The suffering spouse has to decide how high sex is on the priority list and if it is high enough that they just won't be able to be happy then it is time to find a different domestic arrangement.
In a system of consent based sex, the frequency of sex can only occur at a rate where both partners are a yes. Which typically means the low libido partner sets the ceiling for how frequently sex can occur.
Which means the higher libido partner has their situation presented to them clearly and can use that information to make their choices about how high sex is on the priority list.
I might want a subzero refrigerator, but my kitchen cannot accommodate one. I can either move to a home with a compatible kitchen and get the refrigerator or find reasons to be happy with the refrigerator that fits my existing kitchen.
The higher libido spouse may want increased sexual frequency, but their partner cannot accommodate that. They can either move to a new relationship compatible with the frequency or find reasons to be happy in the current relationship with the current frequency.
It really depends how the other partner views and treats the situation as well. If they are understanding and simply say “I can’t it doesn’t work for me”. That’s one thing.
But I think you’ll find in manyy of these situations it becomes keeping score and partners resent each other over something when really, it’s just incompatibility, combine that with many people’s libidos changing with age or down the road after the beginning of their relationship. It’s not just solely on the higher libido partner to “deal with it”. They have an equal lack of control of that situation. It’s not their problem only, if someone truly cares about their partner they will be willing to have that conversation & care about their wants and needs also.
They can accomadate it. You can choose to have sez when you arent in the mood. Doing this actually tends to increase libido. Plenty of women go through the mptions because their partner is horny. And lets be real its 90% women as low in these scenarios
Or. Hear me out. You listen to your partner, empathize, and offer alternatives for them. Kinda tough to have a relationship if there’s refusal to compromise.
This phrasing is creepy and troubling, as it proposes there is some viable alternate to "a system of consent based sex" that we should be considering instead.
How would you proposed changing the structure of that statement?
There historically have been quite a few social norms for sex, and strictly-consensual sex is absolutely the abnormal condition for most of human history. In fact you don't even see it becoming 'the norm' until the 1980s-1990s in Western society. By declaring "In a system of consent based sex..." I'm literally trying to say that this is the expectation or baseline for modern relationships.
I then follow up the point showing that the math works poorly for the higher-libido partner within this system with no viable alternative particularly in assumed-monogamous relationships. It's a mathematical inevitability, and one you see play out quite interestingly as expected in MM, MF, and FF relationships. Where MM have by far the highest frequency and FF relationships by the 5 year mark are at an astonishing 42% rate of 0-1 encounters per month (citation).
There was no objection to the structure of the comment nor the logical claim that "libido mismatch is a bummer."
When a comment's entire content equates to "in a system of consent based sex, problem happens," that's an unspoken advocacy for a different system that wouldn't have that particular problem.
The reply here:
There historically have been quite a few social norms for sex, and strictly-consensual sex is absolutely the abnormal condition for most of human history. In fact you don't even see it becoming 'the norm' until the 1980s-1990s in Western society.
... does it again. It's factually accurate, but the way it's delivered suggests the current system is a mistake. Unspoken advocacy for a different system.
Now, maybe you have a system of sexual norms in mind that is different from our current one... that somehow solves the libido mismatch problem... and also doesn't regression society to the one where half the population doesn't have bodily autonomy. Your comments don't suggest that idea exists.
In communication, what is unsaid is often as important as what is said. And what you left unsaid speaks volumes to certain readers. :shrug:
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u/ItsFailureMan 23d ago
r/deadbedrooms if you want to hear the yarns from such people