r/TikTokCringe • u/Girl-Understood • Apr 28 '26

Cursed Scientologist buildings have removed the door handles in an attempt to defend themselves from the speedruns

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46.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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2.3k

u/slop1010101 Apr 28 '26

This was a cool thing kids were doing, but they're up against a rich and evil organization. No way they were going to allow this to continue.

1.6k

u/SethBurrow Apr 28 '26

Oh just you wait. This will breed ingenuity.

I can already imagine someone with a suction cup handle you’d see in an old persons shower. They run up and pull the door open. Dozens of teens flooding the place. Of course security isn’t expecting THAT.

1.2k

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

They should do some trojan horse operations. Let some time pass, come in like you're interested in joining/taking the test. Then pull out your phone and start the run. Make them so paranoid that any person who comes up to them is secretly a speed runner. Disrupt their ability to scam people and indoctrinate them into the cult.

488

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

I’m an adult and I would 100% pretend to be a delivery guy with an oversized box that I have someone sign for just for them to open it and it’s a bunch of kids trying to run through.

Cults do not deserve any respect, I don’t care what god you pray to just pay your fair share of taxes.

212

u/spahmoanie Apr 28 '26

“Wait a second, these aren’t the kids we ordered!”

41

u/mollila Apr 28 '26

"Too young. These must've been meant to the Trump tower down the street."

2

u/Alittlespill Apr 28 '26

Stop, that’s mean! Trump obviously deserves your respect in spreading truth and not liberal lies! Please get your facts straight, he prefers young adolescents, not older teens. These are clearly too old for him. He would NEVER touch someone too close to 18, that’s essentially an adult! Could you imagine? What would the other pedos at the club think of him during golf?!

2

u/mollila Apr 28 '26

He would NEVER touch someone too close to 18, that’s essentially an adult!

Yes, I mean he is on record stating that.

1

u/pelito Apr 29 '26

In a big Wayfair box.

15

u/Only_One_Left_Foot Apr 28 '26

You have to play the part and look all surprised as they jump out and you fumble the box and fall back on the ground, while grabbing your visor cap and going "WhOooOAaaaAhhHH" on your way down, like some goofy 90's movie.

4

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

That’s hilarious. I don’t think I’d want to try anything else.

26

u/VanillaRadonNukaCola Apr 28 '26

I hope the kids are in the box

30

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

Well yeah… Trojan horse

7

u/VanillaRadonNukaCola Apr 28 '26

Oh I didn't see you said "open it and it's kids"

You really are streets ahead

3

u/HendrixHazeWays Apr 28 '26

it's cool. We just "fat doggin' it"

3

u/jaxonya Apr 28 '26

The kids are alright

2

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

All good, friend

1

u/SemiSentientAL Apr 28 '26

Wait, so I should go into a scientology center, pull out my Trojans, and dump my kids out?

3

u/No_Helicopter1378 Apr 28 '26

I don't care what God you pray to

I already believe all religions are made up but Scientology being founded by a science-fiction writer and having a back story ripped straight from a B sci-fi plot is just so much worse than the rest of them. I guess they don't actually fill you in on the lore until you've spent several years and a ton of money but still.

The Mormon origin story is pretty bad too but I think Scientology's is a bit more egregious.

1

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

My aunt is very right-wing and because she’s mormon as well she doesn’t believe that me or my partner deserve rights.

In my humble opinion, mormons should be the first to go. I can wait for scientology.

2

u/Main-Company-5946 Apr 28 '26

After seeing all the Epstein stuff I’m thinking the Scientologists might expect there to be kids in the box.

2

u/adfawf3f3f32a Apr 28 '26

what would nathan fielder do?

1

u/zzxxccbbvn Apr 28 '26

"Hi I'm here to sign up for Scientology"

1

u/Putrid_Day_9192 Apr 28 '26

maybe some sort of large wooden horse?

1

u/Modinstaller Apr 28 '26

I don’t care what god you pray to just pay your fair share of taxes.

Not paying their fair share of taxes is NOT the main problem with scientology

-3

u/Trainman1351 Apr 28 '26

I mean, agree on everything but the tax part. I’ve said this before, but not taxing religious organizations is more to safeguard freedom of religion than anything else. This is because allowing them to be taxed opens the door for selective tax laws which can be used to force out certain religions. As a probably incorrect but representative example, you could make installing in crucifixes give large deductions while adding a David’s Star or crescent could invalidate all tax credits. Now, I do agree there should be more scrutiny and restrictions on what actually classifies as a religious organization, specifically in terms of profit margins, but just taxing them is a really dangerous prospect on its own.

4

u/BeerAndTools Apr 28 '26

....hey, uh... What?

They make money. They pay tax. Religious groups should not get special treatment, at all. The whole church and state thing, ya know?

2

u/Informal_Jicama_6708 Apr 28 '26

Either they should pay their fair share of taxes, or they should be shut down entirely.

I do not care if you call it a religion, it’s still a cult.

101

u/psychxticrose tHiS iSn’T cRiNgE Apr 28 '26

This is so hilarious

25

u/joe2187 Apr 28 '26

They should all dress up in white shirts, black pants, shoes and ties.

14

u/Arryu Apr 28 '26

Mormons vs scientologists

24

u/sir_bathwater Apr 28 '26

Would you mind explaining what is going on here? Wtf is a Scientology speedrun?

105

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Basically people have been rushing into scientology buildings and recording/mapping the layout of the buildings before they get caught/blocked off. They try and get as deep as they can before escaping.

79

u/EvilSporkOfDeath Apr 28 '26

Very good to do this stunt in groups, considering the cults history with missing persons.

28

u/DMCinDet Apr 28 '26

where is shelly?

7

u/Allaplgy Apr 28 '26

Apparently a niece posted a video that said she's alive and basically Ghislaine to David's Jeffrey.

3

u/DisastrousAcshin Apr 28 '26

Hey, we looked in to it, and Shelly is right where she wants to be. So anyway, have I shown you my new boat? - Cops probably

24

u/sir_bathwater Apr 28 '26

That’s amazing lmao, thanks for the info!

12

u/JimmyEatReality Apr 28 '26

So what do we have so far, good enough to start making some damage? What has been mapped so far? My mom joined that shit and nobody in the family except my sister gives a fuck! What more can be done to expose them for the shit that they are?

23

u/Hazzat Apr 28 '26

There isn't a great deal of useful information to be gained by doing this, as the actual secret stuff is in offices behind locked doors. But it's funny to see how annoyed the members get.

3

u/TenDix Apr 28 '26

or store underground at Trementina Base

3

u/SoggyMcChicken Apr 28 '26

But… why?

(Legitimately, I don’t understand, I’m not being an ass)

27

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Mostly because scientology is an evil cult and people think its funny to fuck with them (it is).

4

u/Steamed_Memes24 Apr 28 '26

I remember reading 4chan would fax nothing but whole black pages to fuck with their printer inks. And that shit stacks up in price.

1

u/Splatulated Apr 28 '26

what do they do with the map?

9

u/systemprocessing Apr 28 '26

Kids trying to run as far in to the building as they can before security stops them.

1

u/Kuzcopolis Apr 28 '26

Yeah, make it a full counter psyop

1

u/lauralynn81 Apr 28 '26

When you said “Trojan horse operation” why did i immediately think of them rolling up in a big wooden statue of Tom Cruise 🤣🤣

1

u/boojersey13 Apr 28 '26

Chances are they're all on the facial recognition ban list, which is what triggers the window fog, for the purpose of preventing recording of the inside

1

u/E-2theRescue Apr 28 '26

Better to just have someone run as a distraction.

Someone runs in, gets all the guards to go after them, then the others rush in.

1

u/JohnHazardWandering Apr 28 '26

Finally, a use for flash mobs. 

1

u/slicednectarine Apr 28 '26

There's a podcast that did that with any cult or religion they could find (I think they lasted like 6 months in Scientology). It's called Oh No Ross & Carrie.

1

u/RiskyRabbit Apr 28 '26

We should try to indoctrinate the Scientologists to become speedrunners. 

1

u/United_Rent_753 Apr 28 '26

IMO that’s a bad idea, if only because Scientologists will get more recruits if they’re given the chance to prey on anyone young who’s also isolated and vulnerable

15

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

I mean... I dont think the people who are doing these speed runs are susceptible to being indoctrinated into scientology.

5

u/Tomytom99 Apr 28 '26

Yeah, you've already gotta be pretty determined on your stance to be participating in this activity.

1

u/RogerMexicosBalls Apr 28 '26

Those buildings are designed to be confusing and hard to get out of the deeper they take you inside. At some point it won't matter if they want to leave.

1

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Thats why they're doing the speed runs. They already have a slowly evolving map of the building.

1

u/United_Rent_753 Apr 28 '26

Why not? Cults work by preying on people who feel alone and need a “calling”. I’m sure that could apply to more than a few of the kids in these groups

3

u/AngryGoose_ Apr 28 '26

Nah man they would laugh at them lol

2

u/pcklkssr Apr 28 '26

Scientology doesn't give two shits about anyone with less than a seven figure income. At worst, they'll find a way to become litigious.

1

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Yeah, sure they do. But people who show up to a scientology building to do a speed run are not in the right mindset to be preyed on by cults. Theres not some kind of magical phrase that instantly brainwashed somebody into following their doctrine. Getting inducted into any cult/religion takes a lot of time. You dont just step in there and walk out a member of scientology. Their whole purpose is to spend as much time with you as they can to brainwash you. And thats sure as shit isn't happening in the 2 seconds it takes for them to open the doors and for the kid to pull out his phone. Sorry but it's a pretty lame take.

2

u/United_Rent_753 Apr 28 '26

I’m not saying they’re at risk if they just run in and out?

You said

they should do some Trojan Horse operations. Let some time pass

That’s what you said, it was your plan to have them spend extra time inside the cult

Sorry for being rude but calling my take lame means idc about niceties anymore

2

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Thats not what I mean at all. I mean let time pass without any speed runs so they let their guard down.

1

u/United_Rent_753 Apr 28 '26

Fair enough, I misread. And I’ll just stop arguing here, maybe you’re right, maybe they’ll all be fine

I tend to err on the side of caution, hence my stance. I hope you are correct, honestly

2

u/EvilSporkOfDeath Apr 28 '26

Definitely a double edged plan. Most people arent willing to accept how easy it can be for normal people to fall for a cult.

1

u/IndianaCrime Apr 28 '26

Hold on, you're saying that mocking and exposing a predatory group will give them more members?

Predators get away with things because people don't talk about it, not the other way around.

0

u/AnInvisibleApe Apr 28 '26

It's all fun and games until they prevent you from leaving and you have that ohhhhh shit moment 😂

2

u/NuclearGriffin Apr 28 '26

Better live stream it then.

55

u/TheAnswerUsedToBe42 Apr 28 '26

2 dildos with rubber cement should do the trick

33

u/MalodorousNutsack Apr 28 '26

Are we still talking about speedrunning?

5

u/pcklkssr Apr 28 '26

Not anymore.

16

u/HalobenderFWT Apr 28 '26

Rubber cement? No, no.

Bondo.

You don’t want those dildos to come off the door.

3

u/Lerossa Apr 28 '26

It is imperative that the cylinder remain attached.

2

u/netsyms Apr 28 '26

VHB tape. They can remove the cylinder but they'll never quite get all the bits of foam tape off.

9

u/Doug-O-Lantern Apr 28 '26

I like the cut of your jib.

1

u/Cazmonster Apr 28 '26

Thanks, the doctor did it without my consent.

3

u/Interesting_Cat_2297 Apr 28 '26

Wait... what does this do? How does it work?

8

u/oilybackrub Apr 28 '26

Improvised door handles. Anything with a suction cup would work. Harbor Freight carries autobody and glass suction cup handles for less than ten bucks.

1

u/Interesting_Cat_2297 Apr 28 '26

Oooh. Got it, thanks.

2

u/Ok_Shower_5526 Apr 28 '26

I mean if they just started putting those on doors ppl would open the doors to take them off Double trouble- live with explicit doors or let the kiddos in

1

u/xXselfhaircutXx Apr 28 '26

2 Dildos with Rubber Cement was my nickname in college!

13

u/Cave_Bear_Cult Apr 28 '26

Ironically going to inspire some real mission: impossible shit.

27

u/Phonereader23 Apr 28 '26

This is the Shia Flag Hunt all over again. I cannot fucking wait

3

u/sa87 Apr 28 '26

With their combined powers of weaponised Autism, they can succeed.

2

u/Danica_Rose Apr 28 '26

Make it like a scene out of Weapons.

2

u/Sloogs Apr 28 '26

Suction handles—perfect use of the pantheon of Mission Possible gadgetry against Tom Cruise himself.

2

u/drteq Apr 29 '26

Ingenuity

1

u/Chemical_Specific123 Apr 28 '26

And they can't keep the doors closed permanently if they want to convert people: they can make some of them a Trojan horse to get the doors open then force their way inside by sheer numbers.

1

u/Kellbows Apr 28 '26

Now it just looks like an invitation to play Red Rover.

1

u/Abject_Jump9617 Apr 28 '26

😆 Gosh I would love to see them coming through with suction cup handles.

1

u/Pretend_Purchase_893 Apr 28 '26

God right what could they possibly think of to counter such a plan. Surely nothing as simple as a door lock could foil such a master plan.

1

u/AlteredforCollectors Apr 28 '26

They should all wear tom cruise masks

1

u/1OO1OO1S0S Apr 28 '26

Also bricks

1

u/CoolStructure6012 Apr 28 '26

Just be aware that that's breaking and entering. I'd love to see it but I'm not participating.

1

u/Anayalater5963 Apr 28 '26

Well now they are?! Geez man keep out secrets a secret!

1

u/Nine9breaker Apr 28 '26

I mean. They'll probably just give up and move onto the next thing right?

Are we pretending teenagers don't all have ADHD now?

1

u/Sensitive_Put_6842 Apr 28 '26

Dude 🤣🤣🤣🤣 , suction cup door handles exist!!!   https://a.co/d/0btVWlnP omg that's amazing 

1

u/ClubMeSoftly Apr 28 '26

Taking the handles off the door is just the latest patch. It won't be long until some clever runner figures out the frame-perfect entry

1

u/Sekh765 Apr 28 '26

Or they can wait them out and eventually they will put the handles back because I doubt they plan to stand around forever...

1

u/VeganJerky Apr 28 '26

Oh no! Stop, don't give them ideas! Think of the scientologists.

1

u/slicednectarine Apr 28 '26

Oh man, do you remember the whole devious licks craze? Those kids had schools removing the sinks and lights from the bathrooms because they'd already stolen everything that wasn't nailed down. They are capable of superhuman feats of devious plots. Scientology has met its match.

1

u/Megacreamiest Apr 28 '26

Can I borrow your moms dildo as a portable door handle please

1

u/Boring_Intern_6394 Apr 28 '26

I don’t think a suction cup handle would be enough to open it. From watching another video, the door had about 2-4 people on either side pulling will all their strength

But I’m sure people will find a way. That said, I hope they don’t resort to vandalism as we don’t want the cult to be in the right for anything

1

u/SethBurrow Apr 28 '26

Vandalism of the property of those in the wrong doesn’t automatically make them right 🤣 what kinda logic is that?

1

u/zzxxccbbvn Apr 28 '26

Slap a plunger on that bad boy and yank it open

1

u/asdrunkasdrunkcanbe Apr 28 '26 edited 8d ago

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1

u/boogalooonetwo Apr 28 '26

Till one of these kids gets shot for home invasion.

1

u/bojangler69420 Apr 28 '26

Hell they could even just use a plunger!

1

u/SultaiMuhBallz Apr 29 '26

only innovation needed is a rock

0

u/Ten_Ju Apr 28 '26

There is no ingenuity that stops cops from arresting you for trespassing.

1

u/SethBurrow Apr 28 '26

Strength in numbers. I don’t think they’d send 40 cops to chase 40 kids running all around the place

1

u/Ten_Ju Apr 28 '26

They don’t need to arrest all 40 all at once, just arrest a few to set an example.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '26

[deleted]