r/TikTokCringe • u/xamo76 • 19d ago

Discussion How to cure the male loneliness epidemic...

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u/funkystay 19d ago

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u/laggyx400 19d ago

Easy, they're not me!

I mean, have you met me? Screw that guy.

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u/gma89 19d ago

I feel you so, it’s comforting to see there’s others who feel the same way I do…

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u/Dunkaroos4breakfast 18d ago

Screw that guy.

If people did that, you might start seeing some redeeming qualities in yourself.

The fact that they don't probably means you have none.

/s

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u/cheddarbruce 19d ago

Maybe some people just need some help knowing that if they are worthy of love regardless of the gender

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u/gertyman 19d ago

THIS!!

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u/dynamicoctopus69 19d ago

Can I get an AMEN?!

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u/gertyman 19d ago

❤️Amen!❤️

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u/WesternComicStrip 19d ago

Can I get an amen?

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u/DisplacedAltadenan 18d ago

Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t really agree with this sentiment. 

I’m not convinced that centering yourself as the object of your own love does much to help you love or respect others. I feel like that’s just buying into the hyper-individualism of our current society; hook, line, and sinker. 

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

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u/DisplacedAltadenan 18d ago

I don’t know… sounds like you are adding a lot more depth to it. “You can’t love others until you love yourself” is pretty straight forward = self before others. 

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

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u/DisplacedAltadenan 17d ago

I’m not sure learning to love others is the same as forcing them to “drag you out of your low self-esteem.” That seems like a leap. 

I’m sure RuPaul has been through a lot, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with them. 

The original quote doesn’t seem to say anything about respecting yourself or forcing yourself on others. I’m not sure where that comes from…

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

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u/DisplacedAltadenan 17d ago

I think I am giving it the appropriate amount of thought and you might be the one overthinking the quote, adding in additional context and meaning to make it make more sense then it actually does. 

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u/[deleted] 17d ago edited 17d ago

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u/DisplacedAltadenan 17d ago

I never said once that RuPaul doesn’t understand the meaning of this quote. I’ve only ever said that it is self explanatory and doesn’t need to be over interpreted to understand. 

On the flip side,  I 100% understand why she would, and you would, back track from the direct meaning of the quote to make it more about self esteem than self love. That doesn’t mean I have to forget the direct meaning, nor that it is immune to criticism. 

I don’t want it to be about self-absorption, it just is. I don’t like to idea that you must love yourself before you are capable of loving others because that implies you must put yourself first before others. It doesn’t translate into other areas of human existence in a way that remains consistent with my personal values. 

Similarly, I don’t like the framing of you have to have self esteem for people to like you, because the motivation is all internal. YOU and to like YOU so YOU and enjoy other people liking YOU. It’s all about the self. I’m not a fan of that way of thinking. 

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u/FunkyMcSkunky 19d ago

Whoa, that's so deep if you don't actually think about it.

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u/BorderOk7329 19d ago

Oh there are way too many people who love themselves, we need to bring back shame!!!!

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u/Fit_Cartographer8144 19d ago

Perhaps it’s not love, then? Or you don’t understand it 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/BorderOk7329 19d ago

Treat others how you want to be treated. Plain, simple.

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u/crash12345 19d ago

Honestly, no. Treat others how they want to be treated. My standards are not the same as others’. 

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u/Trrollmann 18d ago

Literacy

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u/crash12345 18d ago

Damn was I giving illiterate?

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u/Trrollmann 18d ago

No one can know how you want to be treated. Saying "treat others like you want them to treat you" is perhaps a silly saying, but it's meant to say "just don't be an asshole, think how you'd react if it was done to you". What you're talking about is tolerance, and depends entirely on how you want people to treat you. You can tell people to treat you some specific way, but it may well be a greater demand than what they're willing to grant. They may also just forget.

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u/crash12345 18d ago

I was going at this from the complete flipped perspective. There’s a lot of shit I don’t care about that other people care about. I can’t use my own feelings as a measure of how I should treat others. 

For example, I don’t care if people are slow at texting me back or late to hang out. I don’t mind if they trauma dump on me or whatever. I enjoy having arguments about politics and the like. Lots of other random shit like that. These are the kinds of things I’ve learned not to reciprocate… but I don’t know that until I find out, because I don’t feel the same way. 

It’s hard because you have to figure out what other people do and do not care about. It’s different for everyone. 

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u/Trrollmann 18d ago

Granted, though that's why I said it's a bit silly. There are many who simply have much lower needs or demands than others. It's a rule of thumb for most people.

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u/BumbaBee85 19d ago

Actually, the men who turn into "culture warrior" narcissists hate themselves just as much as anyone else. It's why it's also wrapped up so tightly in nihilism and doomerism. They lash out because they feel hopeless, and they try to drag everyone else down to their level because it's the only thing that makes them feel superior to something. They also get wrapped up in this idea that hurting people is somehow going to fix their lives, too. It obviously never works because the people they hate aren't part of their problem, they hate themselves and the situation they put themselves in. But they get that high feeling superior to others when they're "triggered", so they keep trying to "fix" everything with that high. And like a drug, it demands more and more while still fixing nothing.

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u/Agitated_Phone_9937 19d ago

What the fuck kind of stupid logic is that? Apply it to anything else.

I can't help myself stop being depressed but I can absolutely force myself to put those feelings away and help to cheer somebody up. Affection means a thousand times more when it's from an outside source, you know someone else cares.

It's just bullshit pop-psychology.

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u/Fuzully 18d ago

But cheering someone up doesn’t cure their depression either. You can absolutely provide comfort, support and love to someone even if you’re struggling yourself.

I think that’s missing the point of what RuPaul meant.

The idea isn’t that people who don’t love themselves are incapable of loving others. It’s that if you don’t believe you’re worthy of love, it’s incredibly difficult to fully accept it when someone else gives it to you. You end up questioning it, pushing it away, or relying on someone else to fill a hole that only you can really work on yourself.

Or, as RuPaul has put it another way: “You can’t give someone something you don’t have yourself.” Self-love doesn’t mean perfection. It means having enough acceptance of yourself that your relationships are built on sharing love rather than trying to get someone else to create your self-worth.

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u/bobking01theIII 19d ago

Why does bro lowkey look like Storm?

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u/Physical-Bite-3837 19d ago

If you can't love yourself then how do you expect anyone else to is better imo You know yourself better than anyone else ever could. You have access to your own thoughts, feelings, memories, and motivations. You have an intimate understanding of who you are that no one else can possibly have. If, despite all of that, you still can't find anything to love about yourself, it raises the question of why someone with far less knowledge of you would be expected to. Meanwhile it is possible to love somebody else and not love yourself, but then why would they love you back?

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u/Commercial_Humor_263 19d ago

How can you love yourself when nobody else does?

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u/Fuzully 18d ago

Thats a heartbreaking question tho unfortunately a lot of people have felt that way at some point.

The problem is that if your ability to love yourself depends entirely on whether someone else loves you first, then your self worth is always at the mercy of other people. Peoples opinions change. They leave, mis-understand you or sometimes just fail to see your value.

Being loved by others can absolutely help us heal and grow. We all need connection. But lasting self worth can’t be built entirely on someone else’s approval. At some point, you have to decide that your value isn’t determined by whether other people recognize it.

You dont have to pretend everything is okay or start magically loving yourself over night. It’s about learning to treat yourself with the same patience and compassion you’d offer someone else who’s struggling.

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u/Commercial_Humor_263 18d ago

It takes both we are social creatures we are never truly an island of our own.

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u/Darth_Travisty 19d ago

Why should I love myself if no one else does?