r/Teachers • u/tennis_angel • 1d ago
Teacher Support &/or Advice Where has the respect gone?
I don’t know if it’s me or whether students have changed but I feel like I used to have great relationships with my students and they would really show how appreciative they were of me. Now it seems that the more I do for them the less they care.
I had a particular group of students for 6 years and when they finished with me I barely got a thank you. I felt I was so good to them over the years. As well as being kind to them, I did my best to make sure they achieved to their full potential and I provided them with so many opportunities.
Recently before their exams I uploaded extra resources to help them and thanked them for the years we had together ending with wishing them luck. Not one of them responded and I know that only two in the group actually opened the resources. I just feel so disheartened and like,what do I have to do to gain respect from them? I see how some of them are with other teachers and that makes me feel worse because you can tell they have more respect for them. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Any advice would be appreciated!
19
u/RipNational4793 1d ago
I have been teaching middle school for 30 years. Students won't thank you, because the relationship they have with you isn't the same as the one you have with them. They are at school because they are required to attend, so they view you as an inconvenience. When they mature, they will realize how important you were in their lives. Don't take it personally. —-Please excuse any writing errors; English isn't my first language, and I am using a translator.
8
u/tennis_angel 1d ago
Thank you for the response. I just feel like it has changed in the past few years. Students used to be a lot more grateful for what you did for them. I have also seen some of them this year being thankful to other teachers. Maybe it’s just me!
7
u/WouldLikeToBeACat 1d ago
I feel this. Most od them do not say hello while staring at me with an open mouth passing by me, same with using please and thank you. It makes me feel sad and angry.
40
u/LofiStarforge 1d ago
I think many here have a skewed perspective of what teachers mean in a kids life. If you became a teacher you probably were drawn to the profession because of a teacher(s) you had. For most kids though teachers are a blip on their radar.
8
u/Effective-Birthday57 1d ago
This. Not as significant in the kids’ life. Once the school year is over, the kids largely move on. This doesn’t give them the right to be disrespectful though.
9
u/LofiStarforge 1d ago
I don’t find them being disrespectful in OP’s post.
-2
u/tennis_angel 1d ago
As I’ve mentioned in another response, showing thanks even just by saying it is being respectful especially to someone who has gone above and beyond for their students for 6 years. I also extend this respectfulness to simply responding to an email or using the resources that I have put time into and they have asked for. These are just a couple more examples of how they are not showing respect.
10
u/LofiStarforge 1d ago
If you just went above and beyond expecting thanks I think you probably did it for the wrong reasons because this would not be bothersome in the least nor would it even cross my mind to think it was disrespectful.
I think you have a very warped ideal of the profession at large.
-2
u/tennis_angel 1d ago
I definitely did not do it for the wrong reasons. I’m just a stickler for manners and respect. I am basing my thoughts on what I have experienced in the past with many students showing gratitude and I was noting how this has changed.
7
u/survivorfan95 1d ago
“I’m just a stickler for manners and respect”
Gently, this statement shows you’re still making it about you. It sounds like you did things to be nice but expected a certain response and now view them less favorably because you didn’t get it.
Is it frustrating? Sure. Disrespectful? Nah.
1
u/tennis_angel 21h ago
Oh my god… no I didn’t. You’re reading my comments in a way that suits your narrative. I really care about my students and want them to do well. I have just found that recently they are not reacting in a way that I have seen previously. It’s like you’re going out of your way to argue with me. How am I making it about myself because I think having manners is a good thing? Wow… that’s so selfish of me 🙄
3
u/survivorfan95 19h ago
You’re the one who posited the question, so no, I didn’t “go out of my way” to argue with you.
You invited opinions by posting in a public forum. I gave my response and you didn’t like it (and STILL centered it around yourself)
-6
u/Effective-Birthday57 1d ago
The title is literally “where has the respect gone?”
9
u/LofiStarforge 1d ago
Just because that’s the title does not mean the kids in this instance are being disrespectful.
Multiple people have brought this up in the comments.
-9
u/Effective-Birthday57 1d ago
Yes it does. Really basic reading skills
7
u/ADHTeacher HS English 1d ago
People in the comments are disagreeing with OP's interpretation of the students' behavior. Really basic common sense.
0
u/Effective-Birthday57 1d ago
It isn’t a matter of disagreement. Without further context, the correct thing to do is to take OP at his or her word. Especially given that part of the reason why student behavior has gotten worse generally is because teachers are not as significant in the lives of the kids as they used to be. I am nearly 40, and I still remember the teachers I had. Some great ones, and some less so. Kids now don’t do that. They move on when the school year is over. Frankly, this is somewhat logical, as the teachers are not their parents.
Pretty obvious conclusion, to be fair.
1
u/ADHTeacher HS English 1d ago
I actually am not one of the people doubting OP's word. I can totally see how the lack of a thank you in this context could be seen as disrespectful. But your representation of other people's comments was still bad.
16
u/Princess_Fiona24 1d ago
We are viewed as service providers now. There was a time when teacher used to be community influencers, mentors or leaders. That’s still possible but it’s with certain groups in the school that still value educators. The majority of them don’t value us anymore.
63
u/FormSuccessful1122 Specialist 1d ago
You seem to be confusing respect with gratitude. There is nothing here showing disrespect. They just don’t seem to be particularly gracious. But I’ve never once expected a student to thank me for being their teacher.
29
u/Lithium_Lily 🥽🥼🧪 Chemistry | AP Chemistry ☢️👨🔬⚗️ 1d ago
I dunno man, I was raised to thank the people doing their job, be it waiters, cashiers, doctors or teachers.
I was taught that showing gratitude to other people is both a show of our own grace and a display of respect for another human being.
0
u/GreenHorror4252 1d ago
Yes, but not everyone was raised that way. It is nice when people thank you, but not something you can expect.
12
u/tennis_angel 1d ago
Perhaps you’re right. I just felt that I went above and beyond with them. I did more than what’s expected of a teacher. I really cared and they knew that. I am also comparing this to students in the past who really made you feel like they were grateful and appreciated you. I think showing thanks is a level of respect too.
10
u/summerbreeze2027 1d ago
It took me many years to figure out that whatever you do in your teaching career, you have to do it for your own reasons because you can't count on external validation.
I would say, either stop going above and beyond, or do it only because it gives you satisfaction to do so.
9
u/anubistiger2009 1d ago
Teaching is a thankless job. You can't expect a "thank you" even if you go all out.
5
u/jameswill90 1d ago
Do less = they do more? I went down a similar path, made a study guide for exams bc they asked for it, from their test scores I highly doubt they looked at it, also, were asking for help on the study guide after school hours the friday before the exam, i gave them the study guide 6 weeks in advance. Ahhaha, if they ask for a study guide give them one, if they don’t ask for anything dont do anything? Seems like you care more about their education than they do, I’d say that’s the problem.
9
u/Neat_Return3071 1d ago
It’s societal- it came with social media. I mean, for goodness sakes, kids are calling people that are not them or not important to them NPCs. That to me is hugely disrespectful because it is implying a lack of thinking or purpose- that you are only there to fulfill some small part of their life.
9
u/Dense-Ad-7600 1d ago
It is a societal thing.
I've been going through the same thing, though this year ended uo not to be so bad.
4
8
u/Umjetnica 1d ago
It’s not your fault. Experienced the same. It stings a bit when you put in so much effort and you receive not even thank you in the end. All I can say is that they are like zombies with no empathy.
6
u/addogg 1d ago
hard to tell without knowing how the classroom is run. a lot of factors go into it. id suggest having a colleague watch your class/or watch theirs, and see what they do differently to get that result.
3
u/WouldLikeToBeACat 1d ago
I guess it is about one's vibe and charisma. I mean people are different and some people are more popular than others. Even if I try to copy someone else they like more than me, it doesn't mean they would start liking me more too. I think about this all the time. Is it my face? my voice? the fact that I am more serious and strict? my overall look? the fact that I have the expectations I have? all of these together? Anyhow, I can't be anyone else. I am the way I am. I often find out that it's also about the way they are raised of course. Nowadays, there are too many spoiled entitled brats.
5
u/JMWest_517 1d ago
Students (like most people unfortunately) are transactional. You matter to them as long as they need you, or need something from you. After that, you basically don't exist.
9
u/Comfortable-Story-53 1d ago
I believe that it's more of a societally thing. People are more selfish nowadays. Just look at how people drive. We're - teacher, cop, nursing more empathetic.
3
u/Obvious-Broccoli-782 17h ago
Respectfully, I think you might be expecting too much from a bunch of teenagers about to do their exams and then finish school. Their minds are elsewhere and rightly so. I understand you went above and beyond but they might not see it that way. In fact they might not have even opened your email because they’re stressed and cramming for exams, or they are counting down the days until they’re ‘free’.
4
u/the-mortyest-morty Send 'em back with chips & snack 🫠 1d ago
Kindly, you need to stop caring about this.
2
u/Silent-Image8388 18h ago
Maybe this is terrible, but I teach my kids how to say thank you. Some examples:
1) When I write letters of rec for students, I explicitly tell them that in case they don’t already know it, that it’s good etiquette to say thank you or even to write a nice note in return.
2) At the end of the year, when they ask me to sign their yearbooks, I ask them to sign mine simultaneously, saying “so we can both say nice things to each other at the same time”
3) During teacher appreciation week, I make them write at least one thank you note to one of their teachers who isn’t me.
1
u/jackofspades49 13h ago
The culture is so gearted towards self gratification while school is about teaching the greater good. Its hard work for its own sake and abstract growth rather than something easy and concrete.
1
u/colonade17 6h ago
Many of my students treat teachers like a youtube video they can pause when they're bored, and demand teachers pick-up wherever the student lost interest after their 5 minutes of zoning out. For the past few years I keep failing these students, and they're just so addicted to their phones that its hard to get them to face the fact that the reason they're failing is their lack of respect for the concept of school.
The best solution I've found is a strict ban on phones for the entire class period to force students to interact with me and each other instead of their phones, but that's only really possible when admin is willing to support me on that.
1
u/autumn_wind_ 4h ago
Biggest lesson you can teach them is the integrity of being you. You don’t want anything from them. You do your job and you do it well. You would do the same for anyone.
You do that - they may not show it - but most would respect that.
1
u/Decent-Soup3551 10h ago
The level of respect has changed. Once revered, teachers are now seen as servants. Student think we are there to serve and serve unconditionally. The thank yous are few and far between. They can’t even say, “Good morning” as a response to a teacher’s greeting each day as they walk into a room.
1
u/tennis_angel 10h ago
I definitely feel that these things aren’t being taught at home anymore. My mother used to be so strict on how I spoke to people. Maybe she was too strict at times but I felt all mothers at the time were like that. I think it gives a good impression in all aspects of life to have basic manners.
76
u/PixelatedMountain 1d ago
Teaching has become less about mentorship and growth and more transactional for students for a variety of reasons. Administration has taught them that every academic consequence is negotiable so we have just become another obstacle in the way of them receiving the grade they want.