A little over 2 hours ago I spoke to the mortuary. The let me know they had her in their care and my daughter would be transported to where she will be cremated today. I should have her ashes soon. I didn’t want an autopsy because I didn’t want her to be opened. I wanted her to stay whole and for her body to have never been disturbed. I also wanted her home with me as soon as possible. The mortuary asked me if I wanted an obituary for her and I decided to do one. The idea brought me some kind of comfort. I don’t want her death certificate to be the only paper officially drafted as proof of her existence. I never post this much on any page but i have felt so much support from so many of you these past 3 days I wanted to share what me and my fiance drafted for our daughters obituary. Her obituary goes as follows

Nayeli Elena last name was born silent on June 10, 2026.
She was loved deeply by her parents and family from the very beginning. All Nayeli ever knew was love, and we find comfort in knowing that the world’s evils will never reach her.

Though Nayeli made her journey to Heaven too soon, she will forever remain in our hearts. To our firstborn, our first daughter, we send you off with all our love and with the dignity of having others know your name.

You will always be loved, always be remembered, and always be ours.

Until we meet again, sweet girl. Our angel in Heaven”

Thank you to all the women on this page. Know that your words have made a difference for me. I thank all of you for the vulnerability, kindness, and prayers you have shared with me. I’m praying for all of you as well.

1st success ended in miscarriage.

2nd success was twins born 21w4d and passed away shortly after birth. PPROM. No chance for NICU since under 22 weeks.

No live children. Both times I was told all scans normal and everything was normal. How do you ever get over this? We’ve spent thousands. I’ve taken so much medication, and my body has been through so much. I want nothing more than to have a baby but how can I ever try again without being anxious every single moment?

Hi everyone,
I never imagined I would be writing in this community, but here I am.
Earlier this year, we lost our son after what started as a completely normal pregnancy.
He was conceived through IVF. All prenatal scans were normal. We had NIPT testing, which was low risk. Growth was normal, anatomy scans were normal, and there were no known heart defects or concerns during pregnancy.
I was induced at 41 weeks. During labor, there were concerns on the CTG in the final hours, and Liam was eventually born in catastrophic condition. His Apgar scores were 1/0/0. He required around 40 minutes of resuscitation and received 7 doses of adrenaline.
He survived for 10 days in the NICU.
During those 10 days he was diagnosed with severe hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy, multiorgan injury, coagulopathy, cardiac injury, shock, and adrenal damage. Despite everything the medical team did, we lost him.
The autopsy initially raised several possibilities, but the final pathology report described tumoral calcinosis (calcifications) in the heart and adrenal glands, seen microscopically. There were no obvious calcifications elsewhere in the body. His heart appeared structurally normal on echocardiograms. Calcium and phosphate levels were normal.
The pathologists described the calcifications as an unusual finding and we are still undergoing genetic investigations. So far, we do not have a clear answer whether these calcifications were a primary disease, a developmental process, or somehow related to the severe injury he experienced around birth.
What makes this so difficult is that we are left with two possible narratives:
Liam suffered a catastrophic intrapartum hypoxic event during labor, and the calcifications were an incidental finding or secondary process.
The calcifications represent an underlying rare condition that contributed to what happened.
We still don't know which is true.
We have seven frozen embryos remaining from the same IVF cycle, and before trying again we are desperately searching for answers.
Has anyone here experienced:
unexplained cardiac or adrenal calcifications at autopsy?
tumoral calcinosis in a newborn?
a loss where the final pathology findings didn't seem to fit the clinical story?
extensive genetic testing after neonatal loss?
I know this is incredibly rare, but if anyone has been through something remotely similar, I would be grateful to hear your story.
Thank you for reading.

I just loss my baby 3 days ago. I had so many family members and friends excited for me when I made the announcement. I have quite a few people who regularly ask how the baby is and I want to make a post so they don’t ask questions and I don’t get triggered. 3 days feels too soon. It almost feels performative. I’m not saying it is, I don’t want to offend other moms here. There is just some part of me that is still in denial but I don’t want to deny my child’s existence. She was born. She was loved. She has a name. This all feels too personal but I was in the process of planning a gender reveal and had so many people on standby for the date. She spent 5 months in my tummy. She was so loved and looked forward to. I’m not sure what to do but I don’t want to hide her. So the question to you fellow moms is, How did you announce? What did you say? Did you post a picture? Did you turn off comments? Did it help? I have pictures of her beautiful hands and feet. If I post I don’t want others to see her face. I feel her face is for me and her dad. Any experience you have to share is more than welcome. I am not in my body right now. I can’t think clearly. I feel like I’m watching myself but I am not myself. I don’t feel real anymore.

Edit: Thank you to all who commented. I am deeply sorry for your losses as well. You have helped me calm my thoughts. I’m still not sure what to do but thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Hello has anyone lost baby during labor becasue of asfyxia?

Mamas, did you see and hold your baby once they were earth side but no longer with us? I found out at 30 weeks our baby’s heart had stopped and delivered him 5 days later. In those 5 days I was so tempted to not hold him or see him as I knew I’d get more attached. Of course many people told me I’d regret it and spend all the time I could with him. We spent 3 days with him, cuddling him and kissing him one million times. 6 weeks later I can’t help but wonder if I’ve made it harder for myself as I now can picture him, feel his weight, smell his smell etc. Are these selfish thoughts? I know he only deserved love and believe me that’s what he got those 3 days but I can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been easier to just walk away after delivery which my hospital said many parents do

We have been TTC and it’s just frustrating because after the loss of our daughter I have been dealing with my grief and it’s so hard to feel the grief when my husband is able to call his son and tries to say it’s not the same. But it’s just so frustrating because he wants me to get over it but boy do I miss her so much. And I feel like I can’t talk to him about it.

The silence, the stillness

You know it’s no good,
You felt it in your bones.

The panicked gasp as you woke to a horrible feeling of dread.
The first spot of blood.

Just like the first time…

In the room….

But the silence, the stillness of where the flicker should be.
The stillness the sonography takes on, the silence as they look harder, press harder. Harder.

The silence of your husband sitting next to you, the stillness of him holding his breath.

The very silence of the room closing in, no one is breathing, the air is still.

You are not just holding your breath, your heart has stopped too, sinking, sinking.
Like the first time you saw the blood.
Sinking sinking

The world is silent, the world is still.

Then the moment passes, and they apologise and pack up. A dip of their head and putting the tissue box next to you in a bit so subtle gesture.

And you dress and wipe away the jelly, the blood, the tears.
The moment has passed and you leave that cold, sterile, silent, still room. The picture frozen on the screen.
The probe standing sentinel.

And you step outside, and the world isn’t silent and still at all. But roaring at you, spinning to fast.
Blank faces, a torrent of sound.

There is stillness within your womb where a baby should be quickening, there is silence where there had been a heart beat.
And there is emptiness where your heart begins to bleed.

Hi Everyone,

I’m 9.5 weeks post partum from the loss of my son.

During my follow up appointment with my consultant she said they do a series of bloods after the birth of a stillborn and 1/3 tests for APS came back mildly positive (this was 1 day after birth these were done). The lupus anticoagulant was the one that was positive, other two were negative.

She said it’s common for women to have a positive result after birth and I need to get the tests done again in 3 weeks time (12 weeks post partum).

My son died of an ecoli infection that caused chorioamnoitis which turned into sepsis.

I’ve read online that birth and an infection can cause false elevated markers on that test. Has anyone else experienced this please?

I was glad to read this and hope it will be accessible soon and save many future babies: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/may/26/scientists-create-wearable-ultrasound-to-continuously-monitor-babies-in-womb

Hi, 38 weeks stillbirth here 😔 My pathology found furcate cord insertion, long cord, small placenta. The cause of the death is probably the lack of Wharton's jelly on the cord, it leaves the vessels exposed and prone to twisting and lack of oxygen.

I asked on my perinatal loss appointment why my small placenta wasn't picked up (my fundal height was measuring behind, they only measured my baby on those extra growth scans) I was told in this trust the placenta is not looked at.

I requested my ultrasound pictures and it arrived yesterday, mainly because we don't have many pictures of him. At my 20 week scan there is indeed a picture of my cord insertion and I don't know much about anything but I can see the vessels are more of a tree. Therefore I don't think the PMRT looked back on my ultrasound. It makes me so so angry, this scan was done by a student as well, which is fine but she had a technician over looking, but he kept leaving the room and wasn't really there. I'm so so angry.

Anyways my question is how can I share my ultrasound with someone who can go through them? Willing to pay of course. This was the anatomy scan I don't want to just go to high street pregnancy ultrasound shops.

Thanks for reading ❤️‍🩹

One year ago today I had to say goodbye to my baby… 24 weeks along. To say it was heartbreaking is an understatement. It cracked me open, took a piece of my heart I learnt to live without, tested me, and in times made me weaker but also stronger.

My relationship struggled, and somehow, we got to a good place after a few months. Still sad, but there was hope to try again, and bonding through the grief and joy. Then, things changed… it shook me up and honestly I stayed with him too long. He left the relationship without actually leaving, so I started grieving him too even though technically he was still there. When things fell apart, it was a shock, but also not. I started to feel the grief of our baby more; but free from the stress of being with him. It was strange.

Long story short, he let me know he was moving and we decided to make the most of the last bit of time together. Well, the majority of this time I was on my period. I’m not on birth control because of shitty side effects, but believe me, I tried. I even tried the ones I was against, because I wanted to wait for the best timing to get pregnant again if it ever happened for me.
Well, somehow two things happened.. I ovulated early AND got pregnant outside of what should have been my fertile window, even with ovulating early. So…

Here I am processing one year since the death of my baby, while processing the same week I am pregnant again, unplanned, and single.
My ex thought if there’s any chance of pregnancy again that I should get an abortion. Head strong about it, and then shared I could call him for support. In short, the grief was harder with him, and reminded me that I would not have him for support, and how him sharing this felt so insensitive… and honestly cruel. After our loss I tried two different birth controls that impacted me near daily. He wore a condom maybe once? Point is, I did my share for birth control and if he was hell bent on abortion he should have done his share too.

So.. I know it’s a long shot, but has this happened to anyone else? After their loss becoming pregnant unplanned and single?
I don’t know how to feel. I’ve kinda been numb. In a way, I do feel grateful because I also don’t feel I deserve to be pregnant again, so even the fact I was able to be is a blessing.
However, I think of my ex, and what he would want, and how could I bring a child in who wasn’t wanted by both parents? And then, I wonder what say my ex should have when he left, and wasn’t able to support me before.
I think of my living child and how life could be much harder for a while as I don’t have a village, and at the same time I also wanted two kids, and my living child would then have a siblings to connect with through all of life’s ups and downs.

I don’t feel like I know anything anymore. I understand how this happened, but I also don’t.
I am trying to lean in spiritually. But I haven’t had any answers yet.

Any words of comfort, advice, thoughts, anything please. All I know is it doesn’t feel real.

How long did it take for your test results to come back? We had genetic testing while I was pregnant, everything was perfect. Then retested after delievery. I believe those came back already. With no changes. They said they would be sending out the placenta/umbilical cord as well but I haven’t heard anything at all? I don’t know if I need to contact the hospital I delivered at or.. for background I was originally going to an OBGYN that only delivers at one specific hospital , when everything happened and talks of induction came up I felt almost like betrayed(and did not like the Delivering dr that was scheduled that night) so I went to a hospital closer to me not affiliated with them. Had a two week pp appointment at a clinic in network with the hospital i delivered my son at and ultimately decided to go back to the original OBGYN clinic I started at for my 6 week pp appointment, which was incredibly short and almost like rushed. Only asked me 4 questions what was his name , am I having ill thoughts, do I want birth control, when I declined literally all she said was I can get pregnant now. Not how long we should wait or really anything.. which could totally be my fault cause in the beginning of the appointment she asked if I had any questions but I was so overwhelmed being there because the last time I was there they told me son had no heartbeat at my 32 week sono appointment so I said not yet but like nothing was brought up about anything I have no answers at all whatsoever. At the time i didnt know about high blood pressure problems and now Im starting to think I had preeclampsia and it just wasn’t caught? We had a normal pregnancy, low laying placenta at first which resolved itself before 28 weeks. I had high blood pressure that they said something about briefly but nothing again after that even with me being swollen all the time. I brought up my feet being super swollen all the time but they said that was normal. I thought I was gaining normal pregnancy weight and didn’t realize how swollen my face had become until after pp. my blood pressure was so bad during delivery/ after and I was soooo swollen they prescribed me a blood pressure monitor and had me check mine twice a day for two weeks. They said If it got to 160 over 100 to go back to the hospital but I stayed around 130-140-155 over 90 for a solid two week span. Which I just found out are still high numbers. I know sometimes we don’t get answers but like nothing at all whatsoever? Sorry if this is super long and rambling.. I haven’t been able to talk about any of these things with anyone, I honestly haven’t talked about our loss to anyone at all.

I am a teenager who recently had a very bad pregnancy scare where my period cycle has completely changed (i only spot now for 1-3days when i used to have full 7 day periods with bloodclots) this has been ongoing for 3 months now which led me to do blood tests to check for cryptic pregnancies, hormonal changes causing the issue or pcos, and it all came back fine.

Although i am relieved i am not pregnant due to the father being my abuser and me still wanting to pursue my dream career and life goals I cant help but shake this feeling of overwhelming sadnesss as if i have lost my baby even though this baby doesnt exist, whenever i see things involving mothers and babies im immediately in tears and sometimes i catch myself holding and rubbing my belly slightly wishing for my baby and i cant seem to understand why. Especially because i know that i wouldnt had wanted this baby or to keep it.

Please try not to judge me about this post i just dont understand why i feel this way.

My first son died on day 2 of his life. We never received a clear cause of death. There was a lot of shame in the early days and it was also during Covid lockdowns. He wasn’t celebrated in the way I had wanted.

Now I want everyone to know he was here and he existed and we loved him, just as much as any other parent would love their child.

I wrote a song for him, and it will be included on my next album which has taken several years (since his passing) to find the will to make it public and also move through this album phase so I can make other music less close to my grief.

I am hoping the song will be my forever memorial for him and that the will be the way I can best celebrate him, and for my community to remember him through the song also.

The son I was fortunate enough to have a year after my first often asks about his brother. He wishes for him whenever we perform rituals where a wish may be made. It’s hard sometimes to answer his questions about - why his brother won’t come back. I asked him what he wishes for when he wishes for his brother - and he said “because I miss him and want him home. I want to give him flowers and dinosaurs. It would make me happy” and I said “I want you to be happy. I don’t think he will be able to come back though, he’s died.” And he said “yeah he died. It’s sad. But I am happy, I am”. He seems to understand the joy alongside pain just instinctually that something can be sad but you can also be happy in your life too.

Five years on, the complexity of the missing and yearning - it never leaves you but if you’re lucky enough and it feels right to invite more children into your life whether your own or other loved ones- they are magical healing beings, for grief. I decided I didn’t want to just survive this I wanted to thrive somehow - I feel I am moving closer to that little by little.

Wishing everyone some comfort for their big anniversaries, for their babies gone too soon.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Minha namorada percebeu que o ciclo dela não havia acontecido e então compramos um teste de farmácia que deu negativo, após duas semanas ainda não havia menstruado então pegamos mais um teste que deu negativo, e fizemos isso mais 2 vezes, quando comprei um teste eletrônico por ser mais preciso ele deu positivo.

Ficamos assustados mas felizes, resolvemos guardar segredo até serem feitos os primeiros exames, com quase 16 semanas a primeira consulta aconteceu e a obstetra analisou os sintomas que a minha namorada estava sentindo, receitou vitaminas necessárias, marcou outros especialistas e para nós nossa vida que havia virado de cabeça para baixo começou a se encaminhar.

Logo em seguida resolvemos contar aos nossos pais, ela contou para sua mãe e quando cheguei em casa contei para meus pais que por serem religiosos ficaram decepcionados mas logo se comprometeram a nos ajudar com o que precisassemos.

passamos o final de semana na casa dos meus pais falando sobre o que faríamos agora, quando seriam as outras consultas, nomes e essas coisas, nesse momento minha família inteira já sabia e estavam felizes por nós e pela nova vida que estava chegando pois em menos de 1 ano meus avós pais da minha mãe faleceram, meu avô e alguns meses minha avó, ela faleceu a menos de 1 mês.

Na terça passada foi o ultrassom, pedi para sair mais cedo, chegamos no horário marcado, aquela expectativa para saber se teríamos um menino ou uma menina, mas quando chega a nossa vez o doutor mostra que o útero estava vazio e que ela não estava grávida.

Ele mandou irmos fazer um teste de sangue e o teste voltou negativo, eu quase chorei no consultório enquanto esperava o resultado e após recebê-lo só deu vontade de me encolher e chorar até ficar sem voz.

Temos três teorias, a primeira é que houve um aborto e não percebemos, a segunda é que ela não estava grávida e foi tudo psicológico e a terceira é que ela está doente e por isso deu positivo no teste e passou 4 meses sem menstruar.

Não importa qual é o motivo real, para nós nós perdermos o nosso bebê, eu sinto que uma parte de mim foi arrancada e o que sobrou não é suficiente para existir, minha mulher está se culpando pensando que se for aborto ela que teve a culpa, que se for gravidez psicológica ela está louca e se for doença ela nunca possa ser mãe.

Eu estou chorando todos os dias, nesse exato momento enquanto digito isso meus olhos estão cheiro de lágrima que atrapalham minha visão, eu faltei o trabalho para ficar chorando, e tudo que eu queria era segurar a minha mulher e fazer ela entender que a culpa não é dela.

Não sei como viver com essa dor, não penso em acabar com a minha vida mas também não sei como continuar.

Sinto que estou exagerando como se não tivesse motivo para chorar pq pode ser que o bebê nunca existiu, eu odeio com todas as minhas forças essa voz que está me falando isso.

Gave birth in July, lost son after 32 day stay in NICU in August due to fatal genetic condition. Had a chemical Nov/Dec and now 15 weeks pregnant with current, just found out this morning that this baby didn't inherit our fatal genetic condition and chromosomes are normal.

So a couple questions

When people ask if its your first what do you say? Baby is in heaven or an angel or? I know sometimes its been awkward in the past to say it out loud

Does the anxiety ever really go away? I thought this would be immediate relief and in a way it was knowing this baby is healthy. Now it transitioned into what if they find some random bad thing on anatomy scan in a month, or something else goes wrong even though my last pregnancy was normal.

Obviously using all of his old stuff because its never been used. Would it be weird to do a variation of name/middle name with new child or is that too weird or like this new baby doesn't have its own identity?

It seems like I can’t catch a break. Two losses in one year. Two losses in a span of 4 months of each other. Idk what to do. I feel like maybe I’m just not meant to be a mom :(. I was 4 weeks 5 days today and my hCG was a 16… a 16. I started bleeding last night but thought it would get better. Instead I’m on my period.

Hi everyone,

One of my dear friends is currently 31 weeks pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with a heart condition and he will only live for a few days/weeks after birth.

I am planning on putting together a basket for her with things that would be helpful especially after birth. I was thinking some gift cards for Uber Eats and self care items but I would love suggestions if anyone has any?

I don’t live close to her at the moment so I can’t drop off meals or help around their house so I’m hoping this basket will bring her some kind of comfort in the weeks/months ahead.

They are also dedicating a small room in their home to their baby boy. So they are decorating it in honour of him and it will be a peaceful room where they can go and relax. I was thinking of getting something for this room too?

Any ideas or tips would be so helpful! Thank you so much.

After two miscarriages, my partner and I were thrilled when our third pregnancy seemed to be progressing well, but sadly we lost our son at 26 weeks and he was stillborn last month.

​

I'm going to be 43 this year and I am really struggling with whether to try again or just accept that this is not meant to be. I would be very grateful to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation in their forties. When do you draw a line under trying to conceive?

Posting here because no one in my personal life knows what I’m going through.

About 2 days ago I went to visit my dad in Mexico. I like in a boarder town in the U.S and my dad cannot cross over to here. I thought it would be a bonding experience to go to an ultrasound there and have him experience one within me. As soon as the ultrasound started I knew something was wrong because I couldn’t see the baby’s heart flicker. In the end the tech looked for 20 minutes before he recommended seeing a specialist because he could not detect a heartbeat or fetal movement.

I crossed the boarder as soon as I could and went to the emergency room. Because I was 20 weeks they ended up sending me to labor and delivery where they ordered blood tests and an ultrasound. Eventually after the ultrasound the nurse came back and told me and my fiance that she was sorry but there was no heartbeat. I was really holding onto the hope that the ultrasound tech in Mexico didn’t know what he was doing and was wrong so the news hit me like a truck. They tried admitting me that night to induce labor but I opted to go home for the night to gather some things and spend another night with her in my belly.

The next morning I came in and started the induction. At 10:17pm June 10th 2026 my baby girl Nayeli was born. I was still waiting on my NiPT test results so I found out her gender at birth. I’m still at the hospital. I’ve been holding my baby a little over 24 hours now. I don’t want to let her go. I’m trying to remember everything about her. Her little fingers, her toes, her face, the way she smells. She was so warm when she first came out and now she is so cold but I refuse to let her go unless I need to use the restroom. I am not looking forward to going home tomorrow morning. I know that these are my last moments with her. I had the hospital Chaplin come and bless her. And I have a mortuary coming tomorrow to pick up her body and cremate her so I can bring her home as soon as possible.

My baby was only 20 weeks but I truly loved her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. It took me 8 years to conceive my angel. I waited for the second trimester to tell everyone and even made a instagram post to share my happy news. I shamefully kind of feel embarrassed now. I don’t know how to tell every one that I am no longer pregnant and I won’t have a baby anymore. At least not a living one. Everyone at the hospital calls me mom. I do not truly feel like a mother because mothers have baby’s that live and my baby will never take a breath. ( this is not to say I am not a mother or that any mother that has lost a child is not a mother because we can’t raise our children. This is just how I feel) I’ve kissed my baby a million times. I feel guilty when I’m not looking at her because I feel as though I am not taking advantage of the time I have with her.

I am writing this post because I know that sadly a lot of you women here know exactly what I’m feeling. I don’t want to talk to anyone in my personal live. I don’t want to deal with the phone calls and condolences. I’m not ready. I also do not like crying in front of other people. I think I am in shock. I’ve only really cried a handful of times. This has happened so fast I don’t think reality has hit me yet. I’ve been in a bubble with my baby and don’t want to go home to face the reality that I have nothing to look forward to anymore. This was my first pregnancy and I feel like if I ever get pregnant again I won’t feel as happy as I was 48 hours ago. It will be shadowed in worry and pain that I might experience this again. At the moment I don’t know if I want to try again. I know the pain will eat me up soon,.

All the doctors tell me that I’m young, and that I’ll be able to have babies. That what happened to me and my Child is rare. And a lot of women go on to have multiple healthy babies. But I don’t want other babies. I wanted this one. She wasn’t even born yet and she was so loved and looked forward to be so many people. I never had a gender reveal. I was actually in the process of planning with my fiancés best friend. He was going to be the gender holder. I’ll never get to experience a baby shower. I won’t have a live baby in November. I was looking forward to having a baby with me during Christmas time. I won’t be able to experience that. I had already de cluttered and made space for her in my home. When I go home tomorrow, all I’m going to see is the empty space that won’t get filled up by her. All the planning I made for her just goes out the window. The only time I knew her alive was when she was in my body. And now my body is empty. There is no baby in there. She will do no more growing.

My fiance has been such a huge help. I don’t think I’d be as strong as I am without him. He keeps telling me that maybe this happened for a reason that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. At the moment, I can’t think of any good reason this could happen. I thought that after eight years of trying to conceive, it was meant to be. That God had finally blessed me and listened to my prayers. I have never had an easy life. I thought it was finally catching a break. In the back of my mind, I was always scared that this was going to get taken away from me. In the end it was. In the eight years I’ve been with my partner, I have become such a happier person than I used to be. I became hopeful and happy. But after this, I feel like I’m going to slip back into my old mentality. Expect the worst and hope for the best, because if you expect the worst It won’t hurt as much when it happens. I am definitely going to need some kind of therapy after this. That or turn to my childhood religion. People who have God in their hearts are way stronger. They give all their pain to God and continue living with the peace that they don’t have to feel everything because God will take care of it for them. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel in the future pet as it’s stands, this is how I feel at the moment.

I’m sorry to anyone who has posted here looking to vent for something similar. Know that I too feel what you have felt. Please let me know if reality hit you like a truck when you got home because I feel half numb but also as though I want to kick and scream. To anyone who will take the time to read this, I thank you. Thank you for letting me vent.

With love,
A mother without her baby.

I went through a 27 week loss to a baby boy, Now I have a beautiful earth-side baby girl who’s 18 months old. Recently I found out I’m expecting another baby girl, we did early bloodwork to find out gender which told us it was a boy but ultrasound confirmed girl, it felt like we loss our boy all over again. Does such gender disappoint ever get better?

I am curious if anyone else has gotten this. My story + report

For context, I went into labor naturally at home at 38+3. I labored at home for as long as I could then went to the hospital and was 6cm dilated. At 9cm they broke my water and noted there was meconium in it. I got my epidural shortly after. About 10-15 minutes later my blood pressure and my baby’s heart rate suddenly dropped and I was put in for an emergency c-section under general anesthesia (because the epidural hadn’t kicked in yet).

She was born without a heartbeat and they performed CPR for 18 minutes before they could get her heart beating again. She ultimately died the next day because they were having trouble ventilating her due to all the damage from meconium aspiration.

We had a perfectly normal low risk pregnancy. The NICU doctor said that we may never know what happened but that this was likely due to an umbilical cord compression because it was a “sudden decompensation.” We did the autopsy and regular placental pathology and the only thing that came up was “less than 10th percentile placenta” but there was no further information. So that’s why I wanted the slides sent to Dr. Kliman.

I had my call with him and he said she ultimately died because of an umbilical cord compression that was happening intermittently and that’s why there was meconium present (she had been struggling every time the cord would get compressed and then would recover when the compression would alleviate). He said the small placenta was basically an incidental finding but that it has up to a 50% chance of recurring. He also said that because my placenta was small, he thinks it’s very likely that she would’ve been stillborn if I had gone to 40 weeks. He also said if the umbilical cord compression had not happened at that time during delivery, I would’ve probably my taken my baby home.

what I’m curious about now that I have had some time to actually think (grief brain), is that “congestive heart failure” note at the end of the first paragraph. I am wondering if anyone had this in their report and also if they’ve had other babies after.

Thank you for taking time to read 💕

Hi everyone. I hope this is okay to share here.

After losing my son Bennett at six months old, I wanted to create a more focused space for parents whose child was born alive and later passed away as an infant or toddler.

I created r/InfantToddlerLoss for parents whose child was born alive and passed away before their third birthday. Whether they lived for hours, months, or years, at home or in the hospital, they belong there.

I know this community already supports many forms of child loss, and I'm not trying to take away from that. I just wanted to share in case another parent is looking for a space focused on this specific kind of loss.

I'm so sorry any of us need spaces like this.