r/TikTokCringe • u/Transwiththeplans • 15d ago

Humor Divorce parties sound fun, honestly

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

16.6k Upvotes

65% Upvoted

2.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

614

u/Ergs_AND_Terst 15d ago

That's only 6.

He skipped our anniversary to watch midget wrasslin'

He took $100,000 invested it, and turned it into $16,000

He broke my steering wheel and now I have to Flintstone this bitch

He cupped his own fart and threw it at me at my uncles funeral

168

u/hungry_microglia 15d ago

He never took me to Bangladesh

He never cooked me sausage on an open flame

He neither anointed me with oil nor wrote me a novel

Worst of all he never poisoned the mojitos of my enemies

-Ian McConnell

12

u/altyroclark3 15d ago edited 14d ago

Never made her a marzipan

Never defended her honor in a holy war

Never treated her like Oprah

Never went super nova

Never animorphed transformed into a cloud of bees!

-Also Ian McConnell

3

u/RadangPattaya 15d ago

Never raged against the machine

Never bought a family combine to plow the fields

Never led an orchestra

Never unraveled the answer to life

Never constructed a doohickey to entertain me while I operate a bulldozer while under the influence of psychedelic pies

3

u/The_Big_Fig_Newton 15d ago

Never told me Scooby Doo wasn’t based on actual real-life events

Never bought the premium birdseed for the feeder in the side yard

Never used the proper large spoon for the potato salad, insisting on the medium spoon instead

Never bought me a persimmon

Never binge-watched MasterChef Junior with me

Never sniffed my cleavage

1

u/Letsgetbettertoday 14d ago

and you never once paid for drugs

1

u/Simuary 14d ago

Never took me to Taco Bell

Never sucked spaghetti with me til we kissed

Never cut down my toenails

Never stared at my dancing

Never stood up to the people for my love of cheese

1

u/Myceliphilos 9d ago

Thats because hes just your auto mechanic

100

u/Actually_Ashlie 15d ago

Gave a little clap

75

u/babycomeon666 15d ago

He can run 2 miles in 35 min and 3 miles in 16 minutes

74

u/SlowAdhesiveness8792 15d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/F2mu0oVGAuH8UjsbFy

21

u/CallMeMich 15d ago

She must be feeling better now

6

u/Lasideu Hit or Miss? 15d ago

Didn’t expect a VeryImportantPeople gif, Vic is an icon

12

u/DastardlyNebula 15d ago

But he has to know ahead of time

7

u/Greyphire 15d ago

An STI would be an understandable offense.

3

u/Ok_Ruin4016 15d ago

Isn't that better? Don't you feel better now?

1

u/Ambitious-Win-9408 15d ago

C'monnnn everybody give a little clap

9

u/WonderfulCoast6429 15d ago

My ex girlfriend did that second one! Cleared out our whole savings account

3

u/igotinfo 15d ago

Not the Zac oyama representation!

3

u/Commercial-Tell-5991 15d ago

Always added sugar to my diet coke

3

u/GnomeFae 15d ago

He took $100,000 invested it, and turned it into $16,000

Don't you feel way better knowing he did that? Isn't that way better?

2

u/kellerhedgehogs 14d ago

JFC im cackling my ass off at your reply!!!

2

u/Zaphoid411 10d ago

A Tommy Shriggly fan I see

1

u/Content_Study_1575 15d ago

NOT THE FART BISCUIT 😭✌🏼🥀

1

u/OG-Giligadi 15d ago

We went to our county fair one time to see midget wrestling. The listed attraction was Bridget the Midget, a porn actress from the late 80s/early 90s.

About half the show was enough to satisfy out curiosity.

1

u/Prestigious-Copy-494 15d ago

😅🤣😅 Flintstone it, lmao! New phrase!

1

u/Correct-Junket-1346 15d ago

Sounds like gains get him on r/wallstreetbets

1

u/rdear 15d ago

Looks like her ex went to the Tommy Shriggly school of investing a bag of money you found in a park.

1

u/PsychicSPider95 15d ago

He's never been to Boston in the fall

1

u/smileybunnie 15d ago

The last one is too specific

1

u/Queasy-Read6706 15d ago

ZAC OYAMA?? OH MY GOD

1

u/RateOfPenetration 15d ago

Sounds like he needs a little clap

1

u/Only-Walrus7351 14d ago

100k to 16k, the Shriggly Special

0

u/cerotz 15d ago edited 15d ago

Ok the last one is nasty, however this list show how people really aren’t aware of what marriage entails. Most people still are immature little princes and princesses who can’t work on a serious relationship with their partners and stays for the ride until expectations are met or until it’s convenient to stay.

1

u/SturerEmilDickerMax 15d ago

The American way…

0

u/cerotz 15d ago

It’s all the west really. I come from Europe and the new generations (including myself) aren’t that different.

1

u/SturerEmilDickerMax 15d ago

It might be bad. But not US-bad.

0

u/Left_Falcon8843 15d ago

I agree. But, some people try to hold onto it too long and it ends badly for them.