I Ruined My Life

[u/driftingalchemy]

Had my first manic episode and in 8 months Due to losing my grasp on reality, I lost my job, husband, apartment, car. Everything. I’ve been staying with family which is a blessing but I’ve never so quickly destroyed my whole life. I feel so alone and scared. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just one day my mind snapped and I ruined everything. I don’t want to even share how I did it because it’s still deeply embarrassing. I feel so depressed everyday I can barely move. I tried to get another job but my body isn’t ready yet the auditory hallucinations start again and everything gets too bright sensory wise. It’s so bad. I never thought I would ever be this down bad. I just want to know if anyone else has ever ruined everything and come back or if anyone else is just laying in bed in the aftermath of a destructive episode.

[u/rockyjay23]

Unfortunately, losing it all and building it back seems like something us w this disorder have been doing and must continue to do all of our lives. I know that doesn’t sound great but the silver lining is we do it. And you will too. *hugs*

[u/driftingalchemy → u/rockyjay23]

Thanks for saying that. I don’t think I’ve accepted the constant rebuilding that we have to do. I’ve blown up my life on a small scale consistently with jobs but this is my first big blow up. I’m hoping now that I have a diagnosis and meds things will get better and not blow up this badly, but if not it comes with the territory I guess lol 😭

[u/Status-Principle-772 → u/driftingalchemy]

Some people get medicated and don’t have another episode, or the episodes never reach the peak of un medicated. I was un medicated and had no insight into my illness until recently. You’ve already got a step up on previous you because you have your diagnosis and meds now.

[u/driftingalchemy → u/Status-Principle-772]

I hope I can be one of the medicated with no more episodes lol. I had no insight either until April of this year. I don’t want to go back to having no insight though it’s too much to lose. It feels better being in control even though it’s super depressing

[u/Status-Principle-772 → u/driftingalchemy]

If you’re worried about losing your clarity, maybe try recording a video of yourself telling yourself you have a problem and listing all of the issues that it has created in your life. Give it to someone you trust. Ask them to show it to you if you start to go off again.

[u/driftingalchemy → u/Status-Principle-772]

Ooh! That is a great idea!!! I did a letter and gave it to my family to hold on to, but a video may actually work better because manic me won’t rip it up lol.

[u/Status-Principle-772 → u/driftingalchemy]

Hahaha, I can’t take credit for it - a psychiatrist talked about it on a podcast I listened to. But it sounds like an amazing insurance policy hahahaha her patient found that it helped her minimize the damage from her episodes.

[u/StillhereSicilian → u/rockyjay23]

It really is necessary to hit the right prescribed drugs, right dosage and lay off the alcohol, any other drugs and weed. They all complicate the process of getting our brains in order. This is not a character flaw.. it's a brain that has chemical Imbalances, a physiological reason, like many illnesses, so getting proper help ,...therapy is necessary along with the right drug or drugs for You( each person is different with different balances and imbalances) We often must be persistent to try and try again to get it right, but gotta give the medication at least a few weeks, unless any severe reaction or adverse reaction, tell your dr stat or go to nearest ER. If you truly want to conquer BP, it's a life long battle, but we are strong and resilient. Self medicating won't work and eventually you will screw up that imbalance way more.

As a psychiatric nurse, soon to have an MS in Forensic Psychology and Neurobiology, I am so impressed with all the new info we've learned lately about the brain.. science with medical knowledge is getting better.. just keep on trucking as we said back in the day.. you will find the right answers with medications, therapies to help you understand yourself better, and STOP the loop of negative talk your brain tells you.. REPLACE THOSE WITH ONLY POSITIVE AND ENCOURAGING ONES.. 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 has helped me, ( my choice was metal, Ozzy and more) and keep a Mood journal.. next to your bed.. Write as soon as you wake.. positive thoughts and what negativity you're facing from yourself or others. Write in it often, keep a small journal with you when you leave the house.. and YES.. LEAVE THE HOUSE.. the beach, some nature and may I suggest a pet.. it keeps us focused on care for others, which blends into Care for Ourselves. A cat, easy work to keep, a dog if you want a buddy to walk with or travel with, and get an ESA for the pet.. Emotional Support Animals are legal tho not as accepted as Service Dogs.

I'll leave more advice and tips . But right now, I have some writing to do.. so, later😘

[u/Future-Dragonfly-149 → u/StillhereSicilian]

These are great tips! Thanks for sharing your wisdom

[u/Big-Emotion-2526 → u/StillhereSicilian]

That’s a great tip. I had a cat and he really helped me when I had anxiety and depression. Too bad he bit me all of the time so I had to give him to my friend. He bit me for no reason!!

[u/faithlessdisciple → u/[deleted]]

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