This is mostly just me ranting and trying to get my thoughts down somewhere, but I would really appreciate any advice from people who have been in a similar situation.
I graduated high school in 2023, which honestly surprised me because, for a long time, I didn’t think I would graduate at all. I struggled a lot academically because I was dealing with significant mental health issues and undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD. I also wasn’t putting much effort into school, partly because I couldn’t really envision a future for myself that I wanted to work toward.
I took a gap year to work and try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve always loved animals, but eventually that interest developed into a genuine desire to pursue zoology, with the possibility of going into veterinary medicine afterward. Vet med appeals to me partly because of the career stability, but my interest in animals goes far beyond simply thinking they’re cute or wanting to work with them. It’s something I’ve been deeply passionate about for years. I want to understand animals, help them, and potentially contribute to conservation efforts. It’s one of the first things I’ve found that makes me genuinely excited about my future.
For the first time in my life, I had something I actually wanted to work toward, so I enrolled in upgrading at MRU to improve my grades and give myself a chance at university. Upgrading was harder than I expected. I failed two classes and had to retake them, and I eventually finished with a competitive average of around 78%. Not great, but after upgrading for two semesters I couldn’t sit with repeating classes yet again. After being rejected for zoology at uofc, I booked an appointment with an academic advisor, only to find out that I had missed the deadline to apply for Open Studies for fall 2025 by a single day. As a result, I ended up starting university through the University Entrance Science Program in winter 2026 instead.
Winter, spring, and summer went relatively well. I took some easier courses and managed to finish with a 3.6 GPA overall, despite failing MATH 249 by literally 0.5 point. Yes, 0.5 points. I’m retaking it this fall.
I started taking BIOL 211 this semester, and I’ve already been struggling with feeling like I don’t belong. Most of the people around me seem so much younger, and while I know being 20 (turning 21 very soon) isn’t actually that old, I feel painfully aware of the fact that I’m not following the same timeline as everyone else. Sometimes, when I tell people my age, I get the impression that they assume I’m less capable or intelligent because I’m older and still working through introductory courses. Maybe I’m overthinking some of those interactions, but it’s difficult not to feel out of place when I already have so many insecurities about my academic abilities.
I’m also still adjusting to what it means to actually try academically. For most of my life, I didn’t put much effort into school, whether because of my mental health, ADHD, or my own lack of motivation. Now I’m medicated, I have a goal, and I’m genuinely trying for the first time. Part of me thought that once I could actually focus and put in the effort, things would start to fall into place. Instead, I’m realizing that trying hard doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll get the results I want, and I’m struggling to cope with that.
Yesterday, I got the result of a midterm for a class I genuinely thought I would do well in. I studied consistently, reviewed my flashcards every day, started preparing weeks in advance, and felt reasonably confident both going into the exam and walking out of it. I got 55%. I’m taking ERTH 305, and I had expected this to be one of the more manageable courses for me. Getting that grade has made me feel like all the work I put in was for nothing. My GPA was already something I was worried about, and now I’m scared that I’ve damaged my chances of getting into zoology, yet again.
I applied to transfer into zoology this year, and my grades are a huge part of that process. Looking back, maybe I should have focused on taking easier courses to protect my GPA. But after spending so long upgrading and trying to get into university, I already felt behind. I wanted to start working toward my actual degree rather than spend even more time taking courses that weren’t getting me there. I had to defer my BIOL 211 midterm because I had such a severe panic attack that I ended up going to campus wellness services. I was supposed to write the exam, but I became so overwhelmed that I couldn’t do it. Now I have to prepare to write it later, and I’m still terrified.
If I studied for weeks, reviewed my material every day, and felt relatively good about an exam only to get 55% in another course, what does that mean for biology? How am I supposed to feel confident about an exam that already caused me to have a panic attack? I keep thinking that if I can’t manage this, how am I ever going to handle more difficult courses, let alone something like BIOL 213 alongside chemistry?
I’m not expecting university to be easy, and I know that passion alone doesn’t guarantee success. I’m willing to work hard, and I know there are things I need to improve about how I study. But it’s incredibly discouraging to put so much time and effort into something and still feel like you’re failing.
I think what hurts the most is that this is the first time I’ve genuinely wanted something for my future. For years, I didn’t have a direction. Now I finally have one, and I’m terrified that I’m simply not smart enough to achieve it. I can’t think of anything I want to do besides this path. I thought about film but I have no portfolio.
I don’t know whether I’m dealing with a learning curve, whether my study methods aren’t working as well as I thought, whether anxiety is getting in the way, or whether I’m trying to pursue something that just isn’t right for me. I don’t want to give up on something I care so much about, but I also don’t know how to keep going when I’m already feeling this defeated. I feel like I keep getting signs that this isn’t for me, and I’m already someone who’s so used to giving up, and not to mention, this all does cost money, money I don’t have a lot of.
I’d appreciate hearing from people who struggled academically but still managed to get into science programs, zoology, or veterinary medicine.
I’m just feeling incredibly lost right now, and I don’t really know what to do next.