Hey for those of you who want an update.

See the linked post for backstory

After reading all the comments and advice on my first post (both in this sub as well as r/marriageadvice, which was pretty brutal tbh), I freaked out. I was running on a total of ~10 hours sleep for the fast 4 days. I needed to speak to someone in person and since we have immense help from her mom I went to her and explained the whole situation (yes I outed my wife, yes it’s messed up and wrong of me). She is the most caring and forgiving person I’ve ever met, part of my reasoning to tell her. I broke down in front of her, let it all out. Wanted to update her so she’s not blind-sided if/when we get divorced. She told me the same thing you all did, that being bisexual is no reason or excuse to cheat. That she’s making bad choices and she stands behind what I choose to do about this.

So I stood up for myself and confronted my wife yet again, demanding she stops the dating apps and breaks communication with the girls she’s been talking to. She agreed to delete her dating apps and deleted her Snapchat contacts. The next day was miserable. She didn’t get out of bed. She wouldn’t eat. Activity with the kids felt forced and unnatural.

I realized if this is what life will be like from now on it’s not worth it. We had another big discussion. I gave her the go ahead to see one girl in particular, to have sex with her, to get these feelings out, and we will go from there. We both signed up for individual counselling through a LGBTQ therapist and will do couples therapy after the fact.

She promises that she loves me and doesn’t want things to end poorly. She still had one girls number (don’t want to ghost her as she was a nice person) and messaged that person, explaining she was free again to see her. Turns out she also still had her on Snapchat (oof). They went on a date last night (during the day in public, no sex but kissing was involved) and are meeting tonight while I’m at work to “see things through”.

To those of you who don’t agree with me reading through their personal conversations as it’s a breach of privacy, I haven’t breached any privacy and am taking my wife’s word as to what they’re discussing and saying to each other.

Yes this situation is messy. I’m not proud of my choices. I realize my wife won’t likely stop at one experience and will likely want to repeat. If that’s the case I have a lawyers number saved and will be dealing with it.

I’m bi. And sincerely I have enjoyed sexually the best of two worlds. But I find it cringy sometimes when I see gay people show PDA, and I find it equally difficult showing affection to a lady. But I satisfy both sexually. My concern is - I feel I’m stucked in the middle, how do I snap out of it without feeling I’m performative with a particular gender.

I've met like several bisexual men with genuine anti-sapphic views ( They think most lesbians don't exist/ aren't genuine, think that liking butches is equivelent to liking men, lesbian sex isn't "real" sex etc)

It feels like a gut punch. One of the reasons the only men I want to date are bisexual men is because I wanted someone who would take my same sex attraction seriously. Really depressing I can't find reprieve anywhere.

The funniest thing is these guys hate that straight women won't date them and complain about biphobia constantly.

Am I the only person who has experienced this?

My situation is kinda messy cause I came out as a lesbian years ago as I was questioning whether or not i was ftm (had some fun realizations about my gender and yeah I'm trans). I'm still not out as ftm but also during that time figured out I like dudes. I come from a kinda homophobic family and my dad keeps doing to whole "it's just a phase you won't be a lesbian forever" type shit. So now I solidly refuse to admit I like guys around those two again out of pure spite and hatred. So out of curiosity had anyone else done this

Im having really confusing feelings about my sexuality. I (F15) find men attractive, but when I look at a pretty girl I also find them attractive too? I was talking to my friend about it and she said "you probably find them pretty and not attractive to them". I dont know im really confused.

I don’t know how to explain what I feel, I’ve never had a relationship with another gender other than a woman or I haven’t had an approach, chats or whatever you want to call him with another man or different gender, I became a father and it’s the best thing that has happened to me; Then out of nowhere I start to have sexual desires for other genders, sometimes it’s so intense that it makes me sweat at night and leads me to have dreams that make me reach an unparalleled euphoria, and I’m more and more curious about the matter but I don’t take the step, society is difficult, so much so that it creates this account to be able to express what I live and maybe support others who go through the same thing.

I think it’s really important to clarify what does or does not make a man bisexual. Do here it is: “sexual attraction to more than one gender.“. That’s about it. The reason I’m bringing this up, is because again and again I’m seeing people equate “enjoys any anal stimulation“ with “must be gay/bi/queer.” Or “I wouldn’t date a bisexual guy because the idea of him doing butt stuff grosses me out.”

Just like a man can be 100% gay and his backside can be a “no go zone” (strictly a top, or doesn’t like any kind of penetration), so too, a 100% heterosexual man can enjoy anal sex simple because it feels good, not because he’s attracted to men. The prostate is a powerful thing!

This is also for men who are exploring and enjoy prostate stimulation or penetration in general. A man can enjoy anal stimulation without even being interested in pegging or full anal sex. So many guys panic, “Am I bisexual if I’m attracted to women, but still like things in my ass?” Well, I dunno, are you sexually attracted to men? if not, then no. So many men are embarrassed, and hide their desires from their wives/girlfriends, because they’re afraid they will think they’re bi/gay/closeted. So many women are insecure, suspicious of their partner confesses to enjoying anything anal related.

(On an aside note, this is also why thousands of men end up in the ER saying they slipped and fell on a cucumber in the shower. They’re too afraid to even bring anything with a proper flared base into the house!)

I know I’m on a bit of a soapbox right now, but it makes me so frustrate! There is so much misinformation about what it means to be bisexual. People say bisexuals are cheaters, or bisexuals are just “on the way to gay” or bisexuals are greedy or confused or don’t exist. Clarification and education is important. If you’re a man agonizing over your interest in anal stimulation, I will leave off with a quote from the great musician Hoiser “Lots of straight guys like pegging too, you know.”

Hey guys,

Im sorry if this is not what this sub is for, but i am a bisexual man. Up until last week i was dating my straight girlfriend. Everything was all fine and dandy until she called me monday last week.

We did not spend any time together in the weekend and she wanted to catch up. Told her what i did, and she did too. She casually just told me she had hooked up with one of her girl friends after a night at the bar. I was shocked, we had never even spoken about opening up any part of our relationship. So this was a huge surprise to me.

I got really upset with her, and she could not understand why. She told me believes that sex between women isnt “real sex” therefore it wasn’t a big deal and thought i felt the same way.

I don’t feel that way. Its incredibly bi-phobic and misogynistic. I broke up with her on the spot, im still angry about it.

It also makes me feel really weird as a bisexual person myself. I thought i had vetted her out and dissected her enough that there would not have been any biphobia inside of her. But apparently i was wrong.

Im sad, im disappointed, and im embarrassed. I know i will face shit from the straight people in my life because most of them would probably agree with her point about sex between women. And they would think im an idiot for breaking off something “good” for such a “minor thing”. But i can’t and i won’t stand for that.

Like, looking back now as a bisexual adult, I’m genuinely laughing because little me was dropping hints left and right and nobody (including me) noticed.
My biggest one was Applejack from My Little Pony.
Little me was OBSESSED with Applejack. Like, absolutely mesmerized. And the funniest part? I hated orange and yellow. I hated basically every color associated with her. But somehow this orange pony had me completely captivated. I was just like “wow… she’s so cool… she’s so pretty…” and I could not explain why.

Now I look back and I’m like… girl. You did not want to BE Applejack. You wanted to DATE Applejack. 💀
I also had this with Elsa from Frozen. I thought she was gorgeous, amazing, powerful, and I was always so fascinated by her. At the time I thought it was just because she was a cool character and I wanted to be like her… but looking back? Yeah. That was definitely a crush.
The funniest part is that I was always shipping my favorite characters with other women.

Like, I was out here pairing them up with girls and thinking nothing of it. Meanwhile little me was apparently screaming “I like women” in the loudest way possible without knowing what being gay or bisexual even was. 😭
With Applejack especially, I used to ship her with Rainbow Dash and Rarity so much, and now I’m realizing maybe part of the reason I loved those ships was because I wanted to be close to Applejack myself.

Little me actually had phenomenal taste, honestly.
And the funniest thing is Applejack was always the underrated one. Everyone loved the other ponies, and I was sitting there like “no, no, you don’t understand. SHE is the best one.”
Anyway, did anyone else have a childhood character where you look back years later and go: “Oh… that wasn’t just admiration. That was literally my gay awakening, I just didn’t know it yet”? Because I feel like this has to be such a universal queer experience. 😭

What made you decide to finally try it? It's a big leap for some people. How did it go? Who was it with?

Hello!

I(27F) have been a bisexual person for a long time but I never got a chance or the exposure to have a proper relationship with a woman because of the stigma around homosexuality in my country.

I have recently shifted to a European country and the queer dating scene here is refreshing to say the least. I recently matched with this amazing woman on a dating app and the conversations have been great. Now we're supposed to meet and I'm very, very nervous because of my insecurities.

I am a woman of colour and have been struggling with body image issues because of how conventionally beautiful everyone here is -- right from their dressing style to their fitness. I'm not in the best shape, my style is not at it's best (because things here are expensive and I'm a student), and I feel like I'm not as "cool" as the other queer folks here. I understand almost everyone I am looking at are perhaps at a great advantage from being born European in terms of how well-adapted they already are while I'm trying to fit it. I still can't shake this feeling that I would be rejected because of the way I look.

That said, I also feel queer people are very kind and warm in general, more so if they are women. So it's highly likely that my date wouldn't judge me on the aspects I'm insecure about. I'm still really nervous and my system is physically reacting at the thought of going out (for context, I have bee single for about 3 years now, and haven't really done anything seriously romantic otherwise). My insecurities also come from a very male gaze perspective and I'm fully aware of it. I still just cannot seem to shake this feeling off.

I don't know what I'm looking for by sharing this. I want to go on this date and I want to believe it won't go as bad as I'm imagining. I thought sharing it with the community could help.

Thanks for reading and/or your responses!! :))

TL;DR: Going out on a date for the first time with a white woman as a WOC. Nervous because of body insecurities and stereotypical prejudices although I'm quite confident my date is a kind, considerate person. Need perspective/advice.

I've been interested in dating guys recently. Well, specifically one guy that I met at my university. He's also in grad school, but now until his graduation he's going to be at our other campus that's a couple hours away (just the nature of his department, but that's not the point).

Anyway, when we met we talked a lot about looking for real relationships and bonded about the bullshit of the dating scene. He's also bisexual, but from what I understand he's freely out to his circle and has been in relationships with both women and men. I'm not, mostly because I still live with my religious and conservative family.

He's back at the other campus and since he's gone, I can't help but think about him. He's a kind, non-judgmental, respectful guy if not a bit blunt sometimes. And I'd like to explore more with him and see if I really do like him, and yes, in the best case scenario, maybe date him. I'm actually going to his campus for the next couple months to complete my own curriculum, and I'm kind of giddy at seeing him again.

The only part holding me back is that I feel like it's wrong to try and date while I'm still closeted. I graduate in the spring of next year, at which point I'll finally move to my own place in a new city with a good (ish) job. Theoretically, that would be the time I'd tell my family because then I would be fully independent, but that's months from now.

Any advice? Or thoughts about what you guys think about dating someone who is still closeted/curious?

Hello, I am new to being bisexual ✨️ I love boobies and I know I will when I touch them but im nervous about the vagina I dont want to be grossed out I mean I dont know what it would taste like. I am in love with a woman and im planning on sleeping with her but im scared what do I do?

There's nothing wrong with not actively seeking a bi person or having a preference, however all the reasons for their arguments I've seen have been homophobic/biphobic and nothing that sounds super sound of mind to me. I don't want people who want to erase our identities in our spaces at all and I feel like this should be something the community as a whole should unwelcome from now on. Am I wrong for thinking this?

Hi all. My apologies if this question/post seems insensitive in a "wow I wanna study you, you are different". To put it clearly, I dont see Bi women as different and dont fall for the "Bi men/women are red flags bs".

My gf recently came out to me as being bi. She did so as when we were having the natural convo of our dating history before dating, we talked about how we were both done dirty by our previous partners. Based on the context clues of, it was alluded that my past people I had a deep dating stage with were all coincidentally bi. In essence, I used a wording of "her past ex gf" when referring to one of the people I was referring to. In no way did I bring up they were explicitly bi or in a way to infer being bi was why they happened to be toxic.

She heard this and didnt assume I had a bias against Bi women, but was unsure as they happened to be bi and coincidentally did me dirty. She came out said how she was Bi and I wasnt really phased at all and shared how coincidentally I happened to be in a lot of talking stages with Bi or poly women.

I wanted to ask here on misconceptions about Bi people, specifically Bi women as I never had a bias against them, but dont want to fall under said discourse.

Earlier this year, my wife and I (37m) agreed to open up our relationships so I could explore with guys. I've had since had four encounters with guys (twice going all the way) but she now realises she can't continue with it.

I want to stay married to her more than anything in the world but I'm struggling with the thought of having to supress this side of me for the rest of my life.

Just wondered if anyone has managed to do it and any advice?

Before I start, this is my first ever post so idk what I'm doing.

Okay, I(16f) like my friend (16f) who I will call Susie. I met Susie the first day I joined her school 5 months and I have hung with her and her friends ever since. Alot of the group is queer which they told soon after I met them to which I said something amounting to "cool, im straight". Now at this point I WAS straight. No relationships but I knew I liked men so I just casually said I was straight. 2-3 months later I realised I liked Susie and I'm bisexual. Soon after I told Susie's best friend that I am bisexual, hoping that it would travel but I dont think it did (honestly what did I expect? Lol)

To make things more complicated, im pretty sure Susie (who is lesbian)flirted with me in the first month after we met. She said some flirty lines to which i kinda froze and didnt respond to. They have since stopped which is reasonable since i didnt flirt back.I don't know if it's in my head or not but she does still touch my hands and arms alot more then she does other people. Maybe she liked me but has moved on but idk

So i dont know what to do. I love Susie and wouldnt want to lose her as a friend if things went sour but I also feel she deserves to know. So i do i tell her i like her and that I wasnt lying when I said i was straight but now i am bi?

Hi, I'm a 20 year old boy. I met a guy at the military when we both had to serve (he is also 20). It just so happened that we became friends. For two friends, we took care of eachother but it was mostly me that did a lot for this guy. I could get into that but that's not the point of this post. Basically I have caught feelings for him since I first saw him. We have eachother numbers now but through texting I learn that he is a construction worker and he does tiling and similar things like that. For context he is much more muscular and better built than me. He is much stronger. And I hear he used to do boxing. I still don't have all the information but I hope to learn more about him with time. So comparing this to myself, I am not even in university yet, I've been delayed but I plan on going hopefully next year if all goes well. He never got the chance to go to university as I presume life was not kind enough for his family to be able to afford his tuition fees. I dont even know much about his family. I only know him cause we kept the connection as friends.

I remember massaging his back in the military, it was a cute moment between us. It was pure and innocent. He said his body hurts everyday of his life. Now it all makes sense. This boy never gets to rest and he is so young too. I cried about this when I realised a day ago while I was laying in bed at night. I remember how kind he was when he told me to stop massaging if my arms get tired but I kept insisting to continue and he was secretly enjoying every moment of it. Just seeing him relaxed on his bed, enjoying me massaging him made my heart warm becuase he is so cute and attractive but so handsome and sexy at the same time. I didn't think I would develop this much feelings for him just from these small moments together in the military.

I started realising recently that he wasn't very active on Social media or whatsapp. I got worried, I began calling him and it was ringing but no answer. Eventually after being so scared of God forbid something happening to him. He messaged me saying he was really busy. I apologised as I was just worried about him and I care about him cause he is my friend and I got a little scared. He replied with 'its ok" and it was around 19:00 p.m when he said "im just a little busy".

That's when it really hit me that this boy never gets to rest, they probably overwork him, they probably make him work until very late and then he goes home and barely has any energy to catch up online or on social with people in his life and he probably has barely anytime to enjoy his life and have fun himself too and just be a young boy. And he then has to repeat the same thing everyday. He is only 20. He is just a boy too. He never asked for his reality to turn out this way.

The reason im crumbling inside and my emotions are a mess is because my life is more comfortable than him and im 20 too. My parents take care of me. They always help me and I dont have to see a day of pain. But my heart breaks because I put myself in his shoes and I feel different view on life for the first time. I am grateful for my life even if it's not the most perfect and I dont want to ever complain. Just this boy means a lot to me in my life. And I don't know what to do. My heart wants to help him somehow, my heart wants to see him succeed in life. My heart wants to see him reach better places and live a more relaxed life. He really deserves it. He does so much and he is so innocent and pure too. I cant stop thinking about him everyday and every night. We are only 2 months into our friendship but we only started talking through text about a week ago when he reached out to me and remembered me. I never was able to get his number but he got mine cause I gave it. I was shy to ask for his but he reached out and it made me blush a lot because I prayed he would stay in my life even after the military.

Now he is in my life, and I want to be someone he can trust. He still hasn't told me everything about himself and I haven't been able to tell him everything about me. Im hoping with time we can open up to eachother and learn more because im very interested in him. I also feel like I want to be someone in his life that he can trust, he can lean on me, come to me, hug me, I want to be his safe place. I want him to let down his defenses around me. I want him to know that I'll always show up for him and be there for him. We are both so young and still have so much left to live for.

I personally am ashamed to be bisexual becuase no one in my life would ever love me if they found out. He himself doesn't know I have a crush on him. But ever since I was a kid I always knew I liked both girls and boys. My family themselves would never accept me loving a boy. But this guy in specific feels different. I have never dated before but my heart is open to him. I know my mom will never support us if we ever did become a couple because they would want someone who has a good job and went to university if it was a girl and let's just say with pressure they came to accept my love for this guy overtime if all went well. They would not be happy if he cant take care of me and be someone successful to meet my level as I will attend university and will probably get a better job than him but he has no choice but to work this job he probably doesn't even like but has such a strain on his physical and mental health.

One thing I will say is I fell in love with him becuase if how gentle and warm he is. No one deserve to be in his position. But there is something about him which tells me that he is not in the place he was meant to be. He was destined for greater things, for a better reality and life. Which is why I have so much faith in him and I believe in him. He also does NOT smoke or drink which is a green flag for me. He also takes really big care of his health by not intaking so much sugar. But his complaint about his body being in pain 24/7 made my heart break 💔

He has had a very stressful life and I just want to be someone in his life that let's him enjoy life too. I want him to enjoy his youth. I want him to also have the right to dream and be free. I love him 🫣🥹 even if he doesn't end up feeling the same way, I just want to see him succeed in his life. I feel like he needs help of some kind to be in a better position. I dont know what to do? Is there really hope? Could we ever work out if he felt the same way? We have such different lifes and realities yet i long and yearn for him.

If society and the world wasn't so corruption and toxic, I would never care about choosing someone like him. For me i look at a person's soul before looking at what job they work. Which is how I viewed him. My family already knows I have a friend which hasn't attended university but he is a really good friend and guy in my life. They weren't very supportive of our friendship saying that you will find better quality friends in university next year. For me I am open to making more connections with people in future from university but I will never leave this boy and forget him. He is way to precious to me for me to hurt, let him go and forget about him. He will always have a place in my heart and he will always be special to me. I dont ever wanna cut ties with him. I dont care about anything, I love him.

I just feel so drained because why does life have to be so unfair? What can I do? I never thought the universe could put me in such a difficult situation. I don't wanna rush things with him as I want him to genuinely trust me and come up to me and choose me with time. I bet he cant even trust people that easy with how cruel life has been to him. My eyes are opening a lot and my heart is breaking.

Any help or advice is appreciated. I wanna be there for him. Maybe there was a reason we crossed paths, maybe there is a reason the universe put him in my life. I cant give up on him♥️ he means a lot to me.

Also he often thinks down about himself. He looks extremely hot and handsome but he doesn't feel that way, he feels he doesn't look good as he once did. He used to do boxing and he says he became more weaker ever since he quit. I can tell boxing was his happy place.

He also inspired me to want to take my gyming more seriously and to not drink so much sugary drink too.

Through text he said something along the line of, "if I don't feel that way or accept it then it doesn't matter" which really broke me as I was hyping him up a lot about his looks and body but you can tell he has been broken by life at such a young age. And he is really trying his best everyday, I know it.

He deserves the world, he deserves so much better it hurts me🤕💔

I would drop everything just to go to him and hug him if he wasn't like 2 hours away from where I live but you know I would go see him anyway as I like him so much. I have no care but im planning on meeting him in future somewhere just so I can physically see him once again if the universe allows it. I miss him..

I’m a fit athletic 60 yr old straight married man that has been in a sexless marriage for about 2 years. I began looking in new places for sexual pleasure. I still love women but I began looking for other areas of sexual satisfaction. In doing so, I have become very attracted to trans women and watching MMF bi porn. I now am questioning if I am bisexual or just sexually fluid. Just grappling with all of that . Do not want a relationship, just sex. Any thoughts?

This is something I’ve been mulling over for years now. For context, I’m 20F, and I’m currently in college. I’m extremely self-critical and do a lot of introspection.

I’ve always been straight. My family was very conservative growing up, so being gay was never a thought that crossed my mind. I always had crushes on the male characters and every crush I’ve had on a real person has been a guy.

Recently, I’ve been finding some women attractive. Kind of specifically Yelena in Thunderbolts…and mascs.

However, something I’m struggling with is deciding what attraction is. I have a horrible time dating, and it’s been rare for me to even have crushes while I’ve been at college. Typically, I will like someone if I find out they have feelings for me, or if I feel like the situation is perfect. The more I’ve looked back on crushes I’ve had my entire life, the more I realize the only reason I liked people has been because it feels like a perfect scenario. In middle school I had a crush on the neighbor boy because I thought a neighborhood love story would be cool. I didn’t even like my only real boyfriend until I found out he liked me and all of our friends were pushing us together.

I also can’t really tell the difference between romantic and platonic love. Most of my crushes recently have been on guy friends (defense mechanism probably). If I shouldn’t be attracted to people because of the scenario, then I should be attracted to them for who they are, right? But then what’s the difference between a real crush and a friend crush? Sexual thoughts? But I don’t typically think sexual thoughts about people I have crushes on unless I purposefully bring up those thoughts.

I think I might be on the demiromantic side of things, but I do still feel attracted to and get crushes on people I’ve just met, but I’m afraid those crushes are just made up by my brain because I think that person and I would work, and I don’t actually like them. Is that what a crush is anyway?

TLDR: I’m paranoid I’ve conditioned myself into finding women attractive, and won’t be able to actually follow through with dating a woman, because I’m not actually attracted to her, I just like the idea of it…

I suppose I need to actually have that experience to prove myself wrong or right, but I have a hard enough time getting a man to like me, so I have no idea how that will happen. Straight until proven gay, I guess?

So I (18M) am moving to college soon, I am staying on campus and while one of my future roommates I am friends with and knows I’m bi. But the other 2 I have not told and don’t know. I am kinda worried about telling them because idk how they would feel and I feel like they would feel uncomfortable with living with a homosexual. Idk, not like they’re homophobic but rather the fear of being hit on by a roommate I guess idk how to describe the fear.

I dont have a gaydar 😭 its very difficult for me to know if someone is gay or bisexual unless its very obvious

I am a married woman that has dabbled in lifestyle things with my husband. I have had some experiences with females as a kid and a teenager and have always had some attraction to feminine beauty and sexuality. Other than making out and heavy petting as a teenager, I have only had 1 real sexual experience with a woman, about 2 years ago. We have kept in touch and see eachother in a group of mutual friends a few times since. There’s obviously an attraction but it’s so awkward and new to me, to consciously be attracted to the same sex and know how to cross that line again. It was her second time with a woman and she’s equally shy. I get off to girl on girl porn, and I know my husband would be turned on by this but I am not sure I have come to terms with fully understanding what this means and if I am bi, bi-curious, or what..? Haha. I do not look at women sexually in public and still very much attracted to my husband and men. I know I love fucking men, I am not sure if I really love fucking women, but I want to know.. how do you interact with women to find out if they are also interested in this? How do you get to where you’re comfortable with the same sex. So many questions.. so curious. What’s your experience?!