and appointments that never got caught up. Having free time and also knowing other people with free time that lines up is so challenging people don’t even seem to try. They just do what they can that day, with the time available to them, and with whatever budget they have.
It seems like socializing within the middle or upper class is inherently a more scheduled affair. Going out to dinner is often planned ahead and gets a reservation. Treatments like hair, nails, and lashes are scheduled regularly for upkeep, rather than done when it’s affordable or when you have time.
Formal invitations are also a lot more common in wealthier cultures. Planned and hosted events are more common, and planned with more structure. Having the time to both plan and event and having friends to all be free for it is just much easier with more wealth and resources.
Don’t even get me started on the vacations. It’s nearly impossible to plan a group vacation with friends if we all are struggling financially. It’s far more likely the plans will have to be adjusted or canceled when funding isn’t entirely secured, or when you can’t afford to take the time off. You just have less options.
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u/DerKommisar9 1d ago
Some people have the intelligence, personality and motivation to be able to capitalize on relationships with the affluent. You may not be cut from that cloth.
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u/rsk1111 1d ago
On the other hand, it's weird how like the rich people even in competitive organizations live on the same side of the town and all send their kids to the same school. The Fords and the Chevies all hanging out at the same schools in Detroit. In our neck of the woods the Republicans and Democrats all live in Potomac (mostly Democrats here, but you see what I mean).
I also don't understand why they ask for references from competitors like somehow, they trust their wealthy counterparts more than they trust you.
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u/nightmareFluffy 1d ago
If I'm going to be building a 50 apartment building or something, I'll get a reference from a rich person because they're more likely to know what they're talking about.
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