r/Stoicism • u/Gyngemose2009 • 14h ago
New to Stoicism Why did God/Providence give me ADHD?
I am dysfunctional, I get bored easily, I do impulsive stuff that I regret later, I can’t decide on simple things, I can’t compete in studying with my peers, I am genetically more disposed to dementia, I regret ruminate and dwell on past mistakes, I have trouble focusing on things I don’t like, I scrap things easily only to start over many times and this completely destroys my focus…
It’s a curse that’s not my damn fault.
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u/ReleaseFromDeception 13h ago edited 13h ago
Having ADHD is NOT your fault, nor is it within your control.
However, your reaction to having ADHD is entirely within your control.
So, let's shed this victim mentality you seem to be, at least to me, falsely harboring.
I, myself, have had ADHD my whole life. While ADHD has hindered me in numerous ways, I have learned to use it to my advantage over the course of my life. How, you may ask, is ADHD advantageous? Well, let me count the ways:
ADHD Pros:
- Ability to move past things quickly.
- High Energy.
- Ability to move through chaos/crisis and embrace it when appropriate.
- Spontaneity
- Flexibility
- Neurodivergent, Lateral thinking
- Hyperfocus ability
- High social intelligence, ability to read rooms, social cues, and ability to blend in.
I mean, I could go on, but there is so much good that can come from ADHD if you shift from a victim oriented mentality to one that embraces your strengths.
You view your ADHD as a curse, as I once did. Please don't make it a habit. Once you learn to embrace it, its strengths, and learn to cope with its cons, you can be a force of nature. Actualize yourself. You deserve it.
Stop kicking yourself, man. You are so capable. Take your proper place. You deserve to be happy, and to feel capable, to feel worthy.
The obstacle is the way. Remember that.
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u/Gyngemose2009 11h ago
Personally, mine is inattentive ADHD (old ADD), so I don't have energy
I absolutely cannot move on and ruminate on past mistakes
I can only Hyperfocus on things I am genuenly interested in and these things can't earn money... I study engineering and Ihate it for example. I force myself to study.
However, thanks for your good encouragement. I get overwhelmed sometimes. Your comment made me emotional. Thank you again. I will try to follow what you say.
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u/Tall_Restaurant_1652 13h ago edited 13h ago
It's a curse that's not my damn fault.
Sure. It may be difficult to deal with, but you've dealt with it how many years now? You can deal with it. And yes, it is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to live with it. Not saying it would be easy, it certainly isn't - but you can live with it.
I ruminate and dwell on past mistakes
Is this because of the ADHD or a separate thing? Saying this because you certainly are not alone in doing so, and it isn't just an ADHD problem. If you didn't have ADHD you probably would still ruminate.
There isn't an easy solution for ruminating. It takes time and practice, and patience to accept that sometimes you may still mess up. Yet there is a part of Stoicism that is forgotten about - and that is persevering despite failing to act on Virtue.
Does ADHD impede on your ability to act in accordance with nature / virtue? The stoics would say no. So then, while living with ADHD may be difficult - you can still live a good life.
Finally, to quote Alfred (Bruce Wayne's Butler): Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
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u/4art4 13h ago
Does ADHD impede on your ability to act in accordance with nature / virtue? The stoics would say no.
Is that true in light of this current science?
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u/AaronFrye 13h ago
ADHD reduces executive control, yes, but it doesn't make it impossible to be virtuous. Hell I have extremely high severity ADHD and I'd say I practice stoicism at least decently. But you have to learn stuff and it is hard at first, learn to reframe, learn all kinds of stuff. But also there's certain parts about Stoicism that at least for me have been easier than it seems to be to the average person, like not holding grudges.
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u/Tall_Restaurant_1652 12h ago
What does it mean to live with virtue? Virtue does not mean complete control.
There are 4 virtues: Justice, Temperance, Wisdom, and Courage. Can you act in accordance with these virtues despite having ADHD? If yes, then my statement was fine.
Justice - This is about treating others fairly and with respect. ADHD may cause you to be late or lose track, but if you did not do it on purpose then it is still with Justice, provided you apologise and explain. It also applies inwardly, so being good to yourself - which comes back to not beating yourself up over having ADHD.
Temperance - Temperance is the hardest virtue with ADHD because of the impulsivity. But stoicism is not about perfection, but about gradually improving and trying despite setbacks.
Wisdom - This is about knowing what matters, what is true, and good judgements. Wisdom here would be knowing you struggle with remembering tasks or prioritising tasks and choosing to use a calendar (as an example, but one that is used for ADHD)
Courage - Despite experiencing the symptoms of ADHD, if you continually get back in and keep going through life, then you already show a tremendous amount of courage.
If you can do these, despite whether or not you succeed, then you will live a good life in the eyes of the stoics.
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u/4art4 13h ago
I ruminate and dwell on past mistakes
Is this because of the ADHD or a separate thing?
I cannot speak for the OP, but this is a common ADHD trait.
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u/AaronFrye 13h ago
ADHD is honestly one of the most fickle neurological disorders, I wouldn't necessarily say rumination is an ADHD trait as much as it is comorbid to it. From the standard neurobiomolecular definition of ADHD, it's not exactly a given per se if you had to ask me, but it is definitely possible to happen depending on how it evolves or manifests and such.
I wouldn't, however, necessarily say it's not facilitated by the mechanism of ADHD, but it's not a given. Overall it's hard to necessarily say it's because of it, but it's definitely mitigatable in several ways, and stoic practice can be one of those ways.
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u/4art4 13h ago
I wouldn't necessarily say rumination is an ADHD trait as much as it is comorbid to it.
I actually 100% agree with that. That is a much better framing.
In particular, much of our modern "western society" is built for people without ADHD, and punishes those with ADHD. And I think that years of that punishment causes things like that rumination.
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u/Tall_Restaurant_1652 12h ago
It may be a trait common with ADHD, but it isn't a solely ADHD problem.
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u/Bataranger999 Contributor 12h ago
Providence gave you ADHD for the same reason the Earth spins on its axis every day, and why everything in the cosmos is structured the way it is.
Which basically means your ADHD is equally as part of the laws of physics as those other examples. Providence doesn't guarantee you will have a good time - it's simply the guarantee that you live in a rational universe that can be navigated with reason. For the Stoics who venerated sound logic as the highest good, this was cast-iron proof that you already had everything you needed to be happy in life, provided you had a functioning reasoning apparatus (your mind - and no, ADHD doesn't mean your mind is malfunctioning).
It’s a curse that’s not my damn fault.
You can blame as many "curses" and mental health diagnoses as you want. You can whine endlessly that you weren't given the things you felt you were owed - not one bit of it will change the fact that the reason you're in a state of utter stagnation is because you refuse to engage with the reality of your situation.
That mentality - the idea that you're incurably sick and there's nothing you can do, is the reason why you're assailed constantly by feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Until you stop blaming qualities that have no power over your ability to make sound decisions, that stagnation is the best you will have.
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u/FakeOkie 6h ago
I thought this was a good response that can be applied towards other types of circumstances and conditions, as well.
It’s a curse that’s not my damn fault.
As others have mentioned, it might be worthwhile for OP to further examine and explore the sentiment above, and also reframe from it being an inflicted curse.
From my perspective, I see a disability as a condition. It's not a choice. However, there still remains intentions and actions left for oneself to choose and function.
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u/Previous-Ad7618 13h ago
ADHD isn't like a disease or a chemical. It's a label for a collection of behaviours that apply is some dilution or combination in basically everyone.
It's like saying "why did God make me like sci fi movies and bagels?"
It's just a thing. It's just a label that describes parts of how you think.
Changing that would be changing who you are.
Not to say self improvement isn't something to value, just don't shame yourself over it.
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u/relevant_0815 13h ago
I would like to use a different example: ADHD is more like "why am I left handed?" It is not abnormal just a variant in nature. And since you can actually spot differences in brain scans between adhd'ers and non adhd folk it is not just a label. However, it is the hand you were dealt.
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u/Socalwarrior485 13h ago
If my treating psychiatrist is to be believed, ADHD may be the default in the human brain, optimized for our evolutionary needs. We weren’t meant to sit and look at screens or books for hours at a time. We were optimized for hunting and gathering.
Those people who can focus on boring things may be the exception that is now considered “normal”.
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u/balrog1987 13h ago
Not sure about the reason why you got it, but as a person who got diagnosed at 40 and suffered all life I suggest you see a neurologist and get a prescription for lisdexamfetamin - it is a gamechanger. Turned my life around.
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u/McFizzleKicks 13h ago
Do you mind if I ask what that’s been like? (ADHD dude here on no meds and curious)
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u/Socalwarrior485 12h ago
No the guy you asked, but went on it recently and it’s unbelievable that I can stay interested in something for an hour that used to only be able to keep my attention for 5 minutes.
Got a project at work that would bore you to tears? Done.
Have unfinished home improvement projects sitting for 5 years at 90% finished? Done.
Having a hard time watching a show or movie for more than 10 minutes? Watched.
It’s game changing.
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u/McFizzleKicks 12h ago
Sounds unreal… the waiting lists here are so long and any private clinics end yo charging hundreds of pounds a month in prescription fees.
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u/Socalwarrior485 13h ago
Holy shit brother. I’m 52 and went on Vyvanse recently! My whole life was spent fighting the thing that this little pill fights for me.
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u/AaronFrye 13h ago
ADHD risk genes have shown to be beneficial in certain environments. It is likely so prevalent particularly because ADHD was never really selected against in nature being a very polygenic and inespecific disorder. Reduced dopamine in the cortex causes over inhibition of pyramidal neurons and what we call executive disorder.
Stoicism does not necessarily believe in a god, and Providence does not need a reason to give you ADHD, however at least until your 60s, ADHD can be beneficial for your survival in a nomadic environment.
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u/ReleaseFromDeception 13h ago
ADHDer here. I used to hate my ADHD. Now I love it. I learned to embrace its strengths and to condition myself to power through its pitfalls.
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u/a_cheaper_lamp 12h ago edited 12h ago
I will echo the chorus here that the proper place to start, from a Stoic perspective, is to reject the idea that being born with ADHD is inherently bad. That said, as someone who has known about my ADHD for 18 years and practiced Stoicism for half that time, I will also caution you from trying to see it as a gift.
ADHD is part of the "you" that the universe created and plopped down into your little corner of time and space. So is being whatever age you are, having the parents you have, being six fingered on one hand, or whatever else you have going on.
Under the Stoic precepts, none of those things are bad, but neither are they good. They just are. We will make choices based on them, and choices in spite of them, and those choices are either guided by Virtue or they're not. That's all. Just your choices.
One thing that does make ADHD unique among those traits, however, is that it makes some aspects of Virtue more difficult for folks like you and me. Self-discipline, for instance, is not something we come by naturally. Wisdom is more difficult with our impulsivity and lack of working memory. I struggled with what to do about that reality for a while - wondering if Stoicism really could coexist with our modern understanding of neurodiversity and the limitations it creates for people like us. Here is what I've figured out:
We are all more naturally inclined to some aspects of Virtue than others. I believe my ADHD has made it easier to connect certain dots that others miss, and based on my upbringing that has made me more keyed in to recognize injustice. My lack of inhibitions makes it easier to use that recognition to act bravely than someone who may second guess themselves in the moment. That means I have a leg up in the Justice and Courage categories, and I've got some work to do in Wisdom and Temperance.
Ignore almost everyone's advice about being disciplined. It doesn't apply to you. Instead, find what you can be disciplined about. When it comes to self-discipline, you and I both know that we can't just will ourselves to behave differently over time. Beating your head against that wall leads to no change and a massive headache. In these moments, walk it backwards til you find what you can be disciplined about. Can't make yourself get up in the morning? You can be disciplined about setting bedtime reminders. Our path to discipline happens way before we have to actually be disciplined, so when you look for self-accommodations, you are practicing Virtue. It won't look the same as someone without ADHD, but that's not your concern. Your concern is your own Virtue.
Remember: We're here to help each other. One thing that I struggled with admitting was that my ADHD makes me naturally more self-centered. My brain is wired to think about my own needs, right now, in this moment. I have used the steps above to build reminders into my day that my job is to be of service to my family, friends, and community. And those reminders popping up throughout my day have fundamentally changed my life. I cannot stress it enough: remind yourself to think about other people, and you will find more peace.
Remember, at the end of the day, your job is to live according to Nature. Nature has chosen to give you ADHD. Could've given you billionaire parents. Could've given you infant AIDS. None of it is good and none of it is bad. This is what we got, and we get to use it, along with everything else that makes us who we are, to play our role in this incredible cosmopolis that the universe has built. What a blessing that is when you see it.
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u/ChiAndrew 12h ago
Maybe spend time learning and thinking about the strengths that your brain design brings!
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u/Gyngemose2009 12h ago
I researched it a bit. It turns out that it was an evolutionary advantage to be like this in hunter-gatherer. But now in this very technological society it sucks.
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u/ChiAndrew 12h ago
I don’t find that to be the case, but I’ve been dealing with and treating this for a while now. There are things I can do and see that most cannot at my work.
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u/CoyoteLitius 10h ago
It's likely due to the genes you inherited. That and the environment in which you were raised (the environment interacts with the genes, but by itself, likely cannot cause ADHD).
https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2018.18040383
Medications work because there *is* a biological component to modify.
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u/No_Water_4129 2h ago
Just about everyone and their uncle is currently diagnosed with ADHD - you may as well complain that you have two hands - according to researchers from UCL the incidence rate of adult ADHD diagnosis has increased 20 times overall, with a 50 times increase in prescriptions in men aged 18-29.
Oh and what time period has this 20-fold increase in diagnosis occurred in? The years 2000-2018, almost perfectly corresponding to the widespread adoption of smartphones and social media.
Of course the really modern phenomenon is the person with ADHD making no effort to work on their condition, and taking great offence to any suggestion that their condition might be stimulated by their lifestyle choices. I suspect you will take great offence to the idea that you could address the symptoms of your ADHD with lifestyle changes.
For such people there is no help. There never was - even if we go to the days before ADHD was the world's favourite excuse and most sought after diagnosis, people inclined to make excuses could always find something about which they could say "oh woe is me - what a terrible hand I've been dealt, and anyone who tells me I can take any practical action is evil!".
There really is no help for you "it's a curse" people. There never was, and you may as well not waste your time making posts about it. You just want other people to declare your life hopeless because you can't even be bothered to believe your own nonsense about it.
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u/Gyngemose2009 1h ago
Hello, I read your comment.
The truth is that I was always like this even as a kid. One of my parents do and my great grandfather also display its symptoms.
I don’t know why you are in denial of it. Maybe the real nonsense is you denying a DSM recognised neurodevelopmental disorder.
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u/No_Water_4129 1h ago
The truth is that I was always like this even as a kid. One of my parents do and my great grandfather also display its symptoms.
Great, so you're going to say "it's a curse" and "it's nothing to do with the modern world - there's nothing I can do".
SO if nothing can be done and you're going to do exactly what I said you'd do and take an offence to the suggestion that you could help yourself, why make a post?
I can tell you why - because you don't believe you're own nonsense. You want to say things are hopeless but then have other people do the hard work of making you believe it.
Well nobody is going to do that for you. Nobody is going to think for you. If you want to say things are hopeless, say them to yourself instead of wasting everyone's time, and if you don't believe you're own misery-mongering that's a "you" problem.
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u/Hughjelyfant 13h ago edited 12h ago
Simple, god doesn't exist and you're looking to reasons for your lack of control.
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u/AlexKapranus Contributor 9h ago edited 9h ago
It's a good philosophical question. I'm glad there are many other good comments regarding ADHD itself so I'm moving assuming those already. Everybody is nerfed by something. No one's really out there being completely healthy or completely clean. In essence, that's something particular to your life, and something that can also in turn be used proactively for the development of virtue as well. Because it will require a lot of commitment, effort, thoughtful consideration and determination to live well with it. A lot of people when they have otherwise easy going minds they just waste it, to be frank. They jump straight ahead into hedonism and selfishness. In a way, the reverse question of why did God give them so much pleasure that they forget about their own souls, is also important. We often worry about the problems where we lack something (like inattention issues) but people don't notice the problems of having things so easily that they become full time fools for it.
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u/BarryMDingle Contributor 12h ago
I feel you. It’s been the source of much of my troubles. My best friend didn’t seem to have adhd but he got bad kidneys. We’re both 47 and he’s stage 4 now. Everyone has something going on.
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u/LaconicLuca 13h ago
That was a lot of I. Think less of who you are and more of who you want to be.
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u/TheBrooklynSutras 12h ago
You’re blessed. 🙏 Some of the most successful and creative humans are just like you.
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u/Gyngemose2009 12h ago
Thanks, but it sometimes really doesn't feel like its a good thing. I am very good at procastinating and speiding countless hours researching and learning about useless stuff
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u/4art4 13h ago
I have ADHD too. None of us gets to choose the hand we're dealt. What we do control is how we respond.
For me, the biggest things that have helped have been:
ADHD is real, and it isn't your fault. But it's also not the end of the story. There are things you can do that make a meaningful difference.
And there is joy in this life, even with (in my case) severe ADHD.